View Full Version : notice given, parents have turned on me!

09-11-2011, 09:57 PM
Ive just started in the last few months and have a few kiddies on different days rather than the same one full time.
Ive had one 13 month old for one day a week for about 5 weeks, LO settled well, not crying when parents left etc but was really hard work, i couldnt put LO down without very loud ott screaming or attend to any of the other kids - kept at it giving her the benefit of the doubt, but today I finally had to tell the parents that I couldnt carry on and would have to give my 4 weeks notice.
spoke to Dad at pick up who wasnt really listening and then phoned mum as agreed with Dad this evening who proceeded to tell me that they had spend the evening in A&E because of a hair wrapped round their childs toe (without directly accusing me - and of what I couldnt say!) then she went on to ask how im going to run my business if i cant settle children as I'm going to have that problem with all the children (actually I dont, only hers) and that i had left her in the %$£^ by cancelling even though i told her i would have the Little one till she found somewhere else suitable, she then told me she didnt trust me and didnt want me to have the child anymore anyway!!
SO SO CROSS!! (and quite upset too if im honest)

The Juggler
09-11-2011, 10:10 PM
a hair wrapped round her toe - what did the doctors do laugh at them :laughing:

seriously though hon, take no notice. be professional now. call them back when calm and send a letter. Tell them sorry they had to visit a&e after she left you stating that nothing happened accident wise whilst she was with you and ask them for details of what problem was and what doctors advised.

tell them notice period stands and that you ARE available. Tell them you will understand if they don't wish to send child but that fees for months notice stand regardless of this decision and you will offer quality care during this period as normal.

I might add that it is normal for children not to settle in all settings and some children are happier in some settings than others and you only want the best for their child.

Good luck hon x

09-11-2011, 10:20 PM
apparently it was a 'hair tourniquet' cutting off circulation.... (LO hadnt even had socks off at my house and even if LO did i'd be stunned if any court or solicitor anywhere could find any act of negligence on my part to cause it!)

I know I should pursue her for the outstanding fees, but be honest after the complete flip from the parents I am happy to cut my losses,
I'm more cross that had I not terminated they would have quite happily sent LO next week, but because I did have to say (very very nicely BTW) that I was unable to give their child the attention LO needed and that it was affecting the care of the other children etc theyve flipped out, makes me so angry, but theres nothing I can do but rant on here !!

09-11-2011, 10:20 PM
what Jugs says....

a hair round the toe....... oh that is funny .... but they wasted A&E's time with something like that - my word they ought to be slapped with a bill.
honestly what idiots

09-11-2011, 10:31 PM
I heard a story like that of a hair around babies penis and the doctor had to put hair removal cream on it to melt it! Not sure if it was true or not :blush:

Sorry to hear you had some problems. The advice above sounds good. I hate conflict with parents so much.

09-11-2011, 10:35 PM
Oh it's horrible they've turned on you, no wonder you're upset...could they possibly be overreacting because of the situation of taking lo to a&e, might have stressed them out?

Hair's wrapped round lo's toe isn't very funny and I can't see how they're wasting nhs resources, lo was probably very uncomfortable if not in pain.

09-11-2011, 10:38 PM
thanks you for the practical replies, I've calmed down a little now since my initial post and hope that I do not hear any more about it from them. I suppose this is just my first taster of the real side of childminding.

09-11-2011, 10:41 PM
Actually hair tourniquet is a real condition usually affecting fingers or toes and can be very serious. Google it if you've never heard of it.

But, I don't see how parents could possibly put any of the blame on you. It sounds to me as if they're stressed about their visit to A&E and didn't react well to being told that their child wasn't settling well.
I'd perhaps give them chance to calm down and try to have chatvwith them, explaining how hard you have tried with their daughter.

09-11-2011, 10:43 PM
what Jugs says....

a hair round the toe....... oh that is funny .... but they wasted A&E's time with something like that - my word they ought to be slapped with a bill.
honestly what idiots

Google it. It's not as daft as it sounds and definitely isn't time wasting.

09-11-2011, 10:53 PM
Would just like to point out that LO wasnt in pain whilst with me, and was perfectly happy and laughing as long as i didnt put LO down on the floor or interact with the other children, I honestly would have noticed a pain response in LO which I guess is what the parents are suggesting I didnt notice... (how defensive am I beeing right now?!)
I hate this feeling, its like being back at school when the teacher told you off but it wasnt even you who wrote the bad words on the toilet door!

The Juggler
09-11-2011, 10:56 PM
Google it. It's not as daft as it sounds and definitely isn't time wasting.

hadn't heard of it before, and don't mean to laugh at a very real condition but as OP says LO didn't have socks off at her house so clearly it wasn't her fault. this must be such a freak occurance though painful and cannot be anything other than totally accidental and clearly not an act of negligence on anyone's part. Laughable that anyone could be blamed for this. the hair was probably in the sock after a wash was done.

hope LO is ok but my advise stands hon.

09-11-2011, 10:57 PM
It is amazing how quickly people can turn on you if you do something (give notice) that doesn't suit them:rolleyes:

As for the hair, this can be very serious if it is left. It cuts off the circulation and can become infected and inbeded (sp) in the skin and really really painful :(

They can not say that it happened with you though as you only really notice it when it starts to go red and sore.

Dont worry about it :thumbsup:

10-11-2011, 07:51 AM
Google it. It's not as daft as it sounds and definitely isn't time wasting.

Ok hands up - I stand corrected

10-11-2011, 09:38 AM
Jusy googled it :eek:

10-11-2011, 09:51 AM
This situation is so hard. I had a similar one this summer where the child clearly wasn't going to settle was only with me two days a week which I think makes it harder for some them.

I gave notice (only the second time in the last 7yrs I have done this with a child) which worked out at five weeks because I was on holiday for one of them but said I was happy to carry on until they found something or if they left earlier.

They texted me and said they would leave that week because if the child was not settled and as I was on holiday the next week this would not help, and the mum said that he was obviously distresses and crying with me all day!! I said to her that I did know why she thought this because I had never told her this and he was not distressed in this way all day, I did a daily sheet and had not said this on that and indeed the only comment the parents had put on the sheet in the 8 days was positive!
I wrote to them that day saying fine but I am available for the four weeks or more if needed so the four weeks will need to be paid for so I will not be refunding the Deposit that you asked for. They also owed a weeks fees which I said I would not ask for as a gesture of goodwill. I confirmed that x was the last day of care and wished them luck thinking this would be the end I went on holiday.

I then got a letter threatening Solicitors and they would report me to NCMA and OFSTED if I didn't return their Deposit :eek:

I didn't phone them but wrote again clearly stating why I would not be returning their Deposit and quoting the parts of the Contract that confirmed this. I hand del this letter along with the small LJ. At this meeting the parents said the child had started with a new cm that day, a month after they left me, and that they had muddled through somehow for the last month, their choice because I had a place for him in this time. I noted this comment down in their file when I got home. When the mother opened it and looked her jaw dropped because of course it showed clearly the child had not been screaming all day. Dad did most of the drop offs and collection so goodness knows what he had been telling her!

I didn't hear anything so I assumed it had been resolved. Wrong!! 25 days after this I got a letter from OFSTED saying a complaint had been made and under the Welfare requirements of EYFS I had failed to settle a child. :eek:
They set out a list of questions I had to answer all about how I did my settling in what I had changed as a result of this incident, but they don't tell you who has made the complaint :rolleyes: It took me 5 hours to compile a reply. I had rung them weeks before to log that a parent had a money issue following leaving my care.

It had taken the parents 6 weeks from leaving to lodge this complaint and I had had my Inspection in this time and got Good with several areas Outstanding. The parents had never raised the issues with me. Ofsted took 28 days to respond to my reply and I am glad to say the Complaint was not upheld.

It is the only complaint I have ever had made against me in 17 years of cm. I felt sick when I opened the Ofsted letter even though I knew I had done nothing wrong.

Please Please Please make sure you have everything written down. Although its your choice not to ask for the money, don't let them bully you out of money you are due, this is why I have taken a 4 weeks fees Deposit so I have the notice period money already in the Bank. Even if they don't give you detail of the hospital treatment you must write it down along with any other comments they have made about your care and what happened that day while the child was with you, like you had no reason to remove the childs socks. If you have the NCMA Accident book then I would use Cause for Concern form because it has the space and cross out the Cause for Concern and title it with the child's name and Reason for Visit to A & E. If not a piece of paper would be fine. I would ask the parents to sign it and give them a copy. If they won't sign then note this on the form write on the form tat you have given them a copy and post it to them with proof of postage.

I would ring Ofsted and tell them about the incident and ask them to log it and say that the parents are due to leave and owe you money and you know Ofsted won't be interested in this or do anything but you are concerned that the situation could generate a Complaint and you want it logged.

Don't text or email always write a letter and expect one back, I said to this parent I do not conduct important business by text message. Send all the letters by recorded mail, it does cost a bit more but at least they can't say they haven't had your letter.

Sorry this is so long but the whole thing unnerved me and I am an experienced, older and fairly business tough person. I have never encountered such vendictive (sp) people before but reading posts on here and hearing from other local cms it seems to be happening more often.

The key to my mind is to document everything, I must say in this case I even kept a copy of the short LJ so i had evidence of the child's time with me, every little detail, comment made.

Keep your head held high and know that as a cm you are doing all the right things.

10-11-2011, 10:19 AM
Oh you poor thing. I gave notice to my very first client (after 3 months with her) and the parent went completely mad. Luckily I did it over the phone so she just screamed at me (didn't want to have conversation in front of child so agreed to telephone) but when her next childminder gave notice she physically attacked the childminder :eek: :angry: She accused me of giving her child a yeast infection 'down below' because in her words 'she has too much squash at your house' :angry: To which I replied that I didn't actually provide her child with squash - she had water or milk - and this was documented on her daily record sheets!

As the others have said you just need to continue to be calm and professional (sounds like you have been) and chalk this one up to experience. I have to say I had the most horrendous first year of minding with scary parents/phone call I had to make to social services etc but I'm still here 4 years later! This job certainly makes me see people in a whole new light!;)

11-11-2011, 07:27 AM
This has happened to me in the past too. I'm sorry to say I also let the parent off paying and I really wish I hadn't. Think about it very carefully before you make a decision and chin up, you know you did your best. :)