Not sure how much more I can put up with

[kel1983]

Hi all. Sorry this could go on bit. I'm fter a bit of advice.

I have a little 2.5 year old with me today that I mind every Friday and the occasional Saturdays and and odd days I have space and her mum needs me.

Today she is really trying my patience. :angry: She has drawn on my table cloth with felt tips (she knew it was wrong because she looked at me as she did it and there was a piece of paper in front of her too so no excuse), she has run around the house screaming, thrown toys across the room and constantly lied about things.

I have noticed her getting worse over the last couple of weeks. I have tried distracting her and politely asking her not to do things but still she continues.

If she falls over she screams her head off. Usually it's just a little bump but still I offer to comfort her which makes her scream even more so I step back and let he get over it herself. Recently she has started doing this and then stands up and blames one of the other children for pushing her over or hitting her. I know they haven't pushed her over or even been anywhere near her as they are playing the opposite side of the room and I have seen this happen. I have tried to explain to her that it is not nice to lie about these things and now I'm worried she is going to go home and tell her mum things that haven't actually happened

Another thing she has recently started doing is taking toys from the other children and then hiding them under cushions on the sofa or under her. She knows this is wrong too as she looks at me as she is doing it. I sometimes think she is trying to get the other children told off.

She is a very bright little girl but sometimes I think she is a little to advance, She can sometimes be really cute but other times very rude. If I am asking another child to do something such as picking the toys up they have just tipped over the floor, she feels she also has to ask that child to do it too as if she is the adult

Has anyone got some advice on how I can deal with these issues. I would like to stop all this now as I am finding her very draining.

[Nature'sKids!]

Hi all. Sorry this could go on bit. I'm fter a bit of advice.

I have a little 2.5 year old with me today that I mind every Friday and the occasional Saturdays and and odd days I have space and her mum needs me.

Today she is really trying my patience. :angry: She has drawn on my table cloth with felt tips (she knew it was wrong because she looked at me as she did it and there was a piece of paper in front of her too so no excuse), she has run around the house screaming, thrown toys across the room and constantly lied about things.

I have noticed her getting worse over the last couple of weeks. I have tried distracting her and politely asking her not to do things but still she continues.

If she falls over she screams her head off. Usually it's just a little bump but still I offer to comfort her which makes her scream even more so I step back and let he get over it herself. Recently she has started doing this and then stands up and blames one of the other children for pushing her over or hitting her. I know they haven't pushed her over or even been anywhere near her as they are playing the opposite side of the room and I have seen this happen. I have tried to explain to her that it is not nice to lie about these things and now I'm worried she is going to go home and tell her mum things that haven't actually happened

Another thing she has recently started doing is taking toys from the other children and then hiding them under cushions on the sofa or under her. She knows this is wrong too as she looks at me as she is doing it. I sometimes think she is trying to get the other children told off.

She is a very bright little girl but sometimes I think she is a little to advance, She can sometimes be really cute but other times very rude. If I am asking another child to do something such as picking the toys up they have just tipped over the floor, she feels she also has to ask that child to do it too as if she is the adult

Has anyone got some advice on how I can deal with these issues. I would like to stop all this now as I am finding her very draining.

sorry, no help but tbh, it sounds quite "normal" to me:rolleyes:
all you can do is keep reinforcing desired behaviour, think of things she enjoys doing and do them, maybe go outside more if she needs more physical play or put music on and dance round the room wildly etc, let her find a way of getting rid of energy and ways she can be "naughty" without actually doing any damage.
if she likes hiding things you could play hide and seek games, with toys or the kids (dont know how old the others are?)
get some cheap calico and use this as a tablecloth so the kids are "allowed" to draw on it, find ways to not see her as "naughty" but rather develping and help her to problem solve -
for eg, the tablecloth, you could ask her what you could both do instead, gently lead her to the idea of getting a tablecloth which is ok to draw on for example, but involve her so she feels valued and respected too

i think we can sometimes get stuck on believing certain children are bad or deliberatelly naughty etc. it doesnt always happen consciously but getting out of that way of thinking is crucial and not always difficult.

like i said, rather than punishing her or telling her off find ways for her to let her needs out, in a creative and not a destructive manner.

[Pipsqueak]

How to deal - swiftly firmly and fairly.

Something is going on with this little one and I think you need to get to the root of it. Have you spoken with mum/dad and got their take on it?
I would start documenting things (particuarly the fibs) and seeing if there are any obvious links, do some obs etc.

As for firmly - if she deliberately drew on the tablecloth - remove said table cloth (I always use plastic ones), remove pens and pencils if she is deliberately doing stuff then she cannot play with the items.

if she has hurt herself - a quick cursory check to ensure she is not hurt then a - dust down and an oops a daisy up we get on with it.
The fibs - I would just say firmly - now that is a fib and they are not nice and then ignore

taking the toys - I would explain they are YOUR toys and that you are letting everyone play with them

if she is being a pickle then you keep her in your eye and ear shot at all times - this protects her, you and the other children.

might just be a stage of attention seeking she is going through but i think you need the parents on board here and some swift firm intervention from you

[kel1983]

Thank you to all above.

I think its more an attention thing. She lives with just her mum and her dad is no longer about. She attends a private nursery tuesdays and thursdays and to me on Fridays and as I said any other days mum can get extra hours at work. She spends a lot of time at her grandparents too (her mum says she gets away with lots and spoilt by her grandparents)

My table cloth is child proof one but I do not think its a good idea to let children write on it deliberately as they will think they can do this on any table cloth.

I have explained they are my toys and i'm sharing them with everyone.

One thing that has made me more worried is that last night I got a phone call from mum asking whether I had a certain child that day as the little one had said that the other child had touched her knickers. Now this concerned me big time. I work along side my mum and there is always an adult with the children at all times. At no point had this incedent happened. Mum was very happy to know that and nothing more has been said. I have written this all up but this makes be feel as though her fibs are going to get us or other children into trouble.

Im going to keep a note of all the little fibs from now on and going to set up a time when I can talk to her mum and hopefully get to the bottom of this.

[Pipsqueak]

Thank you to all above.

I think its more an attention thing. She lives with just her mum and her dad is no longer about. She attends a private nursery tuesdays and thursdays and to me on Fridays and as I said any other days mum can get extra hours at work. She spends a lot of time at her grandparents too (her mum says she gets away with lots and spoilt by her grandparents)

My table cloth is child proof one but I do not think its a good idea to let children write on it deliberately as they will think they can do this on any table cloth.

I have explained they are my toys and i'm sharing them with everyone.

One thing that has made me more worried is that last night I got a phone call from mum asking whether I had a certain child that day as the little one had said that the other child had touched her knickers. Now this concerned me big time. I work along side my mum and there is always an adult with the children at all times. At no point had this incedent happened. Mum was very happy to know that and nothing more has been said. I have written this all up but this makes be feel as though her fibs are going to get us or other children into trouble.

You MUST document this and I think I would be writing to confirm all this with mum
Im going to keep a note of all the little fibs from now on and going to set up a time when I can talk to her mum and hopefully get to the bottom of this.

Hun, I would proceed with utmost caution here then and consider the future of this child within your setting.

Actually, call this parent up and invite them for a formal meeting without children and get this aired. Stating the fibs, the serious nature of the allegation and you have investigated and the outcome is that there is a second adult ALWAYS about and it never happened.

Get this parent on board with some behaviour management

[smurfette]

I'm sorry but I would be very worried about this accusation .. Children of 2.5 years even if bright do not generally know that this would
Not be appropriate so how would she make it up? Not insinuating it happened at yours you obviously supervise very well but is it possible this has happened somewhere else? Sorry don't mean to scare anyone but unless mum has talked to lo about appropriate and inappropriate touches (unlikely at this age) she wouldnt have the understanding or communication skills to express this . This combined with the attention seeking would worry me a bit


(my parents fostered when I was growing up and I trained in social care)

[Jiorjiina]

I'm sorry but I would be very worried about this accusation .. Children of 2.5 years even if bright do not generally know that this would
Not be appropriate so how would she make it up? Not insinuating it happened at yours you obviously supervise very well but is it possible this has happened somewhere else? Sorry don't mean to scare anyone but unless mum has talked to lo about appropriate and inappropriate touches (unlikely at this age) she wouldnt have the understanding or communication skills to express this . This combined with the attention seeking would worry me a bit


This thought did cross my mind too. Especially if the behaviour has suddenly changed or got worse recently.

[singlewiththree]

A child I care for has started too but after discussing with mum she is tired! She has never been a good sleeper but when she wakes in the night mum takes her downstairs and lets her watch TV so its become a habit. Now when she starts doing things she shouldn't I can usually tell its because she hasn't slept and offer her rest time and she falls asleep. Obviously only you know the child in your care and the family. She can still do some things like drawing on my table cloth when she wasn't tired but that is her age I think.

[jane5]

I'm sorry but I would be very worried about this accusation .. Children of 2.5 years even if bright do not generally know that this would
Not be appropriate so how would she make it up? Not insinuating it happened at yours you obviously supervise very well but is it possible this has happened somewhere else? Sorry don't mean to scare anyone but unless mum has talked to lo about appropriate and inappropriate touches (unlikely at this age) she wouldnt have the understanding or communication skills to express this . This combined with the attention seeking would worry me a bit


(my parents fostered when I was growing up and I trained in social care)



My dd is just 3 and I started to talk about this kind of thing in the last 6 months so I am not surprised that she knows that others are not to touch her knickers. I say innocent things to her like "dont let X see your bum bum" whilst I am dressing her so I am not talking about abuse with her but I am introducing some age appropriate boundaries with her.
If lo is going to a nursery, your house and grandparents home she must be missing mum and feeling like she is being passed around.
Mum may be talking about inappropriate touching and giving little one lots of attention whilst doing this so she knows that if she says this, she will get mums full attention.

Obviously be vigilant just in case some thing inappropriate is happening but alarm bells wouldnt necessarily start ringing for me.

[kel1983]

Hi
Thanks for all the advice
Im gonna monitor it and make a note of anything from now on and try and get a meeting with the mum.

Have been thinking about this a lot. I am worried most of its down to the fact that she is somewhere different nearly each day of the week. I know parents have to work but as I said one day she comes to me, 2 days she is at a nursery and then spends another day at her grandprents. She has only been going to the nursery since the end of August before that she was coming to me on thursdays and fridays and mum wasnt woking the rest of the week so was spending a lot of time with her.

As for the other incident i'm wondering whether somewhere along the line the young lad, has commented and pointed out that he can see her knickers as they were jumping around on the beanbags together and her knickers could possibly been seen when she has bent over if you know what I mean.

I have been going over Friday afternoon/evening in my mind and chatted with my mum (co-minder) and at no point had it been possible for anything to have actually happened. We would definately have noticed.

[sillysausage]

Please bear in mind that this LO is only 2.5 years old. Most of her behaviours are totally normal especially the hiding toys and the fibs where she blames someone else. It is all part of the 'normal' phases that children go through as they learn about cause and consequence and they learn to become independent people in their own right. She is at the age where if she has touched any toy it is hers for the rest of the day and given her own way she will let no other child touch it. This can be both funny and really irritating depending on how you react and respond.
With regard to the X touching Y's knickers- If as the OP says there have been no untoward actions between the two children (and she has quite correctly documented the conversation with mum) I would possibly put it down to a language mix up for the 2.5 year old. Lets face it they often get their words wrong at this age and say things that can sound decidedly dodgy.
When it comes to fibs where they blame others for doing things which you know they haven't I usually say 'well I was watching and I didn't see that' or I was watching and I saw you do that, not Y'. I don't tell them off (at 2 they don't know/understand what a lie is, they are just trying to make themselves top dog), in fact I tend to underplay the issue so it becomes less important as the child learns that they can't get anything from it. Much in the same way that I don't react to tantrums etc. As with most unwanted behaviours you have to find a way of dealing with it positively, that guides them into more appropriate forms of behaviour.