View Full Version : Anyone else get a bit lonely

04-11-2011, 09:39 AM
Ive been minding for just over 4yrs now and seem to have got used to my own company.

I go to 2 toddler groups in the week and know a couple of people from there but generally as I have been going for so long all the mums I got to know 4yrs ago have since moved on. The Mums are friendly at the groups but sometimes I go and speak to no-one, other times there are a few people to talk to.
There is a childminding group in town but after going for about 5months I noticed that I didnt really fit in and everyone knew each other for 20yrs plus so it was difficult to get into conversations. I ended up sitting there just listening as Im not that good at group situations although I am getting better.

My good friend moved away in Aug and we used to do the school run together.
I met a really nice minder a few months ago at preschool, we met at the park with the kids and I asked her round but she's cancelled twice. She only minds part time.

So some days I go a whole day without speaking to an adult. Hubbie usually gets me rabbiting on when he come in from work, but he's no big conversationalist either.:rolleyes:

I really love my job but finding it hard to meet new minders even though there are about 25-30 in my town.

04-11-2011, 09:43 AM
Oh i'm sorry you feel this way. it is a very onely job and luckily I have my husband who works from home and is my assistant.

I too have been to childminder groups but they all know each other and it is all very clicky and I have never felt welcome, so don't bother going, I get all the help and advice I need through the forum.

Sending you a hug to make you feel better :group hug:

04-11-2011, 09:45 AM
I'm the same I really hate that part if my job ( having no interaction with other adults ) sure there are people i say a passing hello to but that's as far as it goes . I've always said is rather go out to work , but is never earn as much .
I've taken to going out in the evening to a military fittness class as I'm into my fittness and the interaction with like minded people is just what I need , maybe you could find s hobby that helps you interact

04-11-2011, 09:47 AM
I get lonely sometimes but try to force myself to speak to new people at groups now and thats helped alot. I think sometimes people are just too shy to say hello.

Hope you feel better soon. :)

04-11-2011, 09:53 AM
I would cheek, double check and triple check to see if there are any more playgroups in church halls, leisure centre, soft play,... I found one just recently, it's a new church and from the moment I steppe in through those doors everyone was so welcoming and friendly and I always come away on a high and smiling!
I do go to other lovely playgroups but they do seem a bit cliquey at times.
I agree too, that sometimes you've got to just take the plunge and start up a conversation. You never know :)

04-11-2011, 12:22 PM
I often feel lonely too, spent a couple of hours crying about it the other week, but I was hormonal too and had lost a friend.

I go to two toddler groups, one I have been attending for 8 years but its all changed now and they are quite cliquey now. But I make the effort to talk to new faces, often the ones who talk to me are the grandmas, so I suppose they dont have a network of friends with small children.

My friends now have children at school and recently I have given up my day off ad hoc and only knowing last minute to help my only eyfs childs mum, but its on the understanding that occasionally my friends will come over. Going to their houses is a Risk nightmare, so they come to me and if L is here she is happy playing or sleeping.

Going to the toddler groups is important to both me and LO, its a change of scenery and she gets the opportunity to socialise especially as she is my only one at the moment

04-11-2011, 12:54 PM
I totally get how you feel - for the 1st 2 yrs of minding I felt like I was in solitary confinement, but over the past year I have been plugging away at forming relationships with like minded childminders and was only saying today how lovely it is now. I think sometimes you have to be proactive - if the groups you attend don't work for you try a new one and see if they are more welcoming, go back to the childminding groups and offer to make everyone a cup of tea - you will be amazed at how much more approachable people are when you are acting out a role - being helpful. Speak to your DO and see if there are any other local childminders who are new and might need a bit of mentoring. Speak to that other childminder who canx twice and go for 3rd time lucky. You can't wait for relationships to form - in the early days you might need to work a bit harder for them especially if you are shy - but the rewards for coming out of your comfort zone are immeasurable. This job is only as lonely as you choose to make it. ((hugs)) in the meantime.

04-11-2011, 12:57 PM
im lonely too :(

my own mummy friends are all back at work and the only groups near me are rubbish or clickey.

i always end up talking to the grandma's aswell lol.

i made a fab childminder friend but she has just has a baby so isnt working at the moment so im back on my own now.


The Juggler
04-11-2011, 01:38 PM
oh hon, I hear you. i started out in this job with a really good mentor who became a good friend. don't think I could have got underway wihtout that compay. then I got dumped for a newer friend/new minder :panic: never happened at school and was a bit shocked to be honest at such childish behvaiour. anyhow.... i then not only had to deal with being dumped in such a way having done nothing than not be the latest kid on the block, I had to deal with minding pretty much alone.

found it really hard at first, tried and failed to make new minder friends but persevered and now have a couple of minders i am really friendly with and 3 with who I do trips/outings and alternate visiting each others houses. We even all have a xmas night out together.

Keep going hon, keep inviting those you like over, you will meet someone lovely eventually.:thumbsup:

04-11-2011, 04:18 PM
Yes it can be lonely at times. I go to 3 really good toddler groups, one i have been there since it started and since I became a Childminder about a year after it started. We welcome all minders and parents and make sure that all of them are included in our social events, even the past "members" which I may become until I fill my vacancies!. I am also sort of on the leadership team of it which helps! Keep going. Try to swap numbers with other childminders. I have a good friend who I met at toddler group who is another minder and althoguh it took us ages to swap numbers we do support each other and keep an eye out on vacancies etc.

04-11-2011, 06:02 PM
I know the feeling, I have no transport so really stuck at times. Where abouts in Derbys are you, I live in between Burton and Derby?