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View Full Version : WHY did I agree to this? (and other ramblings)



Anon8319
27-10-2011, 08:15 AM
I suppose I am a people-pleaser if you like. I decided when I started this new venture of mine, that I'd be open 7-7, with normal hours 8-6 but some flexibility if required. I also decided I'd do overnights for over 5s and weekends if they were desperate.

So without going into too much detail that would reveal who I am, my first family required me to start 715ish Mon-Fri and finish at the end of the school day. This soon turned into me doing one afterschool a week and the rest of the week finishing at 330. I could cope with that. THEN it started that every other week, on one day a week, the dad would need to drop off at 630, but this in practise was 615 the first week. It is turning into every week with no agreement from my side, just an assumption from theirs (I agreed to every other week reluctantly as it's just one day and I wanted to keep them). So the 715 became 7am, but that's fine as they pay from 7 and I am happy to be flexible.

BUT I am exhausted and feel like a nanny!! I feel like they think they are employing me. There's issues about my holiday, me needing to close the setting (for a genuine personal problem with my daughter) and them expecting me to 'make up the hours on another night'!! No, it's called 'setting closure' and I don't make up hours! This person also expects to be able to 'agree' whether I take on more children etc. Little things are getting to me like the fact I asked the dad and chn to be a little quieter (they shout) when they got here because my 18 month old was still asleep (625am) and so was the rest of the street, and I got a strop from him!!!

I am exhausted and regretting agreeing to such early starts when it's every day, even though I enjoy the earlier finishes. I also agreed to do a Saturday every other week for someone who was struggling to find someone, and I did it as I know the person and felt a bit sorry for her! This is now EVERY Saturday and I get £45 for doing it - rubbish! The Saturdays aren't SO bad as it's a 9am start, but that is family time and I feel silly for taking on a mindee in that time!

I now have a lady who wants me to have her 2 year old son Mon-Weds (not every day each week as she's a shift worker) and before pre-school on a Thurs and Fri if she is working. This is ideal for me - she can give the days she needs a month in advance, the starts are 745 which is OK by me, still earlyish but it's not every day, it's not a full week and the finishes are 245. It won't give me the same income as the first family but I already have the Saturday and a child 2-3 overnights a week, so my income is OK. But the first mother is not going to be happy about this. :(

So now I am not really sure what to do. I have only had this family 1 for a month, so it feels really mean to leave them in the lurch (although she has her family helping out a lot), but I feel like giving them notice (I'd give til New Year). There are lots of niggles and things annoying me and I don't think it bodes particularly well for a future working relationship. My one worry is that I will end up not refilling that space, but as my husband reminds me, I've had to turn two or three down because of a worry of taking on too many or annoying family one, so more will come along.

Other ponderings. The children obviously bring their toys with them when they come. That's fine. But the oldest brought a light-up sword and was waving it round in my face - I don't want that in my setting, and I realise this will probably be alien to some, so I asked him to put it away til he is ready to go home, to which I got attitude so I took it away and put it on a high shelf and have texted mum to say I have done this so that I don't get backlash. Do you allow chn to bring toy weapons? The children are always fighting (play or otherwise) and I am constantly having to bring them up on it. Another thing is that I gave a very clear and easy list of things we would need when the children started - waterproofs, woolies etc. In the first week the youngest was sent without any of this and it was so cold I had to use my daughter's own things. I finally managed to get them to bring things but the girl still gets sent with just a pair of trousers, a long sleeved tshirt, a pair of socks and a pair of shoes. She also has a comforter in the form of a vest and there are always 2 spares in her bag, so I've been putting one on her to keep her warm - rightly or wrongly! She has wellies and waterproofs but no cardigan or jumper. I don't know what other language to put it in - I keep asking!!! There were early issues anyway with the way the parents spoke to me etc, which I did speak about on here. I just don't know how to go about this.

Also, on another note, they do bring lots with them, even if not the right things (!!!) and I have about 5 or 6 bags full of stuff in my hallway on a daily basis. I send it home on a friday as I can't be doing with my hallway clogged up like it, but she said she wants most of it left here. I have nowhere to keep it and it pees me off tbh that she just can't be bothered to a) bring the essentials (I don't need swimming stuff here as I have too many chn with me to take them swimming!); b) take it all home on a friday!

End of rant.

LittleMissSparkles
27-10-2011, 08:32 AM
personally i woukld terminate giving the required notice , you are not at their beck and call and they dont employ you, you are not a storage setting for bags of their toys each week either, I only allow the children i look after the bring one toy with them if they wish and not anything expensive ie ipod/ds etc, i think this family is taking the biscuit and I wonder how many other child minders would acceopt their attitude and demands .... i dont know any to be honest that would, they would never find a nursery setting wiling to either.

Unless you need the money I would terminate the contract with them allowing you to take on other familys ( cant believe they want to 'ok' new children omg !!! ) there are alot of families who need childcare who will appreciate you and treat you with respect

xxxx

JCrakers
27-10-2011, 08:34 AM
Sounds like your having a bad time :( It really shouldnt be like this at all.
I know its hard to have a business head on and a thoughtful head on at the same time but its all about the balance.

All I can say is this is YOUR business and more imprtantly YOUR home. You need to pick the hours you are comfortable with and stick to it. Its nice to think of others but if you keep trying ot please everyone you are going to wear yourself into an early grave.

I feel the family are taking you for granted and it shouldnt continue. You make the rules, not them and I would not allow swords or huge amounts of bags clogging up the hall.
I would also not allow them to dictate to me what I can do and how many children I can look after.

I would give notice as I couldnt work like this at all. If you dont want to give notice then why not write a letter stating how thing are going to be. Put the things down that need changing and the rules that you want to go by.

But I do know how hard it is to be stronger. I used to be very shy and wouldnt say anything to anyone but 10-15yrs on in my life I am a much stronger person and say anything I feel.....:laughing:

Hope you can sort it out
Becky xx

angeldelight
27-10-2011, 08:46 AM
You sound really fed up with the family?

If it's making you so unhappy why not give notice?

If you really want to continue then I would have a meeting with them and be honest and strong.You don't have to be nasty or defensive or let them give you orders.Just know what you want and TELL them!

Do they know you are unhappy about them arriving earlier in the mornings?

Do they know you don't want all the bags ?

Maybe they think you don't mind?

I don't allow toys from home maybe you should do the same?

Tell them you don't need all the bags imagine every family doing the same :eek:

I would tell them in future you will not answer the door till their contracted time and stick to it,they will soon get the message

Talk to them you have nothing to lose and things could improve if you nip it in the bud now.

Good luck,keep us posted

Angel xx

Twinkles
27-10-2011, 08:47 AM
Now listen to an old childminder here;

Sweetheart , you DO NOT need the hassle.

Who do these people think they are , having strops , telling you how to run your business :eek:

Another family will be along to take their place who will appreciate that this is YOUR business and you run it YOUR way.

Go and have a look in the mirror.
Does it have 'doormat' printed on your head ? No ? Then get rid now !

( sorry that sounded a bit harsher on the page than it did in my head :blush: )

LittleMissSparkles
27-10-2011, 08:50 AM
Now listen to an old childminder here;

Sweetheart , you DO NOT need the hassle.

Who do these people think they are , having strops , telling you how to run your business :eek:

Another family will be along to take their place who will appreciate that this is YOUR business and you run it YOUR way.

Go and have a look in the mirror.
Does it have 'doormat' printed on your head ? No ? Then get rid now !

( sorry that sounded a bit harsher on the page than it did in my head :blush: )


I have to agree with every word Twinkles said above x

Anon8319
27-10-2011, 08:53 AM
Hello,

Thank you for your replies. :)

Yes I have spoken to them as issues have arisen and some things have eased but others have continued (ie, the way I was being spoken to got better for a little while and is getting bad again). Things like me closing my setting for 2 hours to take my daughter for an MRI scan and being expected to make up the hours, and me keeping bags here - I seem to lose the power of speech and become a walkover. :( But I wouldn't give notice because of a small niggle like the bags - it would be petty - it's just part of a big picture that is making me unhappy.

I do like the family on the whole, but there are just too many things that don't feel right and it's making me feel resentful, especially when I have to get up by 6 at the very latest to greet them, and I get handed PJ-clad exhausted looking children and am expected to feed and dress them and get one to school. This is OK now, but regardless of her feelings on the matter, I DO want to take on more children and I WILL!

My husband says similar to you guys - I need more of a business head on. I am too much of a walkover and too nice to say NO!

Anon8319
27-10-2011, 08:56 AM
Thank you for the replies while I was posting the last post.

This forum is lovely - thank you for the advice and the pep talk (lol).

Yours,
A new and slightly wet behind the ears childminder!!!

uf353432
27-10-2011, 08:59 AM
I am a people pleaser and find it incredibly hard to confront people on issues. But after 3 years and several mistakes I realised that you have a responsibility to please yourself first, then everyone can form an orderly line behind your family, friends and then customers (prioritised in order of who is the nicest to work with).

I also needed to practise saying 'No!' it starts of agonising but then becomes exhilerating when you get used to hearing the word coming out of your own mouth.

My last peice of advise is to work out exactly what you want to work and how many children in that work schedule. When you have decided what is the right work/life balance for you then stick to it - and gradually your business will fill up within your working hours.

As for this family - I can't tell you if you should give notice or not. For me its pretty clear that they have only been able to take advantage because you did not steer the ship firmly enough. There is nothing that cannot be solved through open and honest communication. But thats a decision you need to make. There will always be business to fill up spaces - its just a matter of time.

angeldelight
27-10-2011, 09:02 AM
We have all been there

We live and learn

If talking did no good then what's the point,I'm all for communication and second chances but you seem to have given already?

You want to get up in the mornings happy,not dread them arriving early and telling you what to do

Think you need to give notice,you will feel a lot better once it's done

Hugs

Angel xx

Mouse
27-10-2011, 09:05 AM
I am too much of a walkover and too nice to say NO!


Unfortunately being nice doesn't earn you any respect with some parents. The nicer you are, the more they will take you for granted and the more they will walk all over you.
You're running a business, not trying to make friends. It sounds like the parents don't give two hoots about your feelings, so why should you worry about theirs?
I'm not saying being rude to them, but be firm. No amount of you being nice is going to make them behave as you want them to. You need to be confident in what you want and go for it. It's hard for some people, but once you've stood up for yourself the first time, it does get easier!

If you feel you can't speak to them face to face, put it in writing to them. Tell them what isn't working & why, what you will do & won't do etc, then leave it up to them to decide if they can work with you.

Good luck!

little chickee
27-10-2011, 09:21 AM
Lots of good advice already.

If you feel that the parents arent really listening to you - or they do listen and get better for a whil but then slide back to being difficult try writing all your issues down.

It helps to get things clear in your head.

Then you could give the parents a copy. i.e.

1. Please do not bring your own toys from home - I have a good selection of toys and equipment and it saves your own toys potentially getting lost or broken.

2. Your contracted start time is........ Please do not arrive before this as I will not be ready and will not be able to open the door to you.

3.Please provide ONE bag containing......... This items are the only things I require for your children. Any extra bags will not be accepted as I do not have the room to store them.

ETC etc.

The other thing i want to comment on is the parents not being happy about you taking on other children or wanting to be consulted before you do. this is absolutley nothing to do with them.

You take on who you like when you like. Unless they want to pay you for all your spaces they have no say.

Do not even tell them. You can tell them as a curtesy after a new child starts if you have them at the same time as their kids. if they are not happy about it they may just do you a favour and leave!!

mandy moo
27-10-2011, 09:44 AM
Unfortunately being nice doesn't earn you any respect with some parents. The nicer you are, the more they will take you for granted and the more they will walk all over you.
You're running a business, not trying to make friends. It sounds like the parents don't give two hoots about your feelings, so why should you worry about theirs?
I'm not saying being rude to them, but be firm. No amount of you being nice is going to make them behave as you want them to. You need to be confident in what you want and go for it. It's hard for some people, but once you've stood up for yourself the first time, it does get easier!

Quote 'If you feel you can't speak to them face to face, put it in writing to them. Tell them what isn't working & why, what you will do & won't do etc, then leave it up to them to decide if they can work with you.'Good luck!

If you feel that the parents arent really listening to you - or they do listen and get better for a whil but then slide back to being difficult try writing all your issues down.

It helps to get things clear in your head.

Then you could give the parents a copy. i.e.

Great minds think a like :D

jane5
27-10-2011, 11:56 AM
Great advice already given

I know there are lots of things that are annoying you with this family but if you could change a couple of these things it might make you feel a bit better.

I think we all have 1 or 2 things that we are not happy with with our families but it becomes a big problem when there are lots.

I think you should take who ever you want on and do not discuss it with these parents. I would not tell them until they actually see a new child and then it is to late for them to make a fuss and if they did make a fuss just say "I am within my numbers that Ofsted allow" and just act a bit dumb and say "why is there a problem". Take away any power they think they have and if they dont like it they will leave simples :thumbsup:

I also would not text a parent to tell them that I have taken a toy away from a child :panic:
MY HOUSE MY RULES.
Children often bring toys to my house and within an hour or so they are packed away in their bags ready for home time. I am here to care for there child, not to make sure buzz lightyears wings havent gone missing in 1 of our toy boxes.

I would defiantly send all of those bags home that clutter up your hall and just say firmly "you need to take these as there is no room here and these things are not needed" and if they start saying but it is easier than bringing things every day, just keep saying firmly "there is no room here".

You are just going to have to be brave and try and change 1 thing at a time. I would not have the courage to change a list of things at once but I do take a deep breath and just say it (while inside my heart is beating really fast cos I am softy really)

If you really can not get things changed to a point you are happy with then give notice. Life is too short to feel this way especially as there are some lovely families out there who will value the extra little things you do :thumbsup:

Chimps Childminding
27-10-2011, 08:00 PM
Good advice been given!!! I know how you feel, its very easy to let people walk all over you (I do :blush: ) but it is your business and your rules at the end of the day and if they don't like it they can go elsewhere :rolleyes: !! Hope you manage to get things sorted :thumbsup: