View Full Version : clingy screaming mindee..advice?

25-10-2011, 08:33 PM
I have a 1yr old mindee, who wont be put down, screams if i put her on the floor to play (with me next to her) if I stand up etc etc etc.
I have 2 other well behaved children who are bemused by this behaviour but its my 3rd week of having her and I am dreading it, she monopolises my time and it seems very unfair on the other 2.

I know it takes time to settle but I know it cant be that bad as she quietens instantly when she gets her own way.
I only have her one day a week so its hard to get her used to us and any progress is undone again by the next week as mum & dad are very 'attentive'!
I have tried engaging in messy play/outdoor play etc but its so hard to get any feedback from her.
I really dont want to seem like i am giving up so early but from the moment she leaves I am dreading her arrival again, which is not good and not how I want to feel in a job I love :(
has anyone been in this position? what did you do?

Chimps Childminding
25-10-2011, 08:53 PM
No advice, sorry, just to say you are not on your own, I have one almost exactly the same :(

He is 10 months old, comes 2 days a week and like yours is fine as long as he is glued to my hip, BUT the minute I put him down or stand up to go and do anything he screams the place down :eek:

I also have him on a day I have 2 others, who are as good as gold, but they don't get the attention they deserve because he needs me so much!!

This will be his 8th week (comes Weds, Thurs) and like you I dread each week :blush: trouble is a) I need the money, b) How do you tell a mum her precious little one is doing your head in :( :(

Hope someone comes up with a magic wand to wave over them :thumbsup:

The Juggler
25-10-2011, 09:22 PM
my little mindee was like this in September but half a term on is much more settled. it does get better.

I would plan lots of activities on the floor so you can interact with other childrne (if they are in role play area/playing with smallworld on a low table/floor) that way you are never going to be far from the other children. If you are doing crafts, carry baby and place in a high chair really close ot table, set activity up (with earplugs if necessary) then you can talk to baby whilst doing activity with others.

With children who are insecure like this its important to tell them (all the time and through the screaming) I'm moving over here to help x, I'm just going to get a tissue or whatever. You need to just verbally reassure them you're not doing a runner :laughing:

joking aside though hon, hope it gets better soon xx

25-10-2011, 10:27 PM
I was in the same situation in Feb this year, one day a week is so hard for them and esp if you have parents who are very attentive!

It took a long while, but she is now doing really well and waves mum off at the door in the morning, but it did take a while

I now have a similar problem with a lad who is just in for 3 afternoons a week, and mum is doing my head in. We have even agreed to pick up so that she doesn't drag out the process as she could spend ages leaving and making it so much worse

But he screams. You hold him he screams, you put him down, he screams even more. Hubby/asst is getting fed up now as lad wants him more so than me and he has less patience than I do. He had a week off cos he was sick and so after seeming to get better, today was worse so feel like we are back to square one

All I can say, is good luck! I know how you feel. Some children come through it, some don't. Mum of this lad did ask me this evening how long you would expect separation anxiety to last as I think it is getting to her as well now. She can't even go for a wee on her own


25-10-2011, 10:35 PM
In the past 2 yrs we have had 4 like this.
We give them 8 weeks to get better else it's not fair on our other little ones, the child themselves or us.
2 we gave notice too and they were better in a different setting and the other 2 turned into angels.

Give yourself a time limit then at least you feel your working to something.

Hugs x

26-10-2011, 06:17 AM
I had one like this. I foolishly thought he would settle. 4.5 months later he still screamed most of the day and the other children I cared for had begun to complain.

I'd noticed he was far happier if we went out to groups etc so suggested his mum may like to try him in a nursery setting. He left me and went to a nursery where he settled right away. I feel like a huge failure but it was give up on him or give up childminding, now we are both happy.

26-10-2011, 08:51 AM
I had an 8m old like this. She came 4 days a week for 10hrs a day and would scream most of it. It was a very very loud cry like a newborn but a lot louder. She wouldnt eat or sleep, play or do anything

I lasted 8 weeks but gave notice due to the stress on me and all the kids had also had enough :( Acouple of them had said they didnt want to come anymore and thats when I made a decision. As well as the looks I used to get from parents on the school run :rolleyes:
She wanted all my attention all of the time and I wasnt able to give it to her. At some points I had 6 children and I just couldnt carry her around whilst making sandwiches etc.

In fact in 17yrs of looking after children Ive never known anything like it....:eek:

Any way she went to nursery for a year which parents had to do but didnt want to .Now shes back with me shes lovely

It really depends on how mucha nd how long you can cope without it affeting you or your setting

26-10-2011, 08:29 PM
thank you all so much for that, its good to know I'm not on my own I was starting to doubt myself, pick her up she crys put her down she crys!!

Today was much better thankfully, strangely Ive found she is happiest in a high chair, I mentioned this to mum at pickup who said that mindee often falls asleep in the highchair at home and will happily sit there for an hour or more...:(

Obviously I couldnt leave her there all day:eek: but i found that it calmed her instantly, a bit of crayoning for 5 mins and she was happy enough to get out and toddle around playing!
I think I am going to do the 8 week limit myself, see how much she improves/I learn how to settle her and take it from there.
Wish mum had mentioned the high chair 3 weeks ago though:rolleyes: