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BlondeMoment
25-10-2011, 12:48 PM
Hi everyone,
Hope half term isn't driving you too crazy yet lol.
I'm just wondering....how do you discipline the older kids?
Up to about 6 I'd use time out step but I have a 9 year old who's been really cheeky today and is really pushing his luck.

watgem
25-10-2011, 01:05 PM
I was told by Ofsted that using time out or a naughty step is not acceptable and that it is really frowned on by Ofsted inspectors if they see it in a childminders policy, but she didn't say what would be acceptable and I was too surprised to ask her. Perhaps you could ask what parents do at home, though all of mine said the naughty step!

vaughny82
25-10-2011, 01:09 PM
I was told we are meant to call it a thinking step if anything. ?

I think a bit of toilet cleaning would do the trick with your 9 yr old :laughing:

Dragonfly
25-10-2011, 01:12 PM
quote:-
I think a bit of toilet cleaning would do the trick with your 9 yr old :laughing:


Thats so funny.:laughing: :laughing:

newbie1512
25-10-2011, 01:27 PM
Sorry but I dont agree with naughty step, could you not use a time out step, thats what I have here and it works :)

chez
25-10-2011, 01:32 PM
yes I was told that the naughty step/time out was a huge no by our deveoplement officer.
When I asked what we should do she gave me this example

Child X pushes over child Y.

Take child X and sit somewhere quiet and read a book, do some quiet playing until the child is calm enough to come back to play.
Child Y clearly has been left out of this and is going to be upset.
I pointed out that if I did this the children will only learn that to get my attention they need to hurt one another, she tried to reasure me that that wasnt the case. :rolleyes:

AliceK
25-10-2011, 02:16 PM
I use a time-out spot for LO's and for older ones I call it the thinking spot. Just takes them away from the "situation" for a few minutes. I understood we are not allowed to call it a "Naughty" step as we are not meant to use the N word.
All my parents know I use Time-out and are happy with it, most also use it at home but they do call it the Naughty step.

xxxx

jadavi
25-10-2011, 02:22 PM
You could separate them without calling it the naughty step if you have somewhere quiet he can sit.

singingcactus
25-10-2011, 02:25 PM
I don't think the time out/naughty/whatever you fancy calling it step is appropriate for a 9 year old. I think, aside from the fact it would totally humiliate the 9yr, it would cause the 9 yr old to lose any respect for you at all, and only encourage even more outlandish behaviour. He will see that you have chosen to treat him like a very little kid and so he will act that way for you.

I also don't feel it's appropriate for a 6 year old, 5, 4, 3, 2, or 1 year old. No matter what it is called.

BlondeMoment
25-10-2011, 03:20 PM
Sorry but at no point did I say I called it "naughty step". It just so happens that the bottom step is the only place in my house that is away from the playing area and where I can remove a child to think or whatever you want to call it.

Ofsted had no problem with me using my bottom step as a time out place so maybe it's the way you do it.

And thats not the question I was asking.

Thank you to those of you who didn't see this question as an excuse to get on your high horse, and gave me some ideas x

BlondeMoment
25-10-2011, 03:23 PM
I use a time-out spot for LO's and for older ones I call it the thinking spot. Just takes them away from the "situation" for a few minutes. I understood we are not allowed to call it a "Naughty" step as we are not meant to use the N word.
All my parents know I use Time-out and are happy with it, most also use it at home but they do call it the Naughty step.

xxxx

Me too. It' just that I'm really not sure what consequence I can give a 9 year old for acting up. We're all supposed to be going swimming tomorrow and I wish I could use that and say we won't go if this behavior continues but that wouldn't be fair on the others.

Does anyone have any experience or suggestions?

The Juggler
25-10-2011, 03:25 PM
i have no problem with a thinking step, or sofa or wherever they are (bench in park).

for a 9 year old I'd just make them sit at the kitchen table or something hon. Ofsted frown on the word naughty I don't see why they would frown on a child reflecting on their behaviour :)

BlondeMoment
25-10-2011, 03:27 PM
yes I was told that the naughty step/time out was a huge no by our deveoplement officer.
When I asked what we should do she gave me this example

Child X pushes over child Y.

Take child X and sit somewhere quiet and read a book, do some quiet playing until the child is calm enough to come back to play.
Child Y clearly has been left out of this and is going to be upset.
I pointed out that if I did this the children will only learn that to get my attention they need to hurt one another, she tried to reasure me that that wasnt the case. :rolleyes:

Gosh yes! What's that if it's not a reward. Time and attention for doing the wrong thing. Ofsted just need to say something so they can be considered as "helping".
If mine push the boundaries they are given a warning, then they are removed from the situation. They learn very quickly and I rarely have to follow up a warning once they know.

BlondeMoment
25-10-2011, 03:28 PM
i have no problem with a thinking step, or sofa or wherever they are (bench in park).

for a 9 year old I'd just make them sit at the kitchen table or something hon. Ofsted frown on the word naughty I don't see why they would frown on a child reflecting on their behaviour :)

Exactly! Thank you Juggler. Thats a helpfull suggestion

AliceK
25-10-2011, 03:28 PM
Me too. It' just that I'm really not sure what consequence I can give a 9 year old for acting up. We're all supposed to be going swimming tomorrow and I wish I could use that and say we won't go if this behavior continues but that wouldn't be fair on the others.

Does anyone have any experience or suggestions?

Does he like to do anything particular when he's with you, maybe like playing on DS, Wii etc. Maybe that "privelidge" (sp) could be withdrawn for a time?
That's what I do with my DS anyway.

xxxx

uf353432
25-10-2011, 03:35 PM
Sorry but at no point did I say I called it "naughty step". It just so happens that the bottom step is the only place in my house that is away from the playing area and where I can remove a child to think or whatever you want to call it.

Ofsted had no problem with me using my bottom step as a time out place so maybe it's the way you do it.

And thats not the question I was asking.

Thank you to those of you who didn't see this question as an excuse to get on your high horse, and gave me some ideas x

you kinda did in your post title - so that probably where people have made the connection and wanted to correct you.


With children of this age I find talking and entering into a pact with them works really well. I had an instance where an older child was agressive to a much younger child in my care. I checked the little one was ok, and asked the older one to go and sit quietly for a few minutes whilst I consoled the little one. Essentially it would be wherever the others are not - so the sofa, in the garden on a bench etc. Then i'd invite the child to join me for a 'chat' but it would be somewhere else like the dining room table, sitting next to and not opposite each other. I would then talk about what has happened, and reinforce why that is not acceptable behaviour. I'd be sure to ask for their take on it and then explain what the consequences are if they behave that way. In your case i'd be going down the role model route - the younger ones look to him to see how to behave, we must all be good role models - we wouldn't want the younger children to copy him - because if they didn't listen to you when out on the road etc they could get really hurt etc etc. Explain why you need him to behave and encourage his more responsible side. Say if he can behave then he can have X reward later (I find stickers still work up to 11 yrs as they are so competitive and it shows mum and dad that they behaved as well which often leads to greater reward). Once you have made an agreement - shake hands - then you can remind him about your agreement and that you shook on it.

uf353432
25-10-2011, 03:39 PM
also check when you have your little chat that nothing is up, nothing is troubling him. Say something like - normally you don't give me this kind of hassle mate - is there something going on? do you feel ok? are you upset by anything? there may be an underlying reason for the behaviour which if resolved or at least discussed would nip the behaviour in the bud.

Helen79
25-10-2011, 04:10 PM
I don't use a step for any age, if the children need time to think and get some space then they sit on the sofa or at the table and do a quiet activity like drawing or reading a book. Obviously if their behaviour has been bad then we'll have a chat once it's all calmed down.
So if Y hit X then Y might sit at the table to read a book while I comfort X, once X is ok, then I'll talk to Y to explain what they had done wrong, then they'd be allowed back to play.

Think about how you might have reacted to being sat on a 'thinking' or 'time out' step when you were 9? I would have been so humiliated and angry, it certainly wouldn't have made me behave any better or even reflect on my behaviour at all, I would have just felt cross at the person who had told me to sit there.

rosebud
25-10-2011, 06:02 PM
Some children respond really well to being given some responsibility. So being asked to help with the LO's perhaps and then praise and reward for being helpful and telling parents in front of the child at pick up.

BlondeMoment
25-10-2011, 09:53 PM
also check when you have your little chat that nothing is up, nothing is troubling him. Say something like - normally you don't give me this kind of hassle mate - is there something going on? do you feel ok? are you upset by anything? there may be an underlying reason for the behaviour which if resolved or at least discussed would nip the behaviour in the bud.

Funny enough this is exactly what I did after he acted up this afternoon on a trip to Asda. He was good as gold the rest of the day.

yes I guess I did use the word "naughty" in my heading. Oops. How "naughty" of me. Still wasn't the point tho :o

BlondeMoment
25-10-2011, 09:55 PM
I don't use a step for any age, if the children need time to think and get some space then they sit on the sofa or at the table and do a quiet activity like drawing or reading a book. Obviously if their behaviour has been bad then we'll have a chat once it's all calmed down.
So if Y hit X then Y might sit at the table to read a book while I comfort X, once X is ok, then I'll talk to Y to explain what they had done wrong, then they'd be allowed back to play.

Think about how you might have reacted to being sat on a 'thinking' or 'time out' step when you were 9? I would have been so humiliated and angry, it certainly wouldn't have made me behave any better or even reflect on my behaviour at all, I would have just felt cross at the person who had told me to sit there.

I think a step is exactly the same as a sofa or at a table. If it's a place away from the action it's a time out place. Step or not. But that's not what I wanted help with.

FussyElmo
26-10-2011, 07:51 AM
It depends on what they have done. Usually the look does work then it moves on to how disappointed I am with them. If it continues then it is lost of priveldges (sp) wii, x box laptop etc. I will make them sit with me (none of them particuarally like that and I chat with them about what i dont like their behaviour.

On another note could he be bored? Is he your eldest mindee? He might be thinking he is too old to be with you so that whats causing the problems :thumbsup:

Helen79
26-10-2011, 08:14 AM
I think a step is exactly the same as a sofa or at a table. If it's a place away from the action it's a time out place.

A step really isn't the same as a sofa though is it. If you needed time to calm down would you go and sit on the bottom step in total isolation or would you want to curl up on the sofa? I think sitting on a step is removing them from the room and isolating them from the others and it probably feels very lonely, when normally if they're behaving badly, they're craving attention but asking for it in the wrong way.


Step or not. But that's not what I wanted help with.

I was answering your question as to whether people would use a thinking or time out step for an older child. No I wouldn't, we don't have any kind of time out. I gauge each situation on what actually happens. If I feel a child is getting stressed at being in a group and need some time to themselves then they can sit on the sofa or at the table doing an activity to calm down and have some space, it's not used as a punishment for them being naughty. I don't use it as thinking step or naughty step, they don't have to sit there and I will still talk to them if they're sitting on the sofa.

little chickee
26-10-2011, 09:46 AM
I do use a time out for younger kids and i do remove the child from the room and sit them on their own. and they sit with no toys, books or activities.

the whole point is that the "time out" or whatever pc term you wish to use is boring and not something they wish to do. It is something to be avoided and they avoid it by behaving well.

I would use this for a pre school child. depending on the behaviour i would also use this for a school age child. Or i would remove a privilege. No Tv, wii, no favouite toy or activity.

If your 9 year old had privileges removed and was still misbehaving it would be off to sit by themselves somewhere until they could behave.

babs
26-10-2011, 10:05 AM
With little ones if x hurts y I always say oh y you have upset x would you like to say sorry and give a cuddle then say if they do all fair and well if not I don't push it then say ok nor remember to play nice and don't hurt each other. if they are fighting over a toy and I've not seen who had it first I will find something for each of them to play with if this toy becomes an issue the toy goes into time out and we all find something else then once they have forgotten I place the toy back making sure neither see me. with older one I would pull to one side and ask why he's been like he is and ask what he would like to do.

BlondeMoment
30-10-2011, 10:25 PM
I completely agree it depends on the situation.
Thanks everyone for all your helpful suggestions.
This lad was being generally very cheeky to me and defiant just to show off. In the end a little talk did the trick. I was just worried in case it didn't work. I couldn't think of a decent consequence to make him think. But I've got a few up my sleeve for next time so cheers guys!