Somewhat bemused!

[webbthomas]

Hi
I'm been minding only 3 weeks now so am relatively new to all of this ... bear with me:blush:

I have one lovely family and have recently started settling in visits for family number 2 - father wants little one to have 2 x 4 hour settling in visits weekly until half-term then start contract of 10 hours/week (little one absolutely fine here but father very anxious about letting go). All fine with me as will be charged for these sessions following a free initial settling in visit.

Yesterday and today father brought his little one in at 9.00 am (contracted time) accompanied by a large box of chocolate based cereal and insisting that his son eats his breakfast at 9.30am, washed down with a large glass of squash (child is 18 months). Last week we had the same. We have our breakfast here between 8.00 and 8.15 am.

I have accommodated his request during the settling in visits as we have been here but foresee this is going to be a problem once proper contract starts as we may be out and about and don't really want mindees to all be eating at different times unless it's a baby when obviously would accommodate this.

I politely offered the father take the cereal home with him today as the choc cereal goes against my healthy eating policy and suggested that the little one has his breakfast before coming to me. Father absolutely adamant that it's impossible to get son dressed AND fed before he comes to me and is requesting flexibility in my routine. Father also brought his own breakfast today and ate it here!!

How far should we go with :
1) Accommodating the late breakfast for new mindee
2) Allowing his breakfast choices of choc cereals which go against my healthy eating policy.

Reading this back makes me feel that I'm being a bit petty but am somewhat bemused by the father's behaviour / requests and feel that I am being dictated to. Am I being a little oversensitive here?

Thanks.

[flora]

Well the chocolate breakfast cereal I would possibly let go. Depending on what it is. I am guilty of having coco pops for breakfast everday myself.:blush:
Can't see the harm in them as part of an overall healthy diet. Other cereals such as the choc filled pillows I think are for weekedns only ifyswim???

As for the time, I woulld say that although cm's do offer flexibility of care as far as possible that you care for more than one family and if everyone wanted a routine tailor made to their individual children you would never get out the house.

I would stick to your time as it will only cause hassles and friction if you appear to to agree now and then have to backtrack later when it mucks up your day.

As for him bringing HIS BREKKIE to your. I would tell him NO politely but very firmly :D

[Nature'sKids!]

If its in your policy about healthy eating then I would insist that she ate at the same time and the same thing as everyone else.
It would cause problems in the long run for your other mindees who would also want the sugar laden chocolate cereal with artificial minerals which are pretty useless. I'm very passionate about healthyfood an while a treat now and again is acceptable I don't think this is.
Also squash contains both sugars that rot teeth and artificial sweeteners and preservatives which are banned in foods for under threes because of health concerns. If he has read your policy he has to stick to it just like you do

[margaret]

I would tell him to go at 0900 ,its unsettling for child and other children .I would expect child to be dressed and breakasted.We can all be flexible but sounds as if he doesnt want to interact with child at all when he wakes up.Very unhealthy breakfast in my opinion but many children have this,but you could work on this over the weeks.As for having breakfast in your home i would let him know that ,that was a one of,what a dam cheek.

[WibbleWobble]

hee hee hee @ him bringing his own breakfast!

reminds me of when my first mindee was having some settling in sessions...we did one with dad here and B having his lunch. I had some home made beef stew and mash for him and was feeding B whilst dad talked to me.

Dad did a big sniff and said "wow that smells good"

i told him i had some left over and help himself....and there was bread in the bread bin.

he came back in with a stew butty...munching away.

nearly two years later we are great friends (B has left me) and socialise a lot....dad still likes to tell me how he wanted to stay for lunch every day!

mandy xx

[ChocolateChip]

I would not be happy with the dad staying for his breakfast, the whole point of settling in is that the lo gets used to being here without him.
It's one thing asking parents in for a cuppa and a chat, or supporting a b/f mum in her lunch break but I would not like people thinking they can just turn up and avail themselves of my dining room as if it was the local caff!

Re the lo's breakfast, that would depend on whether you are providing food or the parent- if they are to provide I can't really see how you can influence them (having had past experience of this :rolleyes: ) but if you are to provide food then I would definitely veto it and provide a more appropriate substitute.

Re the routine, do you have something in writing which details your 'typical day'? Are you planning on taking on schoolies or lo's to nursery in the future because if so that 9am start time is going to curb that. Not meaning to sound picky hun, but you might want to review the start times. Also I would not have people telling me what my mealtimes were, yes I can be flexible and see that young babies have their feeds/naps when they need it but this child sounds older than that, and the dad should be able to at least give him breakfast before he leaves the house. My meals and routines are planned to suit everyone's needs, not just one child's.

Just wondering did you go through all this at his earlier visits?
If he knows all the things he needs to know about your setting then I would not allow him to go against your policies, as that is how you choose to run your own business and if you let him get away with it now he will continue to try and get his own way.

Sorry if this has turned into a sermon, lol, not meant to!
Imho I would rather take a stand with this parent now and risk him walking away, rather than risk him walking all over me for the next however many years, maybe time to have him in for a chat and to clarify both your expectations.

[rosebud]

I would fit in with his routine but ask dad to start shortening the time he stays when dropping off as this is the settling in period so child needs to be left to settle. I would then continue with his own breakfast for now but start to gradually introduce healthier choices and eventually stop offering the chocolate cereal. I would try to combine his breakfast time with the other mindees snack time and eventually ensure they are all being offered the same foods.

I used to pick a child up last year (funded by LA) at 9.30 and he had never had breakfast so if I was going straight to a group had to take something with me. He was 3 and I wondered how they would manage when the child started nursery!

[Nature'sKids!]

:clapping: :clapping:
I would not be happy with the dad staying for his breakfast, the whole point of settling in is that the lo gets used to being here without him.
It's one thing asking parents in for a cuppa and a chat, or supporting a b/f mum in her lunch break but I would not like people thinking they can just turn up and avail themselves of my dining room as if it was the local caff!

Re the lo's breakfast, that would depend on whether you are providing food or the parent- if they are to provide I can't really see how you can influence them (having had past experience of this :rolleyes: ) but if you are to provide food then I would definitely veto it and provide a more appropriate substitute.

Re the routine, do you have something in writing which details your 'typical day'? Are you planning on taking on schoolies or lo's to nursery in the future because if so that 9am start time is going to curb that. Not meaning to sound picky hun, but you might want to review the start times. Also I would not have people telling me what my mealtimes were, yes I can be flexible and see that young babies have their feeds/naps when they need it but this child sounds older than that, and the dad should be able to at least give him breakfast before he leaves the house. My meals and routines are planned to suit everyone's needs, not just one child's.

Just wondering did you go through all this at his earlier visits?
If he knows all the things he needs to know about your setting then I would not allow him to go against your policies, as that is how you choose to run your own business and if you let him get away with it now he will continue to try and get his own way.

Sorry if this has turned into a sermon, lol, not meant to!
Imho I would rather take a stand with this parent now and risk him walking away, rather than risk him walking all over me for the next however many years, maybe time to have him in for a chat and to clarify both your expectations.

[francinejayne]

Has the dad seen and signed to say he agrees with your policies? Do they state meal times?

Assuming yes to the above, I would be explaining that if a child is being dropped off at that time I would expect them to have eaten their breakfast (breakfast at my house is up to 8am, after that and we haven't time to get it eaten and get ready for school, so anyone arriving after 8 should have already eaten at home!), and a mid morning snack will be provided at 10 (or whatever time it will be!) - I don't know about you, but at 9.30 we are going out and about to playgroups - I do not want to be stuck at home doing breakfast!

I would also provide my own cereal for the little one, and just send the chocolate cereal home at the end of the day - you will be saving the parents money!

[Pipsqueak]

I have been settling in a parent and child over the last 4 weeks. Now this is one VERY anxious parent - her and the child have NEVER ever been apart in the 2yrs of the childs life. I have had to work VERY hard at reasuring this parent and we are now getting to the stage that I have turf her out the door for an 1hr!! lol


I think i would forgive the cereal but say a BIG no to the dad. Turf him out and put your foot down.

As to the 9.30 brekkie I would say that you may not be able to accomodate this due to yours and other childrens routines....

your business your rules

[webbthomas]

Thanks for all your replies - really, really helpful.

ChocolateChip - yes, took 2 hours to go through all my P&P in great detail as father wanted to go through everything in finite detail ... OK by me but does reinforce he knows my routines/times exactly. Your final para was exactly how I was feeling as I can foresee this wld be a long and drawn out contract if he continues walking over me like this :)

[webbthomas]

I have been settling in a parent and child over the last 4 weeks. Now this is one VERY anxious parent - her and the child have NEVER ever been apart in the 2yrs of the childs life. I have had to work VERY hard at reasuring this parent and we are now getting to the stage that I have turf her out the door for an 1hr!! lol


I think i would forgive the cereal but say a BIG no to the dad. Turf him out and put your foot down.

As to the 9.30 brekkie I would say that you may not be able to accomodate this due to yours and other childrens routines....

your business your rules

Pipsqueak - thanks for your reply. I'm certainly picking up a tremendous amount of anxiety with this father too hence there is part of me that wants to work with him to reassure but also I see the importance of having to put my foot down for all concerned to enable me to get on with my job :thumbsup:

[Erika]

Am I being a little oversensitive here?



No - but he's being a little overbearing. There is flexibility and there is expecting you to accomodate his wants at the expense of your other mindees and your policies.

The father needs to realise that a childminder is not a nanny to whom he can dictate. It's a business with policies in place and other children to consider. If the child was in nusery, they would have set meal times too and there would be no 'flexibility' offered for one child to have his breakfast later than the other children. He's 18 months which is young enough to break the routine - and sooner or later it will have to be broken - unless of course he going to turn up at school when the chils is 5 with his breakfast and son's breakfast and insist that class stops at 9:30am so that he and his son can eat.

He says he doesn't have time to get the child dressed and fed - but he has the time to bring his own breakfast to your home and eat it there?! Tell him to set his alarm half an hour early and get used to it. If he wants his son to have a cereal that goes against your healthy eating policies and have it at a time which is out with your mealtimes, then he'll have to do it at home. Don't give in, otherwise he will want 'flexibility' in other areas too. (I can't get over him bringing his own breakfast as well as his son's!)