could do with some advice if poss

[jaja]

Bit of a long one but here goes....

My ds is 6 and when he was a baby he had a problem going to the loo for a poo, i was giving him lactose (sp?) anyway hes been fine for a while until in reception class he had two accidents of "apparently" not getting to the loo in time for poo, then he started at home and messing pants. Well at the same time he was being bullied really bad by a child who had special needs so my son was told to ignore him as he didnt know any better! this was the teacher saying this!!! this boy had followed him into the loo and pushed him at the toilet so my ds wet his tousers! anyway we moved schools to a bigger school so he could mix with other children as the old school told me they didnt know what to do about it!!!!:angry: he seemed to settle in well, until three weeks ago school phoned and he had pooed pants, "didnt make it" and could i collect him, then we had three more episodes and yesterday he wet himself!!!!:angry: they just put his wet stuff in bag and didnt tell me!!!:angry: when asked he said he just doesnt make it, or he was busy doing something.

we have been to the doctors who just looked at ds and said maybe hes constupated(sp?) and gave him more lactose, dont really see how thats going to help at all! what should i do? i really dont want him to start getting bullied here due to toilet problems. spoke to the teacher and she said he told the lady the other day he needed to go but then changed his mind.

Me and my husband are at a lose, any ideas or why and how to solve this would be greatly appreciated, please xx

[angeldelight]

I really feel for you and your son

My friend had the same problems with her daughter last year and the longer it was left the longer it continued

Maybe he wont get bullied this time - well hopefully not anyway kids can be so cruel cant they ?

Does he get distracted when he is doing activitys at school and then maybe he leaves it to late to go ?

What is he like at home is he ok with going to the toilet
I know my own daughter used to almost wet herself because she just hated using other toilets

Have a good chat with him be understanding which Im sure you are anyway

Could you not go and have another word with the school thats what my friend did anyway and they let her daughter go to the toilet when she needed to she just had to let the teacher know where she was going first
Maybe your school could do this its not going to hurt them is it and maybe your son needs to know he can just go when he feels the need

I know sometimes teachers are not very understanding - the 8 year old I mind said he almost wets himself sometimes because they make them wait if they have just had play time- which I feel is wrong - when you gotta go you gotta go

I would most def go and speak to the teacher again

Hope you are ok you sound like a caring mom and im sure you will sort it out soon

Hugs

Angel xx

[berkschick]

Poor you and your poor son too.

The only thing I can suggest is that he is encouraged to use the toilet before school starts and then at every breaktime.

Some schools are strict on when the children can use the toilets, I dont know if this is the same at your school but maybe if he is feeling that he will be told off if he asks then he isnt asking.

Slightly differant but my daughter has kidney problems and I went in and spoke to the school and she then had permission to use the toilet as and when she needed too.

I hope you get things sorted.

[jaja]

At parents eveing last week i spoke to the teacher and she said he could just go when he wanted and she said this to him too,

He is like this at home also at the moment, he will stand and try and hold it in until the last minute and then he carnt walk because hes that desperate, when we see him doing it we send him straight to the loo. When we have asked he says hes too busy or he doesnt know why. We have been giving him the lactose so that when he does go he isnt going to get sore, but we seem to be going around in circles. I have spoken to my mum who says that he is worried and thats why we are having the accidents, but hes not said anything to us or my mum,he is just a worried child about everything and his head teacher called him a fusspot :angry: we had words!! he took it very hard being called a fuss pot but actually between me and you guys he is, he will find something to maon about just for the sake of maoning!!!! he is just like his nana in that respect. He came home the other month and his teacher had told them after the weekend he would be making a circuit and using electric, well we had tears and tantrums all weekend because he thought that when he went back to school on monday morning he was going to get electicuted!! :blush: bless him, he is a wonderfull, caring person but he worries too much.

we just dont know what to do x

[angeldelight]

He does sound like he worries a lot

Dont make a big thing of it - remind him about the toilet and when you take him to school but then concentrate on something else that he enjoys doing - make a point of telling him how proud you are of him - focus on something else that he likes doing

Your son sounds just like my friends daughter she was the same

You need heaps and heaps of patience and it will get better its just going to take time it is not going to improve over night or over the next week or so
It will take time and I think the more you push him the less he will go

Focus on something else that he does well

You sound like you are doing every thing right at the moment

Dont let it get you down so much either because this in turn will worry him more

Good luck

Angel xx

[crazybones]

My middle son had problems with constipation followed by dirtying when he was about 4 or 5 and one doctor told us not to use Lactulose but to give him raisins instead. I didnt think it would work but after a week he was back to normal. Just a suggestion might work for you.

[crazybones]

Sorry should have said - he is a born worrier too.:rolleyes: He got out of bed last night and sat on the stairs - the reason he gave was one of his very strange "What if................. ?" questions that I cant even remember now because he does this all the time.

[littlewonders]

Hi Jen,

Not really sure what to advise but my daughter did this at about 5 years/ 6 years old, with her it was because she was embarrassed about going to the toilet. I just tried not to make a big deal about and simply said, everyone does it even the queen and (her favourite characters at the time - barbie lol)

On the other hand I have heard of children doing this because they couldn't tear themselves away from playing or didnt want to miss anything....perhaps a little chat saying something like if you don't go to the loo and hold it not only will you have accidents but you will make your tummy poorly too??

Sorry this is probably no use at all.
Hope it all works out for you soon x

[jaja]

annie - thanks i will try them, maybe they will help them, my son will do that too, what if the world stopped? what if, what if, what if, he has done this more in the last two years since my dad died though. I am glad to know he isnt the only born worrier. lol

Littlewonders - My mum spoke to him about why we needed to poo and why we shouldnt hold it in etc, he understood and for a few weeks he was fine then he started again. Its good to know that someone else child has done this too.

thanks guys
xx

[angeldelight]

Good luck Jen

I am sure he will be fine

Angel xx

[vix84]

Have no experience on this Im afraid, but have you tried a reward chart or something similar? If he is able to do it, then its obviously more of a 'im busy' thing than medical problem.

Maybe a chart where he gets a star at the end of the day if he has had no accidents, then if he does this for how ever many days out of the week he could choose a week end activity like going to the park or swimming. Then once he has got the hang of it, you could change the reward chart to something like 'eating a balanced diet' or something.?

Hope it is just a phase, and you have the summer holidays soon so you will have a few weeks where you can monitor the situation etc.

[wendywu]

How about a chart of the digestive tract so he can see what happens to the food when he eats it and that it is meant to come out of the other end!

Understanding things sometimes helps:)