View Full Version : Unbelievable

20-09-2011, 12:03 PM
Hi everyone.

A few weeks ago I put up a post about a little boy's screaming tantrums when time to go home. He stood outside my house for 45 minutes one night screaming, hitting his brother etc while his useless Dad just stood there :eek: Some of you may remember and have helped with some suggestions. As a result I started standing outside my front door with him and his brother ready to go at home time. Been on holiday since so no more development on that so far but it worked the one day i did it before I went away.


My first day back this morning, I've loaded the kids into car for school run, just waiting on these two boys to arrive (they're often running up the road a bit late). Then I get a phone call from their Mum at work. She told me her husband had called her to say the child (E) is having a tantrum and Dad can't get him out of the front door. Can I GO AND GET HIM on the way to school as it's on the way? :angry:
I was fuming! We were running late now (two other lads to get to school on time) so I reluctantly agreed but said we'd need to discuss this later. Afraid I've lost my patience with these useless parents.
I pulled up outside their house, marched straight up to E who was screaming in the door way, picked him up, strapped him into the car, then turned to dad and lost my temper. I said "If I can pick him up and out him into a car seat then why can't you pick him up and strap him into a buggy? This is ridiculous!" I then got the older child into the car. I turned back to the Dad who'd gone into the house. So I went in and asked if we had everything we needed. He looked upset and told me I was right.

I calmed down and told him he can't be ruled by his 3 year old and that he must be exhausted. So I offered to have a chat with him tonight about it all and offer some suggestions to help. He's a nice guy but just has no authority or control!

I've got a lecture I want to give him on how to control your kids but I want to be as nice as possible because I was a stroppy mare this morning. What would you say to him?

20-09-2011, 12:15 PM
Blimey..sounds like a nightmare!!
Can you imagine when hes a teenager...doesnt bear thinking about :panic:

Sounds like you did a good job with the children and made him think that it is ridiculous to be controlled by a 3yr old. Youre definitly right about needed a talk with them, for their benefit as much as yours

I would just be straight with him. Some parents feel cruel giving rules and boundaries to children. But he needs to get in control or it will get worse.
Say its important that children are given boundaries and discipline. They need an adult to give them this as it makes them feel safe and secure and its the parents job as well as yours to guide them through childhood so they can be good, strong socialable adults.
Its not a matter of forcefulness and making them do things, its a case of setting good rules and encouraging the child to follow them.


20-09-2011, 12:17 PM
I would reiterate to him that he is the adult and that the child has to do as he says. If he doesnt get a grip on it now, imagine how it will be when LO is a teenager.

He needs to choose his battles and the fact the child wouldnt get in the buggy, is one I would be determined to win. I am sure you hit home and he must have been stressed and working with dad to sort things out, will be best for all of you.

Tippy Toes
20-09-2011, 12:18 PM
No advice sorry, but just wanted to say well done to you!

I hope meeting goes well and that some one has some more useful advice!

20-09-2011, 12:20 PM
I think I'd apologise for shouting at him this morning, so you can start this meeting with no bad feeling between you then discuss strategies he can use when the child kicks off so you're both (and mum) doing the same thing.

I would also talk to the children - both you and dad together - tell them their behaviour is unacceptable and lay down what will happen in the future. It may make a difference if they see the two of you working together and meaning business.

Good luck, I hope all your efforts are worth it!

Miffy xx

20-09-2011, 12:24 PM
Ok - so you lost it for a bit - but you were stressed and worried about getting the other children to school - in the circumstances I think you did really well.

I think as long as you start by saying these things just happen over time and before you know it the child is in control - say that the past is the past and what is important is how the parents handle the child now.

Then you can say whatever you feel needs saying about improving the childs behaviour.

Good Luck

Penny :)

20-09-2011, 12:53 PM
Good luck but from personal experience with similar sort of parent few months ago i doubt he will change:( (the father i mean)

Child i had is with another minder and child's behaviour is much much worse. Parent 'unable' to take child (almost 3) for hair cut or to buy shoes, has to be bribed with chocolate to get in buggy/car seat.

To be honest, this may sound harsh, but i would give them say 2 weeks to sort out a bit of discipline or find someone else. Life for myself and other mindees is so much more enjoyable since mindee left

And as for you losing your temper i hope you're feeling guilty

Good luck

The Juggler
20-09-2011, 12:56 PM
hon, maybe not the best thing to do lose your temper but sometimes it's just whats needed for him anyway :panic: .

I wouldn't have even agreed to pick them up I'd have told him to come back to house later when he could get him to me - so you are a more generous person than me!

However in this case, it's broken the ice and got him to admit he can't cope. I think now he might actually listen to some of your advice and realise he can't go on being ruled by a 3 year old. You might want to point out that whilst it seems cruel to instil discipline and sanctions it is by far crueller to have children grow up with no boundaries as they have both poor social and emotional skills.

I'd give him a copy of the supernanny book and also suggest he ask his GP/Children's centre about a parenting course.

Hopefully this is the breakthrough you and he need:thumbsup:

20-09-2011, 01:02 PM
What the Juggler said. And I would add, maybe the reason the tantrums are so bad is because the child is DESPERATE for the dad to take control.

He needs a strong father figure and he is just not getting it :( Hope this is a turning point for the familly and that they get help :thumbsup:
And well done for showing the dad how it is. :)

20-09-2011, 01:09 PM
I think you need to be bluntly honest with him as he seem a bit in denial and i don't want to be rude but he's a man and it's often better to be clear and concise. they're not known to read well in between lines no offence intended gentlemen just an observation!

my husband once called me to tell me he couldn't put our son to bed as he was having a tantrum and refused to go upstair....
:eek: :eek: :mad:

i told him : you're 16st he's barely 2stones are you being serious!!!????????

just tell him sorry about being a bit short this morning BUT you have to get a grip. you won't hurt your son with boundaries, he needs to know what he can and can't do and screaming the place down is not an option!!!
if he is consistant his son will really quickly learn that it's not going to work. end off.

he doesn't do it with you so use this to prove to dad that boy is doing it for his dad's benefice

good luck:thumbsup:

20-09-2011, 01:15 PM
Thanks so much everyone. Been a horrible morning and yes I have felt bad about losing my temper. But yes on the plus side I've shown him up and I think he now wants to try.

I just can't understand people who seem frightened of their own children.

I didn't properly lose my temper as in shouting and bawling. Just lost my cool slightly and got very firm :blush:

I'm actually very fond of this little lad. He's full of character and he's really good for me. He just needs "molding" as my mum says. So I really don't want to lose them. Just feel really sorry for the dad and want a peaceful handover x

Got another of my LOs just starting to kick off at home times too. He's reaching that age lol. Oh dear

20-09-2011, 02:21 PM
OMG i am so so sorry, just read my reply again

and meant to say ' i hope you're NOT feeling guilty'

so so sorry

20-09-2011, 04:28 PM
OMG i am so so sorry, just read my reply again

and meant to say ' i hope you're NOT feeling guilty'

so so sorry

LOL!!!! :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:
have to admit I did wonder if you minded adults too x

20-09-2011, 04:44 PM
good luck tonight really hope you get it sorted i think maybe an apology for shouting at him evan tho he needed it lol then sit down as a family and talk make sure you tell him you will not pick him up from home again and kids will be ready at door at your house to avoid this. i hope you get it sorted:)
there seems to be so many parents that cant control there kids i have a 4yr old i mind who wears what they want brings scooters/bikes evan tho its wet because mum cant say no ridiculous.

20-09-2011, 04:51 PM
Dad of mindee J once bought £3 worth of 'stick it' notes just because J had picked them up off the shelf at the local shop and was having a paddy about putting them back.

He did not want any of them, but suppose they will come in handy one day :rolleyes: