Child settling in ..again

[JCrakers]

Hi,

I took on an 8month old last Sept but she didnt settle (screamed at high pitch for probably 8 hrs out of 10hr day, 3 days a week)
I coped with it for 8 weeks...although looking back I dont know how I coped :panic:

Now Ive agreed to try again as shes a year older and although has been to a nursery for the past 9 months they really want her to come here.

I did two settling in sessions a couple of weeks ago..she cried although not as loud.
Shes arrived this morning, dad stayed for 40mins whilst she cried and I was trying to get her to play, read etc through the crying..by the end of the 40mins I was sweating :laughing:
He went so I took her for a walk to the end of the road with the play buggy and doll she had bought with her, she cried all the way and wasnt interested in the park either.
Came back and she wanted to sit at the dining table, so Ive strapped her into the child seat where she is sitting half ok but cries everyso often.
She wont get down and play, just wants to sit there. If I talk to her or look at her she cries so I have left her there for a while to settle down (which I hate doing, i'm obviously still in the same room although feel like going down to the pub at this point for a quick G&T...lol:laughing:

Do you think Im fighting a losing battle

Becky

[rickysmiths]

You are very brave I would never take back a child that had not settled with me in the first place.

How was she at nursery, have you seen their LJ?

[JCrakers]

I havent seen the LJ yet as nursery dont know that if she settles here they are pulling her out.

Dad says shes Ok at nursery, cries when he leaves her but they say shes fine

I think it might be a case of just staying at nursery

Becky

[manjay]

I would treat the child as though they had never been before. She is not going to remember coming to you at 8 mths old so it's starting all over again.

What you have described sounds quite normal as a child is settling in so personally I would stick with it. Give it a set period then if she is no better then I would suggest she is better at Nursery.

[rickysmiths]

Surely the parents should be able to tale the LJ home to have a look at anyway and then you could have a look? I think I would be concerned if they won't share it with you I would say you need it in order to work out if your starting points link into where the nursery think she is. If they really want to mave her and want her to settle they should be able to make this happen.

I would be very very careful.

[The Juggler]

it would worry me why they are pulling her out of nursery if she is fine there?? I think she maybe hasn't really settled there either.

I think you have 2 options hon, treat her like a newbie again like Manjay says and see how it goes but if it doesn't work and you give notice then bear in mind this means yet another new start for her.

Ask them to be really honest about why they are pulling her out of nursery? Then make your decision. TBH, if she is not settling anywhere there could be an underlying reason why she is not settling - are they really anxious about leaving her??? If they confess she is not settled at nursery then ask how she is with relatives friends. You could come up with a plan together that might make it work this time round.

To be honest, I'm not sure I'd want to try again.

[marleymoo]

it would worry me why they are pulling her out of nursery if she is fine there?? I think she maybe hasn't really settled there either.

I think you have 2 options hon, treat her like a newbie again like Manjay says and see how it goes but if it doesn't work and you give notice then bear in mind this means yet another new start for her.

Ask them to be really honest about why they are pulling her out of nursery? Then make your decision. TBH, if she is not settling anywhere there could be an underlying reason why she is not settling - are they really anxious about leaving her??? If they confess she is not settled at nursery then ask how she is with relatives friends. You could come up with a plan together that might make it work this time round.

To be honest, I'm not sure I'd want to try again.

this is most likely to be the case unfortunately and personally there is no way i'd have agreed to take her back. i'd tell them not to give notice at nursery, perhaps just reduce hours so child is at both settings for a while and if you don't like the situation, tell them to take her back to nursery. that's if you're feeling particularly gracious. Me? tell them no thanks, keep her at nursery! once bitten and all that

[Zoomie]

S joined me in Nov 2009 when he was 9 months old.

He had visited a few times with parents, and we did a few settling in sessions.
However when we started the actual contract he started crying and just would not stop. He became so distressed that I called parent (who fortunately was still at home for another week or so) and we tried one or two more visits with parent, but called it quits in the end.

For the following year he was cared for by a nanny in his own home. However circumstances changed and a year later they approached again.

We took settling in even slower, he visited with a parent for an hour once a week for months (summer of 2010) and the joined in Sept 2010.

He has settled, but is hard work. I have found in the last year that we have had many curves. Sometimes he comes he pushes his parents out the door and other times, he will cry at the drop of a hat. He doesn't like seeing me out in public (saw him at park last week and told mom he wanted to go home :( ).

So, a sort of, success story but I think that it is his personality and the way he has been parented.

[marleymoo]

one thing i can't stand is a child that i care for ignoring me in public. it's downright rude

[JCrakers]

Thanks everyone.:D She cried in the morning but after lunch was an angel.

I had her sister for 3yrs so Mum and Dad really want her to come to me cause they dont like nursery. Too structured and they know what a good time sister had with me.
She still goes to nursery on a Thursday but is coming to me on Fridays, if she settles they will take her out of nursery on a Thurs.
Dad has said she has never been too pleased about nursery and cries when she goes. So I am going to see how it goes for Sept and go from there.


Becky x

[marleymoo]

i think splitting the care between the 2 settings is for the best in the beginning but it seems she's already settling. it's nice that the family want their 2nd child to come to you too, bet that makes you feel great.