Older mindee starts next week, need some help.

[Katiekoo]

Hi,
I have a yr 7 mindee starting next week, nearly 12 yrs old. I have no experience of children of this age, help! The child is the sibling of one of my little ones and she is quite pleasant and responsible.

She'll walk to my house from school (1/2 hour walk) with friends. Then one day a week they get out of school early, the Mum says can she walk to mine then go out for an hour, just locally and with friends. She has a mobile phone. Is this ok? Clearly I'll need permission.

Also Mum says can she use my laptop to use facebook, I said if Mum is happy for this to happen and she promises to only look on facbook and agree to certain other rules. I will be able to check the history after they go home and terminate use of laptop if it's misused. Clearly again I'll need permission.

Would she be a bit old for drawing up a list of rules together?

ANY HELP MUCH APPRECIATED! :panic:

[Pixie dust]

You are supposed to be 13 to have a facebook account even though lots of parents let their children use it, so I wouldn't let her go on it in your house if she is underage.

[mushpea]

I wouldnt let her use facebook and would be weary about letting her out, I would have a disclaimer saying that when she is not in your setting then she is not your responsibility.
my daughter likes lego, hamer beads, will, reading and playing with the little ones and she is 12yrs

[missymood]

I wouldnt let her use facebook and would be weary about letting her out, I would have a disclaimer saying that when she is not in your setting then she is not your responsibility.
my daughter likes lego, hamer beads, will, reading and playing with the little ones and she is 12yrs

Ditto but personaly wouln't let her out on her own she's only 7!

[miss mopple]

Facebook is a big no no as she is under age for it. To be honest I wouldnt want a child of any age using it from my computer.

Walking to and fro- fine with permission, as is playing out, although personally I don't let them out to play anywhere other than my garden. Not sure how the insurance company would view it if something went wrong and I could never forgive myself if something happened to a child who was in my care but not actually within my earshot.

I have an almost 12 yr old and she is happy baking, crafting and playing with the littlies :thumbsup:

[lulubelle]

Ditto but personaly wouln't let her out on her own she's only 7!

shes yr 7, almost 12 yrs old.

i'd agree with what others have said about disclaimer and not using facebook!

[blue bear]

My children in year 7 would go out and meet their mates, always had a mobile and had to check in at certain times and could only go to places I knew about.
So if we are providing home from home care shouldn't we be letting mindees out with their mates?

It's a hard one, it's alot of responsibility and takes major trust, who is responsible if things go wrong, where do we stand with insurance etc.
One if my former D/O's did not agree with mindees of any age going out to play from the premises, but when questioned her 10 and 12 year old own children were allowed off to meet mates and when I said surely we are stopping natural development if we don't let them do normal things like meeting mates, she really couldn't come up with an answer.

I'd ask her what she likes doing, really hard to second guess this age but I'd go for arts and crafts, board games, beads, cooking

[Katiekoo]

It's really hard, she's very sensible and quite helpful. Facebook is the one and only thing she's requested, I offered tv, ds, magazines, wii, xbox - all of no interest at all to her. She is happy to help with the little ones and snack time but she'll be here a long while on Wednesdays. I think I'd be happy for her to go out if her Mum organises whose house she'll be at or where she'll be. Mum and I are meeting early next week to discuss these things, I'd initially agreed to everything but now I think I'd better rethink facebook and have very clear boundries for going out.
Do you guys not allow internet access at all then? I'm looking for software to restrict usage to a handful 'safe' sites.

[mushpea]

Mine used to use the internet on a desk top computer in my kitchen but only if I was there with them and only kiddie websites like cbbc,, my daughter would occasionly show the others music videos on utube but only if I had vetted them first, we moved things around last year and dont have room for a computer plus they have the wii to play on.
perhaps you could have a 'grown up' chat with her explaing why you are not happy with facebook and prehaps ask her to do a list of things she has enjoyed doing before she came to you and then prehaps you could do some of those things.
I have to admit my 12yr old (nearly 13yrold) spends most of her time on her laptop but then I am happy knowing where she is and what she's doing rather than her being out and about all the time,
could she prehaps cook tea under supervision once a week, sort of give her grown up jobs to do to make her feel good if she wants to do them.

[Katiekoo]

Mine used to use the internet on a desk top computer in my kitchen but only if I was there with them and only kiddie websites like cbbc,, my daughter would occasionly show the others music videos on utube but only if I had vetted them first, we moved things around last year and dont have room for a computer plus they have the wii to play on.
perhaps you could have a 'grown up' chat with her explaing why you are not happy with facebook and prehaps ask her to do a list of things she has enjoyed doing before she came to you and then prehaps you could do some of those things.
I have to admit my 12yr old (nearly 13yrold) spends most of her time on her laptop but then I am happy knowing where she is and what she's doing rather than her being out and about all the time,
could she prehaps cook tea under supervision once a week, sort of give her grown up jobs to do to make her feel good if she wants to do them.


I feel that she'd be receptive to a chat, I think once we get to know each other I'll feel happier giving her certain freedoms, and boundries. I wish I didn't always agree to things right away!:blush: Doh! I need to learn that phrase 'I'll have a think about that and get back to you!'

[mushpea]

I feel that she'd be receptive to a chat, I think once we get to know each other I'll feel happier giving her certain freedoms, and boundries. I wish I didn't always agree to things right away!:blush: Doh! I need to learn that phrase 'I'll have a think about that and get back to you!'

lol,, you definatly learn as you go in this job,,, i have definatly got tougher of the years,,
she sounds like a nice young lady so hopefully will be understanding,, hope it works well for you

[Katiekoo]

Thanks mushpea, and everyone - most helpful as always :)