View Full Version : different rules for your own children?

23-08-2011, 09:37 PM
I am new to childminding and this summer with my eldest off school has been challenging to say the least! I have no problems from my mindees except when my son undermines my authority!! for example i don't want childminding children upstairs because its my children's bedrooms and its their toys. also if they want some quiet time they can go up there. My son sometimes wants to go up but take his 'friend' with him - i say i don't want childminding children up there because its your room and its your toys and he says "but no i say its ok he can come up". so up he goes and then 5 minutes later son is upset because child is playing with something he doesn't want him to play with!!!! i have since stopped any child going up stairs but it is constant like my children ignore the safety barrier i have to the kitchen and go in as they are normally allowed to but then i have to explain to the mindee that no actually he is not allowed in there.
My children are quite well behaved normally but they are really challenging everything at the moment. I say to my children if they have anything they don't want to be played with to put it upstairs out the way but its amazing how many things are causing arguments and suddenly want to be played with. I'm finding it difficult because normally they are so good at sharing. I know it must be difficult for them to adjust so I have tried giving them a bit of leeway as when i first started i was quite strict with them and that made it worse - i think because they felt they were been ganged up on! any advice appreciated!!

23-08-2011, 10:02 PM
It's abit like that for me too, what I try and do is activities that will hopefully engage my eldest abit and then when my mindee sleeps my eldest will go up to his own room for some 'him' time and my youngest will have some quiet/reading time with me on the couch...it is so hard, I feel for my eldest sometimes cause he's stuck with a 3yr old and 18mth old and he is 7, I just try and make up for it when I'm not minding...it's only during the holidays anyway, rest of the time it's great! :) x

Mrs Pootle
24-08-2011, 06:07 AM
No advice sorry, just wanted to say I know how you feel I am having the same problem. I don't normally work school hols, but am doing this week as a favour to one parent as they were really stuck for childcare.
My eldest dd is really unhappy with the situation and keeps getting very cross with mindees (siblings). I am just glad we are half way through the week today, & it's made me realise that term time only is definitly the right decision for my family & I.
Good luck :thumbsup:

24-08-2011, 06:24 AM
my two are older than all the mindees and so i try and let them have a bit more freedom when we are out or do more grown up stuff at home so they feel they have that bit more responsibility and feel grown up, so when we are at a park if theres a small woods or a bush the kids play in then I let my two go in but not the minded children as i tell the minded children they need to be where i can see them and i explain that my two are older and can go off by themselves,, or at home my children might make themselves a hot chocolate or if we are doing baking then mine will do their own baking activity in a seperate bit of the kithen so they are doing the same but not feeling its a 'mindee' activitie, most of the 'seperate' rules I have for mine are mainly because they are older and would therefore have gone off at the park etc anyway, but also I think its important they are allowed time away from the minded children so they have their own space.
my children are also allowed upstairs when the mindes are not

24-08-2011, 07:04 AM
i'm probably not going to be vey helpful but i deal with the same kind of arguments every day but with my own kids! oldest 5 wants his 3 yr old sister to play with him but they fight over every thing! They could pick a fight over the oxygen in one room!
My way of dealing with it is just to be out and about every day, for the morning at least. i have a huge house with ten tons of toys but they will not settle down for the day but afternoons they can do.
When it comes to my mindee if their toys are withing reach it's tough luck if they want space they have their own rooms.
there will always be two rules as its the kids home first. but mybe some older kids should be able to understand that whilst you mind the rules are X and not Y as usual??

24-08-2011, 07:22 AM
My dd was 5 when I started and found it hard at first, shes better now shes 9 but out of all my mindees shes the hardest :rolleyes: All my mindees do exactly what i say, she doesn't. Now shes older she understands the need for rules at work that are different when its home.

I dont allow mindees upstairs unless she invites them up, which is usually on a day when I just have 1 boy in the school hols who's 8yrs and they get on quite well.
My own two children dont have to share their toys if they dont want to and keep them in their rooms.

When im not working Im really realxed with my own two. Probably because I do it all week and want to have a break from all the rules we have....lol
Its very hard when putting rules down as for instance my dd is allowed with her friend on the trampoline together but mindees have to go on one at atime. She finds it hard when she cant go on with her friend when im working.
My lounge is used for quiet time when Im working but obviously at weekends its home so dd finds it hard to not jump around etc and then everyone starts..:rolleyes: All the mindees know its the quiet room but copy her as shes the eldest.


24-08-2011, 07:26 AM
I have the same problems too. My main culprit though is my youngest son. At 2 and half there really isn't any reasoning with him most of the time, and he is used to having what he wants, when he wants it.. (youngest of 3, older siblings give him everything!). Over this summer holiday he has managed to throw a strop about food pretty much every day. He'll eat cereal before the others arrive, but then he wants toast. and a banana. and a yoghurt.. and a biscuit.. Of course as soon as I say no, he howls for ages making it really hard for me to look after the others. And if I give in, the others all want the same!

I'm sure its just an age thing with him, but for my other children, I've told them that I'm not allowed the mindees upstairs and they're not to ask, even if its for 5 minutes incase something happens to them. They were fine with this, their favourite toys stayed upstairs and all was good. Until my other son has decided that his lego is now for him and one of the other boys to play with. I dont mind this but its expensive StarWars lego and half the bits have vanished already. :eek:

Anyway, I'm waffling now - day off today, I should still be in bed really! :D

25-08-2011, 05:29 PM
My son is not under the same conditions as the mindees at all. this is his home and he is free to move about his home and do as he would normally. he doesn't particularly like any of the children and doesn't particularly like me childminding either but the sole purpose of doing this job is to be here for him when he's poorly or on school hols etc. end of.
he's almost 13 now and i've been minding since he was 5. i would have started a year earlier but he wasn't ready for it. i knew he was ready when we went through his play room together and sorted the toys he would be happy to share from the ones other kids definitely couldn't touch and it's worked ever since. he's never taken a single thing back or moaned when they've broken something.
we kept his own play room for him to have his own friends over (attic) after school whilst i have the mindees in my downstairs space. i did not have this room registered and so have always had the perfect excuse for why mindees can't go up there. he flits in and out and interacts with them now and again but that's it. he has his own recreation room in the garden too and space for his big boy toys such as table tennis, football table, air hockey table, darts and pool table.
the mindees are naturally very curious about him as they can often hear him practice drums, piano or guitar in his music room. quite graciously (i think) he doesn't mind us using his music room for our creative activities.
my mindees have a lot of space available to use without taking up my son's space and i would never impose any aspect of my work on him.

25-08-2011, 08:19 PM
I have had the same problems with my son who is almost 10. He seems to think i give him a hard time and let the childminded children get away with murder. He argues with the other children over absolutely anything. He seems to be struggling with me childminding. I now try to give him some one on one time when everyone has gone home and just hope that he adjusts :)

26-08-2011, 07:10 AM
my son has never felt as though he's been treated unfairly. he knows that i don't love any of the children and he knows they are "just work". i think giving your son plenty of one to one time is essential, he just needs reassurance that he is the only one who has a special place in your heart. my son has always been very independent and has always enjoyed having his own space so it's not as if he is isolating himself because of the mindees. if i ever suspected he was doing that then i would definitely have stopped childminding afterall, the ONLY reason i am doing it is for him and so if it was being detrimental to his own happiness then what would be the point? it's a tricky one but you've not been doing it for long so it may get better, x