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View Full Version : Dilemma - don't want these children!!!



Carrie1983
15-08-2011, 09:46 PM
I am in the pre-reg stage and already have a full timer and her part time brother lined up for when I am registered.

I currently use a childminder and a nursery for my own daughter. Both have been great but the c/m edges it! My c/m's daughter starts school in Sept and she is going to a different school than the one the c/m has, to date, been covering. She wants to continue to cover after-school from that school as the school will 'hold' the kids for 5 minutes until she has managed to walk round from her DD's school; but she has to give up any morning care of children from that school, as the school won't take the chn in early (quite rightly- qualified teacher here ;) ).

Anyway, I think you may see where this is going. My c/m has been brilliant at guiding me on some stuff, and also seems to have learned from me as well (pricing - she is far too cheap!). About 10 days ago she text me asking if I could take on 2 of her children before school term time and half days holidays, a few days one week and one day the following week. I said OK as I do want to cover that school, even though my part timer I already have lined up, goes to a different school - it's doable!

So after some toing and froing between me and my c/m (her seeming to act as negotiator!), a price was agreed for my service. The mum was given my number from the outset but asked my c/m to contact me. :S I asked for the mum's number and the mum didn't want me to have it to start with! I'd rather deal direct!

Anyway, my c/m said this mum was going to contact me in a day or two to organise meeting up. This still hasn't happened. I took my daughter to the c/m on Thursday and as I was dropping off, this mum was picking up (I didn't know she was the mum but my c/m pointed us out to each other). The mum and 2 chn (7 and 10 yrs) were going towards their car after obviously having had a chat on the doorstep with the c/m. My c/m said to the mum 'this is x, the childminder I was sorting for you.' The mum seemed a bit cagey and waved up and said 'I'll text you, definitely interested.' Well that's not really enough to secure a place you want to start in a few weeks' time!

Anyway, the point of all this is that as I was walking up the drive towards the c/m's house, the 7 year old was kicking his mum's car and generally acting like a yob. The mum screamed and yelled at him and he jumped in the car and slammed the door. Now I am not naive - I've worked with all sorts of children over the last 10+ years in many different capacities. However, the two chn I already have lined up are younger and very meek and mild - dad is a well known radio presented and mum is a surgeon, and I was chosen not only for my qualifications, experience and approach (which she could see through my own daughter), but also the environment I provide. This 7 year old is not really indicative of the type of environment I offer, and I wouldn't want other chn/parents upset; I also don't want my own daughter upset.

So I still haven't heard from this mum yet, and I don't have her contact details - she won't give them! But I have decided that for the 2k income these two chn would bring me, I just don't want them! I don't want to 'chance' the fact he might have only been acting up for his mum - not being judgey, or not trying to be, and I know 'kids will be kids' but I can afford to be choosey at this stage, and besides I really don't want to fill my car up (limited space) with school chn who won't bring me a great deal of income. So I don't want to upset my c/m as she is a useful contact to have, but how do I go about saying 'thanks but erm no thanks?!'

francinejayne
15-08-2011, 10:18 PM
You could say "thanks for trying to sort me out with the children in your care, but after consideration I have decided it would be better for me to not do it - I want to start off small, and walk before I run"

I think this is a perfectly valid 'excuse' seeing as you are just starting out.

I also think you are right to go with your gut instincts - I ignored mine once and regretted it - I have sworn I will never do that again!

Good luck!

Goatgirl
15-08-2011, 10:19 PM
Hi :),
I think, as the new mum hasn't bothered to get in touch and was a bit cagey, she probably wont need you and is investigating other possibilities. But that's by the by. The fact that she hasn't bothered to sort things is disrespectful in itself :rolleyes:

I would say you don't want to work with unreliable parents to the childminder and then its up to her whether she does or doesn't pass on the message. We are running businesses here and they're not to know whether you may have been turning down other work for this possibility. If the Mum then does contact you, say you unfortunately don't have any places: you can't hold places and have to take suitable enquiries on as they come up.

Or just tell a white lie and say you had another enquiry for the hours so you're going to take another family on. By the time school starts they may have pulled out and you may prefer the quiet mornings....

Basically, its up to you.. Don't do it if you don't want to. You don't need an excuse, but use one if it makes it easier for you. Its not your responsibility. I think I'd have said from the beginning to tell the parent to get in touch direct and just say I wasn't happy to negotiate through your childminder. Presumably she has passed on info from you to the parent, so totally the parent's self inflicted predicament if she does want to use you but has left it too late :thumbsup:

hope it works out ok :)

best wishes,
Wendy :)

onceinabluemoon
16-08-2011, 05:41 AM
I'm afraid I would have said no as soon as the parent refused to give me their phone number (if this is what has happened).

Definitely wouldnt want a child who behaved like that and I would also say no. To the childminder I would just say you cant take them, use some of Flora's excuses if you need one.

To be honest it doesn't sound as if this parent is going to use you anyway so she may also be glad of a get out clause.

Good luck x

miffy
16-08-2011, 06:34 AM
I think it's really odd that the parent did not want you to have her contact number. It sounds to me like you are just a fall back if something else doesn't work out so I wouldn't think twice about turning this work down.

Miffy xx

Mamma4Ya
16-08-2011, 06:36 AM
If you don't really want them then don't do it you will only regret it later on. Just tell her that you have another family lined up to start.

Twinkle-Toes
16-08-2011, 07:53 AM
I have had a similar experience with my old cm. Everytime I see her she says 'are you working yet?' to which I always reply, 'I've filled my places from September onwards'

She still insists on telling me she's had x million enquires and would I be interested in x y z? So i've just started saying 'thats great, pass my number on' and I NEVER hear anything from anyone?! lol

So i'd just wait and see IF this mum actually ever approaches you directly and then make your excuses.

ChocolateChip
16-08-2011, 12:42 PM
I'd just leave it until she contacts you directly, but I would be trying to fill the space in the meantime. As for your cm I just wouldn't mention it to her either, if she asks just say 'well there's nothing definite happening as she hasn't contacted me to yet.'
Don't think I'd want to work with someone who is as cagey as that from the outset, and tbh I wouldn't want to act as a go between either, arranging childcare is something that needs to be done in person.
Passing on numbers and enquiries is one thing but I wouldn't be arranging people's charges for them! I know she's probably trying to help but the initial meetings are the start of building a good relationship and not really something that someone else can do imho.

Carrie1983
16-08-2011, 02:17 PM
Thank you, all! It's great to have the point of view of experienced minders!

I don't mind if she doesn't want me, but she was really struggling to find someone and looked at the possibility of changing her hours to stay with her current minder (mine) but couldn't work it. So my c/m said she knew someone very experienced with qualifications but newly registered.

I think what has put her off is my pricing. When my minder has a sibset who are school age, instead of charging her hourly rate and then giving a discount to the subsequent siblings, she charges a flat £5 per hour for an entire sibset and it doesn't matter if there is 2 of them or 4 of them! So this woman has been paying £10 for before school care and then for the 7 hours on holiday days, £35. For two children! And it's not set hours each week so it is filling a space. MY charge is £3.50 per hour and a 5% discount for subsequent siblings. Instead of saying she wasn't happy with this price, though (which works out £6.83 an hour), she has gone along with it.

As someone else said, it is disrespectful because I might have had other enquiries, so this could also be a sign of things for the future anyway, and as I said I really didn't want to bog myself down with schoolers because my own daughter is only 16 months old so I need to think more in her age group at the moment (and also the space in my car versus the money I can make).

So I guess the behaviour with his mum the other day, was just the icing on the cake really. I don't really want my little girl to be around that and, to be blunt, I could earn a lot more in the job I am already doing or if I went back to teaching; the idea of childminding is, yes, to further my career, but also so that I can be there with my little girl and watch her grow. So I don't want a stressy time of it!

Thank you all.xx