Advise please

[handeme]

Well today started off really well, me, my own children 17 months and 4 years and my mindee (16 months) went for fairy tale time and craft making and then a pic nic at a local abbey.

It come to just after lunch time and that is mindees sleep time so I thought lets pack up and head home (and if he falls asleep on the walk to the car then great we could stop longer, he sleeps in the pushchair anyway).

Well putting him in the pushchair to come home turned into an almighty tantrum that lasted over and hour, he was not crying he was just screaming and getting himself into a state. He wouldn't take his dummy he kept throwing it away, he was pulling the hood off the pram and sticking his arms through the bars. I took him out of the pram he bit me (i dont think he meant to do it, I think he was so cross it was an accident). He was asking to be put down I put him down, he screamed even louder and stampped his feet, I put him back in the pram he still stayed the same.

Even a passer by commented 'what on earth have you done to him?!? which made me cross.:angry:

It upset my children then and my youngest started to become very unsettled beacuse my mindee was screaming so much (I mean ear bursting).

This is not a one off I have to add but they have never been as bad as this.

I know he is only young but my goodness his tantrum was really agressive.

I use a three strike rule at home, if we are doing something we should't then you get told not to 3 times and then if you still want to misbehave then you are taken away from the activity toy etc but this leads to more tanrums with him.

I am really struggling and really dont know what to do. I have a new mindee starting soon and I am dreading it.

c x:panic: :panic:

[sandy64]

hi how long have you looked after lo? has he always been like this or is it getting worse with age? its very hard when there so head strong and aggressive the only way i think you can discipline at that age is to say NO and remove or put in pram when out and turn away from you so no one gets kicked for a few mins but sounds like lo can carry tantrum on for a very long time. is he like this at home? how does mum deal with it. i can understand how youre feeling as ive been through tantrums and its not easy but they get through it after a time. :)

[handeme]

It is slowly getting worse.

The problem is he can't play nice, he walks around waiting for one of the other children to slighty move away from what they are playing with and then runs in and takes it from them. Earlier he was hitting my son wilst he was sleeping with the play mop, I told him numerous times and as soon as my back was turned he started again, so I took it away from him.

Whatever activity we are doing he does not want to do and won't sit to play with any toy for any lenght of time he flits from toy to toy.

Mum said he does tanrum at home (and I know all children do have them I have boys of my own) but when I try to discuss it with her it never seems to go in (iyswim)

[mandiekhawke]

i dont envy you at all here - sounds like a tricky customer! i like how you usually displine three strick system but maybe thats one two many for this mindee - super nanny - who i know we arent all fans of but some stuff makes sense! uses a one warning - strike system i.e. warning - that is not acceptable behaviour please stop or ????? i.e. you cant do that activity any more and if the behaviour doesnt stop they are then given the consequence - maybe very tight boundries is whats needed here so mindee gets very clear message that its not accepted by you! good luck with it all hope the situation is better soon

[sandy64]

hes very young for time out but may be worth a try i dont ave a naughty step i just remove lo from whatever they shouldnt be doing ie fighting pinching toys and sit them at side of the room for 2 mins depends on age i do a min for each yr it has worked but you need to be consistent wherever you are. how old is the new lo going to be?:)

[bluebell3]

poor you! My eldest could have the most almighty tantrums and it can really throw you - especially in public!!
Was he particularly over-tired when you were on your way home? You say it was his nap time and it sounds like you had a lovely day out? perhaps putting him in the pushchair earlier could have helped?
Is there anything in particular that triggered it? Often with tantrums even the child doesn't know what they are getting so upset about but it can be really hard for them to calm down again! My youngest is very particular for example about getting into his pushchair and his car seat himself. woe betide anyone who tries to help him!!
I know now to let him get in himself and I never loosen the straps because he hates having them 'tightened' so I leave them as they are - its more difficult for him to get in and out but its easier than having to deal with his almighty strop! I'm not saying you should pander to the child but if there's something that sets him off and you can figure out what it is it might help to deflect the situation. I hope I'm not sounding condescending as it sounds like you're normally able to deal with his tantrums!
I think Sandy's idea of leaving him in the pushchair and turning him away from you is also a great idea as lifting him out, putting him down, strapping him back in seems to be making him angrier! If he wants to have a good shout and scream for a few minutes let him and then change the subject - shall we calm down now so we can go home? what would you like to do when we get there? might be just enough to distract him - odds are he's fogotten what he was so angry about and needs a nice big cuddle to help him calm down. Good luck and I hope he behaves for you next time!!

[QualityCare]

I would't give any chances as soon as he does something you disapprove of/don't want him to do remove him or the object from him telling him why, l usually say 'we don't do that, it hurts x, x was playing,etc, and give him something else to do, if he starts to have a tantrum move him away tell him once he's stopped he can come back and play with you if he won't stay put strap him in the pushchair, l think he's to young to understand the concept ' if you do that again l will take it away' he doesn't know what it is he is doing wrong and the consequences of take it away. Be consistent every time with whatever you decide to do, he will soon realize that you mean business even if it isn't forthcoming at home.

[handeme]

Thanks everyone.

I know he is only young but he is aware when he has being naughty, nasty etc, when you try to talk to him he looks away.

When he is mid tantrum there is nothing you can do to stop him you just have to let it run its course. We have learned that it can go for a LONG time from today.

He has recently gone from a morning and afternoon nap to a long afternoon nap (this is what mum and dad wanted).

I just hit a brick wall today and thought my boys are not coping well with this and are missing out and I have a new mindee starting.

[gegele]

i have a lo who is 18month and has been doing excactly the same the last couple of month but only a few weeks at the time.

EVERTIMEs he is teething his behaviour is shocking!!

mine goes to other children and snatch from their hands and run off! when told not to do something i.e. getting all pea shingle in my grass emptying water indoor... he gives me the look "what are you going to do about it!".... last week he was flapping his hands as if he was going to hit and this week he throws himself on the floor...

here my technic is NO NON NONSENSE POLICY! when he throws himself on the floor i remove him from where he is and lay him at bottom of stair and ignore him.
when he snatch i ask him to give back, them make him give back and sit him away... when he's calm i engage him, try to make him help you load machine things like this he's a real little helper at the mo...

it's a phase, it'll pass be consistant. ignore bad behaviour

[handeme]

mine goes to other children and snatch from their hands and run off! when told not to do something i.e. getting all pea shingle in my grass emptying water indoor... he gives me the look "what are you going to do about it!".... last week he was flapping his hands as if he was going to hit and this week he throws himself on the floor...

I get that look! Do you just let the tantrum run its course or do you try and stop/calm him?

When I seem to move him into another area becuase of the tamtrum, say for instance everyone is playing nice and then a tantrum hits i move him away so everyone else can continue to play it seems to fuel the tamtrum and it gets worse and lasts longer.