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View Full Version : Lost 'Comforter' HELP



NicoleW
26-07-2011, 02:49 PM
My mindee, is 4 and she's very attached to a rabbit that she brings everyday.

She keeps putting it down and forgetting to take it places, or leaving it everywhere.

Today however I've totally lost it, she's put it down somewhere but I can't find it in my house so it might be in Sainsburys. I'v ephoned them and nothing has been handed in, I 'm dreading telling her mum who is due to drop by anytime soon as she really loves this rabbit.

I feel guilty, but my partner says that it isn't my fault because it's not my responsibility?

Is it my responsibility to look after her rabbit, and am I in the wrong for it getting lost?

Really need to find it :( I have asked her mum not to bring it but then the girl gets upset so mum lets her have it

pinkbutterfly
26-07-2011, 02:55 PM
Don't blame yourself it's not your fault. You din't forget the rabbit ... the little one threw it somewhere. I know some minders have a policy about things that are brought to them maybe it's time to write one. One she's gone have another look at home maybe it's somewhere. I have a mindee who brings muslins ... she always stuffs them somewhere ... last time she put in in the piano ... I found it a week later ... when I wanted to play it ... lifted the cover and there it was ...

NicoleW
26-07-2011, 02:57 PM
LOL!

I'm convinced it is in the house, and yes I will write a policy now thanks. She flies to France on friday so desperately need to find it before then.

Think I will have a new rule that except from the first week, not to bring any of their own toys here or comforters

Mouse
26-07-2011, 03:13 PM
I have one lo who always brings his beloved blanket with him. It often gets lost in the house, but I have a rule that it never leaves the house! As soon as he puts it down in the daytime, I pinch it & put it in his bag. He has it again at sleep time, but I always try to remember to put it away when he wakes up.

If it does get lost, at least I know it has to be in the house as we don't take it out. I hope your lo's rabbit turns up safe & sound :thumbsup:

PixiePetal
26-07-2011, 03:17 PM
I try and keep them to the house although 'blue bear' of current mindee does come out, if we are out for a whole day, for sleep time - then it is back in bag for me to take home :thumbsup: So far so good. :rolleyes:

carolyn01
26-07-2011, 03:35 PM
I had the same thing happen and the child left her rabbit (favourite toy) in elc bexleyheath. We did nt know where it had gone as we'd been to the park, shopping and when I told mum she was not happy and shouted at me (even though we were friends). Apparently she would'nt sleep without it and at 8pm was inconsolable (mum went to all shops we had been to in bexleyheath next day and saw it propped on counter in elc). I felt really guilty as I was the one who said she could take it when I picked her up and mum was at work, her sister didn't know she had taken it either. Luckily it was found but now I panic if I see a comfort toy:panic: and try to put it in their bag as soon as possible. Mum said 'sorry' to me later but I understand as it was her favourite toy she slept with and it was me who let her take it out the house.

mushpea
26-07-2011, 03:43 PM
any dummies or comfort toys go in their bags and only come out if they are very upset or they need a nap and i try to avoid taking them out with me or if they are due a nap when we are out then as soon as they nod off I take the toy away and put it in their bag.

NicoleW
26-07-2011, 03:45 PM
Mum is getting a bit funny with me now and saying that I've lost it.

I try and keep it in the house but the girl makes such a fuss and mum said it goes with her everywhere and now I don't know what to do.

Girl is crying her eyes out and mum is saying it's all my fault, I've even just walked up to sainsburys and three routes we walk to make sure it wasn't on the floor!

AliceK
26-07-2011, 04:07 PM
Oh dear poor you.
TBH I feel it's unfair of the parent to be having a go at you. If their child has a comforter which is THAT important to them then if that parent lets them bring it to yours it may get lost and it's not your fault. When my DS was about 2 he had a tortoise he had had since he was born. It went everywhere with him and he needed it to sleep. One day I accidentally left it at his childminders and she lived 45mins away from me. Yes he was upset but at the end of the day it was MY fault for letting him take it everywhere with him and not my childminders fault that she hadn't put it in his bag. OK it wasn't lost but you get my drift?

xxxx

Chimps Childminding
26-07-2011, 04:53 PM
I also try and put comforters away in the bag as soon as I can. If they have to come out with us they stay in the car (having a sleep while we shop etc). I too have spent hours looking in toy boxes, behind sofa's etc. for things mindees bring with them from home - its a nightmare :eek: I was lucky with my sons only one had a comforter as such and it was just a terry bib, didn't matter what terry bib :clapping:

sillysausage
26-07-2011, 06:54 PM
This is going to sound very harsh but I don't mean it to IYSWIM. The little girl is 4, yes it's going to be traumatic losing a comforter, but just like with dummies etc she can/will manage without it (even though she will make parent's lives hell for a while...well until she falls asleep).
I once 'lost' a mindees bunny that she took everywhere. Looked every where I could think of, put lost signs on lamp-posts going to school etc. It turned up a month later stuffed behind a box in my craft cupboard. When I gave it to my mindee and said where I'd found it she suddenly remembered that she had been playing hide and seek with it and it had found a really good hiding place:rolleyes:

miffy
26-07-2011, 07:31 PM
Mum is getting a bit funny with me now and saying that I've lost it.

I try and keep it in the house but the girl makes such a fuss and mum said it goes with her everywhere and now I don't know what to do.

Girl is crying her eyes out and mum is saying it's all my fault, I've even just walked up to sainsburys and three routes we walk to make sure it wasn't on the floor!

Hope everything's calmed down now and you are OK?

Has rabbit turned up? If it does then I'd make a new rule that it isn't taken out of the house again.

Miffy xx

georgie456
26-07-2011, 08:07 PM
Mum is getting a bit funny with me now and saying that I've lost it.

I try and keep it in the house but the girl makes such a fuss and mum said it goes with her everywhere and now I don't know what to do.

Girl is crying her eyes out and mum is saying it's all my fault, I've even just walked up to sainsburys and three routes we walk to make sure it wasn't on the floor!

Oh dear that is a little unfair of her :( This is NOT your fault. I have one child who cannot live without his Pluto soft toy. Mum has 2 back up's in case they ever get lost. He is still in a buggy, so when we go out, Pluto gets a wrist strap around his neck and is tied to the pushchair so he can't be launched out.

I hope it turns up, but if it doesn't then please don't feel too bad - it's just one of those things that happen unfortunately. Hope mum realises this too :( :(

Babycat
26-07-2011, 08:16 PM
All these parents should get a grip! If its that important they should move heaven and earth to get a second one! My LO (6months) fell in love with this random teddy from the little white company. It was a season before teddy bear but I emailed, called and had people get it from the only store .. and the last 2 that where left! So now he has one for emergencies! Its not your fault that this has happened so dont feel bad! x

NicoleW
26-07-2011, 08:31 PM
She's just text me syaing how fuming she is, and that she pays me to look after her child and I've lost the most precious thing in the world to her.

They can't get another one as she got it in France when she was 8 weeks old.

To be honest, it seems to me that its more mum making a fuss of this rabbit than the girl, I think she's reinforced the childs NEED for her "have you got rabbit" "make sure you get rabbit"

I've not found it and now I have no clue where it is, but I feel awful, I feel that it's all my fault that this poor girl is distraught.

My OH said "Oh well, she'd have had to learn to sleep without it and be without it sooner or later". Which, makes sense, but it should be up to mum when that happens, not when it gets lost :(

blue bear
26-07-2011, 09:09 PM
These things happen, yes you feel bad, yes the lo will be distraught goi g to bed and yes parent is taking out her frustration on you. But there is nothing more any of you can do so everyone is just going to have to get over it. I remember my 3 year old (now 16) leaving his cuddly in the play park, putting him to bed was awful but he bounced back like children do.

Hopefully mum will have calmed down over night after all the most important thing is you didn't forget the lo! Lol

samb
26-07-2011, 09:15 PM
Oh gosh poor you! I am afraid both my children have comfort toys. My dd was 4 when they were not allowed out of the house anymore and at just turned 3 my ds is still allowed to take 1 out. Luckily we have never properly lost 1 but it can be a bit of a worry when we almost do. This is going to sound awful but I do not let one of my mindees take his out :blush: It is a HUGE double layered fleece blanket, I was letting him take it but I find he throws it or watches it fall out of the buggy which then goes under the wheels etc and I am always picking it up all dirty and starting to rip round the edge etc. So now it stays inside and I put in bag whenever I can too. I do feel awful doing this though as I do let my son who is older take his out! However after reading this I feel I should really stop ds soon too.

I can understand parent feeling upset but it's not like anything can be done about it and actually children will adjust to things like that when they need to. I don't think it is the end of the world. Does she use the comforter at particular times? Could you suggest different comfort routines? Does she suck her thumb when cuddling it? I ask as mine do. My dd is only allowed hers in bed now and it is greatly cut down how much she sucks her thumb. Maybe you could mention something along those lines if that would help?

leeloo1
26-07-2011, 09:50 PM
What an incredibly rude parent - they pay you to look after the child, not her toys!! I hope you texted back 'I'm sorry the rabbit is lost, I was afraid this would happen as 'mindee' has a habit of leaving it lying around - which is why I've asked you before not to bring it!' At 4 the child is well old enough to look after her own possessions!

I had this before when a 20 month old mindee threw a comfort toy out of the buggy, I only realised when we got home and the kids were going down for their naps. I did feel completely awful and that afternoon went back to the park we'd been at and looked up and down the streets, to no avail (it looked like a filthy rag, so no-one would have known it was precious). I was very apologetic to the parents, who were clearly concerned but were sweetness itself about it and told me not to worry! The child now has a number of other comfort toys (after a few sleepless nights without the original one!) and I do panic about taking them out - now mindee is 2 yrs 9 I now don't take them out anymore!

Another little one likes to take a small comfort toy out (different ones) and I only take them out if I can tie them onto something... the other day I made 'reins' for her little mouse out of a shoelace and halfway round a park my son (2 yrs 6mths) said 'Look Mama meme-mouse is walking by itself' - sure enough the mindee had chucked meme-mouse out of the buggy and the shoelace was just long enough that it was bouncing on the ground and looked like it was walking! :)

angeldelight
27-07-2011, 05:55 AM
She's just text me syaing how fuming she is, and that she pays me to look after her child and I've lost the most precious thing in the world to her.

They can't get another one as she got it in France when she was 8 weeks old.

To be honest, it seems to me that its more mum making a fuss of this rabbit than the girl, I think she's reinforced the childs NEED for her "have you got rabbit" "make sure you get rabbit"

I've not found it and now I have no clue where it is, but I feel awful, I feel that it's all my fault that this poor girl is distraught.

My OH said "Oh well, she'd have had to learn to sleep without it and be without it sooner or later". Which, makes sense, but it should be up to mum when that happens, not when it gets lost :(

Yes I am sure the child loves it but wouldn't know or understand where it came from.

I think its a shame that its lost but its NOT your fault, these things happen and it could have easily happened with mom - just a shame it was with you

I am amazed at how rude she is being though

If I was you I would not apologise or feel guilty any more

I bet mom buys a replacement and the little one loves it so don't worry about it

Big hugs to you

Angel xx

Pipsqueak
27-07-2011, 07:16 AM
I would be having 'words' with this parent telling them this is not your fault and you have cared for correctly and returned THE most precious thing.. her child.

i have a mindee age 2 who has a toy monkey.... (mum has a back up but he knows).... I have managed to detach him from his dummy (but its the first thing mum gives him as soon as she sees him:rolleyes: ) but his monkey..... that goes everywhere with us. We did loose it once.... and mum was ok with me..... monkey did turn up ok eventually.

My middle son now age 11 has a comforter still - a very very raggy cot blanket!

You cannot be expected to ensure the safety of all possesions.... at the end of the day - this child will be starting school soon.... is the parent going to have a pop at the teachers like this.. no ... so don't stand for it yourself.

suzyblue
27-07-2011, 07:23 AM
One of my mindees brings a muslin and a tiny cuddly toy, every evening we are running around looking for it so I suggested that mum introduce another similar toy incase we cant find it one night - now the child brings both toys and we are running round looking for both every blooming night!!!

mandy moo
27-07-2011, 08:09 AM
I would be having 'words' with this parent telling them this is not your fault and you have cared for correctly and returned THE most precious thing.. her child.

i have a mindee age 2 who has a toy monkey.... (mum has a back up but he knows).... I have managed to detach him from his dummy (but its the first thing mum gives him as soon as she sees him:rolleyes: ) but his monkey..... that goes everywhere with us. We did loose it once.... and mum was ok with me..... monkey did turn up ok eventually.

My middle son now age 11 has a comforter still - a very very raggy cot blanket!You cannot be expected to ensure the safety of all possesions.... at the end of the day - this child will be starting school soon.... is the parent going to have a pop at the teachers like this.. no ... so don't stand for it yourself.

Thank goodness for that, my son is 9 (10 in Sep) he has a muslin and a small racoon who he absolutley adores, the world comes to an end if we cant find it at bed time!! no matter how many times I tell him to leave it in his bed where he'll be safe and not get lost.. Well at least he doesent take it out with him anymore :laughing:

caz3007
27-07-2011, 08:16 AM
My son is nearly 9 and he has a tiny bit of green fabric that came off a toy. It has to be that particular bit cos its all worn and bobbly. It now stays in his bedroom, but it has never left the house anyway. It has been lost over the years and been awol for a long time and he has got over it, but has always welcomed it back when it turns up again :laughing:

Mummits
27-07-2011, 10:26 AM
Poor you. I can't believe how rude and unreasonable this parent has been. I totally agree with other replies saying they should have had a spare if it's that precious, and isn't the girl a bit old to be that dependent anyway?

singingcactus
27-07-2011, 12:03 PM
I bet mum is really mad at herself for allowing lo to bring it. It's always easier to turn anger outwards though. It's one of those things that is no -one fault, but is really horrible. I couldn't stand it if my sons favourite comforters got lost, he would be beside himself. I don't allow him to take his out of the house either, simply because it would be unnecessarily hard for him if they were lost. Plus he sleeps with them at night and I don't want all manner of revolting germs on them and in his bed.
I hope it turns up in the bottom of a toy box, or laundry basket or something. Poor little girl, and everyone else.

georgie456
27-07-2011, 09:52 PM
She's just text me syaing how fuming she is, and that she pays me to look after her child and I've lost the most precious thing in the world to her.

They can't get another one as she got it in France when she was 8 weeks old.

To be honest, it seems to me that its more mum making a fuss of this rabbit than the girl, I think she's reinforced the childs NEED for her "have you got rabbit" "make sure you get rabbit"

I've not found it and now I have no clue where it is, but I feel awful, I feel that it's all my fault that this poor girl is distraught.

My OH said "Oh well, she'd have had to learn to sleep without it and be without it sooner or later". Which, makes sense, but it should be up to mum when that happens, not when it gets lost :(

This is outrageous!!!!! I'm sorry but I would have to answer that it is your job to care for the child and not her personal belongings. Do you have a personal belongings policy at all? If not, maybe time to write one!!!

Has she calmed down today at all?

NicoleW
28-07-2011, 08:19 PM
No, she's just emailed me to say that the girl won't be returning in september and she's cancelling the contract with ''immediate effect''

To which I had to remind her that in her contract it states both parties need to give 6 weeks notice of termination of contract, and that I still require FULL payment for those weeks (not the half I was letting her pay during the summer holidays whilst her child wasn't with me to keep the place)

Let's see how this goes...

Trust me, eh? My FIRST contract as a childminder and this is how it goes :(

boxtree7
28-07-2011, 08:32 PM
very unreasonable parents ... sorry its you first experience but i can assure you it won't always be like that. good luck with you notice period.

NicoleW
28-07-2011, 08:35 PM
It's made me kind of contemplate carrying on childminding, if I'm going to be blamed for everything :(

caz3007
28-07-2011, 08:45 PM
It's made me kind of contemplate carrying on childminding, if I'm going to be blamed for everything :(

I think you have just been unlucky with a very very unreasonable parent. I have never ever been blamed for anything like that and I lost a childs shoe when he had only been with me for a couple of weeks, I was mortified, went back and looked but couldnt find it as we had been into town. But mum never blamed me, it was an accident. You didnt deliberately lose the comforter and the mum is being totally unreasonable, you didnt harm her child and the child will soon learn to use something else as a comforter or live with out one.

~Chelle~
28-07-2011, 08:55 PM
No, she's just emailed me to say that the girl won't be returning in september and she's cancelling the contract with ''immediate effect''

To which I had to remind her that in her contract it states both parties need to give 6 weeks notice of termination of contract, and that I still require FULL payment for those weeks (not the half I was letting her pay during the summer holidays whilst her child wasn't with me to keep the place)

Let's see how this goes...

Trust me, eh? My FIRST contract as a childminder and this is how it goes :(

Giving you notice because HER child lost HER comforter :rolleyes: The woman has issues!!

I would not let it put you off at all hun, we all get some parents like this at some point or another.

I have had mindee's who have lost dummies and socks and even a shoe before and all of the parents have been fine about it, because it is one of those things!

I think mum is being very unreasonable in blaming you, when you have done all that you can to try and find the rabbit.

I hope you get your notice money x x

NicoleW
28-07-2011, 08:59 PM
Is she refuses to pay the money what shall I do?

My OH says to threaten to take her to a small claims court, but to be honest as it's my first parent if she refuses to pay I can't be doing with all the hassle of the claims court to get my money. At the same time I don't want to be a pushover as I'm trying to run a business!

What would you do?

gigglinggoblin
28-07-2011, 09:30 PM
Your insurance company will advise you what to do if she wont pay.

Everyone gets a parent who is a bit batty, think of it as passing initiation! Its very much a learning process, you cant predict what parents will get wierd about until it happens. Just learn and move on, you should be due some nice parents next (fingers crossed!).

samb
28-07-2011, 09:50 PM
Oh my goodness poor you! This woman is very unreasonable! She will be regretting it in Sept when her lo has been over it for the last few weeks! :panic:

Trouble
28-07-2011, 10:25 PM
Your insurance company will advise you what to do if she wont pay.

Everyone gets a parent who is a bit batty, think of it as passing initiation! Its very much a learning process, you cant predict what parents will get wierd about until it happens. Just learn and move on, you should be due some nice parents next (fingers crossed!).

I agree you will learn from this and you will be stronger and less patient

you should make her pay as she is in the wrong not you xxxx:panic:

Bitsy Beans
29-07-2011, 06:55 AM
I would be having 'words' with this parent telling them this is not your fault and you have cared for correctly and returned THE most precious thing.. her child.



Glad I am not the only one who thought that when I read it.

:mad: :mad: to her cancelling contract. Sound to me like she's punishing you for the distress of her child which is wrong. Kids lose things, sadly it's going to happen and as another poster pointed out her mum just reinforced her attachment to this bunny. We lost DS's teddy a couple of time and in the end we decided it wasn't to leave the house.

Pipsqueak
29-07-2011, 07:05 AM
No, she's just emailed me to say that the girl won't be returning in september and she's cancelling the contract with ''immediate effect''

To which I had to remind her that in her contract it states both parties need to give 6 weeks notice of termination of contract, and that I still require FULL payment for those weeks (not the half I was letting her pay during the summer holidays whilst her child wasn't with me to keep the place)

Let's see how this goes...

Trust me, eh? My FIRST contract as a childminder and this is how it goes :(

What you now need to do is heave a sigh of relief that you have got rid of a parent that is obviously irrational and going to be a huge pain.

Second - write a letter confirming your acceptance of their termination of contract. however I would state in the letter that "it is with much regret and a little surprise that they have decided to terminate the contract over a lost comforter". I would go on to say that obviously you are sorry that XX (child) lost it whilst in your care however you cannot be held responsible for personal items - particuarly for older children, but you will continue to search for it.

I would FIRMLY explain in the letter (very succinctly) that this is their problem not yours.

I would say you enclose the final invoice in accordance with the contract (put a copy of the contract in with relevant sections highlighted) giving them xxx amount of days to pay. just politely notiing that if they fail to pay you will have no choice but to pursue this through legal means (NCMA or MM whomever you are with).

NicoleW
29-07-2011, 07:48 AM
She's just emailed me saying she's paying me no more money because

" I have paid you up to date and to be honest was not impressed that *** had to sit in the hospital whilst you took Hannah to her appointment, the doctors whilst you took Hannah to her appointment "

Also said about her daughter having lunch at sainsburys all the time, and me not encouraging her to clean her teeth and making her watch my own daughter while I did nothing!

It's absolute rubbish!

I've left it at that, I'm not going argue anymore as she's said she'll go and complain to ofsted and as I'm a new childminder they won't believe me.

I'm just going to email her all the pictures of her child then delete them from my phone.

I'm so upset :(

AliceK
29-07-2011, 08:07 AM
What a silly woman :angry: . Please do not let this go. Call your insurance company and ask them what you need to do now with regards getting your money. Do not let her bully you. If she wants to go to Ofsted then let her. What have you got to worry about. Her child lost her comforter whilst in your care. Oftsed are not going to be interested in this and will see it for what it is. As for you being a new childminder so Ofsted won't believe you?? What!!!!!! Some parents obviously think they can threaten us with Ofsted and we'll back down on whatever the issue is that they don't like, in your case money owed. Hold your head up high and carry on, you have done nothing wrong and don't let her get away with not paying you.

Good luck :thumbsup:

xxxxx

Pipsqueak
29-07-2011, 08:51 AM
She's just emailed me saying she's paying me no more money because

" I have paid you up to date and to be honest was not impressed that *** had to sit in the hospital whilst you took Hannah to her appointment, the doctors whilst you took Hannah to her appointment "

Also said about her daughter having lunch at sainsburys all the time, and me not encouraging her to clean her teeth and making her watch my own daughter while I did nothing!

It's absolute rubbish!

I've left it at that, I'm not going argue anymore as she's said she'll go and complain to ofsted and as I'm a new childminder they won't believe me.
I'm just going to email her all the pictures of her child then delete them from my phone.

I'm so upset :(

Now sorry hun - that is a load of tosh (highlighted in red) - if you have done nothing wrong then you have nothing to fear. And if you do not respect yourself enough now to stand up for yourself then you are going to allow yourself to be walked all over for the rest of your minding career.

You need to stop communicating by email, grow a backbone quickly and write to her refuting her statements clearly and concisely. She has shot herself in the foot by threatening Ofsted when its clearly about money...... KEEP ALL CORRESEPONDENCe you send and receive including these emails.

You have done nothing wrong and you are allowed to go to the hospital for appointments with the minded child.. if she had a problem she should have raised it before.
Believe it or not - Ofsted are VERY GOOD at spotting malicious complaints - which is what hers will be. Ofsted still have a duty to investiate however there are steps you can do.

Would you like me to help you write a letter to this stupid parent who is banking on your exact reaction you have initially given?

You are owed money and why on earth should she not pay it over a silly teddy - that is not even a PROPER complaint.

you have done nothing wrong and you need to speak to ofsted first and tell them you are expecting a malicious complaint from this parent. Ofsted will take brief details - child lost teddy, parents lost the plot, you want your money owed, they are threatening you..... and give you the bog standard reply of 'we have to investigate' blah blah....

you then write to parents and explain and offer to take a full complaint in writing blah blah - you refute what they have already said
you enclose final invocie
you speak to NCMA or MM

and then you get on with your life.....


pm if you want me to write the letter.

Pipsqueak
29-07-2011, 08:55 AM
AND this parent sounds like the typical irrational AIBU type of Netmums thread type poster....:laughing:

onceinabluemoon
29-07-2011, 09:11 AM
STOP RIGHT NOW!

and listen to Pip!!!!

Do NOT get rid of the photos of the child, these are your proof that she had a good time with you

Contact ofsted as pip has said, contact your insurance and deal with it.

Be glad you have gotten rid of this parent.

Buy a big A4 diary and call it your evidence book, in future right down everything in this book that happens each day (in breif). This is your evidence for ofsted should you ever need it in the future.

Chin up hunny, all parents are not like this, there are some fab ones out there. xx

NicoleW
29-07-2011, 09:43 AM
Okay.

I've spoken to my support childminder and also taken all of your lovely advice.

I've spoken to MM and I'm not sure if my insurance will cover it. I had insurance with the NCMA but I recently cancelled it and I've just taken on MM yesterday, I've spoken to them and they said that unfortunately because it's so recent my insurance won't cover it but they can still give me legal advice.


The mum also stated that it wsa her daughter that told her that I never brushed her teeth, never gave her milk with her cereal and always took her to sainsburys for lunch.

I'm going today to buy a complaints/evidence book, just finishing off amending a few policies and doing a few new risk assessments (I have my first Ofsted visit in September).



So, do I still go ahead with this and hope that it doesn't go further as MM wouldn't be able to take it to court for me? I know it's my STUPID mistake for not getting new insurance straight away. Please note that the days I was out of insurance I did not have any children in my care.


I have a baby starting on monday for their settling in, so that's cheered me up a little :)

pinky33
29-07-2011, 10:29 AM
If is sound harsh I don't mean to I'm fuzzy on mess as hurt my arm.

Been in the same situation and wanted to give in and do nothing but now a better person for fighting it, this is when you prove your a business woman and not a pushover.

1. Write two separate letters
First one explaining she has 14 days to pay what's owed to you otherwise you will be starting court proceedings. Also as per your policy £10 late fees per day will be added, if you don't have said policy then write it.

Second one stating you don't take kindly to threats and have investigated the matter found all claims to be untrue and that you have implemented a policy which states your not responsible for items from home, and that comfort items will be used for comfort only and when not in use be in Childs bag.

2. Wait the amount of time stated, if not given money send another letter stating on whatever the 7th day from letter court proceeding will begin.

3. Go to moneyclaim online pay 30 ish quid and get the ball rolling you don't need to go to court you just fill it all in and voila they get sent a letter. If they don't want bad credit they pAy up with any luck.

If you want more help when I'm not dosed up then pm me I can explain it better
Just make sure you do something about this, you will probably get a visit from ofsted so make sure paperwork is in place and don't worry because you don't need to.

Show this woman who is boss and it's you not her.

Xxx

2. Wait

Pipsqueak
29-07-2011, 11:07 AM
Okay.

I've spoken to my support childminder and also taken all of your lovely advice.

I've spoken to MM and I'm not sure if my insurance will cover it. I had insurance with the NCMA but I recently cancelled it and I've just taken on MM yesterday, I've spoken to them and they said that unfortunately because it's so recent my insurance won't cover it but they can still give me legal advice.


The mum also stated that it wsa her daughter that told her that I never brushed her teeth, never gave her milk with her cereal and always took her to sainsburys for lunch.

I'm going today to buy a complaints/evidence book, just finishing off amending a few policies and doing a few new risk assessments (I have my first Ofsted visit in September).



So, do I still go ahead with this and hope that it doesn't go further as MM wouldn't be able to take it to court for me? I know it's my STUPID mistake for not getting new insurance straight away. Please note that the days I was out of insurance I did not have any children in my care.


I have a baby starting on monday for their settling in, so that's cheered me up a little :)



yes damned right you go ahead with this. you do not NEED MM or NCMA to pursue a claim through the small claims court - which is the route MM or NCMA would take - the only difference is they do it as a legal team whereas you do it as an individual. Many many people every day win in small claims courts which is precisely what these courts are for - the individual.

If MM are willing to advise you - take their advice in wording a letter.... or like I say I am more than happy to help you write a letter.

This parent thinks she can bully, intimidate and scare you into not pursueing what is rightly yours..... she can't.

As to claims that the child has said... if this is the case why has the parent not raised it before? You cannot believe all a child says and let the parent PROVE that you go to sainsbury for lunch each day..... as opposed to you not proving....... as to the teeth brushing - sorry but I don't brush childrens teeth during the day time...... its not a requirement and I don't put it in my policies..... and as for no milk with cereal - well I presume you did!!! so no problem!


this woman is grasping at straws.....
have to say - be prepared for this woman to get nasty (she hasn't even started by the sounds of it) you would probably also not be surprised if you hear she has done this to other provisions and she is honing her talons....(talents) as payment evasion.....

AliceK
29-07-2011, 11:15 AM
I agree with Pip about not being scared to go to small claims court if neccs. I have been before, I took a company to court for not paying me. It's not scary and all you need to do is complete some paperwork and send off a small fee to get the court papers issued. DO NOT back down on this, she's a bully, nothing more.

xxx

NicoleW
29-07-2011, 11:27 AM
With regards to the claims, one morning we had no milk so we got some brioche and croissants from the shop and a pint of milk which I gave her a drink of when we came back from the school run. As she gets dropped off to me at 7am, she has her breakfast with me and brushes her teeth but after this experience I am no longer willing to offer breakfast regardless of time the child is being dropped off with me.


I'd like to take you up on that offer and for you to write a letter for me please.

I will print off an invoice now for her for full pay for the following 6 weeks, eventhough she wasn't actually in my care but I was still charging her for keeping the space open during the holidays ready for September.

Going to phone up MM again and see if they can email me a letter I can print off so I can send it to her, and I'll pay that £30 if I don't receive payment to get the ball rolling.


SHall I ring up ofsted now and make them aware of the situation so if she does put in a complaint then they already know of it?

shazsull
29-07-2011, 11:31 AM
i feel so sorry for you ,have read this over the last few days this would be my worst nightmare.
has this woman a partner ,as if i behaved like this id like to think my oh would knock some sense into me (not literally)
i just cannot believe she feels justified with her behaviour over a soft toy ive lost many lovely things and have been so gutted but stuff happens
good luck xxxxxxx

madmamma
29-07-2011, 12:01 PM
What a predicament to be in so quickly and all over a comforter!

Agree with everything everyone's said to date, but would just like to add that from this point forward you need to play your cards very close to your chest, so try and avoid verbal communication, or letting the parent know what you know iyswim..... Ofsted will see it for what it is if she only complains with the information you currently have, if you inform her of that then her allegations could well escalate into something very far from what they currently are.

It has already started - first the comforter, now additions....

Be the professional by writing to her only and send by recorded delivery, screen calls and avoid verbal communications until this is resolved.

YOU are not in the wrong here!

Big hugs xx

snufflepuff
29-07-2011, 01:04 PM
I can't quite believe all this! Some people really do shock me!
What does she think she's going to say to ofsted? 'I want to make a complaint about my childminder because she lost my daughters cuddly toy?!'
Best of luck, I hope you get the money you are owed so you can forget all this and move on.
Not all parents are this crazy, I promise!

NicoleW
29-07-2011, 01:08 PM
She's saying she's going to complain to Ofsted because I apparently:

* Never gave her milk with cereal
* Never encouraged her to brush her tetth
* Left her to look after my own baby
* Took her to the hospital while my daughter had to have an hip xray (she's 14 months old and can't stand up). EVENTHOUGH I told her prior to this appointment, to which (infront of a witness) she said "That's fine" when she could've arranged alernative childcare for her. Note: We were in the hospital for half an hour if that.
* ALWAYS took her to sainsburys for her lunch.

We went once a week after playgroup because of the location of it, I couldn't walk down to my house to get lunch and then walk back up to school (playgroup was opopsite school) in order for her to get to nursery.


I don't really want to cause more trouble than what is needed, but would it be worth mentioning to other childminders who do the schoolpick up of the situation I've found myself in with this parent? Or shall I just leave it? I don't want to gossip about her as it's not nice, but at the same time I don't want another childminder (potentially new as well!) to go through this over maybe her new comforter that she has.

LChurch
29-07-2011, 01:24 PM
I feel for you, I was ill one day and forgot to pack comforter in bag, parents had a rough night, but came up and got it the next morning, I fely awful, we always make sure that it has been packed before she goes home now. Surely mum should be pleased that you had taken her dd to sainsburys for lunch as it is a bit of a treat surely. I know I struggle to do that sort of thing with mine and feel guilty that I don't do it more often. Sometimes you have to go shopping, which would she have preferred no breakfast! I always build in on shopping trips learning things like, can you find a... or ask them if they know what this is esp if they are older!

Obv something is going on in her life to make her react that badly.

funemnx
29-07-2011, 01:49 PM
OMG!!! :eek: :eek: :eek: I just started reading this post and at the start I was thinking oh yes, I've done that and thinking a parent wouldn't end a contract over that and then the mad parent went and did it~!! I really think she must be quite mad!!!

I truely wish you the best of luck and hope you get the money owed to you and this crazy mother enjoys being taken to court and made to look a fool because SHE'S MAD!!!!

PixiePetal
29-07-2011, 02:31 PM
She's saying she's going to complain to Ofsted because I apparently:

* Never gave her milk with cereal
* Never encouraged her to brush her tetth
* Left her to look after my own baby
* Took her to the hospital while my daughter had to have an hip xray (she's 14 months old and can't stand up). EVENTHOUGH I told her prior to this appointment, to which (infront of a witness) she said "That's fine" when she could've arranged alernative childcare for her. Note: We were in the hospital for half an hour if that.
* ALWAYS took her to sainsburys for her lunch.

We went once a week after playgroup because of the location of it, I couldn't walk down to my house to get lunch and then walk back up to school (playgroup was opopsite school) in order for her to get to nursery.


I don't really want to cause more trouble than what is needed, but would it be worth mentioning to other childminders who do the schoolpick up of the situation I've found myself in with this parent? Or shall I just leave it? I don't want to gossip about her as it's not nice, but at the same time I don't want another childminder (potentially new as well!) to go through this over maybe her new comforter that she has.

I wouldn't say anything to other childminders yet - get it sorted first and play it close to your chest for now. I wouldn't want to her to think you are gossiping - and if she is telling everyone it just makes her look petty. If another CM friend mentions her as potential client, just say you won't go into details but would personally steer clear of her.

WibbleWobble
29-07-2011, 02:42 PM
it never ceases to surprise me how people will distort the the truth for their own nasty agenda

during my very very nasty divorce my ex had it documented i hadnt any food in for the children and he had to feed them....

the real story was he appeared with the kids 12 hours early on a sunday morning before i had done a big shop and i had nothing in for lunch or tea yet...i wasnt expecting them until after tea as per the agreement. But he and his solicitor really made a big thing about it.....and i actually felt guilty even though i had done nothing wrong!

chin up chuck and dont let her get you.....she is a nutter of the highest order


mandy xxxx

caz3007
29-07-2011, 02:43 PM
I think I would treat this as a formal complaint and address each of her points in a factual way, dont act all defensive, but write her a letter explaining each of the points and what actually happened as you have explained to us.

Then you would be showing Ofsted that you have addressed each of the points that she wasnt happy about. But to be honest, they are all silly things to be complaining about. She sounds as though she has just been looking for things to be cross about to justify her being silly over the loss of the cuddly.

Dont mention it to other childminders unless someone mentions her as Pixie suggested, or it may blow it all out of proportion even more.

georgie456
29-07-2011, 02:53 PM
Oh my goodness what a truely unpleasant person she has turned out to be!!! I'm not going to offer any advice because other posters have said it all - KEEP ALL EMAILS!!!!!! (that bit is important!!!)

Just wanted to add though, my first ever minded child ended up being a total nightmare situation which ended with mum doing a runner owing me £600. I almost gave up childminding after because I was so weary and devastated but 4 and a bit years on, I now say, she did me the biggest favour ever. I became MUCH tougher and my business practice improved tenfold overnight.
I know it doesn't feel like it now, but you will one day look back on this having learnt loads.

Sending big hugs and keep us up to date on how it all goes.

singingcactus
29-07-2011, 04:13 PM
It's a shame she has decided to pull her child from your care, it does sound very extreme for the loss of one toy. Even when the toy is a very treasured one.
I would like to see you get your notice payment, but I'm sure on here someone has previously said that small claims courts don't recognise notice periods, and won't require payment on them. They were talking about the usual 2-4 weeks payment, so whilst I don't want to add to your woes, I'm not sure you would get anywhere near the six weeks notice you are expecting. I would hate for you to go through this whole rigmarole just to have her win the case and not have to pay you any notice. I think that would be humiliating for you.
I could be wrong cos I've never been in this situation, but I'm sure it's been mentioned on here before about no notice period being ruled in CM's favour.

Tealady
29-07-2011, 07:05 PM
I really feel for you having this happen so early in your Childminding Career. I can see why it's making you re-think but do give it a good go with another family first.

I just feel she has her own reasons for getting out of the contract quickly or resented paying half fees for holidays so this was just the excuse she was looking for. I had a family last year who I felt really thought they were doing me a favour by paying me to do my job! They were always trying to wiggle out of paying me when their daughter hadn't or wasn't going to come and have been through three childminders in 2½ years

No more advise to add really but there will be lovely parents to work with out there.

pinky33
29-07-2011, 07:58 PM
You will get all 6 weeks as they are fees owed we did plus all 3 months £10 each day fees.
It cost the parent 3x what original bill was. Also insurance paid out as well and told us to use the money to do the court proceedings. So we had a nice holiday to get over the hurt and upset caused by the numerous ofsted visits.

ORKSIE
29-07-2011, 08:08 PM
I have read thru the whole of this thread and I am gobsmacked to say the least that this Mother has given notice down to a lost comforter.
I think there must be something deeper going on here with this parent, and she is not letting on and unfortunately you have had to bare the brunt of it.

Please dont let this put you off, you have entered such a wonderful and rewarding career. Good luck and big hugs to you:)

xx

Donkey
29-07-2011, 10:42 PM
LISTEN TO PIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

:D

NicoleW
31-07-2011, 11:03 AM
Just want to thank you for all your support, it means a lot :)