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View Full Version : 'I don't like dark people.' What do I do or say..?



juslh
22-07-2011, 06:02 PM
I was at soft play and noticed one of my charges apparently hiding from and then peering out at a black woman. Charge then came up to me and said 'I dont like dark people.' I asked her what she meant and why she had said that but she had nothing to add. I simply told her that saying stuff like that was unkind. Tried to discuss it later but she wasn't interested.

What should I have said/done, and what do I say to parents?

She is nearly 4 years old.

~Grasshopper~
22-07-2011, 06:19 PM
hiya.

my own son then aged 3 did this when he started nursery class, he had never come across anybody with different coloured skin and kept saying he didnt like the brown faced boys, i didnt tell him off as he didnt mean to be unkind. we had a chat about different people coming from diff countries and then i explained they were just the same as him, we then talked about everybody having different hair colour, eye colour ect. he seemed to grasp what i was saying and now they are all friends.

x

Pipsqueak
22-07-2011, 06:40 PM
I think what you need to do is gently but not in your face introduce lots of activities and exploration of 'people like me' and yes that involves black/brown/white/pink/mixed race (oh and Orange skin.. y'no those who have been tangoed.. they are a new breed doncha know) people, people with wrinkly skin, people with glasses, people with white curly hair and so on and so forth. Its not necessarily pointing out the differences but noting the similarities and celebrating individualism. Well that how I see it anyway. People like me who bleed, breath, cry, laugh, and feel - just like me...

I think in those circumstances I would have said 'oh dear thats a shame because I bet she is a really lovely person just like you'

HAve you mentioned to parents and see what their take is - could there be something specific this child is picking up on (ie a close relatives 'views') or they have had a scary experience???? Whilst what the child has said is not acceptable and you have done right to challenge it I would dig around with parents, introduce books, jigsaws, explore other cultures, and remember they are only tiny.

onceinabluemoon
22-07-2011, 06:43 PM
I think I would have quietly asked why not.

Maybe the child has had a bad experience with a black person in the past and is generalising in the same way that a child who is shouted at by an old person with a cane may not like old people with canes. Maybe she has just never seen a dark skinned person before and was frightened?

I have had a 4YO child say much the same thing when we were learning about Australia, he thought the Aboriginal man on the video never washed and was really dirty and it wobbled him a bit, I was able to reassure the child that people came in all different colours and sizes by looking at some of the books we have. He understood perfectly and later wanted his face painted like the Aboriginal man for Australia day.

Perhaps you can find some pictures of people from around the world, have you got any books of multicultural people? I wouldnt bother discussing it with parents at this stage, but would maybe think about it if the mindee showed signs of distress or real unkindness.

juslh
22-07-2011, 06:50 PM
Thanks for replies.

I suppose my question is, do I mention it to parents? Any number of possible reasons for where the comment came from - lack of exposure, previous experience, innocent meaningless comment...but equally what if parents do have racist views?

Ripeberry
22-07-2011, 07:32 PM
Thanks for replies.

I suppose my question is, do I mention it to parents? Any number of possible reasons for where the comment came from - lack of exposure, previous experience, innocent meaningless comment...but equally what if parents do have racist views?

More likely lack of exposure. Kids are not racist, that is learnt. Now if you go into parts of Africa, they still call white people "White Devils" and tell their kids that we will kidnap them :mad:

Had a lot of this when I did an overland tour a few years ago through Tanzania and especially Uganda. People staring and pointing :eek:

flowerpots
22-07-2011, 07:41 PM
i think i would have asked the child why? and i would def just mention to parent so they know how little one feels.

My children are mixed race (im white dh is black &greek) my ds used to say he didnt like the really black people (including nanny and grandad) :eek:

We spent the next few weeks looking at every sort of person and he soon realised were all 'the same' but different.:)

xxxx

Pipsqueak
22-07-2011, 08:52 PM
(im white dh is black &greek) xxxx

I am really sorry but my eyesight connecting with my brain just lately is addled..... I read that TWICE as black and green!:D

or perhaps I am just thinking about the chocolate!

Babycat
23-07-2011, 01:20 AM
I am really sorry but my eyesight connecting with my brain just lately is addled..... I read that TWICE as black and green!:D

or perhaps I am just thinking about the chocolate!

oh dear pip! laughing out actual loud!! lucky man babe r up pacing lol x

christine e
23-07-2011, 05:23 AM
I had a similar experience a few years ago. Child said he didn't like shop assistant and when she asked why he said cos your black - she dealt with it really well but I felt dreadful had a long chat later and asked him how he would feel if someone said that they didn't like him because he wore glasses.

Cx

flowerpots
23-07-2011, 07:43 AM
I am really sorry but my eyesight connecting with my brain just lately is addled..... I read that TWICE as black and green!:D

or perhaps I am just thinking about the chocolate!

:ROFL1: That made me giggle out loud lol. :laughing:

love381
23-07-2011, 07:45 AM
I had a similar thing happen about this time last year. My youngest was only a few months old and was in a car seat attached to the pram frame. My nephew's class had come out before my son's class so we were waiting in line my son to come out. As I was collecting my son and his belongings (all over the place and not all in his bag as usual) a parent with different skin tone to ours touched my baby very gently and was cooing at him to which my nephew said 'Don't touch my cousin, you are not allowed because your hand is not the same colour'. I was mortified when she said can I just have a quiet word!! She was very kind about it and was more 'I know he doesn't mean it like that and is just unsure of things'. We did have a chat about it as he was nearly 7!! He said he thought I'd only want people with pinkie skin to touch my baby!!! So, education began on that one!!

I do think that lack of education makes children accidently racist!! We have a puzzle with children from all around the world on it and snap cards with people of differing skin tones who do different jobs! There are things you can do to introduce this child to people with different skin tones. x

Lady Haha
23-07-2011, 09:53 AM
I did this with my son before I became a childminder...I did little role play games with barbie dolls and had the two white ones not liking the mixed race one and being mean, then showing how upset the mixed race one was. He very quickly understood how ridiculous racism was when he asked why 'those two didnt like that one' and I said it was because she had darker skin than them. He made his own mind up that that was a stupid reason to not like some one.

When he started school he did ask very loudly in the playground why another child had a brown face. I was mortified, but explained very calmly that it's just the same as some one having brown hair or brown eyes - we all look different.

I did a 'It's OK to be different' topic one month a couple of years ago which included all kinds of different people, black, white, purple, disabled etc. I even included my own son as an example as he is very girly.

A fantastic book I bought at the time is 'The Crayon Box That Talked' (on amazon) which is a story/poem about a bunch of crayons who don't like each other because they are all different colours, but when the make a picture together, they realise that each colour is special and they all work together really well.

manjay
23-07-2011, 10:01 AM
A fantastic book I bought at the time is 'The Crayon Box That Talked' (on amazon) which is a story/poem about a bunch of crayons who don't like each other because they are all different colours, but when the make a picture together, they realise that each colour is special and they all work together really well.

That is a fab book! We used it as as inspiration for a Uni module we did on Inclusion:thumbsup:

I agree in that this is all about exposing children to other people's difference in a sensitive way. Then if they are ever in a situation where they come face to face with a child who is a different colour or who has a particular impairment it is not something completely new for the child.

I wouldn't discuss with parents but I would ensure that you have sufficient resources in your setting to allow the children to see that not everyone is the same:thumbsup:

Heaven Scent
23-07-2011, 05:44 PM
I think what you need to do is gently but not in your face introduce lots of activities and exploration of 'people like me' and yes that involves black/brown/white/pink/mixed race (oh and Orange skin.. y'no those who have been tangoed.. they are a new breed doncha know) people, people with wrinkly skin, people with glasses, people with white curly hair and so on and so forth. Its not necessarily pointing out the differences but noting the similarities and celebrating individualism. Well that how I see it anyway. People like me who bleed, breath, cry, laugh, and feel - just like me...

I think in those circumstances I would have said 'oh dear thats a shame because I bet she is a really lovely person just like you'

HAve you mentioned to parents and see what their take is - could there be something specific this child is picking up on (ie a close relatives 'views') or they have had a scary experience???? Whilst what the child has said is not acceptable and you have done right to challenge it I would dig around with parents, introduce books, jigsaws, explore other cultures, and remember they are only tiny.


Fab advice - and I'm so pleased that the Tango's people are now a recognised race - I'm sure my 13 yrs old will be thrilled to know this LOL!!!!

Helen Dempster
23-07-2011, 10:14 PM
I think it's mainly ignorance, having not been associated with dark skinned people? Obviously, speak to the parents just in case there issomething more sinister that's happened previously (you never know).

When I started minding, I looked after a gorgeous Nigerian boy and then took on another (white) mindee. He said to the Nigerian boy "you look like chocolate". And he was right, chocolate is brown! But some people may have portrayed that as being unkind and even racist. Kids this age say what they see (sometimes unfortunately).

Another incident was when my niece was about 3yo. She lives in a small village in Norfolk and at the time there were very few (if any) black people. Then 3 of them walked past her on the street...she stopped dead in her tracks and stood open mouthed just watching them until they disappeared! That was just basically cos she'd never seen people that colour before.

Do you have any dark skinned friends that you can introduce to the little one, so he can see they are really just the same as us, nice and kind etc?

I like the "All Kinds of..." books - they're very good at educating on the different shapes/skin/abilities of people.

Hope this helps?

Pipsqueak
24-07-2011, 07:57 AM
He said to the Nigerian boy "you look like chocolate". And he was right, chocolate is brown! But some people may have portrayed that as being unkind and even racist. ?

gosh that brings back memories.. one of my best friends from being younger - Sharon (is mixed race) and she used to call me Milky Bar because I was soooo white..... I think I was actually paler than a milky bar lol.

there was never ANY malice in it - it was best friends pet names and we were young. I used to call her Curls - because her (afro) hair was so curly!!!! she used to want to have straight hair and I wished for curly hair..... we always want something different to what we have don't we!

Fairy Tanya
24-07-2011, 09:07 AM
More likely lack of exposure. Kids are not racist, that is learnt. Now if you go into parts of Africa, they still call white people "White Devils" and tell their kids that we will kidnap them :mad:

Had a lot of this when I did an overland tour a few years ago through Tanzania and especially Uganda. People staring and pointing :eek:

They had probably been watching Ace Ventura - Pet Detective part 2. fab movie with some brilliant scenery and cultures.

nokidshere
24-07-2011, 09:07 AM
Children that young are not being unkind when they say things like that - they are simply reacting to something different.

Its not something I would mention to the parent particularly, especially if it was the first time anything like that had been said. I would do as the others have suggested and introduce books and resources about differences.

My best friend is black. She was at the birth of my 2nd son and is a regular visitor to our home. One day when he was 5 he whispered conspiratorialy to me "mummy, did you know Auntie Ria is brown" like he hadn't ven noticed for the first 5 years of his life. Of course she wasn't offended, liek everything else with children, differences are a learning journey.