Advice about my dd aged 9yrs

[JCrakers]

This might be a bit long but please hang in there...lol

2yrs ago the primary school (lovely, friendly, good community) merged 2 years together due to low numbers and having to make cut backs on a teacher. So 4 classes of yr3 and 4 became 3 classes of mixed.
My dd was 7yrs at the time and was very happy at school until this happened, very confident and strong. She was split up from friends and placed in a class where she didnt like her teacher. Teacher was very strict (which is fine) but didnt have a soft side to her. One yr complelty wasted with me having to drag her into school by her arm some days.
She got friendly with 2 older girls (She was 7, they were 9) The 3 of them were a nightmare..falling in and out of friendship and basically like cats and dogs (thats girls for ya) But as well as falling out there was nastiness/bullying/emotional taunting. I went into school several times as dd has been having headaches with the stress and anxiety.

I went into see the head to change classes from Sept but these two girls have now left the school due to personal circumstances and I thought everything would be great, thought headaches would go but now she comes home with another problem of other girls being mean. I have kept her off school today and probably will do for the next two days (we break up on fri)
Im at the end of my tether with all the problems. I feel she has been left vunerable and emotionally drained. She isnt as confident as she used to be, hates school and if anyone says anything to her she is so sensitive.

I dont usually let her have days off school but now ive had enough. In my day we just had to get on with it but nowadays its different.
But I really dont know what I expect the school to do and I dont know if I should keep going in or just have a good word with dd and tell her to snap out of it....
Becky x

[Goatgirl]

Oh bless,
Poor love :( . And poor you, its dreadful to watch your child go through something like this.
Bullying can have such a devastating effect on someone, especially a child who has no control over their environment and has to be exposed to the negativity day in day out... a term, even a year seems like such a short time to an adult, but like forever to a child.

I would say do as you have been doing: let her see you are on her side, which means securing a safe place for her to be educated in and make an urgent appointment with the Head for as soon as possible. Then use the time between now and the appointment to get to the bottom of this new complaint. It may be that the bullying has been more severe than she let on before, or that the old bullies have gone, but new ones have stepped into their shoes and, aware that your dd was picked on before have chosen her as their target too. Its alot easier to get under the skin of a child who has already had their self esteem battered.

Shame on the school for not doing more and more quickly. I hope you can get some support and a plan in placefor September so that your daughter can enjoy the summer holiday and not spend it dreading going back to school.

Be strong. The schools have a duty of care to your daughter and they don't seem to have fulfilled it. Call them on it. It may be made extra difficult as its so close to the end of term though. It could be an idea to ring the LEA first to find out what complaints procedures are in place etc, then you can say you've spoken to the LEA when you talk to the school. Use anything you can think of to get them to DO SOMETHING now. I would say your daughter is off sick if she is this upset. A good doctor wouldn't hesitate to sign her off if she was this stressed and a working adult. Don't feel guilty for keeping her home until this is resolved ;).

Good luck: I really hope things improve for you both very soon :) Remember to take care of yourself too.

best wishes,
Wendy Xxx

[jumpinjen]

Good advice there, hope you and DD OK, I can't add anything as I home ed mine and the thought of my girls having to go through something like that makes me feel sick. Really hope you can sort it. Spend the summer boosting her self esteem..... do other minders you know have school aged children you can plan things with that will play nicely with her and boost her confidence a bit? are there other activities like brownies/guides, drama etc out of school that might do the same? Are there other children at the school that she does like that you could invite round and support your daughter to forge friendships with through the summer?

Hugs, jen x

[LOOPYLISA]

Awww your poor dd, i have a 13 yr old and its so hard isnt it :panic:

We have had probs with friends falling out with so and so, shes talking to her not me bla bla :rolleyes:

My dd started to get headaches and has had time off school makes me wonder if it could of been from the above.

I really have no advice but just be there for your dd like im sure you are, hopefully after the 6 week break after summer she will feel alot better x

[sarah707]

Bless her the teacher should be supporting her not pushing her away.

Hopefully she will have a good long break and feel revived to go back in September.

It's hard to know whether to let them fight their own way through or get involved, however for bullying I was always first in the queue at the head's door. It's one thing I just will not tolerate.

Hugs to your dd xx

[JCrakers]

Thanks for your replies:D

I'm hoping a nice long break will do her good. No worries for 6weeks and if its no better in sept I'm straight in to the headteacher (again)
She's had yesterday, today and tomorrow off as i'm not sending her in when shes so tired and drained.

I cant believe how awful girls can be sometimes..I remember having friend problems myself at school and girls can say the most awful,hurtful things. Boys just get on with things usually. Ive had no probs with my son (12)

Thanks for the advice and reassurance...I must say I have loads of experience with little ones but when it comes to older kids/teenagers its a whole different ball game :D
Becky x

[guest3]

Aww sorry to hear your problems. My DD is 12 and also has terrible trouble with keeping friends. I've 2 boys too but have no such problems with them! Why are girls so bitchy and mean?
I find it very hard to know how to deal with it all....I try to reassure her that she's pretty, clever and loved so much by us all but somehow, what these girls say and do at school makes her really unhappy :(