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Bendy
10-07-2011, 02:09 PM
Hi

One of my mums gave birth to her second child last Thursday. I assumed she would keep her son who is nearly two at home with her for at least a week so they can all bond together as a family.

Just received a text asking me to have him as normal all next week.

I find this a really strange thing to do. The son has been feeling a bit left out expecially in the month leading up to the birth when she was on maternity leave as I still had him for 3 full days as usual. He would get upset and keep asking me when he was going home to his mummy.

I'm worried about the son feeling pushed out, his behaviour has not been the best recently and this may be due to the terrible twos.

Maybe I am over reacting. It is just that me having him from 8.30 till 6pm 3 days a week seems a bit excessive when mum is at home. Don't get me wrong I'm grateful for the money but I just feel for the son.

What do you think?

sarah707
10-07-2011, 02:27 PM
I have exactly the same at the moment. The little one's parents feel it's best that he keeps his routine.

He is struggling a bit with them leaving him but within minutes he is fine and pottering about like normal. :D

LittleGems1970
10-07-2011, 02:36 PM
Hi, I totally understand where you are coming from!

I have been in the exact same situation, I had original child who wasn't yet 2yrs (also has behaviour issues BUT never when he is with me, always when it's collection time, totally changes into the tazmanian devil :laughing:) I have always put this down to time, or lack of time spent with him!

Throughout the pregnancy from month 2, she was off work (tired, sickness....too tired to deal with child no. 1) I always had the child and changed to longer hours and always in school hols etc. behaviour did get worse at pick ups, I tried to help deal with it as it also upset me to see the child so angry and quite vicious really, the child really was an angel and is for me! Even at pickups she would just let the child runaround back into the rooms, upstairs etc, grab things he wouldn't even dream of touching when in my care etc, obviously knew when mum arrived 'he could' but i said i need to say NO as he is still in my house and i don't want him to behave like that etc.

even when baby was born he still came to me throughout and believe it or not he even went to a relatives for a week to stay so mum could have time to adjust etc!

im sorry but they need to all bond and get used to eachother not push the other one away as he will then resent the new baby! i now have the baby and him and they are fine but when mum picked him up with baby (before i had baby) he was awful to baby, rocking and pushing the car seat etc, nobody could look at new baby, he would 'pass' toys to baby with quite a bit of force, probably because all of a sudden this new baby appeared and it was a shock to him, mummy was always with baby so it does affect them completely!

such a shame really that some parents rush into having a second child before dealing with any issues from the first child and just expect them to 'fit in' but can't seem to cope having 2 kids at the same time!

i have had him extra on non contracted days just because 'can't do both at the same time' in certain situations!! :eek:

so yes, i know totally what you mean and unfortunately it does happen but it isnt fair on the young child at all.

x x x

Mouse
10-07-2011, 03:35 PM
I have one mum on maternity leave at the moment & her first lo has been coming to me all the time without a break. I have another one going on it in a couple of weeks & her lo will also keep coming as usual.

To me it makes perfect sense. There is going to be a big change at home, so it's good for the first child to keep their routine as normal as possible (which they do coming to me). It also gives them their own time with friends, rather than suddenly having to live with a baby 24 hours a day. For parents, it means they can have some one-to-one time with the new baby and actually have a chance to rest a bit if baby sleeps (not possible with a toddler there!)

I know when I had my children, I would have loved the opportunity for some one-to-one time with the new baby and a bit of rest.

boxtree7
10-07-2011, 03:40 PM
I can understand why you might continue with childcare but surly you would reduce your hours. I find it stange when i go out with my son and leave my daughter - I don't think it is right or wrong just what parents choose. I have parents who take time from work but the kids still come to me for the day right up to 6.00 so maybe this doesn't suprise me.

onceinabluemoon
10-07-2011, 04:04 PM
I think she's doing the right thing.

She is making sure the baby does not impact on some things in the child's life, for example his time with you. She is giving him some space, where life has not been taken over by this tiny screaming, pooping 'bundle of joy' that everybody suddenly wants to coo over. He can be just himself with you and be happy and play, not be a big brother...

Also I should imagine she could really do with some time to relax, it's funny how quickly we all forget how tired you are with a new baby in the house, never mind with a new baby and a child not yet 2...

he's only coming for 3 days a week so it gives them the other 4 days a week to bond without messing up his routine too much. x

PixiePetal
10-07-2011, 04:31 PM
my mindee who was 2 just after sibling was born is coming to me 2 days instead of 3 but otherwise has carried on as normal. It has been good for them all, when he has a break for hols/family visiting he is a horror when he returns :rolleyes:

They are on hols now so Tuesday will be rather testing I feel. Be good for him to be back in routine :thumbsup:

Baby sister is due to start in September :)

Stormy
10-07-2011, 05:31 PM
I have found that most of my parents have continued their childcare arrangements exactly the same when a baby has arrived. I have always found that the regular routine helps the older sibling adjust to having a baby around as they still get their time with me without baby.
The only parent who didnt worked full time and dropped her days to two so little one still saw me each week.

miffy
10-07-2011, 05:56 PM
I understand parents wanting their child to have some continuity with their childcare but also they need to spend time with their new sibling and mum. It's sad if the child doesn't get time to do this too.

Miffy xx

Bendy
10-07-2011, 05:59 PM
Thank you for all your comments it has made very interesting reading and I now see it from a different angle. However if I'm honest it still doesn't seem right to me :(

Each to their own I suppose!