View Full Version : Ive messed up Bigtime.

21-12-2007, 06:57 PM
Let me give you a little background 1st. I mind a 10 month old baby. Usually her mother drops off and picks up and is very puntual.She is usally with the babies father, but he doesnt live with them. On her contract she says that she is the only one who can pick up baby, although the dad has on previous occasions, with permission.

Today she was nearly an hour late. The doorbell went and it was F (The dad) on the doorstep saying that he was picking up the baby on the way to picking up the mum and sorry they were late etc. As mum hadnt paid me, when he left I phoned her to give her a reminder (cos today is my last day now. She is the only one I allow to pay in arrears, but thats another story!). Anyway, she said "oh hi S, Im just on my way to get baby". My heart dropped like a stone. I would NEVER usually give the baby to anyone but mum without prior permission, but because she was so late it made sense that she would send F to collect her? Anyway - she became very upset telling me I should never give the baby to anyone (fair enough - its true - but hes her father, who she arrived with this morning!). She then hung up.

About 15 mins later she arrives on the doorstep, basically re-iterating what she said on the phone (but clamer). I feel sick. Im shaking like a leaf and on the verge of tears. I would NEVER usually do something like this..I cant belive how badly Ive messed up. :(

I dont know what to do now. What can I do??


21-12-2007, 07:09 PM
Hi Schakes

Have you called the mum to see if everything is okay and apologise again? I think that I would.

It's a very complicated situation isn't it if the dad sometimes picks baby up and even dropped the baby off this morning but I guess if he's not on the permission slip you shouldn't have let him collect on this occasion. It seems odd that he collected the baby today without the mother knowing.

I don't know what to suggest but I think if it was me I would contact the mum at some point to try and clear the air before you worry about it all over the weekend and Christmas.

I hope that it works out okay for you.


21-12-2007, 08:29 PM
Good advice there from Lorri. Call the Mum and apologise again.

Hope you're feeling ok now.

21-12-2007, 08:31 PM
Well, I spoke to the mum a little while ago. She still sounded upset. I have offered her next day at half price as an apology which she said she didnt want to do but I will insist on. I dont know what else I can do really. Still upset about it, but not upset as earlier now Ive had another chance to talk to her. (thanks for suggesting it Lorri).

I feel really down in the dumps now,after such a lovely day with the children.


21-12-2007, 08:58 PM
Take this as a lesson learned Schnakes. Try not to beat yourself up too much - you have made a mistake and you've done all you can by apologising and offering a cut rate (which you did not have to do).
Did you acknowledge to Mum that you knew you have made a mistake and assured her that it will not happen again. Perhaps you can ask to have a chat with her and explain that due to the Dad picking the child up at other times you have perhaps jumped the gun and this is have the confusion has arisen. Reassure her that you have learnt from this and it will never happen again and you hope you can regain her trust. Acknowlege Mums upset and worry at the situation as well.

You can understand Mums reaction though. Is it a subject you could broach as to why she may occasionally allow the dad to collect the child? Is there a particular risk or reason that you should be aware of? If it appears to be a regular thing that dad collects on every 2nd Monday for example is it something she could allow to be written into the contract?

Try to clear the air - for your own peace of mind before Christmas arrives and for Mums reassurance.

Hope you feel better about this soon and remember you are only human and we all make major and minor mistakes at times.


21-12-2007, 09:41 PM
Shes coming round tommorow with my money, so we can go over it again then. I said to her when she came that I wouldnt ever usually do something like that, and that I was sorry etc. I dont think words can really convey how badly I feel about what has happened.:(

Thanks for saying Im only human too...I think it needs saying from time to time. :)


21-12-2007, 10:03 PM

Sorry only just catching up

Sorry to hear about the situation you now you find yourself in

Great advice by Lorri and Vicky though

At my daughters nursery they have this sort of situation happen all the time and some of the girls have made the mistake of letting the child go just like you did

I would do as the others suggest and have a chat with mom tommorow

Also ask her what you can do if you are left in that situation again - She really should not be arriving an hour late to collect her child should she! That seems to have been forgot here
Say if you had to go out or something - she needs to collect on time

I am not saying what you did was right but you would not even have been put on the spot had she arrived on time
Also how did dad know mom was running late ?

Dont beat yourself up about it although you should not have let baby go it seems that they made mistakes here too

Good luck let us know how it goes tomorrow

Angel xx

21-12-2007, 10:08 PM
Hiya love,

I agree with all thats been said.

I also think that although you made a mistake, if she has said the child cannot be collected by dad, then that should be consistant. It seems he is dropping off and collecting quite often, so there is no consisitancy.

Also like Angel says, if she hadnt been late thn this situation wouldnt have arisen.

I would have a good chat with mum tomorrow, and explain if dad is not allowed to collect then fine, but that has to be the rule, or as vik said if there is a certain day he picks up and collects then fine, get it written into contract.

RElax and dont fret, we all make mistakes, and you are not entirely to blame.

Lou xx

23-12-2007, 05:43 PM
Unless there is a relevant court order (in which case you should be provided with a copy) or the dad does not have parental responsibility then you cannot legally refuse to handover the child.

23-12-2007, 06:13 PM
At the end of the day the mum is in the wrong too for not notifying you that she would be late and for taking it for granted that you dont have anything more important to do but wait for her. I am re writing my late fee policy over the holidays and i am going to ensure i stick to it with all parents, at the end of the day they shouldn't sign the contract stating they will pay in advance if they are not prepared to. Perhaps you ought to stress this with your parents!
Sorry rant over! But yes you made a mistake but dont beat yourself too much over it, just take a lesson
Monkey x

Tily Bud
23-12-2007, 08:50 PM
I agree with all that has been said x

Did the mum come round ? what did she say ?

Cheryl x

23-12-2007, 09:02 PM
Firstly I agree with Susi.

Legally you have to hand the child over....... so long as the parent is in a fit state to take them.

Also if the father is not on the permissin slip to be collecting/bringing the child then he shouldn't really be dropping baby off also.

I would apologise to mum for the mistake but let her know that you need to make the contracts clear so that in the future things like this are avoided.


23-12-2007, 09:23 PM
Unless there is a relevant court order (in which case you should be provided with a copy) or the dad does not have parental responsibility then you cannot legally refuse to handover the child.

i was told this too by the ncma legal helpline when i had a similar problem
ask mum if she has an official custody document if so then you are obliged to follow that if dad comes even 5 minutes out of the time then he's not allowed to have the child but if she doesn't have a legally binding custody agreement then if dad calls round for the baby he is allowed to have her.
i think i'd call the ncma and ask their advice, but that's what they told me. they even called me back after he'd confirmed it with his superiour

Cammie Doodle
23-12-2007, 09:33 PM
Dear S , dont be so hard on yourself, I may be wrong but I think Mum is wrong expecting you to know what to do!!!!! She says no one but her to pick up child, but then they drop child off together , Dad sometimes drops her off :rolleyes: They must of spoke that day otherwise how did Dad know child was still with you? And Mother was running late ?Im confussed, they are sending out mixed messages.
Hope you sort it all out and you get to enjoy Christmas without this hanging over you. :) June

23-12-2007, 11:01 PM
Hi s, I hope you are feeling better today.:)

Sorry I missed this post as I haven't been on lately.
But like others have said - you are only human and i think we learn from mistakes, it makes us a bit tougher. I really agree with what june said - it is hard for you to know what you are supposed to be doing. I think I would have done the same as you. After all she was late and the babies father came and there was nothing unusual about any of that.

I hope you are feeling a lot better about it today..Christmas eve tomorrow! Big kiss and hugs to you:group hug:

Love Sandra XXXXX

24-12-2007, 07:26 AM
I agree that this family are sending you mixed messages but I would have put in place my non collection of a child procedures if a parent was an hour late! Especially if she is normally punctual. I would definitely not be keeping someone elses child for an extra hour without finding out where they were and I would not offer reduced rates the next day.

Hope you feel you have sorted this enough for you to forget about it over Christmas.

Amanda xx

oakie dokie
24-12-2007, 07:38 AM
my thoughts exactly manjay, you should have a policy for non collection of children, and in that it should stiipulate a time of which will wait befor following this and getting in touch with social survices. so not entily your fault, the parent should of informed you that she was going to be late, for whatever reason! have a good christmas x

24-12-2007, 08:50 AM

Just catching up.

You sound so upset hun, please don't be, we all make mistakes and that is exactly the sort of mistake I would have made.

You have had lots of advice here, I think ringing ncma is a good idea - they maybe able to help you know where you stand.

Did mum come round? Did you manage to clear things up with her? I hope you managed to have a good chat with her.

hope you feel a bit better

take care xx

24-12-2007, 11:14 AM
Only just seen this.

I agree with everything that's been said.

Sorry if this has been said already (I'm speed reading!) but I would also get it all down in writing what the mother wants, get her to sign it. Then if the father does turn up I would explain that you cannot legally refuse to hand over the child but you hope that he understands the difficulty of your position in the matter and how awkward it is for you when the mother has specified collection agreements. Show him the signed agreement if necessary.

If he is a reasonable person then surely he will understand that he needs to talk this over with the mother and not make things difficult for you or cause upset to the child.

As has been said, you made a mistake, you know that, you've apologised, no harm came from it, learn from it but put it from your mind now and move on. Don't let it spoil your Christmas, it's not worth it. :)

27-12-2007, 10:00 PM
Hello everybody,

Well, not much to report as such...I ballsed up again on Sat because mum was supposed to come at 5:45 and although I rushed, I didnt get back till 6pm! Arrgh!!! She put the money in the letterbox, but obviously I didnt get a chance to speak to her.

I just wanted to thank everybody for their kind words and good advice. I dont usually re-do my P&P until April, in line with changes to my fees etc, but Ive learnt a lot this year, Im currently reviewing everything and will be changing many things. Among them will be a lateness policy because I think that I have been soft and people have taken advantage of that. I will also be changing my policy for additional hours etc.

I decided after reading your messages that I shouldnt be as upset as I was (although Im not looking forward to seeing this family now, it has to be said!), even though it was MY screw up, because the baby should have been picked up, or the mum should have phoned to say what was going on. So thank you for all your support and advice. I really appreciate it. I will be working on Sat so will give you an update once Ive had a sitdown with the mum!!!!

I hope you all had an excellent Christmas,


27-12-2007, 11:22 PM
Hope you had a good christmas too and hope you manged to forget about this for a short time

Good luck Saturday will be thinking of you

Keep us posted

Angel xxx

28-12-2007, 10:07 AM
Glad you feel better about it!

I think that's why the forum is so invaluable. I suppose if we all worked in an office together we would all moan and get everyone elses opinions during a coffee break. I like to think this is the same. We can sit down at a pc and have a virtual coffee break (probably slightly longer than in the real world!!)

Amanda xx

28-12-2007, 10:23 PM
good luck tomorrow!

02-01-2008, 03:09 PM
Hello everybody,

Not been on much - been busy preparing for the childrens first day back! (Okay thats a lie - I was out spending sillymoney in the sales!!! I'll regret it when I get my credit card statement, I know!)

So...after the big build up on Sat, with me preparing all day what I was going to say......a big fat...NOTHING! I tried to bring it up and she said "never mind about that, its sorted now" and started talking about something else. In a way it was a relief because I didnt want a showdown...on the other hand, I wanted to talk about it....I think I wanted some "closure" as our American cousins would call it!

I think what I will do is put a general newsletter out (look out for my next thread on newsletters!!!) covering some of the basics about lateness etc, but perhaps ask her for a chat if I still feel uncomfortable with it at the end of this week. Gah!

Thanks again for all your kind words and advice,


02-01-2008, 03:17 PM
Thats really hard when you've prepared a "speech" and then they don't want to talk about it!!

At least you were prepared though and she was ok with you today. Maybe she has realised she was partly to blame for the mix-up?

We just have to learn from these things and move on don't we, (easy to say, not easy to do - I know :) )

Good luck with the newsletter :)

02-01-2008, 05:13 PM
Hi Schnakes!

I'm glad there's no trouble about it now.

To be honest I think I might do the newsletter like you said but other than that I'd leave it. She obviously doesn't want to talk about it and says it's sorted so I would try and be happy with that now and let it go.

02-01-2008, 07:50 PM
Glad it worked out ok!

02-01-2008, 09:57 PM
Glad it worked out ok too!

03-01-2008, 09:06 AM
thats good news everthing is ok x

03-01-2008, 09:08 AM
Yeah at least everything is ok now

Angel xx

03-01-2008, 02:32 PM
Sorry only just caught up on this one, everyone said what I would have!!

My main issue was her being late without letting you know! So yep do those P&P and put up with no S&*T!!! Sorry if too much lol

Glad went okay on Sat, maybe she realised she was too in the wrong and ate some humble pie!