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View Full Version : Upset mindee, advice needed



sezzle
23-06-2011, 08:58 AM
Hi,
I've been minding for a year now, for several different families, with children ranging from 9 months to 10 yrs. I've also done emergency care for social service a couple of times.

My problem is this: I started minding a child 7 weeks ago, 3 full days a week. He was 2 in April. For the first couple of weeks when he arrived he never even looked back. But gradually that has changed to the point that yesterday morning he had a full on tantrum before Mum left, screaming to go back in the car. He wouldn't take his coat off and was clinging to her legs! In the end she had to make a run for it!! Mum is really good and just gives him a kiss and says bye and leaves fairly quickly so no prolonging the drop off.

He is a quiet boy at the best of times and is VERY sensitive (he was running in the park last week and I called after him to be careful and he collapsed on the floor sobbing).

He is fine after about 15 mins after Mum has left, but I'm finding the drop off is getting stressful as its now starting to upset my own children and the other mindees.

I've never had any other mindees behave like this and I'm not sure of the best way to handle it??

Any help/adivce would be gratefully received!!

caz3007
23-06-2011, 09:02 AM
I sympathise because my LO who was 2 in April has just started showing signs of seperation anxiety. I collect him at the school and he was crying and screaming all the way home, but was fine when we got in and is happy, smiling and clapping whilst he is here. I dont know what brought it on just an age thing I think.

I find distraction works and we spend our whole time on the way home from school looking for cats and birds and holes (dont get me started, we have ongoing gas mains replacement and it gets worse by the day :laughing: )

Mouse
23-06-2011, 09:10 AM
I have a mindee (2.5yrs old) who went through a phase of crying when he came in, after 2 years of running in happily. I think he was upset one morning as he'd fallen over running from the car, then it became a habit, though he was fine once he'd come in & settled down.

I started getting him interested in something about 10 minutes before he went home. He then wouldn't want to leave it & go home, so I'd say I would leave it out on the table so he could play with it straight away the next day. I'd then tell mum & dad what it was he was playing with, so they could talk about it at home & how exciting it would be to have X to play with in the morning. It worked really well. At home time we'd show mummy what was on the table (something like a jigsaw, some cars, a picture to colour etc), then the next morning she would remind him what was waiting for him. After a week or so, I stopped leaving anthing on the table at night, but would put something out as a "surprise" before he arrived in the morning. It didn't matter too much what it was, he just loved to run in & see what was waiting for him. It became known as the "magic table approach :laughing: :laughing:

mushpea
23-06-2011, 09:37 AM
ive had this happen too , i tried cuddles, sympaythy, distraction and in the end the only thing that worked was leaving them to get on with it and paying attention to the others,, they soon realised they were missing out and stopped crying,

QualityCare
23-06-2011, 11:22 AM
The 'honeymoon' period is now over and separation issues are beginning, all normal but affects different children in different ways. Mouse's idea is a good one, you could also try sitting him on your lap straight away next to other children and play with a toy or puzzle on your own or with the others having lots of conversation and asking questions 'l wonder where this goes' answer yourself, ignore the crying but just keep reassuring him that mummy is at work and will be back soon and acknowledge that you know he is missing her, he will eventually join in but it may take a while especially as he is only with you 3 days, if they are consecutive he has just got used to it and then he is home for 4 days.

sfox2003
23-06-2011, 12:05 PM
I have a mindee (2.5yrs old) who went through a phase of crying when he came in, after 2 years of running in happily. I think he was upset one morning as he'd fallen over running from the car, then it became a habit, though he was fine once he'd come in & settled down.

I started getting him interested in something about 10 minutes before he went home. He then wouldn't want to leave it & go home, so I'd say I would leave it out on the table so he could play with it straight away the next day. I'd then tell mum & dad what it was he was playing with, so they could talk about it at home & how exciting it would be to have X to play with in the morning. It worked really well. At home time we'd show mummy what was on the table (something like a jigsaw, some cars, a picture to colour etc), then the next morning she would remind him what was waiting for him. After a week or so, I stopped leaving anthing on the table at night, but would put something out as a "surprise" before he arrived in the morning. It didn't matter too much what it was, he just loved to run in & see what was waiting for him. It became known as the "magic table approach :laughing: :laughing:

What a great idea, I may try this myself sometime - thanks!:clapping:

sezzle
24-06-2011, 01:04 PM
Thanks everyone. I like the table idea but not sure if he's a bit young for it but I'll certainly give it a go!!
We had same problems when he arrived today and Mum was a bit upset too. I've emailed her a photo that I took about half hour after she left in which he is full of smiles so I hope that reasures her a bit.

Sarah x

Andrea08
24-06-2011, 01:21 PM
I have a mindee (2.5yrs old) who went through a phase of crying when he came in, after 2 years of running in happily. I think he was upset one morning as he'd fallen over running from the car, then it became a habit, though he was fine once he'd come in & settled down.

I started getting him interested in something about 10 minutes before he went home. He then wouldn't want to leave it & go home, so I'd say I would leave it out on the table so he could play with it straight away the next day. I'd then tell mum & dad what it was he was playing with, so they could talk about it at home & how exciting it would be to have X to play with in the morning. It worked really well. At home time we'd show mummy what was on the table (something like a jigsaw, some cars, a picture to colour etc), then the next morning she would remind him what was waiting for him. After a week or so, I stopped leaving anthing on the table at night, but would put something out as a "surprise" before he arrived in the morning. It didn't matter too much what it was, he just loved to run in & see what was waiting for him. It became known as the "magic table approach :laughing: :laughing:

thats a great idea i too use to have a show and tell table for the Lo's to bring something every day and we would use the first 10 mins every morning looking at what we all had brought from home... mum's would just kiss and run and it worked .... most of the time.... and for my older mindees we started doing numberd items/ colours / themes etc