Parent babying almost 3yr old

[Dizzy Debbie]

Hi, I am minding a child who will be 3 in a couple of weeks. He is under developed in a lot of areas, particulary feeding. His Mother treats him like a baby and I have been told by her partner that she does not encourage independance in any way & rarely provides a meal for him. He has a bottle on route to my house in a morning & she gives him one when he gets in the car to go home. I'm really struggling to help him to eat, as he is only with me for 3 full days per week. He gags & almosts chokes at the start of the week then makes some progress later in the week but after spending 4 days away from me I have to start from the beginning again. I dont want to upset his Mum but I'm beginning to think I need to address this with her a bit more officially than I have been. I've just been trying to discuss it with her in a casual way when she picks him up but because he screams and creates when she is here its very difficult to have a conversation. He does not behave this way when his Dad drops off or picks up. Its like he transforms into a baby in front of my eyes when Mum is present. Can anyone offer any advice please, bearing in mind I dont want to loose this child (off my books or to a choking incident!!!)
Thanks,
Debbie.

[rickysmiths]

I would arrange a meeting with both parents as soon as possible, without the child present. If a family member or friend can't babysit for an hour then i would offer to go to their house when lo is in bed.

Then before the meeting I would make a list of things to discuss and I would have my ages and stages sheets where it should demonstrate where lo is behind. Might also be a good idea to have some photos of lo feeding themself and what they are eating by the end of the week.

[Dizzy Debbie]

Thanks for that, seems obvious solution now. Got a feeling it will stir up major conflict between Mum & Dad but I will just have to hope nothing major happens whislt I'm present!

[Boris]

It's so hard to raise these things isn't it? I have a mindee the same age and he's very similar. He's not too bad at eating although my 18 month old is better at feeding herself!! He just can't do anything for himself, shoes, coat etc. He doesn't even want to attempt it! I've tried the "you're a big boy, lets see if you can do your shoes" He just says "no I am a baby, I don't want to be a big boy!":rolleyes: What do you do? I hope it goes ok xx

[The Juggler]

good luck with the meeting hon. you are doing the right thing. and make it positive with all the things you can do with him to help encourage him.:)

also remidn her that the muscles he uses to chew and eat his food are those he needs to be able to form words and speak so not addressign this may affect his ability to make friends and get on with communciation skills in other areas of his life.:)

[LChurch]

Why do some parents feel the need of babying them all the time! It is such a shame isn't it. I had one who at 2 1/2 still couldn't eat a raw carrot. Only just now does he eat a raw carrot. It is such a shame isn't it as they are not helping themselves in the long run, wait for the ridicules to start at school!

[blue bear]

Is he going to preschool, maybe high light the things he needs to be able to do for school and draw up a time table and action plan to deal with those things first.

Once children get to three I start giving home work, like learning to put coat on them selves, then putting up hood and then zipping up coat. I chat to parents about how their child will be left put if they can't see to the basics because teachers can't do all 30 at once etc

[Dizzy Debbie]

Thanks for all your replies, its nice to feel so supported. He starts preschool in September so will make a point of bringing up the need for more independance in all area's for then. I dont want to offend anybody & sometimes struggle to be honest about issues with other peoples children because they more often than not seem to become very defensive, maybe this is an automatic response or maybe I'm just not being tactful enough I dont know? :(
Will let you all know how I get on.