My fathers day dilemma

[kells_bells]

First lo has two mummies, dad was a donor.
What do I do? Does it just get bypassed, even though one mum is butch and the other femme they are mum and mum. For mothers day I did source a two mummy picture card with every families different we all have the same love message.

Second lo (6) has recently had all contact cut from dad by mum. I was going to post the reasons for this but it may be obvious who the parents are to anyon that knows me.

So what would you do? I have my own two children an two part timers who still have daddy's in their life, I think it would be unfair for them to miss out but also unfair on the others to be excluded from the card making and activities. I've thought about doing cards for mum again but I'd appreciate others ideas.

What

[Bitsy Beans]

Erm how about general card making session, Fathers Day cards for those with daddies and a "I love you, you're my special person" sort of card for the others? How about a grandad card???

[alwaysright]

i used to have a child who wasnt in contact with dad so i just let her do activity for whoever she wanted to, mum, nan, greatdad, uncle, just whoever she chose to give it to it didnt really matter as long as she was included, or if it was a poem i would try to generalise hers, whatabout making their for a special person or something?? so the mum?? a school my own older boys went to didnt do fathers day as so many of the children didnt have them but i would think that that was unfair to make the other child miss out

[Helen79]

I think I'd just bypass father's day this year and wouldn't do cards for any of them. I think it's be inappropriate to do fathers day cards for the lo with 2 mummies even if one is butch. Think there's the possibility it may offend even if you do a special person card.
the 2nd family I'd let mum decide if they want to give dad a card, if you do card making even for a special person it may highlight that his dad isn't around anymore.
The other part timers are likely to be making cards at school or nursery so may not notice if you didn't make any this year.

[miffy]

Could you ask the two families what their views are?

I would be inclined to let all the children make cards to give to whoever they want rather than not do anything at all.

Miffy xx

[blue bear]

I would do mine own children of an Evening or on the Saturday and not do fathers day then maybe do grandparents day in September?

[mama2three]

Id probably ask the mums ( all 3 !) . Id say I was planning fathers day activities and was there someone special to lo that they would like them to make cards/ gifts for - Grandads maybe.
My absent Dad mindee makes his for Grandad.

[Donkey]

they did 'special person' cards at a local children's centre last year...

:)

that way the child could give to whoever they wanted to

[Chell]

You could make gifts without needing to give the occassion a name at all. Crafy Crocodiles/Baker Ross do things like tshirt shaped or person shaped keyrings that could be for anyone.

[samb]

I would also ask all the Mums what they want. I don't think they would be offended and you would be working together then wouldn't you? That way you can proudly tell Ofsted that you made Grandpa a card after having spoken to Mums etc. :)

[alwaysright]

to be honest i wouldnt ask the mums as as you can see from the comments on here everyone has different opinions so if you ask them and they say they dont want you to do it then they have made the decision for you which means the other children miss out! just like not everyone has dads, not everyone has a mum and would you question whether or not to do mothers day and not all children have grandparents, my children for one havent got any grandparents

[JulieA]

Several of my little ones don't have dads in their lives. I am approaching father's day by just doing a craft activity (I think we will be decorating ceramic coasters). Then the children with dads can give theirs as a father's day present, and the others can just take it home as they would any other craft or painting they may do.

[kells_bells]

My two pt los dont go anywhere else so ill need something for hem. If my lo's had two daddy's and another had no contact with mum then yes I would question if mothers day cards were appropriate. I think I've worried a little to much anyway once this particular lo gets loose with the paint the cards illegible anyway :laughing: I do over think things with my parents there's a few delicate situations going on.

I think were going to go with a growing activity, decorate our pots and cling film or marble paint a card maybe a watch me grow poem.
:D Thanks for the ideas

[pinky33]

As a lesbian I would hope that with a diverse household such as yours You would be learning that families are made up of different dynamics so that when occasions like this come up it's natural for the children to be doing a different activity from each other.

In our house children have learnt that it's also natural to have 2 mummy figures even though we have no children of our own as yet.

My opinion is mothers and fathers day are to over commercialised and we make things for mummies/daddies all the time not just on special days. So we don't actually go out our way to celebrate these occasions.

I'm quite offended you thought to bring up one butch and one femme maybe you need to research what a lesbian family is all about, I for one would never stereotype and label any person in this way whatever their differences maybe.

[nokidshere]

I don't have any children with two mummies or daddies but I have a fair few with no daddy in their lives.

I don't do any of the commercialised "parent" days to be honest, although if the older children ask if they can make a card I let them of course. We make easter and christmas gifts for the children to take home and give to whoever they like but thats all.

Kaye

[kells_bells]

I for one would never assume someone is under educated or ill informed from a quick post asking others views on a forum ;) No offence was meant, I know it doesn't offend them as it's not something I've pulled out of the air, this was how they described themselves. I only referred To it to give a better view of the situation. I work closely with the families and also have links to stonewall, and Manchesters parent group as they are not my only family. I like to think that this is down to the non judgemental reception the families get from myself my husband and children, it may just be that I am loud and blunt :D

I've now told mums what we'll be doing and that some of the others were doing their tags for their dads and asked who theyd like lo's to be for.
Mum of second lo said she wanted her to sit out, I asked if she could possibly make it for her or her brother and that id write he tags separately with the children, she eventually agreed.

So it's now just a Craft activity to make a lovely gift for those we love.

[pinky33]

I didn't say you were un educated at all and even if this is how the parents describe themselves it doesn't mean you have to.

Glad your a member of those services I'm sure they would advise how to deal with situations like fathers day.

But again I'm not sure why fathers day then has to turn into a special persons event when it's on fact fathers day and any other day can be a special persons day.

Yes a forum is to ask for advice and opinions and this was my contribution.

[pinky33]

I wouldn't like a parent to "eventually agree" either I would feel a little guilty I had maybe pushed to far.

After all it's all about celebrating what you have got not what you havnt got.

[onceinabluemoon]

I for one would never assume someone is under educated or ill informed from a quick post asking others views on a forum ;) No offence was meant, I know it doesn't offend them as it's not something I've pulled out of the air, this was how they described themselves. I only referred To it to give a better view of the situation. I work closely with the families and also have links to stonewall, and Manchesters parent group as they are not my only family. I like to think that this is down to the non judgemental reception the families get from myself my husband and children, it may just be that I am loud and blunt :D

I've now told mums what we'll be doing and that some of the others were doing their tags for their dads and asked who theyd like lo's to be for.
Mum of second lo said she wanted her to sit out, I asked if she could possibly make it for her or her brother and that id write he tags separately with the children, she eventually agreed.

So it's now just a Craft activity to make a lovely gift for those we love.

Personally, since you'd asked mum her thoughts, I would have gone with what she said and done something different with this LO. Mum is possibly feeling a little browbeaten now and probably more than a little uncomfortable that you wouldn't listen to her when you asked her what she wanted... You dont need to leave the child out altogether, just do something similar but different with them

Just my thoughts...

[kells_bells]

Personally, since you'd asked mum her thoughts, I would have gone with what she said and done something different with this LO. Mum is possibly feeling a little browbeaten now and probably more than a little uncomfortable that you wouldn't listen to her when you asked her what she wanted... You dont need to leave the child out altogether, just do something similar but different with them

Just my thoughts...

Thats what we are doing. We are all making plant pots and planting seeds our tags are now being done with each child individually.