View Full Version : how do you deal with this??
Hi everyone, I have a 20 month old mindee who comes to me generally about 3 times a week and I also have my own 10 month old baby.
My problem is that my son is at the age where he wants to play with everything that my 20 month old is playing with and she is at the age where she doesnt want him touching her or anything she is playing with. This is resulting in her nipping, pushing, scratching and hitting my baby. He is pretty sturdy and most of the time he just gets on with it but a couple of times today she has broken his skin scratching him and pushing and he has ended up balling his eyes out. She is also doing it to my other 10 month old mindee and today she hit me.
I know this is just her age and I need to wait it out. At the moment I am saying no to my mindee and explaining why it is not nice to hit/nip and try to talk her through it but I think this is a difficult age as she refuses to listen. Mum says that she is having some problems at home as well so I know its not being at the setting as she is very well settled
Does anyone have any good tactics for dealing with these situations? I havent had to do it before as I am new to minding and my sons have a 10 year age gap!!! Any advice would be much appreciated. Am pulling my hair out with it!
:panic:
blue bear
30-05-2011, 08:23 PM
As you say it's just a stage but it's hard work, you need to stay vigilant and be ready to intervene at all times, if you need to do something else then you need to take her with you. Always expect the worse then you are more likely to catch her in time, does she do it more when tired? If so try and engage her in quiet activities away from baby, maybe do cooking etc in highchairs etc.
Be consistent keep saying to her no that's not nice etc, stay calm but firm.
I have 3 at this age at the moment it's definitely lively!
tulip0803
30-05-2011, 09:41 PM
I have a 22 month LO that I care for and she is going through this too. When she gets over excited, wants something, or even for attention. I have a huge bruise on my arm where she bit me and despite me wearing a thick cardigan she did break the skin in one place when she got over excited at seeing Mummy at the end of the day. I also have a blood blister pinch on the inside of my elbow (looks like needle marks:rolleyes: ) where she got over excited as I took her in for lunch.
If my DD (7) is playing with something I get a shout of "MINE!" from LO as she tries to get it from her by biting, kicking, stamping on her feet, pulling hair, scratching etc. I am trying to stay on top but it tends to happen as I am distracted by lunch, snacks or tea. So she is now going in the highchair with the crayons until food is ready. I do the same and explain simply no and that it hurts and I know it is the age and stage she is at.
I try to give her names for whatever feeling it is angry, excited etc. but I know it will be some time before she comes out of this stage! Hopefully being told no and then ignoring her and making a fuss of whoever bore the brunt will work soon - please!
It must be really annoying for her to have someone try and take something from her when she is playing with it, even if it is a beautiful innocent ten month old baby! Maybe focus your attention on distracting your baby each time he goes for her toys so that she doesn't have to become defensive and is instead allowed to continue exploring/investigating her chosen toy. Good luck. x
Thank you for all your replies everyone, sounds like a lot of us are going through it at the moment! I have both of my mindees today plus my 10 month old and my 10 year old so I am going to try putting all of these tactics into use today and will see how we all get on!
P.S Tulip, you sound like you have been through the wars with your mindee!
Pipsqueak
31-05-2011, 08:22 AM
It must be really annoying for her to have someone try and take something from her when she is playing with it, even if it is a beautiful innocent ten month old baby! Maybe focus your attention on distracting your baby each time he goes for her toys so that she doesn't have to become defensive and is instead allowed to continue exploring/investigating her chosen toy. Good luck. x
Whilst i agree this is good advice, I also think that learning to share and be tolerant of others is an essential skill to be learning and the hurting others needs to be nipped in the bud.
Ali56
31-05-2011, 09:26 AM
Its a very hard stage to get through, this one. My own dd:blush: , now 9, went through the most horrendous biting/grabbing/pushing stage at around 2:panic: . She bit anyone and everyone for seemingly no reason at all. I felt awful sending all my mindees home with regular bite marks and often broken skin. Neither my elder 2 or any of my other mindees had ever bitten to that extreme, and I was completely at a loss for what to do. In the end I did take her everywhere with me and had to watch her like a hawk at all other times. It was extremely wearing and frustrating, and seemed to last forever. In reality it was about 8-12 weeks and she gradually got it over time from then on. I tried the thinking step, but she just wee'd on my stair because she knew it would get her attention! Needless to say I didn't bother with that for long!
Distraction and quick intervention, showing LO the correct way every time, making suggestions as to what to do and positive reinforcement really do work. Its definately a good idea to explain how they are feeling and that its okay to feel that way, we just don't behave like this etc. It all just just take a little time. Hang in there!