essexgirl1967
29-04-2008, 02:47 PM
Hi!
Warning... this is a very long post but I need to get it all off my chest!
I have been a childminder for the last 10 years so am quite used to dealing with badly behaved kids, but since october I have been minding a 3 year old girl P full time. She is extremely badly behaved, probably more so at home than with me, although I admit to finding her very difficult to control. She is my only full time mindee and goes to playgroup with my youngest son who is 2, so it seemed like a good idea when I agreed to take her on.
I have 4 children of my own, in addition to a total of 12 mindees ( full time P + 11 part time school aged ones, although not all at once!). She regularly hurts the other children I mind, out of temper, and sheer enjoyment as she seems to enjoy the reaction and attention that naughty behaviour gets her. She is very unsettled at home, her parents are very young and not together although both are involved in her care.
Her nan lives near me, is a health visitor and is actually the same age as me( makes me feel very old!) and seems to make most of the decisions re her care, It was the nan and mum who came to see me when the mum decided to go to work and they needed a childminder.
The main problem seeems to be that everyone has diiferent rules as to what she is allowed to do. The mum and nan gave me a list when she started of foods she was allowed and basically it was all organic good stuff, no colourings, or artificial sweetners etc. However, she comes in the mornings with bags of pick & mix sweets, blue ice lollies, ice creams, etc for breakfast, despite me providing a 'proper' breakfast for all my mindeees. Forgetting the fact that its not healthy for any kids to eat all that all the time, its not fair on my kids who are sitting eating their weetabix, fruit and cereal whilst P is sitting eating all that.
P also badly hurts her mum and nan when they come to collect her, having massive violent tantrums because she is expected to get her coat on and go home. No one seems to tell her off, or if they do, it is said very half heartedly. P is getting increasingly fed up at coming to my house because I am strict, don';t allow bad behaviour and won't give her sweets for lunch. Last week she refused to get out of the car to come into my house as she says she doesn't like me and that no one will play with her. Which is partly true as the children are very wary of her as she hurts them, although my 2 year old still loves her despite her hitting him whenever she doesn't get her own way.
The mum eventually got her to come in by promising to get her whatever she wanted if she'd come in, so P demanded a trip to the funfair and then she did come in. I frequently tell the mum who collects her about the problems I am having but she doesn't seem to listen, I think she doesn't know what to say.
I had to speak to the nan on Friday about something and mentioned that she is getting worse not better as time goes on. She is much worse behaved on a Monday and sort of settles down by the end of the week. The problem seems to be that no one at home wants her, I have her 55 hours a week, 7am to 6pm as the mum went back to work full time, and these hours have stayed the same despite her mum now only working 30 hours a week ( 3 and a half days) as she says she has other stuff to get done. P knows when her mum is at home and is much more difficult to deal with on these days. I feel desperately sorry for her as she badly burnt her hand recently at home and no one seemed bothered, no dressing on it, no one even told me.
I try and reward her good behaviuor as much as poss and simply play down the bad stuff, just removing her from the situation and she would then lose treats such as playing in the school playground if she has been naughty. The nan now wants me to go to a meeting with her, the mum, and dad to discuss ways of managing her behaviour. I am reluctant to go as I don't want them here! nor do I want to give up time on my precious evenings or wekends to discuss a minded child.
My rules on dealing with bad behaviour are the same for all the children, my own included, and I don't really want to start having diferent rules for different children. They obviously work for P to some extent as she is better behaved here than anywhere else. I was thinking of printing out my policy on unwanted behaviour and then writing examples of P's behaviour and then how I deal with it. Then if they are not happy with that, then they will have to find someone else to care for her.
She is more stress than all other 11 mindees put together and I do sometimes wonder if its worth it. Thanks for reading this epic post, I really would be grateful for all opinions. Karen x
Warning... this is a very long post but I need to get it all off my chest!
I have been a childminder for the last 10 years so am quite used to dealing with badly behaved kids, but since october I have been minding a 3 year old girl P full time. She is extremely badly behaved, probably more so at home than with me, although I admit to finding her very difficult to control. She is my only full time mindee and goes to playgroup with my youngest son who is 2, so it seemed like a good idea when I agreed to take her on.
I have 4 children of my own, in addition to a total of 12 mindees ( full time P + 11 part time school aged ones, although not all at once!). She regularly hurts the other children I mind, out of temper, and sheer enjoyment as she seems to enjoy the reaction and attention that naughty behaviour gets her. She is very unsettled at home, her parents are very young and not together although both are involved in her care.
Her nan lives near me, is a health visitor and is actually the same age as me( makes me feel very old!) and seems to make most of the decisions re her care, It was the nan and mum who came to see me when the mum decided to go to work and they needed a childminder.
The main problem seeems to be that everyone has diiferent rules as to what she is allowed to do. The mum and nan gave me a list when she started of foods she was allowed and basically it was all organic good stuff, no colourings, or artificial sweetners etc. However, she comes in the mornings with bags of pick & mix sweets, blue ice lollies, ice creams, etc for breakfast, despite me providing a 'proper' breakfast for all my mindeees. Forgetting the fact that its not healthy for any kids to eat all that all the time, its not fair on my kids who are sitting eating their weetabix, fruit and cereal whilst P is sitting eating all that.
P also badly hurts her mum and nan when they come to collect her, having massive violent tantrums because she is expected to get her coat on and go home. No one seems to tell her off, or if they do, it is said very half heartedly. P is getting increasingly fed up at coming to my house because I am strict, don';t allow bad behaviour and won't give her sweets for lunch. Last week she refused to get out of the car to come into my house as she says she doesn't like me and that no one will play with her. Which is partly true as the children are very wary of her as she hurts them, although my 2 year old still loves her despite her hitting him whenever she doesn't get her own way.
The mum eventually got her to come in by promising to get her whatever she wanted if she'd come in, so P demanded a trip to the funfair and then she did come in. I frequently tell the mum who collects her about the problems I am having but she doesn't seem to listen, I think she doesn't know what to say.
I had to speak to the nan on Friday about something and mentioned that she is getting worse not better as time goes on. She is much worse behaved on a Monday and sort of settles down by the end of the week. The problem seems to be that no one at home wants her, I have her 55 hours a week, 7am to 6pm as the mum went back to work full time, and these hours have stayed the same despite her mum now only working 30 hours a week ( 3 and a half days) as she says she has other stuff to get done. P knows when her mum is at home and is much more difficult to deal with on these days. I feel desperately sorry for her as she badly burnt her hand recently at home and no one seemed bothered, no dressing on it, no one even told me.
I try and reward her good behaviuor as much as poss and simply play down the bad stuff, just removing her from the situation and she would then lose treats such as playing in the school playground if she has been naughty. The nan now wants me to go to a meeting with her, the mum, and dad to discuss ways of managing her behaviour. I am reluctant to go as I don't want them here! nor do I want to give up time on my precious evenings or wekends to discuss a minded child.
My rules on dealing with bad behaviour are the same for all the children, my own included, and I don't really want to start having diferent rules for different children. They obviously work for P to some extent as she is better behaved here than anywhere else. I was thinking of printing out my policy on unwanted behaviour and then writing examples of P's behaviour and then how I deal with it. Then if they are not happy with that, then they will have to find someone else to care for her.
She is more stress than all other 11 mindees put together and I do sometimes wonder if its worth it. Thanks for reading this epic post, I really would be grateful for all opinions. Karen x