boy dressing up in 'girls' role play cloths [Archive]

mandy moo

13-05-2011, 01:44 PM

Ripeberry

13-05-2011, 01:51 PM

Well, they sound anti-gay for a start :( Boys of that age just want to be like their mums, no harm in it.
I remember a friend of the familly who has a boy and if he even so much as picked up a doll, he was told to put it down and not play with girl's toys ...EVER!
They have since moved out to South Africa as he thinks it's more manly out there :rolleyes:

Why is it always the parents of boys who worry about this? No one worries about girls being tomboys and then being lesbians?

mandy moo

13-05-2011, 01:53 PM

Would like to add
These are the parents who have asked me to help him with his reading and writing!
and on the parental questionaire I sent home with him a couple of moths ago, that they would like him to do more arts and crafts,

Since he was 3 1/2, he has been going, full time, (8.30 - 3pm) to our local Montessori Nursery.

mandy moo

13-05-2011, 01:56 PM

I did think all that too Ripeberry!!
Well, to be honest I did turn round to her and say,
if he was a girl would she find it hard to see her daughter dressing up in soldiers uniform or cowboy outfit
No she said looking a bit uncomfortable.

PixiePetal

13-05-2011, 02:19 PM

my DS usually went for the 'girly' dressing up stuff - he was playing with older sister and older girl mindee who were both very into sparkle!

he used to put on little shows, make us laugh and loved the attention. DH was a bit taken aback but I told him not to worry :thumbsup:

DS is now a very 'normal' teen (if ever there was one) - no idea of his sexuality as yet, but seems straight to me :D Wouldn't care either way, he is used to differences in people, growing up knowing his auntie is gay and never batting an eyelid :thumbsup:

little chickee

13-05-2011, 02:29 PM

I've not had this with a mindee but have had it with my own son.

From an early age he wanted to dress up in the girls clothes, have his nails painted, bobbles in his hair etc. Loved playing with dolls and prams. He always asked for baby annabals and baby chou chous when we were at car boots - things like that.

He is my 3rd child and although i experienced a bit of this with my 2nd son not nerarly so much as with number 3.

I just went along with it , never made an issue with it, most importantly never let anyone else make an issue of it (esp my very homophobic hubby:( ).

He is now 8 an although still has a lovely sensitive, dare i say feminine, side to him and still loves his teddies and dollies ( or babies as he calls it) is as boyish and rough and tumble as any boy.

The parents need to see that it is all a natural part of growing up and that if for any reason he does turn out to be gay - so be it. There are much worse ways for kids to turn out!!!

gigglinggoblin

13-05-2011, 02:52 PM

2 of my 4 boys have loved dressing up in girly clothes. A friend told me they develop their sense of what is correct for their sex at about 5 and that has been my experience. My older boy started off not wanting dh to see him in a dress then stopped altogether, my 4 yo is just coming out of his pink phase now.

I would tell mum that you cannot discriminate within your setting and that all children are allowed to play with any toys they choose. It would be like banning a girl from playing football, you just couldnt do it! I would also advise her that although it might not be an issue in their house because they can just not have that stuff around if he can see it and knows it is forbidden they are likely to cause more of an issue than just letting him get it out of his system. I absolutely would not be able to support them with what they are asking (not just about the dresses either tbh).

Feel very sad for the poor little chap :(

Helen79

13-05-2011, 03:10 PM

my ds prefers to dress up in girl's dressing up outfits too. He just likes to copy his big sister.
I've bought lots of scarves and shawls in darker colours and he's happier wrapping them around himself to make a dress. This usually involves him stripping off to the nudy, draping a blue scarf round his shoulders and wearing dd's high heels which looks so much worse than him just wearing a dress :laughing: When they're playing games he always has to be a girl aswell. They were playing Dr Who yesterday and he had to be Amy Pond.

I would also tell parents that you won't stop him from dressing up as he wants, I think the parents would find it hard to find a setting that would support their request.

Tinglesnark

13-05-2011, 05:21 PM

Both of my boys (4&2) put on my undies after bathtime and pop my shoes on and giggle, they think it is great fun to try to dress like mummy and i just laugh along and let them play!
They both have dollies and pushchairs and they have a barbie and ken set from toy story...
Dp is dead against boys playing with "girls" stuff and so i make a point of ensuring that i have plenty of "girls" stuff available - mind you i have to as i look after little girls - ds1 plays so well with L because he loves to play with the dolls house/kitchen and other gentle games that are supposedly only for girls...

:( i think it is so sad when people try to force their children to do as they wish when there is no real sound reasoning for it

I wonder if it would be worth speaking to Ofsted about it and then giving the parents that feedback?

funemnx

13-05-2011, 05:32 PM

When I was minding a boy and girl aged 2/3 years they used to head for the dressing up box every week at a toddler group we went to because they had 2 matching fairy outfits there. Luckily mum thought it was lovely, as I did! :)

Donkey

13-05-2011, 05:37 PM

I am sure she won't mind but send AJS a pm

:)

is all I am saying...

caz3007

13-05-2011, 05:47 PM

At toddler group one of my boy mindies loved wearing the pink fairy wings and the pink sparkly wands, he used to make us all laugh and mum thought it was funny too. Another of my mindies came the other day with his nails painted, mum said she was doing hers and his older sisters and he wanted his done.

I dont see why not, dressing up as a toddler in girls things doesnt make someone gay or a transvestite

Lady Haha

13-05-2011, 08:13 PM

It just goes to show how common this is! My son who is nine started showing an interest in girls toys and clothes when he was around 3 yrs. I've neither encouraged it nor banned it!!!

I now have a very popular little boy who has tons of male friends who accept him for who he is, is constantly on the look out for his next 'girlfriend' and will happily play superheros with the boys and five mins later he's playing princesses with the girls!

As I type he is up in his room fast asleep, cuddling his fluffy pink cat, surrounded by his 'girls' toys and wearing his pink jim jams ready to get up early tomorrow for his ballet lesson:)

I agree with the above poster that if this mum starts banning this interest now, it will just make things alot worse.

And you are right, you can't tell him he can't dress up in the 'girls' stuff! Thats not providing him with equal opps!!!

Try telling mum that its a phase alot of boys go through and the best thing is to let it run it's course and it will probably be completely forgotten about in a couple of years (or maybe not in the case of my son!!!).

boxtree7

13-05-2011, 08:34 PM

I had a yound boy who loved his dresses - his dad would frown upon this and mum would said to him lucky it wasn't daddy picking you up. He was always allowed to choose for himself as mum new he would grow out of it and he has. I never discouraged the child - at end of the day it taught him how dress and undress.

loocyloo

13-05-2011, 09:40 PM

when i worked in nursery, we had lovely little boy who would rush in every morning, put on the yellow bumblebee tutu and wings, plus his wellies and go outside to dig in the mud on the tractors.

i looked after a little boy whose dad was very anti his son playing with dolls, pushing buggies ( i never mentioned the dressing up:blush: ) and i told dad it was his son wanting to be like daddy, as daddy looked after him, and pushed him in the buggy etc. daddy still didn't like it but stopped making a fuss!

DS loved pink sparkly things when he was little, girls clothes ARE much prettier and sparklier than boys! i've always said i could make my fortune selling sparkly clothes for boys ( but not sure who would buy them :( ) he is 9and still loves his cuddly toys, and has as many friends who are girls as boys. we've recently moved and changed schools and i wondered if he would still be as friendly with the girls, seeing as how he hadn't grown up with them, but yes, he has a strong group of girls there, ready to 'mother' him :rolleyes: when he has had enough of playing football!

my friends all say that when the boys are teenagers, they will all be asking DS to talk to the girls for them!

i'm really happy that he is the way he is, he is a lovely boy. ( most of the time :rolleyes: )

Baildon bears

13-05-2011, 10:00 PM

My mindee loves dressing up as a princess, he always chooses the pink bowl, is fansinated with my My little ponys I think its normal, I would maybe just change your routine and do the dressing up in the morning and have it all put away by pick up time, I always find they get upset if their wearing an outfit at home time and its a fight to take it off when mum comes.

I remember last year at christmas the pre-school teacher told me on the last day of nativity they let the little ones choose what they wanted to wear, and one little boy chose a angel outfit and he stood on stage proudly waving at his parents.:D

ajs

13-05-2011, 10:53 PM

I have a 4 yr old boy that loves dressing up in the role play clothes, he tends to go for the 'girly' clothes, I guess its because they are sparkly, texture is silky, look prettier than the more 'traditional boys' roleplay costumes.

However mum turned up last night and asked me, did he dress up whilst here,
I said yes he loves dressing up,
does he wear dresses/girlsclothes she asked
yes I said, he does tend to graviate towards them especially if the 5yr old girl I mind is dressing up too.

I decided then and there not to tell her, rightly or wrongly, that he loves playing hairdressers and put clips and costume jewelery on too.

She then basically asked me not to let him dress up, he has been asking her at home to put on her clothes, tights, underwear, she was uncomfortable with it.
My reply was that as a childminder I have a duty to be inclusive, (that is the correct term I think?) that I can't not tell him, 'no you cant dress up, in the dresses ' and said that I will however steer him towards the 'boys' dress up clothes.

These parents come across as very formal type of people, both are consultants at our local hospital.
The child has been taking homework home from nursery since he was 3 yrs old, and I know they do extra 'homework' with him as mum has told me so.

I guess all I really want to know is that Ive said the right thing?

Has anyone else had a situation like tis theyve had to deal with?
How did they deal with it?

Thanx Mandy

oh goodness you could be writing the scene from my house a couple of weeks ago, j who is 2 loves the dressing up tutu i have in the box and mum hates him wearing it. she arrived one day almost with steam coming out of ears j had been out wearing the tutu as i had forgotton that she didn't like it and she had been called by one of her friends telling her that he was wearing it.
she went beserk with me but i held my own told her that i wouldn't take it out of the dressing up box but would not let him wear it out of the house., but that weekend she must have had a real go at him and he arrived monday morning and told me he wasn't allowed to wear it and he hasn't since

mummyof3

13-05-2011, 10:57 PM

This thread is so sad :(

My boys 8 & 5 dressed up (still do) in tutu's, fairy/princess dresses - I've lots of pics for blackmail purposes and their 21st ;) I would let ANY child boy or girl choose to express themselves in whatever they want to wear. Seriously these parents need a kick up the :censored:

appleblossom

14-05-2011, 11:21 PM

I agree with all those who have said we cannot discriminate by telling children which dressing up clothes they can use. All the children I care for decide for themselves and I would not like parents to dictate on this.

However any references by parents or anyone else to the possibility of children being gay if they prefer to wear clothes normally associated with their opposite gender are misguided. Sexuality and gender identity are different issues. A transgendered person may or may not be gay. These are different issues.
And nobody can be cured of being either gay or transgendered by being forced to conform to what society would consider "normal."

If anyone saw Waterloo Road last Wednesday they would have seen the reality of the dlemma facing a young person with gender dysphoria.

mandy moo

15-05-2011, 06:55 AM

Thanks for all your replies, sorry 1st aid course and broad band been playing up, not been able to reply.

My own 2 boys had buggies and babies etc when they were younger, my eldest had a thing for pink to for awhile :-)

at 12 1/2 & 9 1/2 they both have they're favorite cuddlies on their beds :-)

AJS - Im not sure if mum said something to him that evening as, due to nursery closing early on the friday I had him rom 12.00 - 6.15, he never asked once for the dressing up clothes :-(

So do I let him dress up, steering him towards the 'boys' dressing up stuff,
or risk him saying no I want to put the dresses on, do I then say no mummy says you cant and then risk having him ask why, he will, hes a bright little thing,
or again let him dress up in what he wants and have him telling mum and still asking to put her dresses and underwear on and her being angry with me??

or I could give Ofsted a call, get their take on the situation, then at least I can go back to mum, say I have rung Ofsted, this what they have said? and seen what happens from there?

buildingblocks

15-05-2011, 07:08 AM

I have had the same situation. Dad (ex soldier) went ballistic when he came to pick up his son. Spoke to mum who said she had no problem with it but just make sure he wasn't wearing it when Dad picked him up.

Everyone of the boys I have looked after have worn constantly the pink sparkly fairy dress and the sparkly dressing up shoes. I think it is because they are things they have never usually seen much at home (may be generalising but all the boys I've cared for have come from homes where there are no sisters).

For all those parents who think that just cos they play with dolls and dress up in pink sparkly dresses they will end up gay (!!!!!!!) they need to wake up but they also want to see L who aged 2 lived in the pink fair dress and his cousins old bridesmaid shoes he is now the roughest loudest boy whose mum said to me the other day she wanted the soft sensitive boy back.

Pipsqueak

15-05-2011, 07:51 AM

Small children just do not discriminate between girl clothes and boy clothes.

middle son loved dressing up in all that was sparkly, glizty, pink and flouncy... with wellies. he loved pushing a buggy around to. He is 10 and is still very much an individual and he is as boy as boy can be !

You have done the right thing and told this parent you cannot and will not discriminate.

nokidshere

15-05-2011, 08:33 AM

I think you are right to tell the parents that you won't restrcit the dressing up or play with "girls" toys.

But it does seem to be a common problem that parents have an issue with - its a shame they see it as such a negative form of development.

francinejayne

15-05-2011, 08:36 AM

"So do I let him dress up, steering him towards the 'boys' dressing up stuff,
or risk him saying no I want to put the dresses on, do I then say no mummy says you cant and then risk having him ask why, he will, hes a bright little thing,
or again let him dress up in what he wants and have him telling mum and still asking to put her dresses and underwear on and her being angry with me??"

I would let him dress up in whatever he wants to! No questions asked whatsoever! And I would tell the parents in advance that I would be doing so, so they would have no reason to say anything after their son had dressed up.

How sad :(

grindal

15-05-2011, 03:56 PM

I agree with other posters that your little boy should be able to dress up in whatever he wants. My 3 yr old ds is often running around the garden in a pink tutu at the moment being Princess Holly - but at other times he is playing with cars, trains, mud - like most children.

I would be inclined to document the concerns and conversations with mum and dad regarding this, and maybe take some photos of him doing other things over the course of a day to illustrate what sort of things he is doing as well as being dressed up.

miffy

15-05-2011, 04:17 PM

So do I let him dress up, steering him towards the 'boys' dressing up stuff,
or risk him saying no I want to put the dresses on, do I then say no mummy says you cant and then risk having him ask why, he will, hes a bright little thing,
or again let him dress up in what he wants and have him telling mum and still asking to put her dresses and underwear on and her being angry with me??

Ofsted are very clear that we should provide an inclusive practice that challenges stereotyping because this is one of the aims of the EYFS so I think you are right to allow this child to dress up in whatever he wants.

Sadly if it's an issue for his parents then you run the risk that they may vote with their feet and remove him from your care if you do not listen to what they want. :(

Miffy xx

Louise0208

15-05-2011, 04:38 PM

my 5 yr old boy has spent all day wearing pink kiddies heels, a grass skirt & a coconut bra....he even wore it to the aquatic shop we went to :o

my x-husband was very old school & thought that if my eldest son played with dolls etc he would turn out to be gay so he promoted rough play & called him horrible names when he played with his sisters toys :angry: .......Thank god hes my X-husband now, looking back i didint see the possible harm it could cause :(

sammc_74

29-05-2011, 02:05 PM

ajs

29-05-2011, 02:21 PM

I have a 4 yr old boy that loves dressing up in the role play clothes, he tends to go for the 'girly' clothes, I guess its because they are sparkly, texture is silky, look prettier than the more 'traditional boys' roleplay costumes.

However mum turned up last night and asked me, did he dress up whilst here,
I said yes he loves dressing up,
does he wear dresses/girlsclothes she asked
yes I said, he does tend to graviate towards them especially if the 5yr old girl I mind is dressing up too.

I decided then and there not to tell her, rightly or wrongly, that he loves playing hairdressers and put clips and costume jewelery on too.

She then basically asked me not to let him dress up, he has been asking her at home to put on her clothes, tights, underwear, she was uncomfortable with it.
My reply was that as a childminder I have a duty to be inclusive, (that is the correct term I think?) that I can't not tell him, 'no you cant dress up, in the dresses ' and said that I will however steer him towards the 'boys' dress up clothes.

These parents come across as very formal type of people, both are consultants at our local hospital.
The child has been taking homework home from nursery since he was 3 yrs old, and I know they do extra 'homework' with him as mum has told me so.

I guess all I really want to know is that Ive said the right thing?

Has anyone else had a situation like tis theyve had to deal with?
How did they deal with it?

Thanx Mandy

Oh don't start me on this, my 2 yr old mindee loves the little blue sparkly skirt that is in the dressing up box and mum hates that i let him wear it.
a couple of weeks ago he was playing in it and without thinking we went to school to drop his sister at nursery. about an hour later mum turns up at mine absolutely fuming demanding that i throw it away and DO NOT EVER EVER EVER ALLOW MY SON TO WEAR IT AGAIN. I was so astounded and had no idea what she was talking about until she explained that some one had called her from nursery ( another mum ) to tell her that he had been wearing the skirt even though she had told me he wasn't to.

I told her that i knew she didn't like it but was not going to take it out of the dressing up box regardless of what she wanted and if she was that bothered i would not take him out in it again.
the poor boy came to me the next day telling me that he was only allowed to dress up in the " boys" dressing up clothes like the soldiers ( oh so it's ok to kill then) and not the skirt because that is for girls

PixiePetal

29-05-2011, 03:03 PM

I seem to have the opposite problem. I look after a 4 year old boy who refuses to touch anything pink or play with the dolls, pushchair or house (coz thats for girls) and complains when I give the baby girl anything blue (coz thats for boys). He wanted to take a nap after nursery last week and refused to use the blanket because it had pink stripes - he wanted the blue one that was in the wash. I've tried talking to him and explaining that we can use what ever colour or toys we want to but to no avail
Ive not brought this up with mam yet as i've only been minding him for a month so am hoping he'll settle into 'our way' but he's obviously been brought up to be a 'boy'

I have a 4yr old boy mindee like that - having a 10 yr old brother who he adores and follows contributes to it. Parents are fine with whatever he chooses but I do make a point to him that it doesn't matter what colour plate he is eating off - it is the food that counts :rolleyes:

I have a girl aged 4 who is very girly - would choose pink over blue any day and gives me a look if I give her the blue cup. She even said the sandwich on the blue plate was not hers as it was the boys one - until I said that she could have the pink plate but it had a cheese sandwich on it which she doesn't eat. She kept the blue plate with ham sandwich :laughing:

we are getting there!

Lady Haha

29-05-2011, 04:03 PM

I have a 4yr old boy mindee like that - having a 10 yr old brother who he adores and follows contributes to it. Parents are fine with whatever he chooses but I do make a point to him that it doesn't matter what colour plate he is eating off - it is the food that counts :rolleyes:

I have a girl aged 4 who is very girly - would choose pink over blue any day and gives me a look if I give her the blue cup. She even said the sandwich on the blue plate was not hers as it was the boys one - until I said that she could have the pink plate but it had a cheese sandwich on it which she doesn't eat. She kept the blue plate with ham sandwich :laughing:

we are getting there!

Plates.......My son will only eat off pink plates and I have a girl mindee who won't go anywhere near anything pink!!!! To any one looking in, it would look like everybody just eats off the plate they're given as a couple of boys have blue plates, one has a pink plate, a couple of girls have pink plates and one has a blue plate.....but it's planned like a military operation!

I ought to add that the mindees get a choice and I have got 'neutral' plates which NO ONE wants!!!:laughing:

tulip0803

29-05-2011, 10:38 PM

My friend had the most refty-tufty boy you could imagine - never walked always ran came down the stairs on the wrong side of the banisters, played with "boys" toys loved cars, guns, balls etc (no3 boy in family) as soon as he walked in my house he would where the sparkiliest, pinkest, fluffiest things he could find his mum thought it was sooo funny. He is now a normal teenager who seems to like girls!

At the same time I cared for a boy that just looked at him in complete bewilderment. He would not touch anything girly it had to be boys stuff but Mum knew there was a bit of a problem there as she moved him to me out of the care of his grandmother who had been doing the name calling when he expressed anything sensitive or spoke about girls things and making him into a "real boy" much to Mum's horror.

We have photos of my brother with make up, wigs and frocks on as a child - his favourite colour was pink until he was a teenager (flourescent pink) - he is happily married and still slightly eccentric!

Children should be allowed to make thier own choices

The Juggler

30-05-2011, 07:43 AM

i would never not allow a child to express themselves in this way. As Pip says children of this age do not discriminate between girls and boys dressing up clothes they wear what they choose.

My compromise would be that I wont' stop it but make sure the toys and dressing up are packed away before pick up time so parents arent' seeing it and having a problem with it.

However, I'd be trying to educate them about the benefits of imaginative/role play and particularly the one I NEVER understand is why dads don't like boys playing with dolls and buggies :panic: :panic: it's not like the dark ages - children see dads everywhere looking after children now and pushing, buggies - they are just emulating their dads and other male role models.:(

em29

31-05-2011, 02:04 PM

For goodness sake - two consultants should know that you cannot 'turn' someone gay and that if he likes wearing girly clothes nothing you do will stop that.

Do not give in to them and their bigoted views. How awful. Let him dress up as he wishes and make sure you get lots of photographs ;)

Jiorjiina

31-05-2011, 04:36 PM

Ask the parents what kind of person they want their son to grow up to be.

I have a friend at work whose son was exactly the same, loved dressing up in girly things (girly things in this case being feather boa's, satiny things, sparkly things, etc), and playing with dolls. Her partner was not best pleased to say the least.

So she asked him what kind of a man he wanted their son to become.

He replied that he wanted their son to be a 'proper man'.

So she asked him what a 'proper man' was, and her partner said that a real man takes good care of his family, takes responsibility, isn't afraid of things, and does his own thing.

Which, as my friend pointed out, was exactly what their son was already doing. Her partner very soon stopped objecting, and their son happily carried on doing what he was doing.

This whole subject make me really mad. Personally, I flicked between wearing dresses and wearing scruffy jeans and t-shirts for most of my childhood. When I wasn't playing with my dolls and reading books (mostly it was reading books), I climbed trees, sailed boats, rode horses, used sticks as swords, scrambled over mud/rocks/muddy rocks while exploring, broke my arm on my birthday when I was pushed off a zipwire swing and generally behaved like a boy. All I ever got called was a tomboy, and no one ever implied it might make me gay, so why can't boys do the reverse?

It might make them better men for it.

Chatterbox Childcare

01-06-2011, 12:24 PM

I had a boy like this and he had only a brother so didn't get to try girlie things

When he was in reception by DD walked a pram to school but didn't want to walk it home so my mindee pushed it for her. his makes laughed at him and he said "I am a daddy". Summed it all up for me really

Lol

01-06-2011, 02:37 PM

So sad that young children are not allowed to experiment before they become confined to "social norms".

I once looked after a little boy whose father was shocked to see him pushing my dolls' pram around the garden. I then asked this father if he had ever pushed his children around in a buggy and he had to admit that he had so I then said "well your son is now practising for when he is a father like you"!!:)

fluffysocks

01-06-2011, 09:19 PM

i think we all must have this discussion with parents where their boys are concerned.

One dad once asked his son (3yrs) why he was playing with girl toys (in a very odd tone in his voice-and lo was only pushing a pushchair around the garden)

LO didnt know what to say, he was torn between dumping the pushchair and "conforming" or having to answer his dads question, I simply replied "I dont have gender specific toys here", dad looked at me and said, "thats a girls toy". I then asked if he had pushed his sons pushchair, changed his nappy or fed him. Dad looked at me and said-"well of course I have" (like i had asked a really dumb question). So i then pointed out that son was simply following his dad as a role model in preparation for adult life. Dad promptly walked off and collected the childrens things before heading to the car and Mum was practically laughing!!!

hehehehehe. 1-0 to me!

x

karensmart4

02-06-2011, 08:28 AM

I would never tell a child 'No you cant wear that' or 'No you cant play with that', because its not gender related..... how awful :angry:

I had a parent (Dad) that came in to collect his son and found him playing at 'Ironing' Dad went mad !!!!!! Told me he was NEVER to do that again :angry: .... I would hate to be married to him!

I also have a parent (who happens to be my Niece) and when she saw a photo I had put in her sons daily diary of him playing in the home corner, she had 'quiet words with me'... he was wearing a Tutu and putting a doll into a buggy! :( (son is 2 yrs old)

My Grandson loves to see his photo on the playroom wall with him in a flourencent Tutu dancing, he's 2 yrs old as well :)

My son used to be the same, in fact when he was a teenager and wanted to borrow or 'blag' some money off me, I could ask him to dress up in a pink Tutu and do a ballet dance in front of his mates and he would.... they would all fall about laughing with him and I couldn't say no :jump for joy: ..... ( he is now a chef in the RAF and has a lovely girlfriend, so I haven't scarred him for life) :laughing:

I'm going on a bit now, sorry :blush: :blush:

Karen