QUITE A SEROUS ONE

[mummyme]

Hi all,

Me again:blush:

I have been minding since end of Feb and currently look after 4 children. Two of them are brother and sister who I just pick up from school and look after for a couple of hours each day.

Mum text me earlier and asked if she could come round to speak to me. I thought she would be terminating the contract as her life is a bit complicated at the moment, but it wasn't for that at all, it was to fill me in on the problems that she has had over the easter holidays. Without going into too many details the mum and dad have split up but they have always been ok with each other for the kiddies sake and dad has always agreed with her using a childminder for the children. However, they are not getting on at all at the moment, police have been involved etc. Mum has always kept myself and the school uptodate. However, my concern is the correct way to handle things if dad ever turned up at the school to pick the children up (he's never met me). I wonder whether the school would release the children to him. They can hardly release them to me if dad is there can they? at the end of the day he is their dad and has access to them which mum is happy with. I guess since the police have been involved, the teachers may well have to keep the children away from him and also not send them with me either as i can hardly walk the children home, telling dad that he can't take them, especially as the children would want to go with him anyway.

Anybody dealt with anything like this at all or have any advice on how to deal with this situation.

Thanks in advance for any help.

[Minstrel]

If dad still has PR and a court order hasn't taken that away from him, then I'm afraid school nor yourself can stop him collecting the children. The school may say that there is to be no confrontation on school premises so he would hae to behave himself!

[Trouble]

can yourself and the mum not go into school and discuss what happens if??? sort of thing then that way everyone know where they stand?

big hugs xx

[mummyme]

Thats what i wanted to hear i think. There is no way i can be expected to get into a battle with dad, i just want to do my job. i guess i would just hve to phone mum and tell her what had happened. Shame for the children all this really.

[mummyme]

hi Trouble, mum will be talking with the school tomorrow, so i'll see what they say I gues. Luckily me and mum get on well. No way I can keep the children from going with dad though, not my place. Hmmmmm...... waht if he turns up at my house though? I still have no right to keep them from dad i guess.

[Minstrel]

Just re-read your OP....

If you've not met him then you could refuse to let him into the house/give any information out until mum (who you DO know ) and get her to verify if this 'stranger' is able to collect.

Agree with ^^ . Could you call both mum and dad in to discuss?

[JumpingJacks]

Yes if dad has PR and there is no injunction or court order preventing him, there is nothing yourself or the school can do. Mum should be aware of this and ideally school, yourself and mum should all have a plan in place if this happens. As you say dad has contact so hopefully he wouldn't jeopardise his chances of continuing it. If dad wanted the children he legally has every right to collect them.

Hope the situation doesn't artist for you

Jackie x

[Trouble]

i would talk it over with the mum and tell her what your thinking, she will understand, and take it from there:thumbsup:

i think i would be asking for a photo of him too so you know who he is

[LittleVoice]

Hi all,

Me again:blush:

I have been minding since end of Feb and currently look after 4 children. Two of them are brother and sister who I just pick up from school and look after for a couple of hours each day.

Mum text me earlier and asked if she could come round to speak to me. I thought she would be terminating the contract as her life is a bit complicated at the moment, but it wasn't for that at all, it was to fill me in on the problems that she has had over the easter holidays. Without going into too many details the mum and dad have split up but they have always been ok with each other for the kiddies sake and dad has always agreed with her using a childminder for the children. However, they are not getting on at all at the moment, police have been involved etc. Mum has always kept myself and the school uptodate. However, my concern is the correct way to handle things if dad ever turned up at the school to pick the children up (he's never met me). I wonder whether the school would release the children to him. They can hardly release them to me if dad is there can they? at the end of the day he is their dad and has access to them which mum is happy with. I guess since the police have been involved, the teachers may well have to keep the children away from him and also not send them with me either as i can hardly walk the children home, telling dad that he can't take them, especially as the children would want to go with him anyway.

Anybody dealt with anything like this at all or have any advice on how to deal with this situation.

Thanks in advance for any help.


When i worked in a childrens centre we had a silimar situation. Mum and dad had been seperated for some time and things were ok until mum got a new partner. Dad then got very angry about it. Mum told us that we weren't allowed to let the child go with dad under no circumstance. We got her to write it down and sign it. A few weeks later dad arrived to pick up the children. We told him he wasnt allowed as mum has said no, he kicked up a fuss and the police were called. As it turns out, as we knew him as the childrens father we had no right to stop him taking the children as there was no court order stopping him seeing them. So he had every right to take the children from the nursy despite mum telling us not to let him. On this occasion the police convinced him that taking the children in the mood he was in wasnt a good idea and he left. When mum came we informed her of the situation and she told us the police had already been to visit her telling her the same thing.

In your situation, if the school release the children to you, then they are in your care and you shouldnt release them to the childrens dad as you don't know each other, however if the school release the children to the dad then there's not a lot you can do about it as it the school's decision if you know what i mean.

In the case above, the children never returned to the nursery as mum ran away with them, no one knows what the outcome was/is. Its sad that these things happen to children who in my eyes deserve so much more.

HTH and i haven't waffled on too much, i have a habit of doing that!!

H x

[mummyme]

Thanks all. I think I was thinking long the right lines then. Mum hasn't said not to release them to dad. So sad for the children. They're only 6 and 8.

[Trouble]

life is so cruel sometimes :( :(

[LittleVoice]

Indeed life is so cruel and its more often than not the children that suffer the most. Its heartbreaking.

[onceinabluemoon]

First things first, you need to establish whether dad has PR. (Which you should already know under the EYFS)

If he doesn't then you don't release the children to him unless he is named as an ok adult to pick up on the contract and mum hasn't told you any different.

If he does then it appears you have no choice but to release the children to him if he asks for them, so I would put something to that effect in writing and get mum to sign to say she has been informed and understands the legal standpoint.

[mummyme]

Dad does have PR so I guess i have no right to stop him from taking the children and nor would i want too. mum and dad need to sort it out in my opinion! If I ever meet him at the school and am comfronted I will make it quite clear that I want no part in their dispute over the children and just want to do my job. I don't wish to take sides. I will also see if he will out of respect phone mum whilst i am there to let her know he is picking up (if not i will). Hopefully all will be ok, he hasnt be a pain to me so far it was just a worry of mine now they have fallen out as they seem to be really argueing about the children. I just have this feeling that he might go to pick them up just to wind mum up. He fell out with the school a couple of times so maybe he wont have the bottle!

Thanks for all the advice, its all been taken on board x :)

[caz3007]

I have a similar family. Dad has PR and does collect Lo sometimes, always been fine with me. But he is known to be nasty to some people and things can be fraught between him and mum at times. LO's 18 year old sister looks after LO a lot too and I heard from her that he took LO from her in town. I had a chat with mum about the fact I would have to hand her over if he was demanding that, and obviously it would be easier for LO if I didnt cause a fuss. Mum and I discussed it and she was fine with it, said she had said same to older DD and if LO and dad hadnt appeared by the time mum got home from work, then she would sort it.

I would have a chat with the mum you are working with and let her know the score and chat about how you both are happy with the situation being dealt with if it occurs. I believe it never hurts to be prepared, saves you panicing and getting worried if it does ever occur

[Francesca]

Just my thoughts but....

If you don't know the father then I would have thought that was grounds NOT to release them into his care, especially if I had never met them before.

I ask to see all people in the first few days that are allowed to pick up the little ones or a photograph.

Luckily I have never been in a situation such as yours, and hope I wont be, its not easy either way.

Francesca

[Madame Gazelle]

How old are the kids because I wouldn't be at all happy if I went to pick my (hypothetical) 7yo DD up and was told I couldn't because cm hadn't met me, I think the child greeting me with s 'hello mummy' should give it away really!!

[Monkey26]

I had a similar situation in the new year when a set of parents separated...

Mum asked me not to let dad collect their 2 year old. I rang our early years department and safeguarding department (as case was known to them and police :( ) and they confirmed that because dad has parental responsability and i knew him then i had to let the child go should he ever turn up. I told mum of this and whilst she wasn't best pleased she didn't have much choice! I agreed to call her asap should such a situation arise. The older sibling (11 years) however, was not his biological child therefore, despite knowing him, i could not legally let him take her and i was advised to contact the police should he try to do so...

Now the parents are back together haha! Don't think it was mum's brightest decision but she seems happy and its not my place to judge... although i did tell her i was monitoring her children's behaviour, again!

xx