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View Full Version : how to stop a child smacking



julie w
18-04-2011, 08:49 PM
I have a 22 month old mindee. He is a little fella but can really stand up for himself. However he has started smacking the other children, me, his mum, my dog, in fact anyone who comes near him. He can really hurt too. I noticed it started when his little sister was born in December so maybe it could be insecurity. He is very clingy to me and hates me out of his site. I've spoken to his mum and dad who are very concerned, but we really cannot make him stop. He comes from a very loving home. He has not been pushed out for the new child and his parents are very calm people and never smack him. Can anyone give me any ideas to stop him from smacking everyone in sight.? At the moment I hold his hand, say 'no' then ask him to give a cuddle instead. This doesn't seem to work. Any advice most appreciated, thank you.

miffy
18-04-2011, 08:57 PM
I would also hold his hand, say no very firmly, making sure you have eye contact (reinforces the message) and are at his level, eg. kneeling down at the side of him.

Then say "gently" and show him how to touch lightly and gently. Give lots of praise if he does so and for any time that he does touch anyone or anything gently instead of hitting.

There is a very good book (see link) which is worth borrowing from the library to share with him

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hands-are-Hi.../dp/1575420775 (http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/1575420775/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&tag=childminding-21&linkCode=as2&camp=1634&creative=19450&creativeASIN=1575420775">Hands are Not for Hitting</a><img src="http://www.assoc-amazon.co.uk/e/ir?t=childminding-21&l=as2&o=2&a=1575420775" width="1" height="1" border="0" alt="" style="border:none !important; margin:0px !important;)

Keep being consistent and get parents to use the same techniques and you will get there.

Miffy xx

youarewhatyoueat
18-04-2011, 09:06 PM
I wouldn't ask him to cuddle as some children really don't like it and can push the child away. I would catch the hand that is about to smack and distract the child getting them to do something else rather than smacking.

julie w
18-04-2011, 09:12 PM
I would also hold his hand, say no very firmly, making sure you have eye contact (reinforces the message) and are at his level, eg. kneeling down at the side of him.

Then say "gently" and show him how to touch lightly and gently. Give lots of praise if he does so and for any time that he does touch anyone or anything gently instead of hitting.

There is a very good book (see link) which is worth borrowing from the library to share with him

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hands-are-Hitting-Martine-Agassi/dp/1575420775

Keep being consistent and get parents to use the same techniques and you will get there.

Miffy xxThank you so much. The book looks really good. I've just bought it from e bay for £2 so I'm really pleased. Thanks again.xx

The Juggler
19-04-2011, 06:51 AM
I think catching his hand or moving is the right thing to do. or move away if it is you or another grown up. I would not ask him to cuddle instead though. he needs to know he is doing wrong and by cuddling he might believe that when he goes to hit he gets a cuddle - the wrong message. I would hold his hand briefly then say no in a very stern voice. say, hitting/smacking is wrong then depending on his reason for smacking:

if he's just trying to get your attention - show him how to tap gently on someone or call your name.

if he's smacking cos he's cross, just tell him plain and simple we don't do that it hurts the baby/this child/mummy.


It migth be a long slog though hon if its a phase he's going through:(

FussyElmo
19-04-2011, 07:12 AM
I think catching his hand or moving is the right thing to do. or move away if it is you or another grown up. I would not ask him to cuddle instead though. he needs to know he is doing wrong and by cuddling he might believe that when he goes to hit he gets a cuddle - the wrong message. I would hold his hand briefly then say no in a very stern voice. say, hitting/smacking is wrong then depending on his reason for smacking:

if he's just trying to get your attention - show him how to tap gently on someone or call your name.

if he's smacking cos he's cross, just tell him plain and simple we don't do that it hurts the baby/this child/mummy.


It migth be a long slog though hon if its a phase he's going through:(

I agree - he is getting thhe wrong message with the cuddle, a smack equals a cuddle. A no and even the hand signal to reinforce it :thumbsup:

julie w
19-04-2011, 08:22 AM
Thanks for all your replies. I never thought about a smack equals a cuddle. I just tried to turn it into something nice. But yes it makes sense. That's why I like this site so much, it's so good to get everyone's views. We'll get there. Thank you again.xx