Mindee is 3 nearly 4 and still having tantrums

[Lily Grace]

Mindee will be 4 in June and she is having some real bad tantrums. I dont know if this because the family still treat her as a baby or there could be other communication problems. She points and screams if she wants something done and I have told her I dont know what you want you have to talk to me. Her speech is very unclear but is getting better.

We have tears most days, last week was a bad week, I put suncream on DS hands so that he can rub it in on his arms and face then put some on mindees hands (I told her what I was doing and how she should rub it in) and she completely went of the scale of tantrums!! I dont know if it is a sensory thing with her hands. When she first came to me I said we had to wash hands before we had lunch and she was not impressed and screamed and flung her arms about nearly hitting me in the face.

Any advice would be great on how to deal with the tantrums. I am befing consistent with boundaries etc. but we have a bad week and I feel we go back to square one again. I have not spoken to mum about it but I feel that will be the next step if things dont improve.

[Pipsqueak]

How would you deal with a tantrum in a younger child? You deal with the child in exactly the same way. Calmly, dignified, quickly, consistently and firmly. Ignore where you can - giving short and simple explanations afterwards. STicking your guns - getting her to express herself in a different way - have you thought about using visual prompts to help her - a range of faces perhaps that she can use if she is feeling scared, angry, sad etc. Reiterate the rules - only have some short and simple rules - very few and as she progresses introduce another and then another etc.
Remember to 'catch the good behaviour' no matter how small as well.



If she has been babied and she hasn't had to use her vocab because she will just get what she wants then her language skills have been delayed so yes it will be communication problem as well. fine take it back to basics as you sound like you are doing. Start from where she is at now rather then her where she should be and go forth from there.


Are the parents on board, what do they have to say? Can you devise a plan of action with them so the consistency is there between yours and home. If she is coming up 5 then I presume she will be starting school this Sept - and school will thank you both for trying to get this under control and the child will thank you (at some point) for making her a lot more sociable to her peers.

I would stress to the parents that a tantrumming 4/5yr old can be quite strong and you will not tolerate being hurt by an aggressive child.

[onceinabluemoon]

How would you deal with a tantrum in a younger child? You deal with the child in exactly the same way. Calmly, dignified, quickly, consistently and firmly. Ignore where you can - giving short and simple explanations afterwards. STicking your guns - getting her to express herself in a different way - have you thought about using visual prompts to help her - a range of faces perhaps that she can use if she is feeling scared, angry, sad etc. Reiterate the rules - only have some short and simple rules - very few and as she progresses introduce another and then another etc.
Remember to 'catch the good behaviour' no matter how small as well.



If she has been babied and she hasn't had to use her vocab because she will just get what she wants then her language skills have been delayed so yes it will be communication problem as well. fine take it back to basics as you sound like you are doing. Start from where she is at now rather then her where she should be and go forth from there.


I would stress to the parents that a tantrumming 4/5yr old can be quite strong and you will not tolerate being hurt by an aggressive child.

This is pretty much what I was going to say too! I've had a similar experience and whilst the child will still tantrum elsewhere they no longer do it here, but it took time to get to this place...

[Newbie1!]

Im sorry I cant offer any advice but wanted to let you know you arent alone!! I have just taken on a temp mindee for six weeks hes very much the same. Nearly 4 and can throw a better tantrum than my two year old dd!!

I think in my case alot of it is down to family background - dad cleared off, mum v young and mum sees him and treats him as a shackle around her ankles that just follows her round stopping her doing what she wants to do. I think she loves him but wants him there when it suits her and not all the time.

He really tries it on with me and tantrums at the littlest things, ..... can you put your shoes on, its time to go out, weve finished now..... etc etc.

He is getting better since hes been here (two weeks so far) as he now knows what I will and wont tolerate! Lots of luck and hope things get better for you soon xxx

[The Juggler]

I do and always have dealt with spectacular tantrums from my dd. I am what I consider a 'strict' parent. She started at about 2 ish. She is now 9 :eek: She controls these tantrums at school from about the age of 5 but at home they continue, 'dont' want to brush hair, teeth, get my coat on, go out.... the list is endless' :laughing:

Whilst I appreciate behaviour at a later age is usually down to lack of dealing with tantrums from a young age it's not always the case, some children just have volatile emotions - you might find these parents have a child like this and are struggling at home too.

But I guess what I'm saying is I deal with her tantrums now the same way I did when she was 2, except she will 'lose' a lot more priveleges now if she doesn't stop.