I have a little madam...

[dollydally]

Hi all

I've posted before about my little mindee (almost 3) who is a bit of a mare! On the second day I looked after her she slapped a random baby in the face and various other things..... Anyhow, it doesn't seem to be getting any better.. I really enjoy looking after her baby sister who I have pretty much alone on one day a week and then the following day I have them both. And I dread it. She lashes out a lot, but is quick to apologise. She was playing with my 4 year old this morning and pulled his hair. I asked her not to do it as she made N cry and he was very sad etc etc. so she apologises. The 3 minutes later does it again. Says sorry immediately but I remove her as it's the second time and sit her in time out for a couple of minutes. It really doesn't bother her. 'I'll be good' she says, so after her 2 minutes is up, skips off and then does something else. Snatching/pushing (she's a great one for doing shoulder barging when she's running along next to my son), pinching, you name it, she does it. Screeches if she can't have what she wants. Seems to take great delight in testing boundaries all the time . I want to like her but am really struggling and this makes me feel terrible. She is a cuddly child (but even this is odd - she squeezes like she wants to hurt you) but I'm finding it hard to get onto this level with her. I've tried lots of praising etc etc, involving her in stuff etc. her sister is totally different. I find it very easy to be cuddly with her I suppose because she's a baby? I'm not really sure what advice I'm after to be honest, I've looked after them for 6 weeks now and I know they enjoy coming here but I'm starting to feel I should give them notice for my sanity. I've been told 'be consistent' which I am but I don't know whether I'm fighting a losing battle and I feel a little bit of a failure. My mum came over today ( moral support!) and little one was actually reasonable good. Until we went out and then she kicked a dog.:panic: My mum's face was a picture of horror. Any advice from anyone? Thank you

[missymood]

Oh this is so tricky

First of all I would shadow her like a hawk.

I have to say I would probably give it a couple of months and then if no different after speaking to parent's then I would have to give notice.

Sending you lots of hugs:group hug:

Would like to know what others have to say:eek:

[Pipsqueak]

What do the parents say? If she is like this at home then the both of you working together might pull her round.
Praise praise praise the wanted and good behaviour - catch even the smallest thing.

Use a sticker reward system so she has something to work towards

I agree watch her like a hawk and instead of asking her not to do - tell her in your best firm voice, stern face that brooks no nonsense immediately. Explain every day to her the house rules.

She is quick to say sorry - she has learnt that that word can get her out of a fix.... well tell her that she needs to mean it by NOT dong something.

Find out what makes her tick.... is it sitting with you/fav cushio for a story, is it a fav toy..... and that is your leverage.

If she has misbehaved make sure she knows how disappointed you are - when she is TO then make a huge fuss of everyone else and make sure she knows that she is missing out due to her behaviour.

[dollydally]

Yes, parents know she is like this as she is the same at home. But I think, from what I can get from mum, is that sometimes they let her get away with things because they just can't bear the tantrum... My problem is after she's done so many things I do find it difficult to be positive with her, but this is something I'm going to have to learn I think! Watching her like a hawk is very hard because her sister is just 13 months, mobile and into everything! I will definitely try being firmer with her and go through the house rules with her in the mornings and the afternoons. She's not daft and I think she's been left to get away with a lot! I need to toughen up! Thanks for your advice.

[miffy]

I know it's hard when you're dealing with it but it's early days yet - she's testing the boundaries (possibly attention seeking) but if you can carry on dealing with it firmly and consistently then maybe things will start to settle down.

It would help if you can get the parents on side too. I agree with Pip, praise the good behaviour - find out what she loves to do and offer these activities as a reward when she's behaved well. Make sure she understands that it's her behaviour you don't like not her. Make her time in time out as boring as possible.

Hope things improve soon

Miffy xx

[Pipsqueak]

I had problems with one of my mindees - her behaviour was appalling and it made me want to rip my own hair out (ok extreme but you know what I mean).... I had a hard time 'taking to her'.

I laid down the law - came down like a ton of bricks where necessary, I really got to know her (had to force myself) and do you know what i have managed to almost turn its on its head - she is a very bright, inquistive, curious child - she is a VERY bright child and knows EXACTLY what she should (and should not be doing). She has only just turned 4. I find her quite delightful most of the time... she still does my nut in at times but I try to breath and laugh through it.

hang on in there if you can - get those parents on side - explain how you all need to be singing from the same hymn sheet blah blah