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View Full Version : What an argumentative morning I've had :-(



lou246
05-04-2011, 09:37 AM
I mind a 7 year old girl who just constantly argued with my 4 year old this morning then decided to then start with me :rolleyes:
Obviously I had to explain the way she was acting was wrong plus with her being like she was my daughter no longer wanted to play with her which made things worse!

I've never had to 'have words' with anyone before :(

Should I let her dad know what happened?

Xxx

Pipsqueak
05-04-2011, 10:57 AM
I think I would be inclined to let it go this time - however I think I would be making a written note of what happened, what you said and why and why you decided not to report to parent - this time, ie you dealt with it appropriately and wanted to see if your words had any effect.

IF it happens again I would be telling parent that her behaviour is not acceptable.


7yr old girls..... fountains of all knowledge (mind you have I have 13yr old like that and he is a boy!)

rickysmiths
05-04-2011, 12:30 PM
I would tell who ever picks up. I always tell parents of every incident. No need top make a big thing of it. They should know because it may be happening at home and at least you can all be singing off the same hymn sheet in terms of how to deal with it. :thumbsup:

lou246
05-04-2011, 03:17 PM
Thanks for your replies! After picking her up from school and her literally throwing her schoolbag at me and skipping off I decided to speak to dad! He seemed quite shocked but I'm not sure why considering the way she speaks to him most of the time! :eek:

Hopefully he'll have a word and she'll be a bit more respectful next time :)

VINASOL
05-04-2011, 05:01 PM
I would tell who ever picks up. I always tell parents of every incident. No need top make a big thing of it. They should know because it may be happening at home and at least you can all be singing off the same hymn sheet in terms of how to deal with it. :thumbsup:

I agree. I also say to a child who tries to argue with me "I am not going to argue with you; I'm the adult...." give them a warningand leave it at that.

Parents, however, do not want to hear that their child is badly behaved..."oh s/he is never like this at home"...total rubbish....also total rubbish that they do not expect me to tell them about it....I'm sorry but your child is not an angel...


sorry. bad week. probably why i'mgoing to give up

lou246
06-04-2011, 08:23 AM
Reduced to tears walking home from school this morning! After speaking to mum apparently it's all mine and my 4 year olds fault! Totally out of character for her she says, also spoke to me of a girl that's nothing like how she is when she's with me!!!!
There was nothing I could say I was so shocked :panic:
Apparently she's been unhappy for weeks???? Then why keep bringing her to me then if I'm so bad???
My husbands away on a course and I've got no one to talk to at all :(

Feel so unhappy :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

lma
06-04-2011, 08:35 AM
Big hugs.

I think all parents think their children are angels and if they misbehave it MUST be our fault. I had one child who had parents like this until I 'accidently' left my camera recording after I had been observing another child and it caught the behaviour in full force. :D

Try not to let it get to you but when I first started childminding I remember feeling like that sometimes. As long as you, your family and those parents who really know you know that your not 'the devil' it doesnt matter what this parent thinks and if her child is sooooooo unhappy coming to you I would politely suggest she find someone who her child does like going to. (this she might find this hard?)

We're all here if you need us:group hug:

lou246
06-04-2011, 08:55 AM
It's just that most of what the mum said just wasn't true or didn't make sense!
The child even said yesterday that 'this better not happen when I stay here all day' referring to my 4 year old who no longer wanted to play! Firstly I only have her before and after school and not in the holidays at all and secondly why would she even want to come here all day if me and my daughter were so bad!!!
I've heard the way she talks to her dad and it's awful but even he looked shocked when I told him how she was acting!
It's really shocked me with the mums reaction this morning and I just wish I'd said something back but I was literally stood there amazed!
:panic:

lma
06-04-2011, 09:14 AM
I always think in hinesight (dodgy spelling?) I wish I'd said this or I wish I'd done that but you not argueing and getting defensive shows how professional you are.

If it is easier perhaps write mum/dad a letter detailing how their child behaves in your care and how you did not appreciate the comments made today. You could suggest calling a meeting with them to discuss everything and if needed perhaps bring another childminder/hubby as support for you? Then if you dont feel your getting through to them or they seem to be the sort of parents you don't want to work with any longer then I would hand them your notice. I might even be tempted to not give any 4 weeks notice if this child is having a negative effect on the other children in your care whether that be your own child or mindees??

Remember you are running a business which she chooses to use. She can't talk or act that way to other business's she uses so why should you be any different just because you work from home???

jumpinjen
06-04-2011, 09:18 AM
Reduced to tears walking home from school this morning! After speaking to mum apparently it's all mine and my 4 year olds fault! Totally out of character for her she says, also spoke to me of a girl that's nothing like how she is when she's with me!!!!
There was nothing I could say I was so shocked :panic:
Apparently she's been unhappy for weeks???? Then why keep bringing her to me then if I'm so bad???
My husbands away on a course and I've got no one to talk to at all :(

Feel so unhappy :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

This happened with a 5 year old that I organised a chat with mum and dad as was having real problems between her and the other children, caused by her every time..... before I went round she cried to her mum and dad and said she wasn't happy at mine and no-one liked her and she couldn't do anything right..... well mum and dad said they has to listen to her and moved her to after school club instantly..... fine by me!! i let them off three weeks of notcie payment ...... well recently on picking up her little sister from me she said to me that she wanted to come back to mine as it was so fun.... in front of her mum..... I asked her if it was because she had seen the new play frame in the garden, and mum said "no---she's been saying it for about a month now" Apparently the grass wasn't greener when she jumped the fence and now she has to stick to it as mum won't even consider moving her from after school club.... a valuable life lesson for the girl and vindication for me as at the time i felt awful like i was the worst Cm in the world... had great advice and support from here as usual!! Your situation may be similar.... she is thinking grass is greener elsewhere and enjoying the power she has from her mum's reaction to you and what she has said..... she will find out that power games have a sting in the tail..... so hold your head up high..... you are doing a great job and all children need speaking to if rude and badly behaved.... i had a seven year old for two years and never had to say a word then one half term had to have a quick word about something and had notice the next day as I'd dared to question the girl's behaviour!!! You can't win them all!!

Hugs, Jen x

lou246
06-04-2011, 09:25 AM
I feel as though I'm just attracting the awkward ones! I had to cancel a contract with a child I had one day a week so that I could take another on for more hours but her son was unwell with a contagious infection but she insisted it wasn't contagious so I said I couldn't have him back until it had cleared...she wasn't happy!
And now this!
Ive only been minding since February!

Thank you for replying it's lovely to know there's support somewhere!
Think I could do with finding some childminder friends :D

lou246
06-04-2011, 09:28 AM
Jumpinjen are we talking about the same child??? :D

angeldelight
06-04-2011, 09:38 AM
I feel as though I'm just attracting the awkward ones! I had to cancel a contract with a child I had one day a week so that I could take another on for more hours but her son was unwell with a contagious infection but she insisted it wasn't contagious so I said I couldn't have him back until it had cleared...she wasn't happy!
And now this!
Ive only been minding since February!

Thank you for replying it's lovely to know there's support somewhere!
Think I could do with finding some childminder friends :D

Poor you hope you are ok , hugs xx

Mom has got defensive and its what lots of parents do - its no reflection on you and like you say she would not be bringing her child if she did not like it with you

You are doing a great job and are dealing with it really well

I would not give her chance in future to argue with your 4 year old or with yourself. If she tries to then tell her its unacceptable in a firm voice and you will not be spoke to like that
Then distract her and your 4 year old - hope that works

Sounds like if there is a next time you might be better speaking to dad ?

Hope you are ok

Angel xx

Goatgirl
06-04-2011, 09:42 AM
HI Lou :),
Sorry you're having such a difficult time with this family :( .

It sounds as though the Mum is in complete denial and just one of those manipulative people who will just 'make up' an alternative 'truth' when something doesn't fit neatly into her world view.

Sounds as though the little girl is just learning to be like Mum to make her way through the world too.

In your position I would write a calm and unemotional letter to the Mum stating that you are giving 4 weeks notice as of today.

I would also record the behaviour;
how you dealt with it;
what you said to Dad;
Dad's response
and Mum's response.
I would then add your own response also:

'I have in no way caused this behaviour. I have taken steps to address it. I have had no support from Parent (mum) and feel that there would be little point continuing indefinitely with a situation Mum doesn't accept to be true and to continue without the trust or cooperation of parents would be inappropriate and not help the child's behaviour issues.' ... or words to that effect.

Ask whichever parent you see to sign and preferably ask both to sign before you give them a copy.

Be careful how you word it and read through to make sure you have remained proffessional and are acting in the best interest of the child and your own family. The mum will not like to see the truth in black and white and you need to make sure you don't give her any amunition to use against you :thumbsup: .

Obviously this is just my view, and based on a very little information, So do just ignore all of the above if you feel differently :D

I have just found from my own experience that this personality type is very hard to deal with as they see any criticism as a personal attack and will attack you, with lies if necessary.... Logic and reason just don't come into it...


If you go ahead and terminate, Remember you have done the best you can for the child, which is your job as a professional childcarer. Personal attacks on yourself and your daughter are not acceptable, so notice is really the only course of action open to you. You haven't failed: you're doing the right thing in difficult circumstances :)


Hope you can get some peace back soon :).

good luck with parents' response to whatever you do next :thumbsup:

Best wishes,
Wendy :)

Pipsqueak
06-04-2011, 10:46 AM
Once you have calmed down and collected yourself hun, I would write a letter to the parents detailing the childs behaviour towards you - including throwing the bag at you and that you refute their allegations that its yours and your childs fault. Note that she has NOT appeared unhappy in your care and why have they not raised it with you before this.

State that you did not intend to cause distress but mentioned the behaviour in order to ensure continuing good relations. However, considering their view you now have to consider the future of the working relationship.

I hope to goodness that you did not pick the school bag up? I would have left it there and ORDERED her back to pick it up and carry it herself. Otherwise I would have picked it up and taken it back to her peg in school and left it there - oh and told the teacher for good measure.

Do not give her chance to speak to you or your 4yr old badly again. Do not brook any nonsense from this child.

if this older child is blaming your 4yr old for heavens sake then she needs to learn to grow up a bit and not take bait offered from a 4 year old (if there is even an iota of truth to her nonsense).

actually - give notice - people like this you can do without.

however in the meantime - become the BIG BAD BOSS_LADY

lou246
06-04-2011, 12:28 PM
You guys are amazing with your support and advice thank you :thumbsup:

Pipsqueak I did pick the bag up :blush: think I need some assertive training perhaps!

Finally spoke to my husband who was just as shocked as I was about what the mum had said, he's been here and heard the way she speaks to my daughter and to me so I have his support too :)

I'm just in two minds, I don't want to give up so easily on her but at the same time she's not being honest and her mum is oblivious to how her daughter is! When she kept saying that her daughter is shy and quiet......shes no way near shy and quiet the second that front door closes! She chucks her coat and shoes on the floor and runs around the house like a loon and doesn't stop talking the whole time!
How wrong would it be for me to film her behaviour just to prove I'm not lying :idea: :laughing:

Totally ruined my day today :( but I'm always a smily and positive person and by the time the day is out I shall be myself again :)

Pipsqueak
06-04-2011, 03:38 PM
I don't think its a case of giving up on this child, its a case of being able to work with the parents and by the sounds of it they are more than happy to blame you and a 4yr old child for their daughters appalling manners and treatment of others. THAT would be enough for me to consider calling it a day

onceinabluemoon
06-04-2011, 05:01 PM
I would listen to the ones who know best hun.

As the child is 'so unhappy' with you I would give parents notice too. No point in keeping her somewhere where she's unhappy is there? ;)

Pipsqueak
06-04-2011, 05:23 PM
[QUOTE=lou246;904151]How wrong would it be for me to film her behaviour just to prove I'm not lying :idea: :laughing:

QUOTE]

Not really advisable unless you have permission to take video / do video observations otherwise I think you would be treading on shaky ground.


I mean... if you are videoing something else and you just happen to catch this childs behaviour... well golly:rolleyes:

Not sure it will serve any purpose though with her holier than thou parents

onceinabluemoon
06-04-2011, 05:29 PM
There is little point in videoing it really is there? They haven't said the child doesn't behave like that at yours just that its all your fault. If you video it surely they're going to say the same again? Sort of 'oh my look how you've made me child react/behave, she never does that at home...

lou246
06-04-2011, 06:37 PM
Oh no :panic: I was only joking about the video :blush:

Thank you all for your advice and I think your all right! I shall sort it tomorrow morning :)

:)