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green4lynn
03-04-2011, 09:57 PM
Does anyone have any suggestions to try and curb excessive competitiveness in a 4 year old? Everything she does is a competition or race, and she usually sets it up so she wins by giving herself a head start. It wouldn't be such a problem except that the other children are copying the behaviour, which the parents are not happy about! I realise that children pick up behavioural traits where-ever they go, be it nursery or school, but its getting tedious now that all 3 children insist on winning and throw strops if they don't!!!! Please help before they drive me mad!!!!!!!!!! :mad:

mama2three
04-04-2011, 07:09 AM
I look forward to hearing the replies , my own 4 year old is similar. He gets upset if he doesnt win or do the best.
He has an extremely competetive 17yr old brother to look up to , though tbh his competetiveness became an advantage as he always had to do the best at school / in sports etc and pushed himself.
But its not pleasant in ds3 at all , and have tried and failed with my strategies!

sarah707
04-04-2011, 07:21 AM
While the urge to be competitive can be a bonus in life - the child will work and push themselves to achieve and be the best - it can also be very hard supporting them to accept the needs and rights of others to also achieve.

I think you need to go right back to basics here with the child. What is making him act this way? Does he have competitive parents? if you find 10p will they have found £5? If their neighbour gets a new Flymo will they buy a sit on mower?

If it's the family then it's much harder because your part-time influence is not going to change the child's perception of the world around him if that's what he hears at home all the time.

Or is it the child himself who has such an urge to win and be first that he forgets to respect others? This is easier in a way to deal with but you still need huge amounts of patience to support the child - and you and parents / child's family need to work together to make any difference.

The child basically has to learn the difference between verbalising the wish to win / be first etc and wishing to win / be first but respecting that, by verbalising it (usually loudly) others are getting upset.

Things like making a 'caring for others' booklet together which you read each time it happens, reading books about respecting others, telling stories like the hare and the tortoise, reminding the child very gently that his friends have a right to be first, using puppet play to re-enact situations where the hedgehog who comes last is happiest because he has explored all the hedgerows and made new friends with a squirrel...

It's a long term change of mindset you are aiming for... and as I said very reliant on the family's support.

I hope this helps :D

SammyM
04-04-2011, 08:26 AM
I have a little boy just like this, always wanting to be first, always jostling past others to get to the front. Drives me and the other kids MAD!!! I've tried everything with him and he is the type that if my DS has a new toy this little boy already has it bigger and better, he's been every where that we've been and done everything that we've done. AARRGGHHHHHHH!!

But then my son started saying the rhyme that I remember from when i was little...

First the worst, second the best, third the one with the dirty vest!!

Inevitably I end up being the one with the dirty vest, but its certainly taken the shine off the need to be first everytime, and I can live with that!!!

Simple thing eh??? :laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Pipsqueak
04-04-2011, 08:56 AM
oh we said: third the one with the hairy chest!:laughing:

Happy Bunny
04-04-2011, 09:06 AM
Aren't children wonderful lol lol.
One of my mindees was forever saying they had a better car, bigger house, more toys.
I once said to the parent we were all talking about where we lived and that their child was telling me what a wonderful big house they lived in. Parent looked a bit non plussed lol
I usually comment to children who say this "thats nice for you" I think sometimes children say this sort of thing to get a response from the others.

SammyM
04-04-2011, 06:01 PM
oh we said: third the one with the hairy chest!:laughing:

Now thats definitely me LOL!!!

Marie-louise
04-04-2011, 06:33 PM
ha ha, we used to say - first the worst, second the best, third the royal princess, fourth the ghost eating toast half way up the lampost x
worked well when my two step-daughters were little and used to try to win each other finishing their tea! x