What to do with a 1year old mindee when you struggle to find the positives???

[maryp0ppins]

I have had mindee 4 months now.

contracted 5 days a week, but cried every single day for 9 weeks (unless held or asleep) I tried everything and parents were well aware they picked her up all the time at home.

It was blumming hard work as I had 2 other yearly years lo every day also. So asked my friend who is a childminder if she could help out, she had 2 days available for her. So we got together with mum of X and she was more than happy as she could see how much it was effecting my setting (she came early a few time & stood watching whilst LO didn't know she was there.

Well roll on 4 coming up to 5 months and she is still the same even at other minders house!!

Constant screams for attention, only happy with 121 contact, if she has calmed for a while and we pick 1 of the other mindee's up she goes into a fit of rage and it can go on for 20-30 mins.

She has also started hitting and being rather bossy(she knows she is being naughty as she growls, then frowns then hits then if we even as much look at her and calmy say NO to her she goes yet again into a rage, & boy she scream at the top of her lungs)

Do you think she will get better, has anyone ever experienced this before and what could you suggest. Both me and other minder are at our whits end with her!!

[tashaleee]

Can I ask how old mindee is please?

[maryp0ppins]

Yes of course, 1year

[tashaleee]

sounds like one of mine unfortunately - also 12 months old! Mine has been like it for around 5 months now and I keep thinking that when she is mobile (not yet walking) life will change - if it doesnt then I think I have to admit defeat and give notice (and parent is very aware of this and has seen child in action in my setting). Have to go on school run now but will try to PM you later :thumbsup:

[JCrakers]

I was wandering how you were getting on...Well done for continuing for so long..It is exhausting :(

As you know I gave up after 8 weeks and your little one sounds a lot like mine was. Didnt get any better as time went on.

Dont really have any advice as I would have given up by now :blush: Hope you can get some good advice.....i'm amazed you are still slogging away

Becky x

[mufftie]

ooh yes i have one like that aswel , wasnt always like it , she's 18 months now and its the last 6 wks id say she has screamed , fortunately i only have her twice a week

i told mum and actually gave her notice as i just didnt need it , but mum asked if we could work on it together and its slowly getting there , mum tells me she's been firm at home and not picking the child up when she screams , even putting her into bed if in a real temper , and its working , im doing the same here so its consistant

perhaps as mum knows the situation that you could put it to mum rather firmly that she cannot carry child round all day as this is causing the behavoural issue at yours , if she firms up with child then things should get better .

[~Chelle~]

I had one who was like this from the age of 9 months until he was nearly two. Looking back, dont know how I coped with him and it got worse when I took on another mindee. He even used to scream if my own son hugged me.

Just kept calm and told him no when he needed to be told and he eventually calmed right down.

He is now a very happy contented almost 4 year old and is such a lovely child to look after.

Hoping things get better soon, but I really do think that you need to speak to the parents. I would have gone loopy if T's mum hadnt been such a great support in implementing things at home that I used here.

If they are picking her up all the time, then she is bound to see if she can get away with it with you. It could be that they feeling guilty about leaving her to go to work so spoil her when they are at home with her, which does not help her behaviour with you.

Good luck hun xx

[nicoleon]

my DD was a bit like that around 12 months, absolute pain! For her it was the moving though - she only started crawling after 1st Bday and so when i went into kitchen or anywhere, all mindees would follow me but she was sat on the play mat crying. when she started getting mobile it helped loads! it also took her about three - four months to get used to me minding but it did get better, promise ;)

i agree with chatting to mum and trying to be consistent. does she get attention for crying or is she being ignored if she cries for no reason? Luckily I could tell exactly when my DD was messing around and when something was really up.

Sorry, no fast track solution just a few thoughts!

[Hebs]

Its very hard and very tiring to care for a child who screams all day

I've tried for 5 months to settle one of mine but admitted defeat and mindee leaves next week

Such a shame as when mindee is in a good mood they are adorable but when they scream 99% of the time its very draining.

Hugs x

[singingcactus]

you could put it to mum rather firmly that she cannot carry child round all day as this is causing the behavoural issue at yours , if she firms up with child then things should get better .

I don't think anyone should be telling mum how to parent her own child. If mum wants to cuddle her child then she has every right to do so. If the child needs to be cuddled then mum has an obligation to cuddle her child.

I'm not sure there is anything specific you can do to actively force her to stop crying. In time she will stop of her own accord. The naughtiness, I guess you'll just have to continue to be consistent. Four months is still quite a short time really - I'm sure it feels like an eternity though. Good luck.

[maryp0ppins]

I was wandering how you were getting on...Well done for continuing for so long..It is exhausting :( :thank you: As you know I gave up after 8 weeks and your little one sounds a lot like mine was. Didnt get any better as time went on.

Dont really have any advice as I would have given up by now :blush: Hope you can get some good advice.....i'm amazed you are still slogging away

Becky x

Still plodding along and seem to be going no where!!!

As for the others advice, Thank you I do know Me & my CM friend are not the only ones.

I do tell mum at pick-up times she has been a handful & basically cried/ screamed etc etc....She just Say's oh she's fine at home (but then she has no others to look after and seeing her with LO I can tell she is all over her which is lovely don't get me wrong, but doesn't help the situation 1 bit)

It's not just me that tells her, she asks some of the children how has she been with a huge smile on her face expecting their answer to be different to mine.....& we all now how honest children are....they plainly tell her all she does is cry or she is so loud :blush:

I feel so sorry for mum as I'd hate to think we didn't want her but I also am going potty!!

She has has about 2 weeks out of 4/5 months where she has been good and then she was adorable, but I cant wait around for a 2 week good spell out of a 5 month period surly!!

[nic t]

Aw hun I sympathise!

Personally I think 4 months is a long time to stick with it with no improvement.

I have only ever had 1 like this and it kind of took over my childminding life! I was always in a bad mood the night before he came and dreaded my working days.

Really hated the idea of giving notice as I'm not a quitter and didn't want to give up. Am always really honest with the parents (like you are being) and we agreed that maybe the childminding environment just wasn't right for him. We decided to see how it went and if no improvement they would put him in a nursery- and that's what they did. Immediate weight lifted and I knew it was the right decision not just for me but for LO aswell!

[loocyloo]

my friend used to mind a little boy like this - he just cried and cried with her, regardless!

he came to me for holiday cover, and after an upset 1/2hr (max) at the start of each day, he was fine with me; chatty, cheerful, smily, but i couldn't take him during termtime. ( i hated my friend seeing him happy with me )

after a good 6 months, he went to a day nursery and is thriving, a totally different child!

i think some children are just cross/upset etc at being left, that no matter what you do, they will not be happy, as they will always associate you with that initial being left, yet another minder may be fine, as they are used to being left, and accept someone new, further down the line!

xxx

[funemnx]

I have had O since he was 5 months old and he's now 30 months. He screamed from 5 months to 26 months but now he's walking (21 months) and talking he's adorable. I don't know how I stood it for so long, he was the same at home. I tried being firm with him and not picking him up but it felt wrong and didn't work, so I sat him on my knee almost the whole time and he gradually grew out of it. He still has his moments and now I just put him in bed until he calms down!

Looking back I should have given notice after 6 months but don't like to give up!

It's a difficult call to make as you probably think it'll get better next week!I really hope it does xxx

[Winnie]

My lo is 7 mths now, i've had her for 3 mths and i swear she is getting worse :eek: Its so hard when your in the middle of it but i just keep reminding yself that i've been here before and she will get better ......but today i admit i was close to giving notice :o its not so much the screaming or the red sweaty face, or the pure rage emanating from this little thing...its the way she can be all sweetness and light one minute and then within seconds is screaming in temper...hard when you're all sitting round the table having a nice relaxing lunch and suddenly she decides she doesnt want to sit there anymore.....or like today we went into the garden, she was quite happily playing on the mat (for all of 3 minutes) then off she went screaming the place down...but she stops as soon as she is picked up :rolleyes:and looks at the toys she's left on the mat and tries to reach out for them....

I've had screamers before, mostly highly stung children and with coaxing they settle down, but i've had 2 temper screamers- and she is one of them. Its very hard on the other children and on me too :o
No words of wisdom, just off loading :p

[keatingschick]

I look after a little boy who is 3 in August. He has always been a real livewire and I have really struggled with him. I've gotten to the point where I have really hated my job and wanted to give up.
I have spoken to mum, but it seems to be a little hit and miss, sometimes she will speak to me and understand that I am trying to work with her, but other times she has sort of clammed up and seemed very defensive with me and has sort of implied he is an angel with her so making it that its just me that can't control him. The thing is I know a relative of this child who has said that thats rubbish and the mum really struggles with him. The mum had actually pretty much told me that he is how he is because she just doesnt challenge anything, and had told me that her husband blames HER for his behaviour, but also when he is in my house I can see why his behaviour is the way it is, which is so frustrating, how can I get a handle on his behaviour when his mum clearly doesnt challenge it. She once said to me that she doesnt know why he is like he is because she gives him everything he wants when he wants it - ???????? but then openly says its HIS way or NO WAY.

I had my development worker around on a few occasions and the last time just basically sat and cried, I was just struggling like you say to see any positives. My planning totally went out of the window, because I didnt even want to get up in the mornings, when I saw his mums car pull up outside my heart sank, all I could see was his behaviour and just didnt know how to manage it. My development worker advised me without a shadow of a doubt that I had to give notice, but to be honest I couldnt afford and I think that was what was making it harder. My husband is self empoloyed and his business was struggling, and so I felt I couldnt give notice on this child as we really needed the money, but I think that in itself was making things harder as I was feeling trapped.
I did start to put things in the diary, as I felt I needed the back-up IF I decided to give notice. But like you say I couldnt SEE any positives and the thing is, I dont necessarily think there WEREN'T any positives just that because of how low it makes you feel you just cant see them. I was just sort of focussing o the fact that he should be leaving to go to nursery in September, but then was sort of trying to suss how I could bring forward his finishing date - planning on him taking summer holidays and me taking summer hols, so finishing sooner. How awful is that, but thats how low and trapped I felt.
I've had a lot of personal problems this year, to be honest this last 3 months have been up there with the worst in my life, I really have hit rock bottom.
Last week I gave notice. Totally un-related really, but it really is a case of the straw that broke the donkeys back. I was still having issues with his behaviour and more-so as he is getting older. With my emotional state I just felt I couldnt handle it, we had a little disagreement and I just sort of snapped and I gave her notice, obviously this has blown up big time, but I do see light at the end of the tunnel and hope that this time next week my life will start to change and I might start enjoying my job again.