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View Full Version : I HATE POTTY TRAINING!!



mushpea
17-03-2011, 09:37 AM
i am in the proccess of potty training a almost 3ryold, she is very clever and knows that at home she gets much more attention for wetting herself than for staying dry yet at mine its the other way round,,,, we get home from the school run,, i sit her on the toilet (she hates the potty) nothing happens,, she goes in to my conservatory sits on the new cane funiture and uses that as a toilet,, pees so much it runs of the furniture on to the mat , then walks in , acrross my living room carpet to tell me:angry: :angry:
why do kids do this,, unfortunatly i was angry and althoug I didnt shout I did tell her that using my furniture for a toilet was not on and I have now banned her from sitting on it untill she is trained,,, she can sit on the sofa in the living room but thats leather and easy to clean,,, sadly the cane cushions are all in one and dont fit in the washing machine nor can i remove the covers, I am not amused

jane5
17-03-2011, 09:43 AM
Its really frustrating and I feel for you :(

Could you put a water proof mattress cover on the chairs with a towel over the top until she is fully potty trained?

I wouldn't want her to wee on my leather sofa even if it is easier to clean:eek:

Milli147
17-03-2011, 10:02 AM
I have the same issue here.....sometimes x is brilliant with it, sometimes just looks at me and then does it on the floor. I am never cross, and never make a big deal out of it, just 'oh let's sort you out', but I am starting to wonder if that is the right approach!:(

Mollymop
17-03-2011, 10:07 AM
I know the feeling, it is hard and frustrating at times but she'll get there with lots of encouragement. I don't blame you for not letting her sit on certain furnishings, its your house hun, but don't let her feel excluded too much as it might cause her to feel unloved and upset. We were all little potty trainees once!!:D :thumbsup:

JCrakers
17-03-2011, 10:08 AM
I always use pullups because of this reason. I dont want wee all over my furniture and carpets.:(

I works well for me and parents have to use pullups too. Ive trained 5 kiddies this way in around 7-10days but both myself and parents both did the same. Its hard when things are happening differently at home because it just drags the process out longer. :panic:

Becky x

mushpea
17-03-2011, 10:37 AM
success:clapping: she had that vacent 'need a wee' look so asked what was wrong and she said i need the toilet and she had a wee on the toilet,, we are now proudly showing off our sticker to the others,,,, right now I need to do what have been trying to do on the computer and print some pics of to colour!

coffee-time
17-03-2011, 11:35 AM
im having the exact same problem myself with a very nearly 3 yr old! mum and dad arent even trying at home so thought id give her a go myself! (personally i think nearly 3 is a bit old to be in nappies)! i put her on the toilet for 10 mins and nothing go back downstairs and she wees on the floor almost straight away! so frustrating! she is a very bright little girl but just doesnt want to let go of her nappies, she has 2 weeks off from me in april and her parents have said they will try training her in that time, fingers crossed she comes back trained!! (oh dear sounds like im talking about a dog sorry)! lol!

miffy
17-03-2011, 01:28 PM
success:clapping: she had that vacent 'need a wee' look so asked what was wrong and she said i need the toilet and she had a wee on the toilet,, we are now proudly showing off our sticker to the others,,,, right now I need to do what have been trying to do on the computer and print some pics of to colour!

Hurray! Let's hope it continues! :thumbsup:

Miffy xx

danielly124
17-03-2011, 01:50 PM
i had this problem with my son when i was potty training him,i found by constantly asking him he got bored of hearing me and began to ask me for the toilet and then really praising him as much as i could,he is now fully potty trained

maisiemog
17-03-2011, 02:41 PM
I'm having this problem as well. My mindee is 2.5yrs old and in my opinion not ready but mum insists! It's driving me mad. She goes through all her spare clothes and about six pairs of DDs trousers in a day! I have to scrub my leather sofa's daily. I have 1000 and 1 permanantly made up in a bucket to clean the carpets and you can smell wee as soon as you walk into my house!!!

My own DD is 2 weeks older than her and has been fully trained for a few months now so I think mum feels under pressure from that! But I ask mindee if she needs the loo, she says no. I take her to the toilet and she wont do anything. It's driving me bonkers!!!

mushpea
17-03-2011, 06:35 PM
Well I guess getting grumpy with her worked cause she had no more accidents and went to the toilet twice more,, they say you shouldnt tell em off but in this case it seems to have worked

Weeze1979
17-03-2011, 07:46 PM
Congratulations, you got there in the end!!:clapping:
Hope the next few days/weeks go just as well!

Weeze x

appleblossom
17-03-2011, 08:26 PM
If children cannot tell me when they need to wee/poo then I consider they are not ready. I would not let a child go into my sitting room if they were continually having accidents; and it's not fair to exclude in this way so I have a policy of not potty training until they are ready.

Over the years I have minded several children who have not been ready until after their 3rd birthday. But they were all reliably using the loo before they went to school.

We work in our homes and cannot be expected to be constantly cleaning up urine and faeces. Apart from the health and safety aspect all that time you are cleaning is time away from providing care for the children

magicminding
17-03-2011, 09:00 PM
I'm having issues here too, my little one decided to wipe poo all over the travel cot blankets, needless to say I am NOT amused :angry:

sweets
17-03-2011, 09:04 PM
i use pampers bed mats on my fabric sofa while LO's are potty training :thumbsup: i also have one in thier car seat.

Noomie
17-03-2011, 10:24 PM
My DD started training on Sunday - her choice, not mine. (I had tried a month earlier and although she seemed there, she wasn't quite). But she now seems determined to train and up until today was having a 50-50 success rate. I think she almost needed to have the accidents and be free of nappies (including pull-ups) before she could come to terms with it all. Today was 100% success with her not even needing reminding - she came to get me when she needed to go.

I wonder what would have happened if I was working and she was at a childminders (as she was only a year ago)? What would have been the childminder's view. She can't sit on the furniture / go in certain rooms because she will (not may btw, will) have an accident? Childminder being fed up with my daughter as she was weeing / pooing everywhere?

I get what you are saying, cleaning up even my own daughter's accidents got to me at times (and the other minded children - one in particular), especially when I was very busy. But she needed time and patience. And so on Day 5 we had no accidents.

Edited to say - Day 6 may bring accidents again. I still would like to think that another childminder would have the patience to help her train that she needs.

keatingschick
17-03-2011, 10:26 PM
I also hate potty training. I look after a little one who will be 3 in August. Personally I dont think he is really, he tells me SOMETIMES he has poo'd, but an equal number of times he will swear black is blue that he HASNT poo'd even though there is a steaming cloud that makes my eyes water following him around!
A few weeks back mum mentioned re her potty training him, I've always avoided the issue and wait til she mentions it cos I hate it so much lol.

My theory is if the parent thinks the child is ready then I go with them BUT what I say is the child MUST be more hit than miss. I say that if they want to try it then they must start at home, and have time where there is a few days to get a good idea if the child is grasping it..I explain that EVERY child has accidents and its parr for the course in the early stages, BUT if a child really IS ready, then they will be having less and less accidents, and that if a child is going thru their stack of "spare clothes" then they are not ready and explain that I am not on my own and cannot dedicate all my time to following a child around with a potty and constantly asking if they need to go.

So...this mum mentions it to me, and so I ask if they are doing it at home etc and how is he doing. We have a chat and she says she was intending to speak to me in a few weeks and suggest us trying here, she said he is ok to wee but not poo in the potty/toilet etc. I explain this is very common and reassure her that alot of children have that hang up. But then she mentions that over the weekend sum1 suggested putting pants/shorts on and he wet himself, and so it comes out that at home he just wears no bottoms and she is quite shocked that I am not prepared to do that here.

I explain that I am not being funny, but that I cannot have a semi naked child running around and list the reasons:

visitors/ofsted/delivery people/postman/window cleaner etc
other children "investigating" and hygiene aspect of this
the fact that accidents are "contained" when wearing clothes but without clothing the accident ends up on the floor/chair etc and other children can touch/taste/slip on...
etc
etc

But the issue hasnt been mentioned since thankfully cos I hate potty training lol!!

Noomie
17-03-2011, 10:36 PM
Oh and the first few days, my DD wanted to be naked from the waste down. It helped her at first and over the days we have now gotten her to wear pants. It just helped her to begin with. Wee goes through clothes, we just had to keep an eye out for the other which only didn't make it to the potty once.

keatingschick
17-03-2011, 10:53 PM
Oh and the first few days, my DD wanted to be naked from the waste down. It helped her at first and over the days we have now gotten her to wear pants. It just helped her to begin with. Wee goes through clothes, we just had to keep an eye out for the other which only didn't make it to the potty once.

The thing is Noomie, you cant really have a mindee naked around the house. What if someone visited? Other parents, early years, ofsted, little boy in question LOVES running to the door if the postman knocks. But also children will touch etc and also for me one of the issues was the child maybe touching their bottom etc and then touching toys, or their mouths, I feel its a hygiene issue. Also we visit groups and obviously cant take a semi naked child to groups/library etc.

My TAKE on potty training I say that the child must be more HIT than MISS, meaning that if the child is wetting themselves 9 times but managing the potty once, then yes its going to be difficult to carry on minding the other children whilst constantly cleaning up/mopping etc, but also its SORT OF saying the child isnt ready and so can be a stressful situation for the child. IF the child IS ready then there are going to be less accidents and so less stress for the child.

I have had parents who say they are potty training, but they will bring the child to me in a nappy, expect me to take the childs nappy off and put them in underwear all day, but then FREAK at me, when I go to meet them at the end of the day with the child in underwear as they are going in THEIR car and "what if he has an accident?" grab the child and the bag off me and dash to the school toilets to make sure they are nappied up before going in their car.

Noomie
17-03-2011, 11:18 PM
Are you assuming , keatingschick, that I am taking my DD out to toddler groups half naked? In this weather? I am potty training, not an idiot|! Also my front door is locked so no escapees. I am the only one allowed to answer the door due to many safety issues. It's a big assumption to make that I parade anyone around naked in front of visitors, including my DD!

The thing is keatingschick, I do encourage her to wear pants and trousers and would put them back on her. But after she had a go on the potty as she wanted to. She was getting the feel for when she needed to go. So trousers and pants would come off and she would spend time going through the motions, even if it was a false alarm. Then we would put everything back on again. It would be off again soon, going through the motions again. It did take time but this constant stripping helped her.

Potty training must happen. I would hope that as a childminder, I would help all the children I mind as much as their parents would at this tricky time. I'm not talking about children who aren't ready, but those that are. They will have trouble. Accidents will happen.

mushpea
18-03-2011, 06:56 AM
My DD started training on Sunday - her choice, not mine. (I had tried a month earlier and although she seemed there, she wasn't quite). But she now seems determined to train and up until today was having a 50-50 success rate. I think she almost needed to have the accidents and be free of nappies (including pull-ups) before she could come to terms with it all. Today was 100% success with her not even needing reminding - she came to get me when she needed to go.

I wonder what would have happened if I was working and she was at a childminders (as she was only a year ago)? What would have been the childminder's view. She can't sit on the furniture / go in certain rooms because she will (not may btw, will) have an accident? Childminder being fed up with my daughter as she was weeing / pooing everywhere?

I get what you are saying, cleaning up even my own daughter's accidents got to me at times (and the other minded children - one in particular), especially when I was very busy. But she needed time and patience. And so on Day 5 we had no accidents.

Edited to say - Day 6 may bring accidents again. I still would like to think that another childminder would have the patience to help her train that she needs.


This child at mine didnt just have an accident she did it on purpose,, i sat her on the toilet when we got home from the school run,, she sat for a couple of seconds the wriggled off went straight to the chair and wee'd then grinned when she told me about it,,,, in my opinion she has been ready for this for the last few months but parents havent , the fact that she stayed dry the rest of the time proved she knows to use the toilet,,,
I resent the comment that 'another child would have the patience,' because I have had lots of paitence with this child and I have no problems with clearing up after them, i was not annoyed about clearing up nor when children genuinly have accidents, what annoyed me was this was delibrate

keatingschick
18-03-2011, 08:02 AM
Are you assuming , keatingschick, that I am taking my DD out to toddler groups half naked? In this weather? I am potty training, not an idiot|! Also my front door is locked so no escapees. I am the only one allowed to answer the door due to many safety issues. It's a big assumption to make that I parade anyone around naked in front of visitors, including my DD!

The thing is keatingschick, I do encourage her to wear pants and trousers and would put them back on her. But after she had a go on the potty as she wanted to. She was getting the feel for when she needed to go. So trousers and pants would come off and she would spend time going through the motions, even if it was a false alarm. Then we would put everything back on again. It would be off again soon, going through the motions again. It did take time but this constant stripping helped her.

Potty training must happen. I would hope that as a childminder, I would help all the children I mind as much as their parents would at this tricky time. I'm not talking about children who aren't ready, but those that are. They will have trouble. Accidents will happen.


No not at all Noomie, what I am saying is this mum seemed to be expecting me to have the child here semi naked and I assume maybe not go out.

What I was going to say is in your other post you mentioned this re your daughter and said that she got it (wearing clothes) after a couple of days. The mum has told me that they have been doing the potty thing for WEEKS and he is still semi naked, gran suggested trying him in shorts and he immediately wet himself and has done each time they try, therefore she has gone back to him not wearing clothes, but I just explained to her that I cant do that. Alot of the time as a minder you are out and about - toddler groups, school runs etc, and if the child is only potty trained if he is naked then what happens when I take him out? Dressing him and putting a nappy on him is just sending him mixed messages.
I have potty trained 2 children of my own, and yes like your daughter my son used to strip off. We had one of those step up stools and whenever my son went to the toilet he would stuff his clothes under it and get dressed in something else...and this went on LONNNNNNNNG after he was potty trained, he always used to get half unddressed (in fact I am sure he still takes off his t shirt and he is now 15), but I have also potty trained minded children and worked with the parents and touch wood apart from USUALLY problems with parents wanting them trained HERE but not doing it at home, its always gone ok and yes there is ALWAYS accidents, my point was that if a child is having more accidents than successes then its stressful for THEM as well and maybe its time to say "lets just wait a couple of weeks and try again"...
Personally I DONT think he is ready, he never tells me he needs a wee/poo and like I said very often he will swear that it is one of the other children that has actually done it when I know its him.

keatingschick
18-03-2011, 08:08 AM
Just a quick point, for me its not a case of having the patience its a case of recognising that sometimes parents want to potty train too soon and often that can lead to problems.

We have one minder who comes to the group, the mum wanted this child potty trained, the child would just sit and wee all over the chair and floor at the group, and then we'd be in the park and she'd just wee on the bench, swing, slide etc....this went on for weeks and weeks and weeks.

PERSONALLY I would have spoke to the mum and said "we've given it a try but I just think maybe she isnt ready, what do you think about us maybe leaving it for a month or so and then trying again"

The child I have was just over 2 when his mum mentioned it and so like I said with the experience I have of him here, I just dont think he is ready BUT if his mum came to me today and said "we've been trying at home and he seems to be getting the hang of it can we try here" then I'd say "yeah sure no problem" but if he was coming with a stack of clothes and I was going thru the whole bag on a daily basis, then I'd say MAYBE he isnt ready just yet.

The only thing I'd want to tackle with this child is his insistance on saying PEE it really yanks my chain and I dont fancy the idea of him announcing he needs a PEE.

Noomie
18-03-2011, 10:03 PM
I just hope that people remember that we needed and our own kids needed / are needing / will need potty training some day.

I have read many posts on here about the negatives of potty training. And I am training my own daughter at the time of this post so perhaps I am a bit sensitive, but it is my understanding from responses that many would have considered her to be not ready (many clothes changes a couple of the days - more than I would have supplied to a childminer!, stripping and wanting to be half naked, etc). Needing to stay home for a few days / week - God forbid you had to do structured activities at home for a week to support a child potty training! Don't put yourselves out cos you cannot make a group! And yet on day 6 we have only had one accident. She is only just 2 so many would have assumed her not ready, I'm sure.

I am sorry that my point of view of offends some. But if you post on a public forum, be prepared for differing points of view. I am a parent as well as a childminder and what care I deliver to children I mind is the same as I would give my own.

Of course hygiene and personal modesty / protection counts (ie - not running around starkers all day and not in front of many different people!).

I just think we should view potty training as a step in life as we do learning to count. One is obviously easier and more pleasant to teach than the other.

Don't get me wrong - I am NOT talking about children not ready to train. However this can be ambiguous as every child is different. But for whatever reason they are having accidents somewhere that you don't want them to and think it is on purpose - get to the bottom of WHY they are doing this. What strategies can you implement to stop it happening? Shouting may work, it may not.

We are a business, it is our homes. But our work is FOR children. How do we help them the best? Most important question before you even begin worrying about dotting i's and crossing t's of all the paperwork.

I just hope that my point of view, however controversial, may get people to start viewing potty training as a necessary step in development -not the most pleasant but still a fabulous achievement for children. And get them to think more positively about it. What is the best steps to support it?

Anyone got any positive stories about potty training?

curlycathy
19-03-2011, 08:56 AM
Last year when I was potty training my dd one of my mindees was also being trained. My dd was ready to be trained before the Christmas really, but yes I did put it off cos I was planning on doing it over the Christmas break when I was having a couple of weeks off - I really felt that in everybodys best interests I would wait e.g. hygiene, time taken away from other mindees in case of accidents etc (parents paying me to look after their lo and all that!) The other mindee was a few months older than dd and in my opinion was not ready at all - never said she needed to go, never acknowledged that she had been - basically showed no signs at all that she was ready. Over the Christmas I had to go into hospital so again potty training went out the window. Mindee then came back after Christmas with mum saying she was completely trained and out of nappies. Well - she was out of nappies but never said she needed to go - either here or at playgroup - and weed and pooed all over the house! I kept dd in pull ups for a few weeks longer than she needed to be because of all the stress. Stupidly I hadnt had a proper potty training policy in place - I then wrote one out which basically said two accidents and they had to wear pull ups, child must have consistently more successes than accidents before wearing pants in my setting etc. The mum constantly refused to discuss the issues with me and kept telling me she was fine everywhere else (she wasnt fine at playgroup either) and in the end the child left.

Few months later another lo being potty trained - policy all in place, mum understood that I would put pull up on in buggy then graduated to mat and blanket etc. For various reasons this lo took a few months but just before Christmas mum and I presented him with his potty certificate. I have now finished minding but yesterday this lo came for a play with mum and his brand new baby brother. DD and lo were playing in her room when we heard a "oooh didnt make it in time" - lo had pooed himself.

Mum then went upstairs to sort him out, my dd kept poking her nose in - mum also checking landing (bit of wee) and dds room for wee and poo (none thank goodness!) whilst I looked after baby who decided he needed feeding and proceeded to yell his head off!

She came downstairs after a good ten minutes sorting lo out and said :

"I get it all now - it must've been really hard for you at times!"

Appreciation for the minders view at last:laughing:

So maybe the answer is - invite the parents to spend the day with you and then they'll see why compromises might have to be made in the interests of everyone....xxx

Big hugs to everyone, share the love - potty training doesnt last forever but it is hard whilst its going on!xxxx

keatingschick
19-03-2011, 11:42 AM
I just hope that people remember that we needed and our own kids needed / are needing / will need potty training some day.

I have read many posts on here about the negatives of potty training. And I am training my own daughter at the time of this post so perhaps I am a bit sensitive, but it is my understanding from responses that many would have considered her to be not ready (many clothes changes a couple of the days - more than I would have supplied to a childminer!, stripping and wanting to be half naked, etc). Needing to stay home for a few days / week - God forbid you had to do structured activities at home for a week to support a child potty training! Don't put yourselves out cos you cannot make a group! And yet on day 6 we have only had one accident. She is only just 2 so many would have assumed her not ready, I'm sure.

I am sorry that my point of view of offends some. But if you post on a public forum, be prepared for differing points of view. I am a parent as well as a childminder and what care I deliver to children I mind is the same as I would give my own.

Of course hygiene and personal modesty / protection counts (ie - not running around starkers all day and not in front of many different people!).

I just think we should view potty training as a step in life as we do learning to count. One is obviously easier and more pleasant to teach than the other.

Don't get me wrong - I am NOT talking about children not ready to train. However this can be ambiguous as every child is different. But for whatever reason they are having accidents somewhere that you don't want them to and think it is on purpose - get to the bottom of WHY they are doing this. What strategies can you implement to stop it happening? Shouting may work, it may not.

We are a business, it is our homes. But our work is FOR children. How do we help them the best? Most important question before you even begin worrying about dotting i's and crossing t's of all the paperwork.

I just hope that my point of view, however controversial, may get people to start viewing potty training as a necessary step in development -not the most pleasant but still a fabulous achievement for children. And get them to think more positively about it. What is the best steps to support it?

Anyone got any positive stories about potty training?

I dont think anyone is offended Noomie, like you say its a public forum and everyone has their own opinions and approaches to things.

I've successfully potty trained my own 2 children - now 12 and 14, and also 5 of 10 minded under 5's (3 are in my care and are not ready, and 2 left before potty training).

My own personal feelings on potty training is that it has to be all or nothing, I dont agree with putting a nappy on when it suits - and generally its when it suits the parents, and I speak from experience here, I've had a parent who like I said wanted the child in nappies at home, but wanted him out of nappies with me, all day, when I went in my car/to groups/to the park etc, but would go NUTS if I ever handed him over to her out of a nappy. I felt that was terrible because it undid all the work we did here, the praise the encouragement, the DISCRETION when he had the odd accident. To me she totally undid that by quickly dragging him off to the nearest toilet to put a nappy on him. That childs head must have been totally confused "I can wee in my nappy at home, but I must remember to say I want to go to the toilet/potty at the minders"
I also had a dispute with my own husband re this, when our daughter was potty training we were going to a christening, my husband wanted to put her in a nappy for the day - obviously to avoid inconvenience to our day, but to me if you are potty training you have got to be commited to it.
I also dont like pull-ups cos I feel they also send mixed messages - they are essentially underpant shaped nappies, and alot of children just still see them as a nappy.

When I say a child isnt ready, its going off info that you read about indications that a child is ready, recognising the need to wee/poo rather than that they have done it and having the language to communicate that need, but also when I was doing my NVQ the indications where a childs ability to walk down the stairs one foot on one step, rather than both feet on each step, and also several dry nappies in the day - indicating that the child has bladder control.

These are the indications I use to judge whether I feel a child is ready. Now the child I mind now ISNT showing those signs, his nappy is often hanging off its that wet, even after a short time, he is always wetter than the 2 younger ones I mind, he NEVER says he needs the toilet and like I said often will swear blind he hasnt done a poo when I know full well he has. And mum has said they are SORT OF potty training at home, but even after WEEKS if they attempt to put clothes on him he will immediately wet, and also they had the issue of he refuses point blank to poo in the potty/toilet and will just go behind furniture to do it. I did speak to her and said this if VERY common and you really need to handle that sensitively as I have known children get a hang up about it, so seeing the child go behind a chair and freaking out and dragging them to the potty isn't going to help, its going to make him MORE distressed about pooing.

It is not a case of GOD FORBID IF YOU HAVE TO STAY IN FOR A WEEK, often you CANT stop in - school runs? I used to pick up a child because the mother had no transport and so I HAD to take the children out with me, and like I said I dont agree with putting a child in nappies for convenience.
It's a case of if a child ISNT ready and your day IS constantly changing clothes, cleaning up the child, cleaning up accidents etc, then thats stressful for you, the child in question and you arent able to give yourself to the other children.

having said that when I have/do potty train it IS a positive experience, no its not a side of the job that I enjoy but it IS something I handle senstiviely and work with parents. And the one thing from my job is the way it impacts on my own childrens approach to life, we were on holiday a couple of years ago and met a family with a few children, one of the younger children had an accident in the play area and my son brought him to his parents. The father approached me and said the way my son handled it was a testiment to me and obviously because of my job and how he witnessed it at home. He had discreetly taken the little boy to the dad and said "he has had a little accident but I've told him it is fine and he doesnt need to worry about it, everybody has accidents and we'll sort it"....