update on mindee's allegation

[Helen Dempster]

hi all - sorry, haven't been on here for ages.

Some of you may remember me asking for advice re a mindee (4yo) who had accused me of hitting/kicking him? Well, it went down the route of Social Services and Ofsted also got involved (tho they have now said that no further action will be taken, and they are happy that I've done all I should have done etc). I've still got the child, his last day with me is 25th (and I'm counting down the days). I decided to muddle on with him until the 4wks were up (as in my contract). Last Friday was AWFUL. He kicked me and threw stones in my face (pebbles on someone's driveway). Alot of people came over to me that day asking if I was ok, that I shouldn't have to put up with it, how shocking and awful it was, how they felt like crying for me. There was a woman who said she saw everything and I was so glad for just that and to know finally that it wasn't my fault (even though I know it wasn't, it's nice to have some support from by-standers). Anyway, I've arranged for him to be 'assessed' by the school nurse and have spoken to various health visitors etc. Mum said she had spoken to the nurse who was v unsupportive but all the professionals I've spoken to have been great, really nice and helpful. I'm taking a back seat now, and letting them do their job. A very dangerous little boy...Pipsqueak was right :(

[mufftie]

blimey , not sure if i could get through the notice period , you must be happier knowing that others can see its not your fault as i could have gone against you big time

[flowerpots]

awww huni, im counting down the days for you! hope your ok. i also dont think i could work the notice period. Glad the lo is getting some proffessional help, sounds like he needs it.

xxxxxxxx

[jumpinjen]

Crikey, that's awful.... i admire yu for working the full period, I'm not sure that I could have done, hoep you feel better now that ss and ofsted have cleared you. Are you keeping witness phone numbers in the meantime just incase?

jen x

[Blackcat]

agreed , I don't think he would be stepping through my door again. :group hug: :group hug:
well done you for sticking it out

[Helen Dempster]

Crikey, that's awful.... i admire yu for working the full period, I'm not sure that I could have done, hoep you feel better now that ss and ofsted have cleared you. Are you keeping witness phone numbers in the meantime just incase?

jen x

I am yeah, everything is getting written down/logged, names, numbers etc. I must be MAD working the notice period I know, but I didn't want him getting 'lost in the system' if you know what I mean. My husband keeps telling me that I can't 'save' every single child in the world :blush:

[The Juggler]

oh honey. I am amazed you are working the notice. I have been there and it is horrible having a small child treat you this way. The LO I had was only 2 1/2 and spat at me, bit me, pulled off my glasses and threw them - it was ridiculous that I could not manage such a small child and it did nothing for my self esteem.

I put up with it for 6 months, then gave notice but in the end I gave immediate notice 3 days later because I couldn't do it anymore :(

You will heave such a big sigh of relief when it's over.

[Pipsqueak]

Why on earth are you still working with this child/family.

Not sure about MM but NCMA have a clause on their contracts about a childs (clients) behaviour - if it is violent/aggressive you can terminate with immediate effect.

My heart and admiration goes out to you.

[Chimps Childminding]

well done you! I wouldn't have had him back after mum reported me to Ofsted in the first place, don't think I could have worked with her! Don't think you should have to put up with this even if it is only for a short while! :angry: Good luck :thumbsup:

[wendywu]

There is no way that i would have worked the notice.

Your DH is perfectly right and you cannot save everychild, let someone else be there for this family.

Also you have to think of your other mindees, he does not sound safe to be around at all :panic:

[watgem]

you are very brave and caring person:)something simlar happened to me, a 4 year old was really aggrssive towards me and another mindee, headbutting kicking throwing etc so I called the parent to collect them, parent wass not happy but the other child was distressed. i ranfg that evening to see how the 4 year old was and they said he was fine but in his room cos he hadn't been listening to them like he hadn't the night before when they were in a restaurant at 8.30pm, I suggested it would have been good to have had this information before because it explained his behaviour that day. a week later parents accused me of hurting their child's hand on the school run 3 weeks previously, so I reported myself to Ofsted/social care even though I was with another childminder and had a witness, but the parents decided to report me to Ofsted for my policy of children sitting to eat at the table and my suggestion that they talk to the HV about their child's continuing behavioural problems. Ofsted cleared me, so dad threatened me, and followed me in his car, while I was working. we go to court in 3 weeks but I've been warned he may get away with it cos he didn't swear directly at me. The best bit of advice I got from this site was to write everything down in my diary, and how it made me feel, then I always have the information to hand. I really hope there is a positive outcome for you and the child, you seem to really care for him despite everythingxxx

[Mouse]

I agree with the others, I don't know how you're managing to work the notice period. You have to consider the well-being of yourself, your family and any other mindees you have. You also have to accept that you cannot 'save' this boy. Much as you'd like to, you're not professionally qualified to deal with such extreme behaviour & part of being a responsible childminder is accepting that there are times when you have to take a step back and let people who are trained take over.

Maybe if you stopped caring for him it would prompt mum to get urgent treatment, whereas the longer you have him, the less urgent it will be.

[rickysmiths]

Why on earth are you still working with this child/family.

Not sure about MM but NCMA have a clause on their contracts about a childs (clients) behaviour - if it is violent/aggressive you can terminate with immediate effect.

My heart and admiration goes out to you.


I agree. With a child like this even if I had carried on his last day would have definately have been last Friday :eek:

[Helen Dempster]

Why on earth are you still working with this child/family.

Not sure about MM but NCMA have a clause on their contracts about a childs (clients) behaviour - if it is violent/aggressive you can terminate with immediate effect.

My heart and admiration goes out to you.


I don't really know why if I'm honest. Feel sorry for them? Am still learning (the hard way)? There have been days, albeit few and very far between, that I can see a different boy in there (does that make sense)? Days when he's loving, kind and nice (and they really are few and far between), but I think I can maybe help in some way, steer him/them in the right direction, so they're not just another family lost in the system.

[jumpinjen]

Oh hugs honey.... just look after yourself OK?

jen x

[Helen Dempster]

Oh hugs honey.... just look after yourself OK?

jen x

I will do Jen, thanks. I'm actually a 1st kyu (one below black belt) in karate, so I'm quite quick on my feet and have got good reactions, and I'm sure that helps in some way LOL :laughing: