Not sure if this is for me

[dollydally]

Hi all, I'm relatively new to this, I've been registered since last year but only started minding just two weeks ago. I have two of my own children, one at school and a 4 year old. I am minding an amost three year old and her one year old sister. I have the younger all day on Tuesday after dropping her sister off at playschool. I then pick her up at 3 and look after them till 5.30. I have them both 8 - 5.30 on Wednesday. Honestly, I really don't know how some of you do it all week, every day. Whether it's because of the children I've got, I'm not sure but so far, I hate it.:panic: The older girl is [I]very[I] spiteful. She deliberately tries to goad my son by getting in his face and pushing him around, if he doesn't do what she wants (she's always trying to kiss him/cuddle him which neither of my two like...), then she'll either stamp on toys or smack them in the face..:( Outside the school last week on the second day she ran up to a complete stranger with a pram and slapped the sleeping baby in the face...I did tell her off but to be quite honest, she's not listening. She's quite demanding, doesn't really do as she's told (e.g always runs off in a different direction and refuses to return, likes to put one foot in the road because she knows she's not supposed to). She doesn't go in the buggy, she walks/goes on a buggy board. Her mum knows she's quite boisterous and likes rough play etc but I don't know if I can cope. My own two boys are boisterous (age 4 & 5) and I'm not sure if I can cope with 3 plus looking after a very sweet, if a little clingy, 1 year old. Please tell me it gets better or should I just quit now?! x

[mama2three]

It can get better but there isnt a magic wand Im afraid. You need to sort out this little madam and then you might start to enjoy your job!
First thing i would do would be buy wrist straps. Same rule for mindee and your boys , either walk with you nicely or wear the wrist strap. Be consistent - be tough - but lots of praise when she is being good.
Maybe as the weather improves you can go home via the park and let them all run off some energy ..
The other thing to do is keep her with you . If she cant be trusted not to hurt other children when left to play then she comes through to the kitchen when you do etc
She will push her boundaries as far as possible but if you are consistent she will soon learn. How is she at school / nursery? what strategies are they using to deal with her behaviour? Make sure you have mums permission to work with them.
Good Luck , it is not an easy job but really can be so rewarding. its a shame you have had such a difficult mindee straight off x

[mufftie]

Blimey you have got it rough , I can assure you that they're not all that bad , I've had a few that are more demanding than others but generally they arnt bad , I've got one at the moment 3.5 lad and he's a total liability , not at all naughty just you have to be constantly on the go with him and I can't be mad as he's so keen to please the other day he walked behind a swing and got knocked flying so after I was sure he was ok we had a chat about the dangers of the park he immediately did it again ! I'm knackery after 2 days of having him each week

Just try and work on her behaviour and if it's really that bad then give notice and the next one mag be lovely

[dollydally]

Thankyou for that advice. I do have a wrist strap somewhere, I'll have to dig it out. And also get my son to walk close to me too. Our route to school is along the park thankfully so she does run around a bit up there. It's then a bit of a nightmare to get her to walk in the right direction. She doesn't seem to be able to walk in a straight line either! She seems to veer off/stagger all over the place! I think I will speak to playschool when I drop her off and see what they do as I'm sure she probbaly misbehaves there too. Or maybe it's just for me...? No, mum knows she's a handful, i did ask what she did and if I can remember correctly, I think she just has a bit of time out. Maybe I should stipulate that my vacancies are for 'well behaved children only!'...

[The Juggler]

I agree, the children you have and the parents you work wiht make all the difference.

Has the little girl been in childcare before, if not it might be really hard for her hon BUT having said that, she needs to know who is boss and what the rules are from the beginning.

If you can work with the parents then it will be an amazing feeling to see this little girls behaviour change.

It is hard at times, some days, sometimes for periods when things are tough and all of us go through that from time to time, whether we've been minding, 1 month, 1 year or 10.

Speak to the parents soon hon, get them on side and ask their advice on how they deal with her at home and totally agree about the advice to keep her with you at all times until she can learn to control her behaviour better. Give it some time hon.

[Penny1959]

Good advice given already.

Hope things improve

Penny :)

[Newbie1!]

Hia chick, I wanted to reply as Im fairly new to it all and felt, and at times still feel very similar to how you describe and have very similar situations. I do think it is too early for you to decide one way or another whether you want to give up or not, Im giving myself until June and see how things go then. Some of my mindees are fab, some are vile (sorry strong word I know!) but I think you live and learn and I am most definitely going with gut feelings on future work. (Had a feeling about a particular one but ignored it - wished I hadnt now as hes a nightmare) You just need to make it clear what behaviour you will and wont accept, I made the mistake of letting them take over my house, routine etc - am working hard now to try and regain the power in terms of "do as I ask or there will be consequences". I was afraid to give too much discipline for fear of upsetting them, losing mindees etc but it reached a point where I couldnt let them and their behaviour control my whole setting.

Only you can answer whether its the right thing for you but all I would recommend is bearing with it for a while so you get a bigger picture. Also, everyone on here is totally fabulous so do come on and ask for advice, help or even a moan (which I do everyday!!! :blush: :blush: ) xx

[missymood]

Hi
It does get better and once you have control over the little girl it will seem worth it. Definately put her on a wrist strap or buy the backpacks with a strap but you will have to do this to your children too. My daughter when she was little pushed a little baby flying and I was mortified. Made a big fuss of the baby and then sat her down and told her off. Thankfully she is lovely now:)

Honesyly it does get better though

Good luck:thumbsup:

[miffy]

Wow, she's really testing you, isn't she? :(

I agree with the others, you have to decide what behaviour you think is acceptable and then stick to your rules. It would help if mum works with you too.

Hope things get better soon

Miffy xx

[lma]

Maybe this mindee just isnt for you???
I have one child who when I know he's coming I wake up with dread thinking 'why do I put myself through this'??? During the holidays he doesnt come and the atmosphere is totally different and the children have actually commented that I havent had to tell anyone off today lol.
I gave this childs family their 4 week notice 3 weeks ago and the only thing keeping me going is that I now know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and I only have to care for him till next friday.

When I first started I was too afraid of telling the children off incase they went home and told mum and they were removed and I wouldnt have had any money coming in but have grown to think now that they all need disapline and if it were the other way round I'd like to think my childs childminder would teach her the correct behaviour and manners I try to teach and if a parent doesnt like the way I run my setting then maybe i'm not the childminder for their child and I'm fine with that.

Keep trying to stay positive to give yourself a bit of sanity and to keep your own children happy if nothing else. Hope everything works out for you.:)

[JCrakers]

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time.:(

All the kiddies I have had are little darlings probably because I am firm but fair. I will not tolerate bad behaviour, i clamp down on it from the start and once its dealt with everyone knows how to slot in. All the kids love coming here and it shows from the questionnaire I have just handed out. The older ones always want to come here at half term even when their parents are at home..they get upset when Mum says they cant come.

I think a lot of new childminders are scared to tell the children off or set base rules because they feel the kids wont want to come or will tell parents but these are needed to have a happy stressfree relationship. Ive been working with children for nearly 20yrs and wouldnt do it if I couldnt control the kids.

Most people say i dont know how you do it as their little one is throwing a huge tantrum and the other one has run off.....:D but the kids just don't do it for me because they understand there is no need for it...I just ignore the tantrums and we are always happy.

I dont have to shout or raise my voice a lot but just say...'We dont do that at Becky's house' in my teachers voice...:D
I hope it gets better with a few good groundrules and hope she soon fits into it. It will get better as soon as she has learnt how to fit in.:D
Becky x

[dollydally]

Thank you everybody, you've given me some fab advice. I know I should give it a bit longer before I make my mind up about whether this is for me or not. I feel a little better about it all as the week has gone on and I'm not going to dwell on it. Her mum is great and I'm sure if i have real problems, I will be able to explain and she will listen/act etc. I do need to be firm (I need to do this with my own children too!) and not just do things to please her so she enjoys coming. I'm sure as time goes on, I'll get to grips with it all! Thanks again everybody.

[miffy]

Glad you're feeling better about it all.

Hope things are easier next week.

Remember there's always someone here if you need to moan :)

Miffy xx

[Vickster]

It is tough and like you say the baby is fine. You need to be consistent and tough and you will get there. I had days like that to begin with but you do turn a corner, but you need to take action rather than stewing (I stewed for a bit) x