View Full Version : never work for friends !!!

19-12-2007, 02:14 PM
Hi all

My "friend" has just sent me funny text (not funny haha) because I have charged her when her child was off sick.

She said that she didn't expect to pay because she gave me fair warning and it was under docs advice.

Now until I met you guys I prob would have given in and not charged her but I thought NO WAY!!! How good is that!!

I txt back that it was in her contract and I am sorry if it seems mean but his place was booked and therefore I couldn't take on any other child.

I was very polite :)

She just txt back ok.

I do favours for this mum all the time - like I work late and only charge basic rates and she changes her days and time around willy nilly so I haven't got a clue what I am doing some weeks!

I decided enough was enough and if she ends contract GOOD!!!

There I feel so much better having got that off my chest!!
Thank you all, you have made me much tougher :thumbsup:

19-12-2007, 02:19 PM
I will never ever childmind for friends ever again after the disaster I hate with my now ex best friend, she never paid on time, would collect at stupid o clock like 6.45 without even phoning me after she left work, I found out she'd go for a sun bed after work etc and get here when she got here iyswim..... to be honest our friendship was dying a death anyway but it was the nail in the coffin and we eventually fell out and we havent spoken for quite a few months now.

Stick to your Guns Polly xxx

19-12-2007, 02:44 PM
It's horrible when people take advantage of your goodness.
I look after my sisters kids in the holidays only when she is off as she works strange shifts, the kids are 11 and 12.
She is is always taking advantage of me. She will go and have her nails done or her hair or her nether region waxed, etc after work with out consulting me first. Or she'll go shopping - She is late picking them up and I ask where she is and she says -Sorry I am in Tescos doing my shopping, I will be there in half an hour, etc. It annoys me, especially when i could be going out and doing MY own thing. But she's the kind of person who doesn't seem to have a concious and when you moan at her about it she will still do it again.:rolleyes:
So I can understand when people say don't look after friends and families kids.
So when i am registered her kids, unfortunately won't be on my books, me thinks !!!:)

19-12-2007, 03:04 PM
Good for you! I don't think that I would be as strong as you but you were completely right with what you did.

She obviously has no consideration for you when she chops and changes her times/days so why should you do her any special favours? If she complains I would point out how you only charge her basic charges when you work late yet other people would be charged extra.

19-12-2007, 03:57 PM
Thanks all

I think the prob is that when its a friend or family they take advantage a bit and you bend the rules for them a couple of times and then they do it all the time and it's really hard to be tough then.

So all you new childminders out there....learn from my mistakes!!! Start how you mean to go on :)

She is due to arrive at 5 with my money and I am dreading it.

19-12-2007, 04:02 PM
I've also learnt the hard way, looking after my best friends little boy. When he finished I vowed never to work for friends again - it's just a nightmare.

19-12-2007, 04:08 PM
Good for you Holly!!! I hope it goes ok when she arrives!

Neil had to remind me the other day that I had said I would be tough from the start. My mum has been late twice now - first time was only 5 mins and then this week it was 20 mins. She did let me know both times that she was stuck in traffic. I do feel a bit guilty as some nights she picks them up well before the two hours she pays me for but on the other hand I do not want her to take advantage in the future.

Stick to your guns Holly

Amanda xx

19-12-2007, 04:09 PM
Well done Holly - I think what you have said is 100% right and you have been polite and professional. Very interesting reading about other peoples experiences....I think I will avoid looking after friends children after reading this - have already had 2 who are interested and I was a bit unsure about it for these reasons.

Pauline x

19-12-2007, 04:10 PM
Well done Holly. A "friend" should understand more than anyone that you are running a business and shouldn't try to take advantage.
I hope it goes ok at 5 tonight

Emler x

19-12-2007, 04:12 PM
well done for being tough really

why do friends think we are just there to do favours for them doesn't anyone value what we do

19-12-2007, 04:14 PM
Will be thinking about you at 5... GO GIRL!

19-12-2007, 11:35 PM
How did it go?

20-12-2007, 07:17 AM
Sorry Holly I missed this

How are you today

How did it go at 5 yesterday hope you are ok anyway

Love Angel xx

20-12-2007, 08:34 AM
Well she turned up at 5, (I did think she might be late just to spite me!)

Didn't mention the money. So I said, "shall I pop this invoice into babys bag?"

She said "Oh yeah I didn't have chance to go to the bank so I will have to pay you after xmas"

I just agreed, couldn't think of anything to say...honestly I am pathetic sometimes :(

Don't know what to do now - she was talking of moving baby into a nursery where her sister works and I really wish she would. She gets away with too much with me, I bet she would have a shock if she went elsewhere.

20-12-2007, 08:36 AM
Was your money due though Holly?

She should not be making the rules here

Angel xx

20-12-2007, 08:49 AM
yep! money was due.

I charge in arrears (I know most of you charge in advance) yesterday was last day of minding for dec so money was due.

All the other parents have had no prob with this.

She has always paid on time so I think she is just making a point.

never mind, just have to put it down to experience and maybe start charging in advance

20-12-2007, 09:07 AM
Yeah Polly I learnt the hard way too I used to get paid in arrears

More difficult too when she is supposed to be your friend

Oh well christmas is almost here enjoy your holiday and forget about them for a bit

Love Angel xxx

20-12-2007, 09:22 AM
She said "Oh yeah I didn't have chance to go to the bank so I will have to pay you after xmas"

I'd charged her a late payment fee for every day late she is, christmas is still 5 dasys away and she said after christmas.... when after christmas does she mean !!!! So sorry you are in this prediament xxx

20-12-2007, 09:30 AM
I agree with Susan,
You really need to say something...it's not your problem she didn't get to the abnk!

Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
20-12-2007, 09:58 AM
I had my niece for 3 years and never again would I work with family they just took advantage all the time and it really got my back up so never again.

You will should get your money before christmas she might spend it otherwise and you might not get it at all.

Lorraine xx

20-12-2007, 12:57 PM
you are all so right!

I wish I wasn't so soft. I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt and think the best of them, I think thats why we are in the job we are because we are caring types!

Note to self: Must be more business-like!

thanks all xx

20-12-2007, 12:58 PM
Bless your heart Holly!:(

How horrible, she really doesn't seem to care, or she thinks you have nothing better to do and that you don't mind when she pays you, you feel like you shouldn't have to ask for your money, because she is your friend.
If she took the child to nursery she would have to pay in advance and they are usually really strict! If she was ever late picking the child up from the nursery she would have to pay extra. The nursery where I work charges £1 for every minute they are late! So she will have a shock if she moves her child...then she might wonder why she took advantage of your good nature.

Can't you ring her and ask her for the money today and tell her that you need it before Christmas as it is your money. If she says no you could tell her that you will be adding on a late payment fee for every day she is late, ..Might buck up her ideas!!:)

Best of luck Holly.:)

Love Sandra XXXXX

20-12-2007, 01:09 PM
I really feel for you Holly because I am the same - I bet you are sitting there thinking you know everyone is right but you just do not like to call her and tell her you want paying ?

I think if you do not do it then you really do need to put your foot down next time I know you do not want bad feeling now what with christmas and everything

Just do a newsletter before she is next due to pay you and remind parents that money must be paid on time or you will charge them every day that they are late - she can not turn round and say she did not know then

Have a nice day

Angel xx

20-12-2007, 01:12 PM
Just do a newsletter before she is next due to pay you and remind parents that money must be paid on time or you will charge them every day that they are late - she can not turn round and say she did not know then

Angel xx

I use my newsletter to get a point across too to certain parents, they must no that its aimed at them as sometimes they are the only one's it applies to, has worked up to now touch wood xxx

20-12-2007, 01:15 PM
Yeah I do too when I do not like to ask or say something to a parent

It does usually work and if it does not then I can then point it out that it was in the newsletter - to start off the conversation about whatever I am not happy about

Angel xx

20-12-2007, 01:17 PM
I agree with Angel...or start charging in advance form january...

Good luck


20-12-2007, 01:47 PM
This thread has really worried me, I am meant to be looking after my best friends baby full time when she goes back to work next Sept (long way away yet, I know). I don't want to ruin our friendship.


20-12-2007, 01:51 PM

I can see why you would be worried

But if you take everyones advice start the way you mean to go on and do no favours then you should be ok

It is your business so treat it like that and treat her like any other parent

Just make sure you make everything really clear before you sign contracts you have heaps of time to chat about it

If she is any kind of friend then you will not have some of the problems that the others have had

Good luck

Angel xx

20-12-2007, 02:14 PM
I know of TWO childminders in my area who have registered just so they can mind friends babies...how mad is that!?


20-12-2007, 04:23 PM
Angel and Sandra how do you know me so well :) :) Are you reading my thoughts?????

That was exactly what I was thinking!!

Newsletter is really good idea, trouble is I have just done one, so it will have to wait til next time now but I will definatly make a note of that.

Sarah, please don't be worried. All this is my fault in a way. When I started minding I didn't know about this forum and I didn't have a clue! My friends baby was my first mindee and I was so chuffed to have someone to look after that I let her walk all over me.

She would turn up sometimes 3 hrs after contracted time and I didn't say a word about it. I have now learned the hard way, as Angel said :)

Just make sure you sit down and talk business and don't forget you have all the lovely people on this site to help you.

20-12-2007, 04:27 PM
I know how you feel because I have been there

Sometimes I still find myself in these sort of situations too

I would leave it for now Holly and enjoy christmas who needs the stress and you will only get all worked up

New start for you in the new year - be stronger ha

Think I need to take some of my own advice

Angel xx

20-12-2007, 04:30 PM
thanks Angel

I think you are right


20-12-2007, 04:45 PM
Hi Polly,

I know how you are feeling as I would be the same as you. I am a big old softie and when it comes to me childminding I will be really concerned about asking for the money! lol. I would feel bad if you know what I mean.:)

20-12-2007, 04:46 PM
Sorry Holly, I called you Polly. hahaha:laughing:

I hope you feel better today XXX

20-12-2007, 05:25 PM
Sarah, please don't be worried. All this is my fault in a way. When I started minding I didn't know about this forum and I didn't have a clue! My friends baby was my first mindee and I was so chuffed to have someone to look after that I let her walk all over me.

That is why I am soooooo grateful to have found you all BEFORE I started minding. Whilst it is not nice for the people these situations are happening to, it does give someone like me the opportunity to be aware of some of the pitfalls before they arise.

New years resolution for you Holly!!! Get tougher!!

Amanda xx

20-12-2007, 06:14 PM
Good idea Amanda!!

Sandra - I answer to anything ha ha :laughing:

20-12-2007, 07:38 PM
I suppose it all depends on which friend you work with.

Some 'friends' aren't really friends are they? More like acquaintances that you would never tell a secret to or talk about your problems with and then you have proper friends that you would leave your own children with and know you could depend on in a crisis.

I would only work with the second type of friend.