Tether...end...at!

[Helen Dempster]

Hi all. I posted previously about 4yo mindee (boy) who I've had to give notice to due to his very unreasonable behaviour, mainly disruptive, spiteful and just plain BLEURGH!!! Anyway, he's 'working his notice' and I've got him for another 4 weeks (I fear they are going to be the longest of my life!) Today I had an absolutely TERRIBLE time with him (I only have him 2 hours after school!) from the moment we left school to the moment he was collected. I had excluded him last week (for 3 days), after having a meeting with his mum and it was his first day back yesterday. He spent yesterday clinging to my leg (literally!), laying all over me whenever I got to sit down and licking my trousers!!! Mum said she thinks it's his way of telling me that he missed me! :eek:

The most worrying thing of all is what he said to me today...."naughty Helen, you kicked and punched me!" I sat him down and said that is a very serious thing to say and could get me into a lot of trouble, that I would never hit anybody, esp a child and gave him the "we keep unkind hands and feet to ourselves" speech. Then he turned to me and said "you'll never work again HA HA!" :eek: :eek: :angry: I made a note and also told mum.

Before he went home, he smashed up the toy garage, found a drink one of the mindees had left and poured that all over the floor. I videoed it all so I could show his mum. She said "he looks angry, do you think it's because he's leaving you?"

I am, literally, at the end of my tether - I don't know how I'm going to cope for the next 4 weeks if it's going to be like this. I've given mum details of Families First and suggested she contact them. Apparently here is the only place he acts like this!!!!!!!!

[Mookins]

Hi all. I posted previously about 4yo mindee (boy) who I've had to give notice to due to his very unreasonable behaviour, mainly disruptive, spiteful and just plain BLEURGH!!! Anyway, he's 'working his notice' and I've got him for another 4 weeks (I fear they are going to be the longest of my life!) Today I had an absolutely TERRIBLE time with him (I only have him 2 hours after school!) from the moment we left school to the moment he was collected. I had excluded him last week (for 3 days), after having a meeting with his mum and it was his first day back yesterday. He spent yesterday clinging to my leg (literally!), laying all over me whenever I got to sit down and licking my trousers!!! Mum said she thinks it's his way of telling me that he missed me! :eek:

The most worrying thing of all is what he said to me today...."naughty Helen, you kicked and punched me!" I sat him down and said that is a very serious thing to say and could get me into a lot of trouble, that I would never hit anybody, esp a child and gave him the "we keep unkind hands and feet to ourselves" speech. Then he turned to me and said "you'll never work again HA HA!" :eek: :eek: :angry: I made a note and also told mum.

Before he went home, he smashed up the toy garage, found a drink one of the mindees had left and poured that all over the floor. I videoed it all so I could show his mum. She said "he looks angry, do you think it's because he's leaving you?"

I am, literally, at the end of my tether - I don't know how I'm going to cope for the next 4 weeks if it's going to be like this. I've given mum details of Families First and suggested she contact them. Apparently here is the only place he acts like this!!!!!!!!

omg... you have a real nitemare there. There isnt anyway i would put up with that...for a 4yr old to say you will never work again...hes heard that from somehwere hun!!!

perhapps this could be a case of terminate with immediate effect youve done everything to help him change

xx

[Mookins]

Hi all. I posted previously about 4yo mindee (boy) who I've had to give notice to due to his very unreasonable behaviour, mainly disruptive, spiteful and just plain BLEURGH!!! Anyway, he's 'working his notice' and I've got him for another 4 weeks (I fear they are going to be the longest of my life!) Today I had an absolutely TERRIBLE time with him (I only have him 2 hours after school!) from the moment we left school to the moment he was collected. I had excluded him last week (for 3 days), after having a meeting with his mum and it was his first day back yesterday. He spent yesterday clinging to my leg (literally!), laying all over me whenever I got to sit down and licking my trousers!!! Mum said she thinks it's his way of telling me that he missed me! :eek:

The most worrying thing of all is what he said to me today...."naughty Helen, you kicked and punched me!" I sat him down and said that is a very serious thing to say and could get me into a lot of trouble, that I would never hit anybody, esp a child and gave him the "we keep unkind hands and feet to ourselves" speech. Then he turned to me and said "you'll never work again HA HA!" :eek: :eek: :angry: I made a note and also told mum.

Before he went home, he smashed up the toy garage, found a drink one of the mindees had left and poured that all over the floor. I videoed it all so I could show his mum. She said "he looks angry, do you think it's because he's leaving you?"

I am, literally, at the end of my tether - I don't know how I'm going to cope for the next 4 weeks if it's going to be like this. I've given mum details of Families First and suggested she contact them. Apparently here is the only place he acts like this!!!!!!!!

omg... you have a real nitemare there. There isnt anyway i would put up with that...for a 4yr old to say you will never work again...hes heard that from somehwere hun!!!

perhapps this could be a case of terminate with immediate effect youve done everything to help him change
or start charging mum for breakages perhaps then she will start taking it more seriously
xx

[PRINCESSDAISYFLOWER]

who are you insured with, im sure there is a clause that you can terminate with immediate effect for this type of behaviour

[snufflepuff]

You poor thing!
I think 'you'll never work again' is a very adult thing to say and something he most certainly heard from someone else.
Id be speaking to Mum about termination with immediate effect unless he inproves drastically! You shouldn't have to put up with this!

[georgie456]

The most worrying thing of all is what he said to me today...."naughty Helen, you kicked and punched me!"

Then he turned to me and said "you'll never work again HA HA!" :eek: :eek: :angry: I made a note and also told mum.



These are not the kinds of comments a 4 year old child comes up with own their own or is it just me?!?! I suspect he may have heard that somewhere else....
Poor you - If this continues I would have to tell mum that you cannot have him during the notice period. Keep records of everything said and that you have informed the parents just in case.
xxx

[Mouse]

I agree with the others, that's just not the sort of thing a child would say without hearing it from an adult.

I'd contact your insurance company and see where you stand about immediate termination of the contract. You shouldn't have to work another 4 weeks like that :panic:

[pinky33]

I would terminate as of now, if your contract does not allow for this then exclude for remainder of notice with no fee obviously.

This kid didn't say this off his own back he has heard this. And I would exclude before it can be said they left without giving notice due to fears you were hurting child.

I hope this makes sense we had to deal with a parent saying we abused child (unfounded) and it's really the most horric lie someone can make up just to harm you.

[Goatgirl]

Hi Helen,
Wow, well done you for getting through it!
He'd have been sitting quietly thinking about his behaviour for rather a lot of the session if he'd behaved like that here. I agree with above posters... if there's any way at all to terminate with immediate effect, I'd do it.

i think the lies/comments about you hurting him are particularly worrying and would give this as a reason to the parents. It's quite understandable you wouldn't want to work under such circumstances. Doesn't make for a very calm environment does it?! Has the Mum signed to say she realises these are made up stories.

As to "you'll never work again" :eek: I'd be worried the parent or their family or feiends had said something to this effect in front of the child and wonder if that's their back up plan if you don't make it to the end of the notice, to get out of paying...?!

The best solution for me would be to call tonight, say you're very sorry to leave them in the lurch but after today's incidents and the nature of the comments you're not prepared to continue the notice period. I'd refund the rest of the 4 weeks payment too, to hopefully ward off any malicious complaint scenario...

And I don't for one minute believe that the child behaves in such a way at only your setting. I think Mum is deluding herself and trying to put the blame at your door :rolleyes:

So that's my advice ...... RUN!!!

Hope you get it sorted so you can relax again. Good luck :)

best wishes,
Wendy :)

[carol cameron]

Get your trainers on and runnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!! OMG at "you'll never work again."
I have two four year olds and they have only just realised I am their childminder, one of them asked me why I didn't go to work like his mum only last week. Trying to explain that I was at work was difficult for him to understand so I totally agree that your mindeee has heard that from an adult.
I really wouldn't have him across my door again as a way of protecting myself if I was in your position.
Good luck as it sounds like you need it:)

[Pipsqueak]

I think you need further professional advice - so if you are with NCMA - ring them first thing tomorrow.

I agree, what he has said he has heard elsewhere - its not a childlike thing to say.
And also the 'you hurt me' phrases.... that would get me running for the hills.


document document document EVERYTHING - the child says/does, your comments/approaches to parent and their response

tell the parent you will not tolerate the child behaving and speaking to you in this fashion,
i think you need to speak to NCMA as a matter of urgency


Personally I would be finding a way to terminate with immediate effect.

[Blackcat]

run like the wind:panic:

[The Juggler]

hon, i agree with everyone else. terminate with immediate effect due to the behaviour.

well done for documenting all the incidents. I would be inclined to pre-warn ofsted of the incident and that due to the behaviour and what he has said you are planning to terminate with immediate effect.

hope you are ok.

[Helen Dempster]

Thank you all for your support/advice. I just feel like crying all the time and I feel sick to my stomach - am so worried my clean record is going to be defaced(?) by this situation. I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight! I'm going to phone NCMA in the morning (thanks Pipsqueak - have PM'd you in reply) and see what they advise. I shall continue documenting it all. I will keep you all posted!! Luv you all!!!!

[Mouse]

How are things today?

[rickysmiths]

I think you need further professional advice - so if you are with NCMA - ring them first thing tomorrow.

I agree, what he has said he has heard elsewhere - its not a childlike thing to say.
And also the 'you hurt me' phrases.... that would get me running for the hills.


document document document EVERYTHING - the child says/does, your comments/approaches to parent and their response

tell the parent you will not tolerate the child behaving and speaking to you in this fashion,
i think you need to speak to NCMA as a matter of urgency


Personally I would be finding a way to terminate with immediate effect.

I agree. I would definately be terminating because his behaviour is affecting you and you other mindees and actually putting you all in danger if he is smashing things and deliberately pouring drinks on the floor, he is old enough to know better. As for the comment about him only behaving like this when he is with you :rolleyes: I suspect that is a trueful statement. How is he at school?

Yes I have just read the NCMA Contract and it says:

Notice of termination of the contract by either party must be given in writing. Such notice of termination must not be given during a period of the childminder's or parent(s)/guardian(s) time off or where no fee has been given for time off. A minimum of two, and a maximum of four weeks' notice of termination is suggested. If it is necessary to endthe agreement straight away, then payment in lieu of notice must be made. Registered childminders should note that parent(s)/guardian(s) may incur additional costs (eg loss of earnings) as a result of sudden termination of a childminding contract, and may be in a position to claim such losses. In ordinary circumstances, both the childminder and parent(s)/guardian(s) should serve the appropritate period of notice. If the parent(s)/guardian(s) or child's behaviour is, or becomes, such that the safety and wellbeing of the childminder, their children or the children in their care are threatened, the childminder may terminate the contract without notice. It is not appropriate to use this course of action where the behaviour is a one-off incident which could be easily resolved.

Sorry this is so long but this question comes up from time to time and I thought it would be useful to see what the NCMA Contract says.

I don't know if anyone would like to post what it says on the MM contract?

Have you spoken to NCMA yet, what did they say? I would have said without a doubt from your post that this situation probabaly falls within the red highlighted area.

[georgie456]

How are you getting on today? Any joy with NCMA?

[LisaMcNally09]

The MM contract says:

"If your child's behaviour is, or becomes, such that it affects the care or safety of the other children that I mind, I may cancel this contract. I will give you ___ days notice in writing, so yoou can arrange alternative care for your child."

I suppose in that you could just put 1 days notice for termination due to behaviour?? Im assuming so. I havent completed a MM contract yet as not long since switched so id be interested to know what others have put in this bit?

[Goatgirl]

The MM contract says:

"If your child's behaviour is, or becomes, such that it affects the care or safety of the other children that I mind, I may cancel this contract. I will give you ___ days notice in writing, so yoou can arrange alternative care for your child."

I suppose in that you could just put 1 days notice for termination due to behaviour?? Im assuming so. I havent completed a MM contract yet as not long since switched so id be interested to know what others have put in this bit?

Hi Lisa :)
I've put '0' days notice and explained at the time to parents that in the case of this happening I would refund for any care I had been paid for but would not be providing as a result :thumbsup:

Hope you're ok today Helen :)

[rickysmiths]

If I had to terminate a contract for the reasons highlighted in red I would not refund any fees as they would be in lieu of the notice period.

[Helen Dempster]

How are you getting on today? Any joy with NCMA?

Well, I contacted my network co-ordinator and she very kindly gave me a number to call at NCMA (and said I need to speak to one of the managers). I phoned them and....DRUM ROLL PLEASE.... they are all at a management meeting this afternoon and I'm to phone back again tomorrow :angry:

I saw the child's mum this morning and she gave me a picture he'd drawn last night for me. She asked him about his behaviour and he (apparently!) said it's because he loves me and doesn't want to leave me! the words "emotional" and "blackmail" now spring to mind!!!

[Pipsqueak]

Helen you need to be speaking to someone in the legal team, not managment. You need to be finding out about immediate termination of contracts and no one outside of the legal team can advise you on that.

Give them a call back and get the legal line number.

I think you should somehow be able to invoke clause 25.

[georgie456]

Helen you need to be speaking to someone in the legal team, not managment. You need to be finding out about immediate termination of contracts and no one outside of the legal team can advise you on that.

Give them a call back and get the legal line number.

I think you should somehow be able to invoke clause 25.

I agree!!!!

[Ripeberry]

I'd give the money back rather than go through the stress of a 'devil child'.
Sorry but that's the first thing I thought of when you said he told you "You'll never work again!" :mad:
What on earth is he like at school? :panic: Pity the new CM who has to take him on though :rolleyes:

[rickysmiths]

Helen you need to be speaking to someone in the legal team, not managment. You need to be finding out about immediate termination of contracts and no one outside of the legal team can advise you on that.

Give them a call back and get the legal line number.

I think you should somehow be able to invoke clause 25.


I agree as well.

[AliceK]

Hi Lisa :)
I've put '0' days notice and explained at the time to parents that in the case of this happening I would refund for any care I had been paid for but would not be providing as a result :thumbsup:

Hope you're ok today Helen :)

I do this too :thumbsup:

xxx