Mother In Law,,, aggghhhhhh

[Jinx]

Sorry, need to rant. Does anyone have a simular problem?
My mother in law just doesn't take my childminding business seriously.
I've asked all the family to please phone before popping in. My parents manage it, as does my sister, but mother in law just doesn't get it! Last week she 'popped' in once on Mon, once on Tues and twice on Fri!!!!
Once she turned up when I had a prospective parent here, my daughter answered the door and in she walked! Plonked herself on the sofa, introduced herself to the mum and asked if the kettle was on! :panic: :eek:
Rant number 2. My father in law is a public school teacher. I told him about my inspection, thinking he would be impressed. :eek: Huh, he asked me which of my childminding friends did the inspection???? Must have been a good friend to get Outstanding!!!! WHAT! Always knew he was off with the fairies!!!
Ok, rant over. But seriously, I don't want to fall out with m in l over this, but just can't get throgh to her. Any ideas?????

Thanks

Jinx

[littlesprogs]

My MIL used to be a childminder so i wont have that problem the only family we have living close by is my SIL and she is a childminder too so unfortunately i am no help.

You could maybe keep your door locked so she cant get in. Then just dont answer the door lol

[sarah707]

Tell her you're not insured / she needs a cRB check / Ofsted say you are not allowed visitors in working hours...

Tough one!

My exdh never really understood that yes actually I was working and it was hard and I was busy all day and sorry his dinner wasn't always ready at bang on 530 but the baby needed me... :rolleyes:

[crazybones]

Tell her she will have to be CRB checked and sign in and out or your insurance will be invalid. I did that to get rid of a friend who popped in constantly and then took delight in taking the mick out of me because I was sat on the floor covered in some sort of substance or ignoring her because I was WORKING!

[mum22]

Hi

I have a similar problem with a neighbour who has a 2 yr old boy, keeps coming every day in afternoon just as we are doing activities - i cant not open the door as my daughter hears the knock and goes running loudly to the door - so cant pretend we're not there - i am not a free service to entertain her son but dont want to offend - any suggestions:(

[Jinx]

You could maybe keep your door locked so she cant get in. Then just dont answer the door lol

Oh I've done that in the past when my kids were younger!!! Spent lots of my time hiding in the understairs cupboard shoving biscuits in the kids mouths to keep them quiet!
Don't think that'd go down to well with Ofsted! hehe:laughing:

[RedDragon]

Hi

I have a similar problem with a neighbour who has a 2 yr old boy, keeps coming every day in afternoon just as we are doing activities - i cant not open the door as my daughter hears the knock and goes running loudly to the door - so cant pretend we're not there - i am not a free service to entertain her son but dont want to offend - any suggestions:(

I would call my child back, not open the door and the next time you see neighbour say "Couldn't open the door, was so busy working with the children", keep saying it everytime it happens and eventually it will sink in.


Bit trickier with the MIL, maybe do it gradually, say "Don't come on Tuesday, we are going to be really busy", then, don't come Thursday etc etc until you turn it round and invite her once a week when it's convenient for you.


My MIL checks the children's bedding to make sure I am changing the sheets on a regular basis, tells me I don't look after my cat well enough because I don't allow him in 24hrs a day - in fact she would make a good ofsted inspector!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[berkschick]

My MIL was round for sunday lunch once along with my Mum and brother. She went to the loo and came out anouncing that she had just given it a good clean for me :mad: And she then started running her finger along the tops of my pictures.

Needless to say she is now only welcome strictly by invitation only :laughing: If I see her number on the caller ID I ignore it!

I agree to try the CRB and insurance thing. I hope you get it sorted.

[fionamal]

Sorry but cant help as my MIL just doesnt visit us at all.

Last time we seen her was my daughters birthday party with 30 kids in a hall and she asked how I managed to mind all those kids in my house and get them to school.

She hasnt a clue!

[ajs]

move :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: it worked for me

[Rubybubbles]

owwwwwwwwww give them a good old slap:laughing:

[Alibali]

Sorry but cant help as my MIL just doesnt visit us at all.

Last time we seen her was my daughters birthday party with 30 kids in a hall and she asked how I managed to mind all those kids in my house and get them to school.

She hasnt a clue!


Same here, mine don't visit unless it is a formal invite for some reason, I'd love to have a closer relationship with them but perhaps not quite so close as yours.

Ali :)

[fionamal]

The worst thing is she moans she never sees us but shes only 5 miles away and come to our town to do her shopping every week so why cant she just pop in for a coffee for 10 mins and see the grandchildren.


My parents live 54 miles away and they make a point of visiting every other weekend when its just my kids here.


You cant win sometimes.

Ive gave up now with MIL and never expect her to visit

[Mollymop]

Just tell her the truth - please try not to come round while I'm working.:thumbsup:

[Tickles]

Hi Joanne here,

I have been childminding for 7yrs, started when my son was 1 & a half, worked through my pregnancy with my daughter until 2wks prior to birth & then only took 3mths off & returned to childminding. My kids are 8 & a half & nearly 6.
I love my job & had always wanted to work in childcare etc

Anyway, my mother in law always makes comments about how when she retires, she will watch my kids, so that i can get a job!:angry:

1. She would never be watching them &
2. i have a great job

I have had it for 7yrs & i just ignore it now. Some people obviously dont see childminding as a job, if only they knew how much time, effort & training goes into it!

[donnahay0]

Oh what a pain in the **** that is. I like Sandra's approach and just tell her the truth, but in a nice way of course.

You could tell her that you have lots of things planned (i.e. you take the kids to music group on Monday, etc etc) so not to call round however, you would love her to come along for lunch on such and such a day. You must make sure she signs a visitor book and mention that it will cost you a fortune to get her CRB checked which i what Ofsted will insist on.

I am lucky as my M-in-L lives a couple of hours away so don't see her too much, but she has never made me feel inadequate at keeping house, being a good wife or mother - in fact she has mentioned on several occassions how hard i work.

A pledge to myself ... I must promise to try my best not to interfere and make my daughter in laws feel inadequate.

I will have to come back in several years from now to let you know if I ever manage it ....... I expect you will all still be here.

[angeldelight]

Hope you get it sorted great advice from everyone

Angel xx

[Twinkles]

Hi

I have a similar problem with a neighbour who has a 2 yr old boy, keeps coming every day in afternoon just as we are doing activities - i cant not open the door as my daughter hears the knock and goes running loudly to the door - so cant pretend we're not there - i am not a free service to entertain her son but dont want to offend - any suggestions:(

I would say 'Oh it must be your turn tomorrow, what time shall we come round ?'

As for my MIL she commented on the fact that
'Nikki's so lucky she's never had to go out to work' :eek:
Well I gave her one of my metal melting looks and she's never said anything like it again :D

[RedDragon]

Slightly off topic but here are a few things my MIL has said to me:


Have you lost weight? you don't look quite as wide as usual.

You hair looks much better red, it did nothing for you brown (had my hair brown for over 20 years lol).

I bought some Tupperware dishes (ones with separate sections) - I thought they were great as my mum had never been able to afford them and I always wanted them when I was little (along with a purple chopper, but that's another story). Anyway, when she came round my kids were watching a programme, all sitting on the floor in a row in front of the tv with their food - I went upstairs and she hissed to my husband "Look at them, sitting on the floor, eating prison food, like DOGS!

[Gherkin]

When we moved within a 25 minute drive of my in laws ( we had been 2 & a half hours away before the move) I made it very clear that no body was ever to just turn up on my doorstep (this was before I was even minding). I think because I was pregnant at the time and my mood swings were quite unpredicatable it made it easier for everyone to heed the warning.

The only people who call round now are the delivery drivers wanting me to take stuff in for all the neighbours. :angry:

[Jinx]

Same here, mine don't visit unless it is a formal invite for some reason, I'd love to have a closer relationship with them but perhaps not quite so close as yours.

Ali :)

Yeah, my parents 5 mins in 1 direction, in laws 5 mins in opposite direction! It has had its benefits in the past, when my kids were younger but its a bit 2 close for comfort these days!

She did say she'd pop in after school one day this week, so I'm going to tell her then that she HAS to ring me first now. (prob make up some story about a parent being funny about her being here the other day!!!;) ;) ) At least my hubby is behind me on this one! She's been very good at painting me out as the evil daughter in law before but he's wise to it now!:rolleyes:

Thanks for all the advise and suggestions.

Jinx x

[Chimps Childminding]

My MIL calls me regularly, checking if i am in that afternoon as they will pop round about 2 ish!! have suggested to hubby that he could ask them to ring me at the weekend and check which would be the best day and time for them to come over the following week, cause they nearly always choose my busiest day, and 2ish is just when the lo's might be napping and i could wash up lunch things, have lunch myself etc. instead of having to entertain them! so far its fallen on deaf ears!!:angry:

I just wish they would realise I AM AT WORK!!!!! they couldn't visit me if i worked in an office - also they never come when their son, or 4 grandsons are at home, because they have gone again by 3 o'clock!!! :angry:

[Cazz]

I'm feeling quite pleased now that my mother in law lives 360 miles away and she won't be able give me these problems when I start childminding.

We only see her once a year and I do feel I'm being judged a bit when we stay there. We are going in July but for the first time ever we are not going to stay with her (mainly because brother in law and family of five have moved in with her and it was crowded enough last year but we also have a baby who will be 6 months old then). We are taking the kids to a holiday park about 15 miles away from her and staying in a caravan (fond childhood memories!) so we can visit a few times during the week. Thing is, she doesn't know this yet! Have been telling hubby for a couple of months to tell her so she can come down from the ceiling before we get there in July! She phoned on Monday evening when he was at work and asked if we were "comin down this year". I wasn't going to tell her so I said hubby would phone her There is a big note on the calendar for him to do it tonight. So if anyone lives in South Wales and the air turns blue later you will know why!

By the way, that bit about the tupperware plates made me laugh so much that I woke my baby up!

[jordanann]

Hi
No chance of my MIL visiting she is far too busy getting drunk!!!!!!!!
My inlaws couldn't give a stuff about their grandchildren but love to give off the impression to other people that they are so dedicated to them:angry:

I like it that way as i cant be bothered with them. So i think i'm a very lucky lady not seeing them:laughing: :laughing: :laughing:

Love Lisa
xx xx xx