View Full Version : I feel like a failure

Helen Dempster
23-02-2011, 06:58 PM

Some of you may've seen my previous post about a disruptive mindee in my care who has been hurting (physically) and name-calling other mindees and own ds, plus lots and lots of other things. I've just had meeting with mum and we've decided it's not working out and she will look for alternative childcare (breakfast/after school club) I feel awful, I've never had to exclude a child before regarding their behaviour, and I've had a few 'challenging' ones, believe me! She says she sees some of what I describe at home but nothing to the extent that he's doing here :( He's 4yo and also fine at school. Just makes me think it's ME and it's something I'm doing wrong.

Feeling a bit low and deflated.


23-02-2011, 07:02 PM
It's not you! x

23-02-2011, 07:03 PM
Oh bless you. I felt exactly the same about a 7 year old I gave notice on last year. I'm known locally for being able to handle the challenging ones. I felt quite low then too. He's since been kicked out of afterschool club/breakfast club too :(

Chalk it up to experience, we cant be all things to all men.

And, bravo you for tackling the problem and speaking to mum and accepting defeat! It's not easy :)

23-02-2011, 07:12 PM
Hi :),
there are a million reasons why this little guy may be acting up at yours. .. try not to take it personally: think of all the chidren who have behaved well with you, those whose behaviour has improved under your guidance and those who behave well now :)

You've spoken to parents so they are fully aware of the problems and found a way to move forward that they're happy with: that's a good thing. You're doing a great job.

Not every child will fit into every environment so don't beat yourself up; just look forward to more harmonious times :thumbsup:

very best wishes,
Wendy :)

23-02-2011, 07:49 PM

Please don't feel like that. I just had to do this in January after struggling for 7 months to integrate a 5 yo into the setting. I felt like you do for a short while but realised that some just don't mix in some settings and that is that..... I'm sure you can fill the place soon with a child that does play nicely with the other children!

Big Hugs, Jen x

23-02-2011, 08:51 PM
I had a little one once that was fine here and at home but behaved appallingly at pre-school. I know all the pre-school staff and they're all fantastic, they did absolutely everything they could with him to no avail. He was also fine when he started at school, must have been something about that particular environment but we never figured out what it was, and if you ask him about it now he says he loved it there! Sometimes kids just don't fit well into an environment and it isn't anyone's fault.


23-02-2011, 09:50 PM
He was probably misbehaving more at your house because he felt secure and confident, and thats not something that you are doing wrong:thumbsup:

Dont feel bad as you have to do what is best for you, your other mindees and your child.

23-02-2011, 11:08 PM
You are not a failure! sending you a hug
As others have said, however good you are, not every setting is right for every child. We can't expect all children to get on with one another just as we, as adults don't get on with everyone we meet.

24-02-2011, 05:53 AM
Sending hugs

As others have said - you did the right thing - not only for yourself, the other mindees and own children - also for this child. He needs a new environment where he can have a new start. Sometimes we just can not work out what is behind certain behaviours - and therefore can not change the behaviour.

Penny :)

24-02-2011, 08:15 AM
It is hard when you have to give notice like this but it isn't your fault and you shouldn't feel you've failed.

Instead think of all the children who have been/are happy in your care and how much pleasanter life is for all of you now this child is no longer with you.

Miffy xx