View Full Version : Help is needed already

21-02-2011, 09:18 AM
Hi Everyone,

Some much needed help is needed i just feel like crying.

Two weeks ago i had a 2 year old little girl start on her settling in period, she started with 2 hours a day why her mum was still there to get used to me. Now this little girl has never been parted from her mum in the two years and struggles with confidence plus English is her 2nd language so again i understand its really hard for her.

However we kept going with the two hours for the two weeks and today we were about to start with half days without her mum and her mum called this morning to say that the little girl just keeps saying 'no' and wont leave the house to come over.

What do i do? It is knocking my confidence as a childminder not to mention all the activities that i have planned and prepared. Her mum starts full time work next week and has only me to rely on for the childcare as the little girl has been in nursery before for a few weeks and cryed the whole way through so i am told.

Just after some advice do i refuse to take her on as i know its not the little girls fault but just think her mum really doesnt want to let go.

Help me

Thanks Jo:ohdear:

21-02-2011, 09:26 AM
I think two weeks is way to short to decide she's not settled. I don't know about you but I would not let a 2yo rule my life as a mother ... I'd just take them there and say nothing. If she's not used to being without her mum of course she will cry but not because she doesn't like going there but because she doesn't like being without her mum.
If you feel you can't cope you can refuse to have her. I would not give up so fast tho.

21-02-2011, 09:27 AM
How can a 2 year old refuse to leave the house.:panic:

I would tell mum it is kinder to do half days this week rather than throw her in at the deep end with full time next week.

Mum has to realise that there will be some days of tears until the child fully settles in.

Tell mum she has to be brave for the sake of her daughter. Tell her you will become just like an aunty to her daughter, but mum has to give you the chance.

Good luck :thumbsup:

The Juggler
21-02-2011, 09:42 AM
my son went to a minder from 8 months. at around 2 he would scream and shout and not get in the buggy in the mornign but it wasn't because he didn't like his minder he just wanted to stay with me.

I also had a 2 year old who cried all day for her mum for about 3 weeks, head in my lap and wouldn't play. I think some have separation anxiety really badly - usually those with anxious mothers :(

To boost your confidence I would get firm with mum. Invite her round. Tell her that this is perfectly normal, her child is 2 and has never been left but in order for her to see she will be ok without mum she needs to do this. By all means build up the time slowly (but full contract and pay starts now as agreed) but mum drops and goes. No more staying. Knock door, hand over, quick kiss and that's it.

Then distract the child. Text mum tell her alls fine. She WILL settle down but it may take time.

Not sure what this mum is like but in my case it took longer because mum was not really wanting to leave her. if you mum is the same you may find that, at pick up, even when child has really been ok that day, that mum will say things like 'oh were you ok without me, are you ok?' like it's been an awful trauma for her to have been left.:rolleyes:

21-02-2011, 11:13 AM
Like the others say tell mum to be firm and bring her , she may well cry but that's inevitable what's the other choice if her mum needs to go to work , it-may turn around quickly and she may settle well especially if it's a full time place

21-02-2011, 11:17 AM
Sounds like Mum really doesn't want to let go. It is really difficult :(
Don't know what you can do really - but suggest that Mum be firmer now or it will be harder when she HAS to leave her to go to work. You can't let a 2yr old run your life! If there's a Dad on the scene he may have more luck with being firm, I've found Dads are often better at dropping kids off!

Baildon bears
21-02-2011, 06:17 PM
It is really hard, I started a couple of years ago with my mindee who has English as her second launguage, but I think they they have to just be strong and let you start with her full days than prolong the ageny, I learnt some basic polish words and also bought some English Polish nursury rhyme c.ds to help her feel more relaxed, they soon pick up English and it always takes at least a month to settle in. I remember having days of crying but two years on my full time mindee is like my best little friend and lovely to have, stick with it and good luck.

21-02-2011, 08:59 PM
Sounds like mum needs to make that break from her. I changed minders when my second daughter was about a year or so. I was on a fortnights holiday so we decided to do settling in periods but she screamed every time I took her there. It felt awful and I just couldn't bear to leave her. One day the minder said "Just go, you only live round the corner, I'll phone if she doesn't calm down". She screamed for the first 1/2 hour but was fine after that and had a great time. Oh, she continued to scream every time I left (and boy did the guilt sting) but she would always settle within 1/2 an hour. Gradually it worked down to 20 mins then 10. And eventually she's just stop the minute childminder shut the door. She'd be all "wah wah wah" and the minute the door clicked shut she would stop. It was all for my benefit!

I just needed to make that break, and it sounds like this mum needs to do the same. All you can do is support mum through it. It's very unsettling when your child seems distressed and doesn't want to be left. I know I felt terrible and just wanted to go in there and take her home again but if she doesn't make the break she'll be stuck with a whiny clingy child who'll grow into a whiny spoilt brat who'll grow into a whiny stroppy teenager.

The polish lad that goes to my childminder was the same. Now he screams when his mum picks him up, because he doesn't want to leave!!

21-02-2011, 09:08 PM
Jo, try not to take this personally and let it knock your confidence - this is about the relationship between the child and her mum and nothing to do with you.

Like the others say it will be kinder if mum can be persuaded to let her come half days this week instead of throwing her in at the deep end with full days next week.

It's very early days to be expecting the child to settle so if you feel you can then I'd persevere for a bit longer.

Good luck

Miffy xx