Bit of a loss as to what to do

[Tealady]

My Mindee turned 7 at New Year. He has been coming to my setting for over 2 years. I only have him in the morning before school but occasionally have him afterschool. He has always got on so beautifully with my DD who is 2 years younger. They used to make dens, imagination games, make things together... I used to feel redundant!!!

However in the last month he ignores her, tries to wind her up, won't play anything she suggests and when she asks well what do you want to do he just says drawing or plays with the baby, so excluding her.

I've tried talking to him about it, but get no response. He has had some issues at home (Mum & Dad divorced, Dad re-married and this marriage looks to be on the rocks) so thought that maybe playing on his mind.

We were at a friends at the weekend and their 7 year old son behaved exactly the same way. Said he didn't want to play with girls and even put a sign on the playroom door saying NO GIRLS. So I'm wondering if my mindee has some kind of "Big Boy Syndrome" in that girls are now yucky, he's grown out of role play, which I can understand but he puts down my DD and make up stories to make him seem better than her and gets really huffy if she achieves anything he hasn't. My DD get's quite upset.

I know I can't force them to be friends but I do need to restore some harmony, but not sure how.

[blue bear]

Can you introduce big boy/girl stuff under 5's can't have like small Lego k nex board games where you need another person to play etc make it clear that they have to share and no sharing means it is taken away, maybe play with them and be mediator and also offer thing for solo play but to both of them so they can have sone time off from sharing probably needs some solo time after school

[Goatgirl]

Hi :),
Oh dear your poor dd :( .
This is tricky because its so hard to know the cause of the behaviour....

You can't make them be friends, no - but you can expect kindness and for your dd not to be always left out. I expect the mindees to all play nicely and if someone is getting left out of a fun game i don't feel bad stopping the game. There are plenty of other things to do. And if they don't want to do any of that they can sit quietly and read a book. Amazing how quickly they can then think of a new role for the left out person to fill.
They are expected to behave well toward each other. Nice voices, ask don't snatch, think about the other person's feelings etc

Can your dd not just draw quietly at the same time as mindee? Could be he is asserting some independence from games she likes ...

How about sitting everyone down to a board game so mindee gets reminded of how much fun it is to play with your dd again? If he doesn't want to join in, just have so much fun with your dd he'll want to :thumbsup:

Of course, as fifi says, he may just be needing some chill out time, especially with everything that's going on at home. Is there something he loves to do alone that you could provide? Maybe 'giving' him a special half an hour of doing something of his own ( he can choose, you will ensure minimum of interruptions) might relax him and put him in a more sociable frame of mind for later on?

I wouldn't make a huge deal about it; they'll find a new rhythm eventually, hopefully.

But i'd just reassure both mindee and your dd its fine if mindee wants to play alone/ do other things etc, so she knows its not something about her and he doesn't feel pressured to play games with her he may not want to at the moment ...

Could you have a word with mindee; ask him if there's a problem?

If appropriate you could remind him that all children should be able to have a nice time. He wouldn't like to be left out or ignored would he and he's such a kind person and a good friend.... He and your dd make such a good team etc...

And not allow any kind of mean behaviour. No winding up. Whenever there's a glimmer of this kind of behaviour, make it very clear you won't put up with your dd being bullied in her own home - in case he's just on a power trip :rolleyes: You are the boss. End of.

If it doesn't improve soonish though and your dd is upset I'd consider giving notice. Family first :thumbsup:

All just my opinions/ suggestions based on your snippet of info and my own wild speculations, so do just ignore if you like :D

Hope it improves for you all soon :)

best wishes,
Wendy

[mushpea]

My son got on with the 6yrold mindee brilliantly for a good year,, then all of a sudden it went wrong! this mindee would wind my son up and my son would just snap (he has adhd and temper issues anyway), this mindee knew exactly what buttons to push ,, this was as he was just turning 7 and I have heard they get a boost of testosterone at this age and i wonded if this didnt help,, after a couple of very very hard work months and working with his mum they did eventualy calm down and are now best of friends,,, I have to point out that my son is no angel and was just as much a pain, but my point is this may be a tempory thing because of his age, whats going on at home etc,, I would reassure your child that its not their fault and try and engage your child and the other mindees in other things and see if the 7ryold will join in or if he prefers his own time.
i would also speak to the parents and see if they have noticed a difference in his behaviour latley and also speak to him and explain how he's making your child feel, sort of guilt trip him a bit.
Good luck with it.

[Baildon bears]

My eldest son is 7 and he hates girls at the moment, its a funny age.