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VINASOL
11-02-2011, 04:41 PM
I know that this can be an emotive issue, BUT two of my girls smack other children in my setting. These two children are actually regularly smacked by their parents. I have introduced behavioru charts to erradicate this behaviour (actually, girls love it; parents not-so-much:eek: ).

However, how can you explain to children that smacking/hitting other children is unacceptable behaviour when their own parents smack them and they think that this is as the 'norm' and if 'mummy/daddy' does it, then it must be ok????

I've told both sets of parents that I do not believe in smacking, but one child came the other morning in a right state because her dad had smacked her (and trust me, I think it must have been really hard too).

How would you deal with this situation?

candy cat
11-02-2011, 04:46 PM
hard one as you can't tell parents what to do with their children.....the only time I would get involved is if they did it on my premises then I would tell them off and say it is not acceptable in my house .

Allie
11-02-2011, 04:51 PM
My childrens parents don't smack but our rules aren't the same so I always say these are the rules of my house. They soon learn my rules stay the same and I always enforce them

Allie

Dragonfly
11-02-2011, 05:00 PM
Think your just have to keep reinforcing we dont do that here, cant tell the parents not smack.

Rubybubbles
11-02-2011, 05:04 PM
if the parent has smaked and it has left any mark it's a safeguarding issue, maybe remind them of this?

Rubybubbles
11-02-2011, 05:06 PM
have a look on here hun

http://www.childrenslegalcentre.com/Legal+Advice/Child+law/Smacking/Whatisthelawonsmackingchildren

Bridey
11-02-2011, 05:13 PM
I tell the children that nobody smacks in MY house. Not them, not me ... nobody.

VINASOL
11-02-2011, 05:29 PM
I tell them everyday, and they know that I do not accept it from ANYONE.

However, these are young children (4 years old)...I'm 'just' a childminder, not their parent so they think it's ok because the parent smacks them (on the bottom and for obvious reasons I have never seen a mark) but then the parent can't understand WHY child is behaving the same way.

Think I might put up a new 'house rules' and send it home to parents saying that I promote 'good' behaviour and 'discourage' negative bheaviour by rewarding good behaviour iyswim....

it's weird because the kids who are being hit ARE the naughtier ones...so obvious this action is not working...sorry rant over!

Daftbat
11-02-2011, 05:34 PM
I have lots of things that can differ from what the parents do at home including not undoing the seatbelt in the car until they are told to by me. I had this today and I told the child straight that I wasn't interested in what happens at home but in my car and my house its MY rules that are enforced. So with the smacking thing I would just carry on as you are enforcing your views and teaching the children that there are other ways to deal with things.

sandy64
11-02-2011, 06:12 PM
hi, maybe depending how well you think it will be taken i wouldnt want you to lose lo. only you no the parents you could say its actually illegal to smack a child and its been known that theres evan been a prison sentence, you could say it half joking :) good luck must be very hard:)

VINASOL
11-02-2011, 07:49 PM
Oh it would not be taken well at all. My behaviour chart hasn't gone down well but it is SO NEEDED...but I figure, tough; my house, my rules....the parents are 'professional' people and 'church going' people but they deem it fit...am hoping through reminding parents of positive rewards it might help...have to be a bit sneaky really...can't come across too 'preachy' if you kwo what i mean

Helen79
12-02-2011, 03:38 PM
Its a tough one but just keep enforcing the no smacking rule and hopefully the message will get through eventually.
If parents aren't happy with the reward chart then I would stop doing it and find a different method.
I don't do reward charts at home and wouldn't want my dd having one somewhere else. I don't like them as a method of behaviour management and would be unhappy if a cm was ignoring my wishes. Although it's difficult if they don't have any other way of dealing with behaviour at home that you can use other than smacking.

Monkey26
12-02-2011, 05:47 PM
I really don't like reward charts - i don't believe that they eradicate bad behaviour or encourage good behaviour, more that they just encourage a child to stop doing/do something to get a treat! But thats just my opinion.
We have a happy tree (actually this year its a rainbow!), everytime someone does something nice/trys something new/achieves something they have been struggling with, it gets written on a leaf/heart/hand print and they put it up on the display - kiddies love showing their parents when they come to collect :) - the only 'reward' involved is written praise for something that made someone else happy; themselves, another child or me :)
I hope the smacking issue resolves itself soon xx

SYLVIA
12-02-2011, 07:20 PM
If the child comes to you and has a visible mark on their skin, I think I would ask for explanation and write it in the incident book. Maybe this might make parents think as they probably know that Ofsted will see the entry and by verbalising their actions it might make they a bit uncomfortable

loupo
13-02-2011, 02:06 AM
I really don't like reward charts - i don't believe that they eradicate bad behaviour or encourage good behaviour, more that they just encourage a child to stop doing/do something to get a treat! But thats just my opinion.
We have a happy tree (actually this year its a rainbow!), everytime someone does something nice/trys something new/achieves something they have been struggling with, it gets written on a leaf/heart/hand print and they put it up on the display - kiddies love showing their parents when they come to collect :) - the only 'reward' involved is written praise for something that made someone else happy; themselves, another child or me :)
I hope the smacking issue resolves itself soon xx

That's a really lovely idea. I'm going to have a go at that.

Lou

Mykidsrock
13-02-2011, 09:45 AM
hi, maybe depending how well you think it will be taken i wouldnt want you to lose lo. only you no the parents you could say its actually illegal to smack a child and its been known that theres evan been a prison sentence, you could say it half joking :) good luck must be very hard:)

Hi
Sorry I also do not agree with smacking a child, however it is not illegal to smack a child. It is classed as a form of acceptable punishment as long as it does not leave a mark. Also, you are only allowed to smack on the bum and back of legs at top and it needs to be done without pants down (or something along these lines). It is classed as reasonable punishment.

"It is unlawful for a parent or carer to smack their child, except where this amounts to ‘reasonable punishment’. Whether a ‘smack’ amounts to reasonable punishment will depend on the circumstances of each case taking into consideration factors like the age of the child and the nature of the smack. However, physical punishment will be considered "unreasonable" if it leaves a mark on the child or if the child is hit with an implement such as a cane or a belt."

Helcatt
13-02-2011, 09:55 AM
I really don't like reward charts - i don't believe that they eradicate bad behaviour or encourage good behaviour, more that they just encourage a child to stop doing/do something to get a treat! But thats just my opinion.
We have a happy tree (actually this year its a rainbow!), everytime someone does something nice/trys something new/achieves something they have been struggling with, it gets written on a leaf/heart/hand print and they put it up on the display - kiddies love showing their parents when they come to collect :) - the only 'reward' involved is written praise for something that made someone else happy; themselves, another child or me :)
I hope the smacking issue resolves itself soon xx

i love this idea - think we might do something similar

georgie456
13-02-2011, 10:05 AM
I absolutely LOVE this Happy Tree idea :)

Monkey26
13-02-2011, 11:38 AM
I absolutely LOVE this Happy Tree idea :)

Thank you to everyone who has said they like my Happy Tree idea :) xx

Dragonfly
13-02-2011, 11:50 AM
Thats what I thought kidsrock

Mykidsrock
13-02-2011, 06:43 PM
Thank you to everyone who has said they like my Happy Tree idea :) xx

We do something similar - we have decorated a night sky and do wow stars x

Noomie
13-02-2011, 08:58 PM
I don't have a smacking issue, but I have 3 year olds that try and tell my 2 year old what she can and can't do (and try and 'parent' her in a way). I believe this is a little bit similar. I tell them that I am the boss and decides what can and can't be done. This is the adults role, not the children's. They must only worry about themselves, not other children. We're getting there...