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Lottie
19-04-2008, 10:44 AM
Not that I am in this position...I hope I won't be! A friend of mine asked for my advice about one of her mindee's but wasn't sure myself, so thought I would come on here and ask...

How would you deal with a particularly badly behaved child who seemingly had a lack of discipline and stability in his/ her home life. Who is 5 years old and hyperactive and will not listen to you, who seeks attention the whole time?

I didn't know what to suggest because in my normal home life that would be nipped in the bud straight away. However as a childminder there are different rules and regulations to uphold.

What my friend wants to know is how far and how strict can you be as a childminder in the form of discipline and are there any procedures you can take and any advice on how to deal with this?

Your thoughts as always are greatly appreciated and I will print the replies for her to see.

p.s I gave her the link to this forum so she may join soon anyway.

Blaze
19-04-2008, 10:54 AM
Can you be a bit more specific with what the bad behaviour entails?
Blaze:)

Lottie
19-04-2008, 10:59 AM
Bad behaviour entails by all accounts - swearing, jumping around on furniture AND on my friend. Apparently this child is very strong for her age and pushes my friend, tries to head butt her, is pretty aggressive really. Will not listen when she is being told off, will answer back, will not follow orders. Wants attention the whole time. Is apparently quite angry with father for not spending enough attention with child.

My friend believes that the child isn't a lost cause and that the child does lack discipline and attention in the family setting which is coming into her setting. Apparently the child has always been like this... :eek:

angeldelight
19-04-2008, 11:08 AM
The same rules apply for my minded children that I would have for my own children

Why should your friend put up with this - it is not acceptable behaviour is it?

I would ask for an emergency meeting with the parent and tell her just what this little boy is doing
I would record all evidence in my book and show the parent

This can not be ignored

I would also ask what his behaviour is like at school

Your friend and the parent need to work together on this one

If things did not improve and if I had no support from the parent I would give notice

Good luck to your friend

Angel xx

Lottie
19-04-2008, 11:37 AM
Thanks angel :thumbsup: . That is basically what I told her too. However when I mentioned that she should maybe enforce the same discipline as she does with her child she said she couldn't. Reason why is that he child has the 'naughty step' which is very effective for her own, but Ofsted don't like this....

She is actually at her wits end but feels emotionally tied to this child and wants to help the child and the parent.

I said to her that there is only so much she can do and she has to put her family first, which she does anyway. She just feels that this child has so much potential and that the child is somehow lost. It's not a good situation at all.

Pipsqueak
19-04-2008, 11:47 AM
Naughty step = renamed Time Out!:D Ways and means round it.

Angel has given some great advice!

emler
19-04-2008, 11:55 AM
Naughty Step = Thinking step here :D

Emler x

Lottie
19-04-2008, 12:01 PM
ahhhhhhh.... ;) . I see. I will print this out. Thanks girls. :thumbsup:

tomy12
19-04-2008, 12:03 PM
hi there

we have a thinking chair here.

claire

Alibali
19-04-2008, 02:04 PM
Yes, time out works effectively here, the good thing with time out is that it is not a fixed place i.e the step, so the discipline can be carried out anywhere and nipped in the bud quickley.

Ali :)

sarahstanbridge
19-04-2008, 02:58 PM
we have a time for thought beanbag. ofsted liked it when they were here.:)

fionamal
19-04-2008, 04:31 PM
We have a Time-out step and does normally work.

Did have 1 boy who I had to terminate for something similar as I could not control his behaviour and nether could the mother and it was affecting all the other children.

Hes now on his 5th childminder for the same problem.

Gherkin
19-04-2008, 10:32 PM
I have an ADHD 8 yo b i care for and have agreed very firm boundaries with his parents. Any hint of bad behaviour is nipped in the bud immediatly by having to sit with me in kitchen, time out in hallway or having to sit in a chair in the lounge. Some days he can be thinking for 30 mins or more if he is continuing to play up but this is a course of action agreed with parents and they know every time it happens. Child knows certain behaviour would not be tolerated and has never attempted to physically hurt me but has hurt adults at school (pushing, hitting etc).

He like to try and negotiate and is very emotionally savy but I do not waver from course of action even if he is crying as any perceived weakness in the adult is manipulated by him. Some days I feel like a prison guard rather than a childminder but on the good days he is brilliant.

sarah707
19-04-2008, 10:39 PM
If your friend feels physically intimidated by the child then she is within her rights to ring parents and ask them to collect immediately.

She needs a very carefully written behaviour management policy that gives her a get out... something like...

'if a child's behavoiur threatens the childminder or any other child in the setting, then the childminder reserves the right to ring parents for immediate collection of the child. If parents do not collect within 30 minutes, the emergency plan will be implemented. The childminder will call an urgent meeting with the child's parents / carers to try and work together to resolve the issues and reserves the right to terminate contracts with immediate effect if such behaviour continues or worsens.'

Hope this helps :D

bubbly
19-04-2008, 10:50 PM
How would you deal with a particularly badly behaved child who seemingly had a lack of discipline and stability in his/ her home life. Who is 5 years old and hyperactive and will not listen to you, who seeks attention the whole time?

You're describing a child I mind EXACTLY, except that mine is almost 4 years old. I've found it impossible to control her and still haven't reached a solution. My life has become very stressful and it's affected me badly as I can't bond with her. I'm constantly questioning my suitability as a childminder due to not being able to manage her. I feel for your friend as I know how she must be feeling. My own personal feelings on this is to terminate the contract if it really becomes too much for her because she has to think of her own health and wellbeing too. The only reason I've not terminated my mindee's contract is because she's related to the only other child I mind and I fear the parents would take umbridge and I'd be left without an income.

I think a good solution would involve nails and trees but I wouldn't survive in jail :D

bubbly
19-04-2008, 10:58 PM
P.S. I've tried the Naughty Step thing with the mindee I mentioned in my post above but it means absolutely nothing to her. She doesn't even realise when she's being told off. Her face goes totally blank and it's like NOTHING registers at all. Sometimes she'll go off on a totally different tangent when I'm mid-sentence disciplining her. She'll say something like "is it snack time?". Absolutely nothing registers at all. You'd expect most kids to cry when put on a Naughty Step but my mindee thinks she's gone on holiday!

miffy
20-04-2008, 07:05 AM
Lottie you've had some great advice already - I just wanted to add give lots and lots of praise when the child behaves in the way you want.

Hope things get better for your friend.

Bubbly - have you tried making sure the child is looking at you when you speak to them - I have to use this technique with a child who has aspergers by telling the child to look at me first and then listen to me before I start speaking. If they look away I have to stop and start again with those instructions first.

miffy xx

Tatia
20-04-2008, 09:19 AM
Do you think a behaviour chart would have any impact? I use a "Caught Being Good" philosophy wherein a child gets a sticker for good behaviour (and it has to be legit). This way the focus is on the good and and what they have achieved in those terms. They don't lose stickers off the chart once they are there and can work towards a goal (like choosing snack or DVD to watch or something like that).

I know it doesn't work with all children but it can be very effective. I'd say the other important thing is consistency and firm discipline. I had a 7 year old who was dreadful when he came to me, rude and abrasive, destructive and a real wind-up. It took a solid year of enforcing my rules (which most definitely include a "chill-out step") before he was really happy here. I remember on the walk home from school saying to him "C, we would love you to join our conversation but if you can't say anything nice, it's better to say nothing at all". He says it to other mindees to this day!:) Now, we get on like a house on fire and he's 9.

Lottie
20-04-2008, 10:43 AM
Thanks again girls for all the replies. Such great information and help, you are all angels. I am seeing my friend tomorrow so will give her the print outs.

After hearing some of your experiences I wonder if it is worth minding children who are so disruptive, afterall most of us aren't child psychologists or have the education to deal with this.

p.s Pip, thank you sooooo much for the emails! ((huggles)))):littleangel: You're a star!!!

miffy
20-04-2008, 01:34 PM
Thanks again girls for all the replies. Such great information and help, you are all angels. I am seeing my friend tomorrow so will give her the print outs.

After hearing some of your experiences I wonder if it is worth minding children who are so disruptive, afterall most of us aren't child psychologists or have the education to deal with this.

p.s Pip, thank you sooooo much for the emails! ((huggles)))):littleangel: You're a star!!!

Hope your friend will be persuaded to come and join us when she reads the replies and sees how much support is there

miffy xx