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clio0602
06-02-2011, 12:11 PM
Hi I have a 4yo mindee and whatever activity I set up He always says "I caaaan't do it!"

He can't trace over dots for writing, colour in, paint, put his shoes on, go to the toilet by himself, put his own seatbelt on(I would check after) put his own coat on or zip up. I've tried encouraging him, telling him he can, ignoring the can't word but nothing seems to work.

Any ideas? I don't know if I'm expecting too much but dd does all of the above except seatbelt and zip and she is 2.5yrs. Not sure if he's just lazy and can't be bothered :rolleyes:
xx

manjay
06-02-2011, 12:13 PM
If he has always had these things done for him before then he won't be able to do it. Unfortunately not every parents thinks it is important to learn all these skills. I would just keep encouraging and maybe get him to do part of a task rather than the whole thing. Sounds like he may need lots of encouragement;)

mushpea
06-02-2011, 12:25 PM
maybe you could use a reward chart or stickers so each time he does somthing he gets a sticker,,
you could start of small,, so say putting his foot in his shoe, or even if he makes a big effort to do somthing he hasnt done before, with all of mine if they make an effort and cant do somthing i will help them but if they dont even try then I dont help them.
as said before if its always been done for him then he wont be able to mdo things for himself,, have you tried asking the parents if he can do his shoes etc? it maybe lazyness on his part and he's seeing what he can get away with or it could be that parents have always done it for him as its quicker for them.

phoebe-alice
06-02-2011, 12:49 PM
I have a 2 and a half year old girl who loves the 'I can't' word, it drove me mad as even silly things like feeding herself she used to say she couldn't.
I recently went on the positive behaviour management course which tries to fix the behaviour before it arises.
One of the best things I've tried is almost making a verbal plan, for example undressing herself. What is the goal and then go step by step of what she will have to do to reach her goal.
Now about 2 weeks later she can get fully undressed by herself, and had her first dry night (at home) I'm quite proud! :)
But its just continually reassuring that the child can do anything if they put their mind to it and keep calm as I know how annoying it can be when it is said every 5 minutes haha.
I hope that it will sort its self out soon though, and stay persistent although hard. :laughing:

The Juggler
06-02-2011, 02:24 PM
Hi I have a 4yo mindee and whatever activity I set up He always says "I caaaan't do it!"

He can't trace over dots for writing, colour in, paint, put his shoes on, go to the toilet by himself, put his own seatbelt on(I would check after) put his own coat on or zip up. I've tried encouraging him, telling him he can, ignoring the can't word but nothing seems to work.

Any ideas? I don't know if I'm expecting too much but dd does all of the above except seatbelt and zip and she is 2.5yrs. Not sure if he's just lazy and can't be bothered :rolleyes:
xx

i had a child like this. we played a joining in game for all those sorts of activities - 'let's see if we can do it together shall we' for toileting/coats - then with questions and prompts and some physical help you can sort of persaude them (without them being consciously aware) to do things mostly by themselves (with you close by). I agree with manjay some parents find it quicker to get them out the door if they do everything for that and some encourage it early. It takes practice and he will get there but it takes practice and persuasion without any pressure - the more he feels under pressure that he has to do something the less likely he will want to try it. Hence the little games work;)

As for the dots/colouring in don't worry about it. These activities all have an 'end goal' perhaps he'd be happier with open ended activities - maybe he's not ready for writing yet. Give him just pens and blank paper, chalks painting, outdoor water painting/chalks - this is as good practice for writing as anything else. In fact it's been shown that dot tracing is detrimental and that it's better if they are actually tracing over the full letter rather than the dots. However, I'd leave this alone for the time being.

Lots of playdoh/threading activities and crafts with different sized pencils/brushes/chalks will help develop his hand muscles. Some boys don't develop enough hand muscle control to hold a pen properly until age 6 sometimes which means that proper writing is incredibly difficult for them.

good luck.:)

babs
06-02-2011, 04:10 PM
lo i have use to say i can't all the time and i say well if you can't shall i show you how like taking off her tee- shirt after school to get change id say ok pull your arm though this hole and hold sleeve then id say now you do the other one and if she managed it i would praise her and say see no such word as can't cause you can well done. it works now and sometimes i get a can't out of her and i just say well have a go and ill help you if you need me to. wasn't only getting unchanged could of been anything like i can't play which ill be honest she couldn't when she first came to me took a while but in the end we got there and now she role plays, paints, draws etc all on her own and making her own choices.. she ever loves helping the younger children now if they can't do something..

miffy
06-02-2011, 06:01 PM
Have you asked his parents if he's like this at home too? If he is and they are doing everything for him they need to realise that they're not actually helping him prepare for playgroup, school or life in general.

I agree with what the op's have said about doing part of a task for him and lots of praise. Try and get mum and dad onside too.

Miffy xx

manjay
06-02-2011, 07:30 PM
Slightly off topic but I think I am the only parent/carer in our nursery class who lets my child take his own coat off. Every other child stands there and the parents do it for them. They look at me like I am really mean;) My mindee of 4 1/2 is very capable if a little slow and I had to say something the other day when the classroom assistant whipped his coat off for him as he was taking too long:rolleyes:

nannymcflea
06-02-2011, 07:40 PM
We have older kids at nursery that stand there and look at you when you ask them to do anything and have younger ones that don't need asking!

I try and make it into a game,'can you do that before I do this' or sometimes '4 year olds cannot put their own coat on, so don't you put it while I'm not looking' can get the boys going!

Parents attitudes play a huge part in what kids can do.

mufftie
06-02-2011, 07:40 PM
Slightly off topic but I think I am the only parent/carer in our nursery class who lets my child take his own coat off. Every other child stands there and the parents do it for them. They look at me like I am really mean;) My mindee of 4 1/2 is very capable if a little slow and I had to say something the other day when the classroom assistant whipped his coat off for him as he was taking too long:rolleyes:

I agree parents are too lazy or should I say impatient to teach their children independence it's far quicker to do it for them

I have children in my care who are to lazy to try and that's all I ask of them Is to try but it's a loosing battle if the parents won't encourage them

Mookins
06-02-2011, 09:47 PM
we have a saying in our house which i must repeat everyday:rolleyes:

theres no such word as cant...its i can try

my dd had a stage of staying this so we use this saying...now i twist things around and say

i betyou cant do...counting to 5 (example) and how proud are they when they can and then when thay have tried i make a HUGE thing of it, claps rewards etc...if anything to encourage the trying malarky again

we do lots of clapping in our house;) :clapping: :clapping:

xx