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pinky33
04-02-2011, 01:21 PM
You will prob all think were over reacting but advice needed anyway.

Parent signed contract in november and was meant to start full time at start of jan. This has been pushed back till middle of feb as dad is looking for a new job.
Explained that we can't keep holding space and they will have to pay in full as from a week today and they said they wouldn't expect otherwise.

Now here is the issue that's bugging the balls off me.
Never brings her when he says he will, been bring her about 3 days a week for a month now (she is 5 months), today said he would be here at 11.45, turned up at 12.30 took his shoes off and sat on the sofa with her till one, then said I will get her at 5 and stay for half hour so I can see you doing nursery rhymes with her.
Very nicely stated that it's a busy time then as we have 4 little ones besides her that need tea and go home at quarter past, ok he says I will come at 4.30 so you can show me then.

Ahhhh am I being stupid that this bugs me, he makes me feel uncomfrttable with all his constant knowledge about everything it makes me feel stupid! They are a fab family and don't want to upset them, but he has it in his head that when he works and brings her at 7am that he can stay till 7.20 till he needs to go get train.

I'm not sure our parents would be happy with having a strang un police checked guy spending so much time in the house either.

PLEASE PLEASE help, we need advice.

Deb
04-02-2011, 01:23 PM
Oh lord no, that would never do. I wouldnt like that one bit -I'm all for a partnership with parents etc but this is ridiculous. I dont know how you say this politely tbh 'shove off' sounds rude.

Minstrel
04-02-2011, 01:27 PM
I would go down the security route.....

I'm really sorry but during working hours we will need to do swift handovers. I have other children who need watching and seeing to. Would you like to schedule an appt to discuss anything outside of my working hours?

sfox2003
04-02-2011, 01:29 PM
OMG - Ive no idea what you can do. I would hate hate hate this. I cant believe he admits he wants to watch you do the nursery rhymes.

Perhaps theres a trust issue because shes so young & only just started.

Why dont you offer to take some videos & photos and email them to him. Im really not sure how you stop him hanging around though. Its just weird and I would feel very uncomfortable having a man in my home for long periods of time.

Perhaps it will wear off as they become more used to you.

sfox2003
04-02-2011, 01:31 PM
I like Minstrels idea. Tell him you will have to do swifter handovers because your busy. Then you could offer to take pics etc & send him them so that he can see how she is in the setting when hes not there.

Adiamond
04-02-2011, 01:33 PM
I used to have a similar thing with one of my families, in the end I said that lo takes a while to settle in a morning whilst you are still here, I know that lo will be alot happier if we hand over at the door as quick as possible :thumbsup:

Worked a treat, now NO parents come past my front door ;) and life is alot easier at handover time :thumbsup:

Or you could just tell him in your lovely kind gentle voice "get the **** out of my house " :D x x x

little chickee
04-02-2011, 01:36 PM
I'm not sure our parents would be happy with having a strang un police checked guy spending so much time in the house either.

PLEASE PLEASE help, we need advice.

Theres your answer.

tell him firmly that it is against the terms of your registration to have anybody in the house who is not police checked. Therefore he should be dropping off and collection at the front door - max staying time 5 mins - anything over this and he needs a police check.

Also that he needs to stick to contracted times of drop off and collection as you have a shedule to keep otherwise it disrupts all the others.

pinky33
04-02-2011, 01:40 PM
I don't think it's a trust issue, he's just too interested in what we do f this makes sense, you kno when you have a friend at school that wears what you wear ect kind of like that it's hard to explain.

And omg your going to think I'm a nutter now for sure, but were a same sex couple and find it hard having a man hanging round, ok stop laughing now I'm serious lol, I'm not saying were alergic to men we have a great relationship with our dads but not for an hour a day.

Minstrel
04-02-2011, 01:41 PM
Theres your answer.

tell him firmly that it is against the terms of your registration to have anybody in the house who is not police checked. Therefore he should be dropping off and collection at the front door - max staying time 5 mins - anything over this and he needs a police check.

Also that he needs to stick to contracted times of drop off and collection as you have a shedule to keep otherwise it disrupts all the others.

See I was thinking of suggesting this but then I thought it could turn around and bite her in the bum. One day a friend might pop over with children for a play date and dad realises he's been lied to.....

sfox2003
04-02-2011, 01:52 PM
See I was thinking of suggesting this but then I thought it could turn around and bite her in the bum. One day a friend might pop over with children for a play date and dad realises he's been lied to.....

Yeah, crossed my mind that.

Gosh, what a terribly awkward situation to be put in. Your answer is in security & just that you have a job to do so would appreciate being left to it.

I think Id just have to be honest & tell him its making you feel uncomfortable and that other parents may not be so happy with him hanging around for as long as he does. Tell him you will provide pics & videos so he can see whats going on but you would rather he did as your other parents & that is a swift handover at the door. Honesty could be the best policy otherwise you could get in a tiz.

Mouse
04-02-2011, 02:03 PM
I think you have to be honest and firm. Tell him that this is not the way you work. Parents need to drop off & collect their child quickly & with a minimum of fuss...and no hanging around! If you don't stick to your way of working, it can be disruptive for all the children in the setting.

As a compromise you could always invite him in for one nursery rhyme session so that he can see what his daughter is doing, but be adamant that it will be just the once.

Spell it out to him. You need him there when he says he will be otherwise you and the other children are hanging around waiting, he must drop off in the morning and go and whatever time he arrives in the evening, lo will be handed over & he will have to go.
Is it possible for you to do hand over at the door or in the hall?

I think you'll find that this sort of parent won't take hints, so you need to get tough.

gigglinggoblin
04-02-2011, 02:04 PM
See I was thinking of suggesting this but then I thought it could turn around and bite her in the bum. One day a friend might pop over with children for a play date and dad realises he's been lied to.....

You dont need a crb check for people who come round very occasionally but for people who are regularly in the house you do. I have been told you need a crb for teenage childrens friends if they are in the house every week for a period of time so for him to stay for an hour a day he would need a crb. A friend as an occasional playdate you just cant leave the children alone with them.

little chickee
04-02-2011, 02:04 PM
Good point Minstrel. How about tweaking it a bit then and say that as you have 4 other kids in the house you must be very very careful that they are not let unattended with someone who is not police checked.

if he collects around teatime that you have to go into kitchen to prepare the tea and obviusly cant have 4 kids in the kitchen whilst you do this.

This gets around the friend over to play bit cos it is planned for at a suitablr time.

Other than that you are going to have to be blunt and say that its not how you like to work and it is disruptive to your routine. And bang on a bit how routine is soooo important for kids.

georgie456
04-02-2011, 02:09 PM
I've had this situation in the past where parents have outstayed their welcome and this is why I now VERY clearly state during our initial meetings that all drop off's and collections are done at the door or in the hallway.

I have learnt that hard way that it is much easier to do it this way rather than having these horrible awkward situations a few months into the placement.

I got round the excuses by using my DD starting school - I stressed she needed minimum fuss at pickup's while she was adjusting to school so I didn't have to tell the parent that the real reason was their little angel's horrific behaviour as soon as his parents arrived and invited themselves into my house for 45mins at a time!!!

I hope you have a good result telling him, but I would really stress how unsettling it is for the children to have people in when you are trying to wind down the day and also mention the CRB and visitors situation.
Good luck x

Pipsqueak
04-02-2011, 02:09 PM
How about being fairly honest and just say - I am really sorry but I am busy... my day to attend to, plus it unsettles the little ones - it can be confusing for them etc.

HOWEVER - would you like to 'visit' at these days/times/hours and make pre-arranged times - perhaps once a fortnight and start stretching these to once a month. And no its not just watching you - it will be a parental involvement thing..... lots of gloop, paints out and lots of YOU expressing your knowledge of this is how we as adults encourage xyz.....:D oh did you forget to prewarn him to wear suitable clothing.....:littleangel:

It would be a compromise. You don't want to discourage a parent who is interested but then again you need to make the distinction that this is your home, your work hours etc....

kats
04-02-2011, 02:45 PM
I learnt the hard way too, when i first started minding i used to invite the parents in at pick up time i thought that was the right thing to do.... sometimes they would still be in my home 2o mins after contracted time. Now i hand each child over in the hallway with coat hat etc already on, i have also found that this stops all the behaviour problems that arise when parents get here ( the mindees not the parents :) ) i make sure now that its made clear from the start that his is what will happen, wish i had done it from the start but you live and learn dont u!!!! :)

pinky33
04-02-2011, 02:46 PM
Thanks ladies your advice is great.
We do the whole explaining why we do pick ups and drop offs at the door when they first come to visit.
He is the parent that said 9 weeks after his wife signed contracts that he was coming to interview us lol.
And can't really use the line that we can't leave the children alone in a room with him because there are me and my partner here.

Don't have to worry about this afternoon now as he has just collected her, she was screaming her head off poor thing very unlike her, and barking like a dog. I called to see if she had been ok this morning and he said she had been at doctors yesterday because she has croup!

I'm sure it will all be ok! We will find a way to stop this, if they dont like this then I guess were not a good match. She is full time but don't really need the money so we don't feel pressure.

We work as close with parents as possible to make sure everyone is happy it's just a little hard sometimes when people are so nice you don't want to upset them.

pinkbutterfly
04-02-2011, 02:48 PM
I don't know about this LO but with any of the ones I have here once parent comes in they turn into little devils as they show off, run around and all sorts. I would just say it would unsettle the children.

Maybe the dad wants to watch YOU do the nursery rhymes ... since you mentioned you are same sex couple ... some men like to dream ... pervs ... just a thought.

pinky33
04-02-2011, 02:56 PM
Oh now you made me giggle!
We do get the odd cheeky comment from the dads from time to time, and the "so you have your bedroom an office and spare room how nice" when they first visit and get shown around.

Were girly girls so at first people think were sisters or best friends (which we are). If people don't ask we don't tell but don't make it a secret.

Mouse
04-02-2011, 03:05 PM
Were girly girls so at first people think were sisters or best friends (which we are).

Well, there's your answer - some men's ultimate fantasy. Bet he's not in the least bit interested in nursery rhymes ;)

Chimps Childminding
04-02-2011, 03:10 PM
My mindees also play up when parents come and collect so I try to make handover as quick as possible!!!

I would explain that as lovely as it is that he is so interested, a) you are busy at that time of day and b) you couldn't possibly accommodate ALL parents staying for half an hour at at time or popping round for rhyme time and you can't be seen to let one parent do it and not others :eek:

Pipsqueak
04-02-2011, 04:06 PM
Well, there's your answer - some men's ultimate fantasy. Bet he's not in the least bit interested in nursery rhymes ;)

lol oh now I think thats unfair - he is probably VERY genuinely interested in the nursery rhymes:D :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

Perhaps you could hand him a new fees sheet detailing the cost for 'dad-minding'! Make it expensive....:D

Mookins
04-02-2011, 04:13 PM
Oh now you made me giggle!
We do get the odd cheeky comment from the dads from time to time, and the "so you have your bedroom an office and spare room how nice" when they first visit and get shown around.

Were girly girls so at first people think were sisters or best friends (which we are). If people don't ask we don't tell but don't make it a secret.

:rolleyes: MEN:laughing: should of guessed really lol honestly some people

lord only knows what goes round their brains sometimes...perhaps sneezing in his face might put him off?;) :idea:

xxx

mufftie
04-02-2011, 04:23 PM
Well, there's your answer - some men's ultimate fantasy. Bet he's not in the least bit interested in nursery rhymes ;)

lol :laughing: bit creepy if you ask me him wanting to hang around , most men cant get away fast enough

georgie456
04-02-2011, 05:27 PM
lol :laughing: bit creepy if you ask me him wanting to hang around , most men cant get away fast enough

Agreed!!!! One dad barely glances my way as he yanks his poor child up the drive as quick as possible!!!!! Now, if only the mum was like that too LOL!!!!!

pinky33
04-02-2011, 06:00 PM
This is so funny you lot really cheered me up

The Juggler
04-02-2011, 07:47 PM
i agree drop offs/collects need to be brief however, you can have a drop-in time with parents every week/month and THAT is the time they can come and not just watch but join in activities, as Pip said.

I think to not offer this would look like not offering parental involvement if that's what he wants and given his stance he may well offer these comments to ofsted or in future surveys.

Tell him drop off/collect times are not the times for this as it's v. busy and you are getting ready for school runs/breakfasts etc. and YOU decide the parent drop in times. If this doesn't suit him offer an alternative but tell him the beginning end of the day are not suitable when you work alone