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View Full Version : Fussy Eater is causing real problems what would you do?



Hayley G
01-02-2011, 02:02 PM
Hi All,

Really in need of advice!

I mind 7 and 10 year old brothers there parents split up before Christmas and have moved into a new house so understandably a very difficult time for them however as a result mum has had to go back to work 5 days a week and they are now coming to me before and after school (previously just after school for about an hour Monday-Thursday).

There mum has asked for me to give them tea as she is working longer hours etc and the eldest WILL NOT eat in their new house (I am guessing this is a bit of a protest thing) the problem is that I now have 6 children Monday - Friday for dinner and they are so fussy!!

I cook all meals from scratch and provide healthy options none of which they are interested in. I initially asked mum what they like and got to oh so helpful response of anything!! I cooked a lamb hotpot the other night and they looked at it and turned there noses up before anouncing to the entire table I am not eating that it looks like you have pucked on my plate :angry: ! I got so annoyed as the others all pushed away a perfectly good meal that they have all eaten previously and wasted all that food (& money) not to mention my time and effort wasted! I mentioned to Mum and she said "they dont eat food that is mixed up meat and potatoes have to be seperate and they dont like sauces mixed in just on top , fish and chips anything really" :rolleyes:

I am not prepared to make several different meals for each child I make 1 meal and till now everyone has eaten everything and I am finding that all the children are playing up at the table because of it.

I asked them what they like and they said Sausages but only from the chip shop, Fish and Chips (only from the chip shop) Pasta (but wait for it......only penne?!) the eldest will not eat spag bol as he doesnt like mince but will eat meatballs and lasagne :panic: . They eat nuggets, fish fingers and burgers and after a nightmare meal the other night just said why dont you just take us to McDonalds we like that :panic: . I am running out of options and am making all the same meals in order to get them to eat but I cant carry on like that as the other children will start getting sick of it!!

I also have the other dilema that there mum has said if they dont want to eat it they dont have to (but understandably as she is paying for it does not want to be going home and cooking for them. On the other end of the scale I have another 2 brothers who have to eat everything before they can leave the table or have anything else this is also causing problems because they see the others leaving there's and want to leave there dinner!!

Its driving me mad and really dont know what to do for the best?!

What would you do??

Hebs
01-02-2011, 02:04 PM
i provide meals free of charge to mindees who are here over a meal time,

they get what i make, i have too many mindees to be stressing over what to make

all meals are healthy, they take it or leave it :thumbsup:

JCrakers
01-02-2011, 02:11 PM
Hi,

Do you plan meals ahead? If so do a weekly menu for the parent and she can see what you are aiming to do. They can look at it beforehand and then they either eat or dont.
I agree that you cannot be cooking different meals for each child.
At school they only get so much option and that has to be eaten.

Or how about a sandwich to put them by and then they have supper at home? You could still cook for the good eaters but the fussy ones have sandwiches??

Becky x

the happy house
01-02-2011, 02:13 PM
I'd provide a list of the different meals I'd be prepared to make, give a copy to the parents and ask them to tick which ones the children will eat. If there is nothing that they will eat, then you may have to refuse to do meals for them. It sounds as though they aren't used to a healthy diet, and I certainly wouldn't be prepared to do fish/sausage and chips every night.
Show that you are prepared to be flexible by showing the wide range of meals you could provide - if it doesn't suit, well it's their problem. If they get to eat what they want at home, the chances are they aren't going to eat for you - they seem to know how to get what they want from mum.

Best of luck!

AliceK
01-02-2011, 02:17 PM
I provide meals for mindees who are here at 5 when the children have their tea. At one point I was cooking for 6 children. I will speak to parents initially and if there is a genuine dislike of something then I will avoid that for that child but other than that I cook a healthy, balanced meal and they all get the same. If they don't eat it that's fine they can have a yogurt / fruit for pudding but no "treats". I use my judgement as to whether a child has done well with their meal and would not expect a child to HAVE to finish every little bit and I would tell any parent that if they asked me to make their child eat it all. My rules are simple, healthy meal, healthy pudding and I decide who has done well I won't cook different meals for different children and I wont be dictated to by parents as to how strict I need to be and wont force a child to eat if they really don't want to. If a child doesn't eat much I will let the parent know upon collection so that they can if need be give their child something later.
Let the parents and children know your "rules" and stick to it otherwise you will get so stressed trying to please everyone :(

xxxxx

breezy
01-02-2011, 02:17 PM
I dont pander to kids at meal times, apart from genuine dislikes they eat what they're given or go without, they are also required to stay sitting at the table until everyone has finished.

The Juggler
01-02-2011, 02:18 PM
if they are older maybe chat to them and find out what are real likes/dislikes and plan the menu with them - within reason? If they are uncooperative and just say nothign or pizza every night then I agree, you dish up a healthy meal and they take it or leave it.

sillysausage
01-02-2011, 02:20 PM
I would come to an agreement with the parent and the children together because at 7 and 9 they should be able to understand the implications of their actions.
Tell them that you are happy to give them tea but you do not have the time to prepare several different meals. Insist that everyone sits at the table and give all the children some of the prepared food. Tell the older mindees that if they do not want to eat the food then could they please not comment on it but sit quietly, joining in with conversation until the others have finished or maybe they could help feed younger ones?
Agree with mum that they won't get pudding unless they try the main-course.
See if you can get mum to agree not to provide a junk takeaway tea if they don't eat at yours, but maybe go for a bit of toast/cereal for supper instead. That way they won't go hungry but also won't get a reward for being fussy at yours. Hopefully you won't have to stick with it for too long and mum too should reap the rewards.

I would also try and ensure that there were some things on the plate that were separate.....so if I was doing lamb hotpot (or other casserole) then I would serve it with maybe peas and broccoli on the side.

Pipsqueak
01-02-2011, 03:54 PM
Same as everyone else - I prepare from scratch good wholesome meals - take it or leave it. I am not a cafe nor a waitress.

We eat at the table together, we clear up together, we wait for people to finish.

these are YOUR house rules. Parents might be paying but in your house for the benefit of the majority this is how you operate (if thats what you want)

Kids won;t starve themselves - neither can you forcefeed them. Children will hold parents (carers) to ransom IF they are allowed to regarding food though.

miffy
01-02-2011, 05:53 PM
I dont pander to kids at meal times, apart from genuine dislikes they eat what they're given or go without, they are also required to stay sitting at the table until everyone has finished.

Same here and if parents start saying X doesn't like this, that or the other then I say fine they can eat with you later :D

Time to take back control - they are old enough to understand your rules - they either eat what they're given or go without.

If you want to be nice about it you could involve them in choosing the meals for a week on the understanding that they have to be prepared to try what each other has chosen.

Miffy xx

Gizmo
01-02-2011, 06:00 PM
I also only cook one meal and if they dont eat it I dont offer another. I do mind one very fussy 2 year old that will only eat macaroni cheese so if im not serving that she ends up with bread and butter

Helcatt
01-02-2011, 06:25 PM
I dont pander to kids at meal times, apart from genuine dislikes they eat what they're given or go without, they are also required to stay sitting at the table until everyone has finished.

This is also how I do it! They soon learn that they will be hungry if they don't eat. Worth talking to Mum to make sure they don't get rewarded with a takeaway on the way home as if they think mum will do that, you are never going to win - it will never work if mum isn't working with you

I had one younger one who chose to refuse certain things, until he realised that he would be hungry if he didn't eat, I never offer an alternative. He also waits for me to feed him (almost 3) because mum does as its quicker and cleaner, and again, now knows that if he doesn't do it himself, he goes hungry when he's with me.

Good luck getting mum on board

HX

sarah707
01-02-2011, 06:55 PM
I find children are worse when they know they can go home and have crisps, chocolate, biscuits etc.

Some parents don't seem to mind their children eating rubbish because they say they are hungry - and I know I will never win with them.

We provide a meal for up to 6 children a night... it is nutritious and meets as many of their likes and dislikes as possible.

It either gets eaten or thrown away and while we hate waste we simply shrug our shoulders and let them get on with it.

What I will not accept is a child dissing my food at the table! That one needs stamping on straight away. It is rude.

Hugs x

funemnx
01-02-2011, 07:51 PM
I don't do dinners any more for that very reason.

6 children all with their own likes and dislikes! Will mum get them school dinners and you give them 'tea', sandwiches, beans on toast ect or they can bring a packed lunch for your house and have school dinners too. So much less stress for you - and them!

Deb
01-02-2011, 08:11 PM
I dont do dinners either, my youngest children were taking note and stopped eating too.

I also think it's worth remembering that healthy food is only healthy if they actually eat it.

Faves here were:

spag bol (quorn for veggie)
jacket potato with various fillings on the table for them to choose
burger and chips - the kids made their own patties
fishfingers chips and peas
meatballs and spaghetti
Beans on toast with cheese or an egg (wholemeal bread)

I also did an activity with the EatWell plate and they made their fave meals on separate days and we all made collage meals on paper plates.

It helped a lot - but I still made the changes, 9 kids for dinner was too much when I had to feed my own 5 and Dh after too.

cchildcare
01-02-2011, 08:18 PM
I would try and involve children in cooking such as homemade pizzas and let them decorate their own or provide a picnic tea and provide hot lunch at lunch time for younger mindees (if you have them!). Failing this how about creating an activity for older children "create a menu" and see what ideas they come up with but explain that there are a few rules (including a portion of veg!) so that it isn't unhealthy and include them as much as you can to the cooking aspect. Learning new recipes etc...

mushpea
02-02-2011, 06:57 AM
part of the reason i gave up doing meals is because i knew that the children who wouldnt eat at mine would go home and eat rubbish and it really annoyed me.
I would explain to mum the problems they are causing at meal times and that they arent eating the meal then i would say that if things haven improved by the end of next week then you are no longer prepared to provide meals,,, theres no point feeding them if they wont eat it.
as for sitting at the table i would make them wait whilst the others eat their meal and if they do stop having meals at yours then they can still sit with the others, just offer them a peice of fruit insted.

blue bear
02-02-2011, 04:24 PM
This can be such a mind field at this age, I used to run a cub group and was always amazed at how limited some childrens diets were.

As it is causing such problems I would send home a meal menu the week before any meals they tick I would expect them to eat. Any meals not ticked gets replaced with bread and butter/ toast. They are old enough to stay at the table until everyone else finishes you never know while they are waiting they may be tempted to try a bit more.


It's not worth getting cross especially as mum had different rules but stick to what ever rules you have a your house- get the children to write the house rules together.

I always choose the meals you either eat it or you don't but find by getting them involved in the cooking quite often means they will try something they have declared they don't like.