mindee loves tv but not my dd

[mr man]

but mindee (4) doesn't want to do anything execpt watch tv, mum says he loves it. when we try and play a game i turn it off, and as soon as he realised he constanlty asking till i put it back on, now i keep it on as background as mum said this is fine, but i cannot get him to do anything else.
hes a rough and tumble lad , jsut like ds (7) but mindee really doesnt like my dd (8). he is always coming to me saying dd did this and that, nothing really. typical children,

but i have been listening because of the way he spks to dd is horrible, i have said to him quietly its not nice to not let others play or even speak to people horribly. he's very agressive towards dd he's not hit her, but he's jsut so nasty.
he shouted at her really loudly before, and i had a word with him, and said she was only stopping his bag from falling ontop of him, ( as he was climbing over the couch - which he shouldn't). he went mad becasue she touched his bag. :(

ive only been minding him for 3 weeks and not sure weather its a thing to mention to mum later on, only because it seeming like a boy / girl things.

when i do have a word with him he goes into a sulk, closes his eyes and literally sits himself on the floor and says nothing for ages, even when im trying to persued him to join in, or lets do this - nothing . not intrested now and thats it. very stubborn.

sorry for the ramble,
how can i tackel the tv issue and how can i get this boy vs girl thing to go or just not be so nasty to dd.
as i dont want my dd feeling down about it all. as she has already said this. although she does understadn he's young but she can also see my actions, and that im not ignoring it. iykwim.

[caz3007]

The Tv issue is easy, just dont turn it on. Or look up the times for LO's fav programmes and say it goes off until x is on. I had a 2 year old who always demanded the TV on as soon as he walked in the door, he soon got used to the fact that it didnt happen in my house, until certain times and stopped asking.

I would be talking to the mum about his attitude to my DD as think it needs to be nipped in the bud. Explain to mum that you wont be accepting any aggression towards anyone whether vervbal or physical and you would like to work with her to try to work out some strategies of dealing with this. See if he is like this at home. One of my male mindies had a bad attitude towards women and it was cos of his father, I told his mum in no uncertain terms that he wouldnt be speaking like that whilst in my house and she agreed

[Mouse]

I have a 2yr old mindee who was forever asking for the TV to be on. I just said no, we're busy playing and will perhaps have it on later. He soon got out of the habit of asking. He's the last one who goes home at night, so when the others have left he helps me tidy the toys away and is allowed the TV or a dvd on until he goes home, a maximum of 15 minutes. That's enough to keep him happy!

I'd perhaps use the TV as a reward at the end of the day for good behaviour throughout the day. Explain some house rules to mindee about not being rude to others, not having tantrums etc, and tell him that he can chose what to watch on TV for a short while before hometime, as long as he has been good during the day.

I would also be letting him outside to play as much as possible - it sounds like he's got a lot of energy to burn off!

[gigglinggoblin]

Agree with caz, no tv until fave programmes are on, then limit how long its on for. My kids will watch it all day given the choice so they are told they have x amount of time and they choose when that is.

As for how he is with dd, I would probably have a serious talk with mum and extend settling period. If things dont improve I would give dd choice as to whether he stays. It might just be a settling in thing and he needs to get used to the rules but if he was making dd unhappy she would come first.

[miss mopple]

Agree with the others. No tv. Mine rarely goes on when I am working, we have music instead. They soon get used to it and then on the rare occasions I do turn it on its a treat :thumbsup:

[Mrs Pootle]

Really good advice already given :thumbsup: I would certainly not be turning the tv on at all. He may sulk or natter for you to put it on, but stay strong I'm sure you can be more stubborn than he is :)
At the end of the day it is your house and your rules.

[manjay]

Definitely no TV! I sky plus one programme that all the children like and we watch that after lunch each day. My tv is not on at any other time.

[Ripeberry]

I had a problem like that back in September when my just turned 2yr mindee came back to me from the long holidays (term-time only contract) and he just wanted TV all the time as the parents had just had a baby and just put the TV to get some peace and quiet!
We soon nipped it in the bud by going out for most of the day or being in the garden.
He soon realised that the TV ONLY went on just before lunch and tea (to give me time to prepare it ;) )

He never asks for it now :)

[Ripeberry]

Agree with caz, no tv until fave programmes are on, then limit how long its on for. My kids will watch it all day given the choice so they are told they have x amount of time and they choose when that is.

As for how he is with dd, I would probably have a serious talk with mum and extend settling period. If things dont improve I would give dd choice as to whether he stays. It might just be a settling in thing and he needs to get used to the rules but if he was making dd unhappy she would come first.

Very good point. All children who come into my home need to get on with my own kids, if they don't then I'll wait for a 'nicer' child to come along.

[breezy]

Definitly no tv! be really strong about that and use it as a reward for good behaviour.

[Bear23]

I never have the tv on. Th only time i might is say 5.30 to 6 when we've had dinner and tidied up.

I never have the tv on in the day time

[mushpea]

No to tv cause if you leave it on he will watch it rather than join in which isnt helping his social skills,,,, as for the sulks ignore him completley,, I wouldnt even try and presuade him to join in,, I would just leave him untill he comes out of his sulk and shows signs of wanting to join in again,, the sulks are probably an attention thing so dont feed them!
the tv can be used as a reward thing but also if he is naughty then you can take away the tv time, the children here are allowed tv or wii after school but if they are naughty then the loose their viewing time or if in the school hols then they loose 15mins of wii or tv time each time they are naughty but they can also earn it back if they do somthing good without being prompeted.

[sarah707]

We are too busy for television here. I have it on for 10 mins after tea sometimes if the children are tired before home time.

Very occasionally I will put on Mr Tumble in the afternoon, but only for the programme then it goes off.

Your TV could break for a while, give it a couple of weeks and see if you can wean him off it :D

[mama2three]

Im afraid my tv would have broken over the christmas holiday and I wouldnt be getting it fixed for a couple of weeks! Its just a habit that needs breaking , difficult when the tv is on constantly at home. I would perhaps reintroduce it as a treat for good manners / behaviour , a bit like golden time at school.

[onceinabluemoon]

Here's what I would do:

TV - never put it on, just refuse. If he sulks just ignore him completely until he is behaving how you find acceptable. I wouldn't lie and say it was broken, I would just say 'no' otherwise you are going to be plagued with 'is it mended yet' every day. By saying no and meaning it, you are taking back control of the situation.

Sulking - ignore it. Never reward even negatively. Never try to wheedle with child to do something else as they have the power to refuse making them the one in charge - not what you want, lol! ;)

Speaking nastily to others: one of our house rules is 'we have kind voices'. If children are nasty to each other there are sanctions such as 'time to think'. Always. And apologies expected. Always. BUT do be very careful that you know who is telling the truth in incidents you cannot see. Even our own children can fib to get themselves out of trouble and the little things you mention may not be so small to mindee - imagine being flicked in the arm by your sister, its nothing, now imagine being flicked in the arm by your sister every 5 minutes...

Hope that helps x

[The Juggler]

The Tv issue is easy, just dont turn it on. Or look up the times for LO's fav programmes and say it goes off until x is on. I had a 2 year old who always demanded the TV on as soon as he walked in the door, he soon got used to the fact that it didnt happen in my house, until certain times and stopped asking.

I would be talking to the mum about his attitude to my DD as think it needs to be nipped in the bud. Explain to mum that you wont be accepting any aggression towards anyone whether vervbal or physical and you would like to work with her to try to work out some strategies of dealing with this. See if he is like this at home. One of my male mindies had a bad attitude towards women and it was cos of his father, I told his mum in no uncertain terms that he wouldnt be speaking like that whilst in my house and she agreed

I agree. perfect chance to break his habit, it doesn't go on in your setting unless for x programme. Maybe get him to choose which programme he would like (get them to take turns). he will be unlikely to ever be able to focus on anything else whilst its on if he is really this keen on the TV but if it's off eventually he will come round as he'll want to find something else to do.

[mr man]

thanks for the replies and great advice.
well i turned the tv off - YEY and stuck to it. we played games and went for a walk, lots of persuading but i was strong.
however i did let him watch it while i cooked tea, 20 mins max ( good job i had a quick tea planned) lol

as for the attitude mentioned to mum, she was great, as i i'd expected. and does understand that times i will need to 'have a word' with him.
she was worried that she didnt want him to alienate my dd - which i said cause thats not going to happen, so shes ahving a chat with him at reading time :) you know the chat where the little people get to know there mum knows everything lol.

do feel better for it now spoke to mum. lets hope tomorrow will be great.

however my evening went to pot. mum collected at the perfect time as i'd mentioned we had theatre tickets , she lovely, and i even managed the little chat about today ( because i needed too).
had an hour to get ready and get to manchester to see 'we will rock you' at the palace. well it happned but not as planned DH was being a :censored: and didnt want to go - this was his present from me. as i say :censored: :censored: :censored: so went with neighbour instead. day has now ended and best get ready for the next.

[mr man]

oh and heres to a TV FREE day tomororw. :clapping: lessons learned early suppose.

[The Juggler]

glad it went well with mindee and mum, sorry to hear your dh was being a pain though. what a misery. hope you enjoyed the show:)