Does minding affect your relationship with OH?

[buzzy bee]

I'm fairly new to minding, and am now working til 6.30 4 days a week.

OH gets home at 5.30 and that used to be our chill out time with DS (1 yr) where we'd all play together and wind down.

Now OH comes home to a house full of kids and it's starting to get to him.

The thing is, even if I stopped the school run, I'd still have 1 or 2 other children until 6.30.

How do you all deal with this?

I'm starting to miss our family time too. By the time the children all leave it's DS's bedtime :(

[suzyblue]

My Ex used to sit in the car on the drive till all the kids went home!
My partner now lives in his own house because he wouldnt be able to deal with it. If we want to live together I will have to change jobs!

[Alibali]

I changed my finishing time till 5.30, it helps slightly

[buzzy bee]

I changed my finishing time till 5.30, it helps slightly

I can't do that without literally losing every single one of my mindees, cos all their parents finish work at 6!

[wendywu]

They just have to learn to live with it. If you were a nurse you would be working shift and weekends and BH. Every job has its down sides.
:(
But on the other hand the money is good and you can be there for your own children. :)

I just ignore mine when he moans :rolleyes:

[FussyElmo]

I was a cm before I meet dh so he has had to learn to live with it.

When he does moan I just offer to finish and be a SAHM he soon shuts up as we need the money coming in :thumbsup:

[Chimps Childminding]

Its not so bad for me because my sons are now 18 and 19, but when I first started minding they were 5 and 6 and I admit I found it difficult when they got to the age where they started having homework, as some of my mindees didn't go till 6, then we had to have tea and homework had to be fitted in (for 4 of them) between all that, bath and bed!!!

The only thing I would suggest is try and work your days if at all possible so that you have the later mindees on the same day, so hopefully giving you a day or two when you finish earlier! Not always possible immediately, but with this job things change so quickly who knows!!

At present I have only one or two mindees each day, but work every day (except Tues when June has one of mine to give me a day off) but as from next sept one of my mindees is going to nursery so I will be losing her and as I only have her on a Friday, I am not planning on taking anyone else on on a Friday so I can have a day off without having to rely on June helping me out.

Hopefully something will happen that will allow you to have some earlier finishes - the whole point of this job is to be there for our families, but sometimes that seems to get lost :(

[caz3007]

Mine doesnt mind, but we are lucky in the fact we have two lounges, and one is for our family and one for minding. Occasionally the older ones are allowed to watch tv after school quietly in our lounge, but thats it

[~Chelle~]

Mine leaves for work before they arrive and gets home after they have gone, so he doesn't mind :blush:

I would suggest that your hubby comes in and takes your son to his bedroom and spend some time with him in there.

At the end of the day you have a job where you get to be with your son all day, which is a lot better than finding childcare for him and going out to work.

Sometimes you just have to take the rough with the smooth, the rough being a 6.30pm finish time and the smooth being staying at home and earning a wage.

Surely your hubby can understand that? Also it will make weekends a lot more special because then that is family time :thumbsup:

[mrs_scottydog]

My DH normally leaves before the mindees arrive and get back after they've gone, occasionally he leaves the office early or has a night shift so can be around the house. He doesn't mind other children being here, just that I always seem to be doing paperwork and planning etc to do with minding! Hx

[miffy]

I am lucky, my dh genuinely likes seeing the mindees and they love him too.

He has usually left for work when they arrive but if he has a day off or is home before they leave he usually sits and chats with them or reads a story to the little ones - he says it's a lovely way to unwind after work!

He does get fed up with all the toys/crafts/stuff everywhere though - he can't see that I need it all! :D :laughing:

Miffy xx

[Louise B]

I'm with Kindertime, my partner doesn't live with me either! Although that wasn't because of my job, I've only just started minding. We've been together 4 years and have a 2 year old together, but there never seems to be a good time to get him and his son to move in here, and to be honest I think it'd be a nightmare with my job as he works shifts and his son would be here too (he's 14, never washes or cleans his teeth, wees on the floor, etc!! lol). I've lived here on my own with the kids for years, so it's normal for me, and I prefer it, and it also means no-one can moan when I'm up till midnight doing learning journeys :rolleyes:

I think he should be able to see the benefits, you're at home with your little boy, and earning money. Otherwise you'd probably be working until 6 anyway, and paying out for a nursery or minder. It's only an hour, 4 times a week, and you've got the weekends. I agree with whoever it was who said he could take your son upstairs for a play, or even a bath maybe, then he gets one to one time with him, and saves you a job later.

I hope you can come to a compromise, must be hard when there's added pressure. (get him to get a flat a mile or two away, that works! lol) xx

[grindal]

My DH is not a big fan of having mindees in the house, but he does value the fact I am at home looking after DS1 and 2 and earning some money at the same time.

It is always a bit of a compromise. If he gets back from work early, he tends to take DS1 and 2 into the sitting room, leaving me out the back with mindees. If he is off work for any reason I make sure I stay out the house in the mornings.

[PixiePetal]

Mine is fine - well after 16 years of minding he has no choice!

He comes home for lunch most days and always has time for a chat or little play - he is more annoyed that my cleaner now does over lunchtime so once a week he has a hoover going while he has lunch - get over it or do the cleaning yourself was my comment. :D

I try not to take on jobs which end late - 3 days at 6pm at the moment but only one child till that time when I wind it down anyway. My own kids are teens so go upstairs for homework till I finish.

I would get your OH to have a play with your son out of the way of other children so they get their time, you have had him all day so don't feel bad - mine used to do bathtime which I was grateful for in the early days. :thumbsup:

[Lick'le Oakes]

I can relate to you. Now my husband does shifts childminding is really hard, he is brill with them talks plays etc, but just the whole minding thing gets to him. Today we was having dinner, everyday at the same time is our dinner time but he has to have an early lunch before starting afternoon shift so we clash. When he is on nights i feel for him, but then i say if he is tired enough he will sleep through it. We have a constant dilema do we carry on with minding, I need an extension but it isn't going to happen if I don't earn this amount of money but to earn the money I need the children which means more room and an extension!!!

[buzzy bee]

Thanks everyone for the sympathy and suggestions!! (altho if we could afford a second flat then I wouldnt be childmindind tee hee!!)

I might get him to take DS up to the bedroom to play tho, or give him a bath.

Think we'll just have to deal with it for now and maybe I can be more selective once I've been doing it a bit longer!

OH is fantastic with all the kids tho - he always chats to them and plays games and stuff with them, knows all their names etc. He is great when they're there, but sometimes has a little moan once they've gone home!! And with good reason - he has a long day at work and then can't properly chill when he gets home. it must be tough.

[Bear23]

I was with my ex (living together happily) till i started minding, we split up about 12 months later

I thought at first my job may have been part of it, then I remembered it was because he was a lazy, scrooging, lying bxxxger. :laughing:

Sorry no help here :blush:

I think every job as its advantages, it could be worse wyou could work away from home etc

[manjay]

he has a long day at work and then can't properly chill when he gets home. it must be tough.

Hey that sounds like me!!! I have a long day at work and then can't chill as I have a house full of dh and my own children!!

I am very lucky as my husband supports me completely but tbh if he didn't I would still do it anyway;) . Life is about making compromises and I put up with things in his working life that I don't like so I expect him to do the same.

I would say as you go along you may lose the mindees who stay late and then just have an earlier finish from then on! I finished late when I first started but I now have my finish time by 5 most days. Much better for me and my family:thumbsup:

[Happy Bunny]

I had an indepth conversation with my husband regarding how it would affect our personal life, due to the fact our children are of various ages i knew it would cause problems.
He said it wouldn't bother him as this was my chosen career, but two years down the line it has caused rows.
I now have decided to let him get on with it, i love my job and my own children, plus the fact that my job gives me the bonus of being able to give my children the after school activities that i was never allowed as a child, if he doesn't like it he can get on with it.
At the end of the day, i gave birth to children i love and would give anything for, if he doesn't like it then he can go whistle.
If i am wrong by doing this then i don't care, selfish attitude maybe but if there are problems in a marriage then childminding will only make matters worse.

[ajs]

Hey that sounds like me!!! I have a long day at work and then can't chill as I have a house full of dh and my own children!!

I am very lucky as my husband supports me completely but tbh if he didn't I would still do it anyway;) . Life is about making compromises and I put up with things in his working life that I don't like so I expect him to do the same.

I would say as you go along you may lose the mindees who stay late and then just have an earlier finish from then on! I finished late when I first started but I now have my finish time by 5 most days. Much better for me and my family:thumbsup:

my hubby supports me totally too, although i did ask him if he thought it affected our relationship
his reply
yes it stops you catering to my every whim (as if)

[Helcatt]

My dh is a bit funny about it, at times, but this week, he is on early shifts as he took DD upstairs and played with lego until I was ready to feed them. He carried on playing while she ate and then she ran straight back upstairs until I tipped her into the bath.

Whenever he has a moan about the kids, the toys etc I just point out that I could go "out" to work, but then we would lose most of my earnings to another CM and then we would not be putting money in the bank for when we emigrate to warmer climbs. And also, it is so much better that we both get quality time with our girls

HX

[PinkPrincess]

Even though I haven't started yet my OH doesn't seem to keen but realises needs must for the forseeable future-no doubt we will have a few niggles to iron out but we all have to compromise x

[Annie_T]

my partner and i seem fine ... well we getting married in 7 months haha

he wil come in play with kids with me, talk to them, cuddle the youngest as she loves him when he comes in haha (have remind him im 1 she should love im her cm not him lol)

my children are older so we still get our time together which is good.

i would suggest getting him involved in few things - story time (he can read to everyone with you - do like a puppet story time type show together for kids), or say he can see a mate til 6.30 or whenever.

x

[WibbleWobble]

my OH is not bothered. he sees i am happy with my work and the money is good.
he is a lorry driver so sometimes he can be home at 1pm (but has been up since 3 am) he will come home to two toddlers and a three year old. They all love uncle phil and the two little boys follow him round the house shouting his name. he might get an hours kip in bed but they have a habit of standing at the stair gate shouting him. he has slept on the sofa with the boys using him as a mountain range for little cars!

The schoolies love him too...one in particular has no male influence in his life and mum likes the fact phil plays with them...boys stuff etc!

He is a very easy going guy so nothing gets on his nerves

mandy xxxxxxxx

[rickysmiths]

I am lucky, my dh genuinely likes seeing the mindees and they love him too.

He has usually left for work when they arrive but if he has a day off or is home before they leave he usually sits and chats with them or reads a story to the little ones - he says it's a lovely way to unwind after work!

He does get fed up with all the toys/crafts/stuff everywhere though - he can't see that I need it all! :D :laughing:

Miffy xx

This is us exactly!! In fact my dh is Registered as my assistant, has done First Aid and Child Protection training, so he can stay with the children for a short time. He is a teacher so at home in the holidays and it means we can all go out together because he can take mindees in his car.

I started minding when my two were 11mths and 2.5yrs old and I did it as a means of earning something but being able to stay at home with my two. I started with one mindee from 1-5pm every afternoon, term time only so it fitted in with the family. As my two got older I was able to take on more but I did have term time only for a few years.

So the whole thing gradually built up and thankfully my dh and my children have always supported me. i think if I had tried to have two full timers long hours from day one I wouldn't have coped and the family would have objected.

[buzzy bee]

Just feel like I have to defend OH a bit... I didn't mean that he was getting irritated by it... and he is absolutely fantastic with them all - comes home and mucks in, helps me with dinner if we're still doing it, plays with the kids, chats to them, knows their names and what they like etc,

I just meant that he (and I!) miss our family time because the only time we really get with DS is from 5.30-bedtime (7ish) when mindees are still here.

I feel like I've made him out to be a monster :laughing:

[Mykidsrock]

My OH has no issues with it. He goes out to work and I stay at home. Means I enjoy time with our children and also do not pay childcare cost myself to cover when they come home from school and me getting home (or indeed him).:jump for joy:

[Mickey Mouse Clubhouse]

My oh is brilliant and has been really supported even though at the moment it is me that is struggling with the minding at the moment and it is getting me down and has for a while, but hopefully after christmas it will get better - touch wood. xx

[manjay]

Just feel like I have to defend OH a bit... I didn't mean that he was getting irritated by it... and he is absolutely fantastic with them all - comes home and mucks in, helps me with dinner if we're still doing it, plays with the kids, chats to them, knows their names and what they like etc,

I just meant that he (and I!) miss our family time because the only time we really get with DS is from 5.30-bedtime (7ish) when mindees are still here.

I feel like I've made him out to be a monster :laughing:

Don't be daft!! We didn't think he was a monster at all:D

In all honesty though would you get any more family time if you went out to work? I know I would get to spend much less time with my family if I worked outside of our home. Mine are at school now but I am here to take them and pick them up everyday and to eat meals with them. I also get to do some of my jobs like putting the washing on so I don't have to waste precious family time doing that. Yeah my dh gets a bit put out sometimes that I spend more time with them than he does but at east one of us is.

If I were in your position and it wasn't possible to have an earlier finish time with current mindees I would just sit it out and wait until they naturally leave. That way when you take the next ones on you can set an earlier finish time:thumbsup: