Behavioural or Learning Issues?????

[claire'scherubs]

This could be a long one so apologises in advance

I look after a 30 month boy. Speech quite good but very odd behaviour and I really can't work it out.

Lives with single mum, recently split from absusive partner but child still goes at the weekend????

OBSESSED with dinosaurs, dragons and sleepy hollows. Can do a brilliant monster walk.

Won't interact with learning, can't involve him in anything as he won't do it. Not even if we try to count the dinousaurs

Always saying No, hiding under tables, behind curtains when ask Why Hiding from Daddy?!!!

Normally good with please and thank you but not today and will physically shake his whole body if persist for even a 'nano' second.

Im begining to have serious doubts as to whether this is a behavourial problem or a learning difficulty.

Mum is really nice, but not sure on how much I am told is the truth as she has tripped up a couple of times with things that don't add up and make me think we have some lies going on. She talks about the Health Visitor lots.

Oh what do you advise. I really find this child difficult and have thought about given notice, however don't want to give up, if there is some issues that need dealing with

Advice, suggestions, please if you can:panic:

[caz3007]

I look after a little boy the same age and some of the behaviour seems similar. He is normally very good with please and thank you and will sometimes just point blank refuse. He plays with the same toys every time he comes, and he isnt interested if I try to get him to do something else.

As to the hiding from daddy comment, I left an abusive partner many years ago and had small children so can see that comment is possibly normal under the circumstances.

His behaviour seems very similar to my LO in lots of ways and I honestly dont have any concerns. But something is sparking a worry for you

[Chatterbox Childcare]

This sounds like abuse to me not learning or behavioural. Talk to your DO immediately for advice. You should also have a contact at SS for Safeguarding and you can talk through with them and as a childminding you can ask if there is a concern already registered for this child

[sarah707]

I would be concerned about abuse as well.

I suggest you write up what you have seen and talk to someone locally for advice.

Could you approach the health visitor privately for a confidential chat?

Good luck x

[JCrakers]

I would be concerned. We all know that 2.5yrs can be a great time for tantrums and wanting to be independant so not doing as were asked etc. but usually at this age children are excitied about learning, wanting to join in learning activities.

Sounds to me like his father is still a problem or he's hiding from whatever he's seen in the past...He's maybe seen the abuse between his parents and hiding away from it. Also clinging onto the dinosaurs is a way to feel safe. Playing with what he knows and not wanting to try anything new because he maybe scared of what it might bring.

I would speak to someone about this behaviour...it could be just his way of dealing with his past experiences or the abuse could still be going on at weekends???

Becky x

[claire'scherubs]

Thank you Debbie and Sarah, I think this deep down is what I have been thinking. Will the HV speak to me, sounds terrible but I've never met her, she is quite new to the area.

I spoke to his Mum this afternoon about his behaviour and she just said to use the naughty spot when he pushes you to the limit. Thats the thing though he is not naughty......just .......scary????!!!

Apparently according to her Mum its just a phase perfectly normal for her family, Mum was apparently a moody kid and brother has ADHD, but none of this seems right to me

[AliceK]

I believe this is linked to the DA that had gone on between his mum and dad. Children take in so much of what happens even at a very young age, even younger than he is and certain quite normal innocent things will trigger memories, fear etc. I would be very worried about his shaking when asked to say please / thank you and also a bit concerned about mum trying to shrug it off and telling you to put him on the naughty step :angry: . Poor little lad. You def need to talk this through with someone, document it all including mums responses / comments and get some advice. I wouldn't want to give notice on him, you could be the safety and security he needs in his life.

My DS witnessed DA up until he was only 9mths old but for a long long time after that even very normal things would trigger memories in him.

Good luck

xxxx

[claire'scherubs]

Ok well thats it now Ive done it......reported to the appropriate board.......god I hope Ive done the right thing:panic:

[ChocolateChip]

Well done you for being brave!
It's a horrible thing to have to do, but it's better to think that you've done something, even if nothing is going on. You would feel far worse if you'd done nothing and something bad happens.
Hope it all gets sorted out for him and you.

[AliceK]

Ok well thats it now Ive done it......reported to the appropriate board.......god I hope Ive done the right thing:panic:

You've def done the right thing. Well done. Lets hope mum and son get the help they need. Sending hugs to you

xxxxxx