manners

[clumpcat]

am i expecting too much asking a little boy who is 3 in February to say please and thank you. i constantly remind him but he never remembers! i feel like his servant. am i being unreasonable? should i say anything to parents? has anyone got a good way to ask for manners. i say "what is the magic word" but he just looks back at my blankly! :)

[mama2three]

I dont think youre asking too much at all. My tinies are asked to say please and thankyou , and we sign it as well for those whose language isnt quite there yet.
Im afraid I keep hold of whatever Im passing and dont let go til they say thankyou. they soon get the message.

[Penny1959]

A lot will depend on how often you have him and what his parents expectations are.

Does he talk freely about other things or is verbal communication an all round issue?

I never make much fuss and certainly never withhold things for lack of manners. However like you just remind and if needed say it for them.

Is there a compromise somewhere - would making eye contact and smiling do? or signing the words (please and thank you are quite easy to try)? or making some 'word cards' so he can point to the right one?

I am sure others will have other ideas / suggestions but maybe talking to the parents would be a good starting point.


Penny :)

[georgie456]

No you're not expecting too much in my opinon. All my mindees and my own children say please and thankyou. My youngest mindee aged 16months gives me a beautiful big "ta" when he is given lunch, snacks etc and does it unprompted.
I don't drill it into the children, but have found that the younger children naturally pick it up by watching me and the older ones be polite and use good manners with each other.
I think it's very sad that in today's society manners appear to be considered unimportant.

[caz3007]

One of my mindies is nearly 3 and often says it unprompted. His mum is quite hot on manners too. I do laugh when I do something and he claps and says 'well done Caroline' :laughing:

[~Chelle~]

You are definitely not expecting too much!

I have had my 3 and half year old mindee since he was 6 months old. If I ask him if he wants a drink, he will say "yes please" or " No Thanks". Also if someone sneezes he will say "bless you" and I say "thank you" and then he says "you welcome", bless him.:D

I have other mindees, brothers aged 4 and 8 who ALWAYS have to be prompted and it annoys me so much! If I ask if they want toast they say "yeah" so I say "pardon me" and then they will say "please", so they know what is expected of them, but I don't think that they say it at home!:mad:

[clumpcat]

thank you so much for your speedy replies. he has wonderful vocab and is a lovely little chap but just demands lots without any manners. i think the pls and thank you cards are a good idea. i'll give it a go. x

[teacake2]

I have 3 who are between 26 and 28 months, I am trying to get them to say please and thank you and a lot of the time they say please often with prompting, the funniest thing is though when I have given them something and say to them "what do you say now?" it is still very often please instead of thank you, but I suppose some of it is sinking in to them.
I took one to the local library for sing and bounce time last friday and the lady taking the session said to everyone right shall we sing some songs and R shouted yes please, I was so pround of him.:laughing: :laughing:
Teacake2

[Helen Dempster]

since I've been minding (2 years now), I am shocked at the amount of children who don't have basic manners - the pleases and the thank yous. i've always drummed this into my own kids and mindees are no exception. I think it's sad that these traits are missing in today's society. My son, who's 4 years old actually tells the mindees off if they don't say please/thank you.

So you're 100% right to correct/remind every child that manners count. Good on ya! :clapping:

[appleblossom]

I don't think you are being unreasonable. I mind a 4 yo who has to be reminded constantly. At the other end of the scale I mind an 18 month old who says yes please when offered something and thank you when she is given something. My own 14 yo hardly ever says please or thank you and treats it like a joke when I suggest she should:angry:

[georgie456]

I had to come back and tell you this - on the school run this afternoon we were walking home on a pathway that doubles as a bike path.
A man came up behind us on his bike and didn't have a bell or anything so we didn't know he was there straight away and so held him up for like half a second.
When he went past us he tutted (Grrrr) and my DS who is 2 and a bit shouted SO loud "thank-you mr man"
The bloke nearly fell off his bike!!!!!!
How funny that my toddler has better manners than a grown man!!!!

[mushpea]

even my little one say thank you and please,, sometimes with the older ones if i am passing them somthing I wont let go of it unitll they say thanks,, normaly it just takes a second and me pulling 'that' face for them to remember and other times i say ' what do we say' either befor or after I give them somthing which helps

[nannymcflea]

I think the more you say it the better it gets.:)

I always find a smile helps them remember whilst keeping a little grip of the object being given. Then a "thank you, thats lovely manners" or "you are so polite, it's lovely to hear you say that":)

[clumpcat]

thank you all for your replies. i will persuvere with asking for please and thank you's.
claire
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